Crazy

I am so drunk…so wasted. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why did I bother? Why did I bother drinking?
My mind is numb…but it feels good.
At least, I’m having a good time though…well, good isn’t a strong enough word. I’m actually having a great time, which is a first for me. I’ve always been super depressed all of the time. Alcohol changes that.
I want to move on to heavier stuff, instead of just drinking beer after beer. I’ve lost Ian and Susan a long time ago. I’m just dancing to the pop music I’ve always hated before, when a thought pops into my head. A thought that I’m extremely proud of: I could start drinking VODKA. That will make me feel even better, won’t it?
I see Brad, sitting in his kitchen. He comes over to talk to me. HE’S ACTUALLY GOING TO TALK TO ME!
“Hey,” he says in his strong, manly, voice that always sickened me. “Cara, do you want a drink?”
What the hell? How does he even know my name? I’ve never spoken a word to him in my life…
But yes, I do want another drink, so I nod.
“Vodka,” I reply. “Please.”
He hands me vodka in a little shot glass, and I drink it. It feels refreshing…
Then, he takes me by the hand, and starts dragging me upstairs. I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t be doing this, can I?
I’m in his room now. It’s filled with sports trophies and random things. For some reason, none of that dumb jock stuff bothers me, today. But still, I do not want to be up here.
I have to tell him, but I can’t bring myself to speak the words I want to say. Something is stopping me…I just don’t know what…
I’m not just in his bed room now, but now, I’m in his bed too. I’m warmed by the covers and blankets of the bed, and his nice hot body.
I don’t think I want to be here though, despite the warmth of his skin. I don’t want to be with him…
He starts taking of my clothes. It feels so weird. I don’t want to lose it yet. I don’t want to lose my virginity…and when I do, if I ever do, it will be to Ian. At least that’s what I always hoped for.
“No,” I finally tell him
But he covers my mouth with his hand, and starts doing it. He starts raping me…

I go home as soon as he stops, tears flooding my eyes. I’m shocked. How could this happen to me? I didn’t expect it to. I walk home in silence.
I always thought my life was bad. I never even imagined how worse it would be if I’d been raped. And now I have been. I wish I could go back to my old life. It wasn’t as bad as I thought, after all, was it?
I arrive at my house. I’m afraid to look my parents in the eyes. I’m too afraid that they’ll notice my eyes are bloodshot.
“HELLO?” My father says as I open the door to my house. “What is wrong with you? Are you drunk?”
I take my parents for granted too much. They never really yell at me, and it isn’t because they don’t care about me. It’s just that they respect that I’m a teenager and sometimes, I’m going to make my own choices, some of them being choices that they don’t like. So, why do I treat them like shit all the time?
My life wasn’t really bad until now.
“No,” I reply, but we both know that I’m obviously lying…
“Yes, you are,” my brother Chase butts in to our little conversation.
My dad looks at him, gives him the evil eye. My mom walk’s downstairs, looking at me, in absolute shock.
“Honey!” she squeals. “Where have you been?”
“I told you,” I stutter. “I was just going to hang out with Ian and Susan for a little while.”
“Yeah,” my dad replies in a mean, angry tone of voice. “You hung out with them and got absolutely shit faced.”
I sigh. No matter what I do, nothing is going to go my way.
I walk upstairs, crying. I can’t believe what just happened to me…and my parents have no sympathy for me or anything… they just treat me like shit…they make me feel even worse…
I hide under my blankets, falling asleep, hoping and praying to a God I don’t believe in that this would all just be a dream. That I would wake up from it, happily, and realize that none of it ever even really happened.
But sadly, I never wake up. This life isn’t a dream…it’s all too real for me.

I feel powerless and defenseless. I can’t believe I let the oh so wonderful guy Brad do that to me. I didn’t want to, but he just ignored that fact and made me do it anyway. I’m a weak little girl, that’s all I’ll ever be.
I should have done something. I should have pushed him away, ran, and called the cops or something…but he did pretty much force me.
Oh. My. God. This is all too much for me…

I wake up the next morning with a horrible hangover. I’ve never had one of these before, but I’ve heard enough about them from other people to know what it is…I’m not ready to go to school today.
“I’m sick,” I tell my parents, because it’s the truth.
“It’s your own fault,” Chase says.
I’ve just walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. Chase is sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal, and drinking a glass of nice cold milk.
I roll my eyes, and then, I get myself a cup of coffee. I heard that was a cure for hangovers. I take a big gulp. It’s too hot. Way too hot. So, I take another sip, but this time, a small one. I keep drinking sip after sip, but really slowly.
Then, I reluctantly go to school. I don’t want to go though. I don’t want to go at all…definitely not after what happened to me…
Today, when I go to school, I’ll have to see Brad again. Just the thought of him makes me cringe. Vivid memories of what happened last night pop in my head. I feel really sick all of a sudden.
I would tell my parents but I’m afraid of their reaction. Although they are very nice, I just feel ashamed of what happened, and I’m afraid they will say it’s my fault, since I got drunk…of course, they probably wouldn’t but still, I’m ashamed. Chase probably would though.
I go to school and I cry on my way.