Something I Could Hold Onto

I love him.

Shivers overtook Frank's body as this dreamlike realization took hold; feeling the convulsions, Gerard pulled him tighter.

"Are you cold, babe?" he asked, a tentative inflection masking the pet name.

Smiling at the affectionate name, Frank nodded. "Just a little, though."

The next minute unfolded like a scene from a movie. A pleasant and bright simper crossed Gerard's face as he shuffled away from the younger boy, carefully pulling his sweatshirt over his head, off of his body, and onto that of the other. It smelled of cologne, Frank noticed, the same scent that had taken over the bed.

He smiled, thrusting his arms through the too-long sleeves and returning his attention to the taller boy before him. A light blush had crept into his cheeks, deepening as he reached to brush the hair from the man's face.

Fingertips touched cheekbone, lips touched lips, heart touched heart.

Frank smiled as the moment ended, nodding his head drowsily as Gerard suggested they go watch a movie. He was barely conscious of the situation, realizing only what he had agreed to when his fingers were suddenly in the soft grip of his… Well, of his whatever you would call their relationship.

Soon, the pair was sitting cross-legged on the sofa, Gerard's lazy arm draped over Frank's frail shoulders, running his fingers along the smooth curve of his shoulder and neck. The smaller boy sighed contentedly, taking this as an opportunity to find physical comfort from a person for the first time in a long time. Carefully, coyly, he shuffled his position to wrap an arm around Gerard's waist, thus pulling them closer.

A smile crossed the elder boy's lips, sweet and innocent. He moved those same lips to the younger boy's forehead, pressing gently for a moment before pulling back to tuck hair behind his ear.

And because of that gesture, Frank gathered the courage to execute what he had been longing to do for a long time.

He crawled, almost childishly, into Gerard's lap and rested his head upon the elder boy's shoulder. His hands wound their way into the fabric of the man's think black shirt, crushing the threads between his white-knuckled fingers.

He needed to know that someone cared, especially Gerard.

Sensing this thirst for affection, the recipient of the action wrapped his goose-bumped arms around his back, pulling him into a tight hug that only became tighter as the first tears hit his neck.

"Frankie," he began, rubbing circles along his back, "what's wrong?"

He was crying openly now, refusing to show his face and instead speaking into his skin. "What's gonna happen to me, now, Gee? What am I gonna fucking do?!"

"What do you mean, baby?" His voice was hushed, almost as quiet as the snowfall outside.

Frank began to grind his fingers together, stretching the cotton in border-line violence. "I mean… Rick…"

Silence overcame the couple as both began to ponder their respective – and secretly overlapping – futures. Gerard had begun to stroke the younger man's soft hair, running his fingers through the locks and softly scratching his scalp.

"I don't know," he finally said. "I… I don't know."

Louder crying started to break the quiet, followed by a strangled and panicked admission. "I don't have anything, anymore, Gee! I don't have a dad, a mom, dignity… even my fucking apartment is gone!"

His grip became stronger, his sobs more desperate.

"Shit," Gerard whispered. \

He massaged the nape of Frank's neck, hugging him close and pressing his chin into the top of the other's head. The screen had gone black, and the mugs full of coffee had cooled long ago.

"Well," he began again, "it may not count for much, but Frankie… I love you. And you've got me."

The words garnered a calmer, but still saddened, response. Frank, still visibly upset, finally lifted his head.

"Promise you'll always love me," he said, tears rolling down his cheeks like battery acid.

Gerard smiled, letting his fingers graze the pale skin on Frank's face. "Only if you promise to let me."