My Head Is a Prison and Nobody Visits

Pippa’s life changed on a Monday morning but everything that had been leading up to this special Monday was when Pippa Reilly’s boyfriend broke up with her three weeks prior.

That was the point when most things in her life started to fall apart and everything froze around her. Her social life came to an abrupt halt, texts and phone calls were never returned and she rarely left the house. She stopped going to work regularly and hadn’t put a foot in the gym. Bad sitcom reruns played on her TV and she stopped listening to her favourite music. Most of her friends put Pippa down as being over dramatic or too much of a sensitive girl, after all Jack and her had ‘only’ been dating for six months. Most of her friends were in long-term relationships that stretched past the two-year mark and they had called the end of Pippa and Ben’s relationship almost the minute it started. For them six months felt like a very short time, not long enough to warrant the emotions that Pippa was displaying so openly.

“Let’s be realistic Pip, you two were never going to go the whole distance.”

Pippa’s friend Jennifer tried to smile supportively at her best friend but was growing tired of trying to come up with new ways to pull Pippa out of her black pit of self pity. The break up had been three weeks ago and Pippa felt like it only happened yesterday. Jennifer had been spending as much time with her as possible but she didn’t live in London with Pippa so the weekly train journeys became a financial strain as well as time consuming.

But it was easy for Jennifer to be the condoling best friend, she also happened to have a fat white gold diamond ring sitting on the appropriate finger on her left hand. At the age of twenty it seemed almost surreal. But looking at her best friend’s ring made Pippa feel sick to the stomach. Oh how badly she wanted that security too, to have somebody want her so badly and max out an overdraft to pay for a diamond, just as a sign of love and dedication. But instead Pippa was left with her Jane Austen DVD box-set, two sets of jumpers that Jack had never come to collect and an overpriced apartment in London that she had never wanted to buy in the first place.

When she was dating Jack, Pippa had become one of those smart girls who became stupid because of love.

Jack had inspired her move from her cosy parental home in Windsor to the big city that was London. Three years her senior and working in a marketing firm meant that Jack lived and breathed London. He almost always wore a suit, had an oyster card for the underground and took black cab receipts, which were put onto the monthly company expenses. Pippa was clever enough not to move in with him, but had let herself be convinced that her moving to London would be better for their relationship. She herself had always been afraid of London, the tube system confused her and being partially colour blind did not help when looking at the overwhelming colour coded London tube map.

“I’m not going to say ‘I told you so’ when it doesn’t work out how you wanted it,” her Dad had said to her as she moved out of the family home for the first time since university two years before. “But be careful Phillipa. Don’t let anyone mess you around.”

Her move had affected the whole family, from her Dad reluctantly helping Pippa apartment hunt and making sure the estate agents didn’t rip her off, to her cousins who trekked to Ikea with her at least four times for furniture. Her whole family was supportive; all they wanted was her happiness. They tried not to show too much disappointment when she had initially told them about her plans to drop out of university and move to London in the hope of being able to find a job. Her parents had to have faith that they knew their daughter and that she would find a way to make things work.

And it did work, for three months.

After the third month the phone calls to friends at home became more frequent, she had next to no close friends in London, or at least nobody that she felt she could really talk to. As Jack became more distant and Pippa more hysterical it all seemed to be going wrong for the future that she had so been looking forward to.

Just like many other girls she had come to London with a big smile on her face and even bigger dreams. But as the perfect job failed to appear and she was too ashamed to try university or college again, the happy and confident girl that she used to be was replaced by a bundle of nerves.

All she wanted to do was go back home, but there was nothing more embarrassing than running home and admitting that she was wrong, and that everyone else had been right. She couldn’t face that. The end of the relationship had been in view and yet Pippa felt totally blind sighted when it did happen. All it took was for Jack to say something along the lines of ‘this really isn’t working babe is it?’ and he called an end to it. Cheating her of any connections she may have had to people in London, being unable to find a steady job meant the only friends she had were his friends. They had never wanted anything to do with her in the first place and didn’t miss her when she didn’t come with Jack to any of their parties anymore.

Pippa was miserable beyond belief. Desperate for a job and lonely life in London became difficult. Whilst it was a beautiful and exciting city to live in, she felt as if she was part of the crowd, just a number in an overcrowded statistic. The ability to live such an anonymous and lonely life frightened her. But comparing the stampede of London to the idyllic life at home frightened her even more and so she barely called home and only fleetingly answered her mother’s panicked phone calls, more often than not choosing to let the calls go straight to voice mail.

So three weeks after the break up and after Jack had managed to make himself disappear completely out of Pippa’s life, minus the two left behind jumpers, there was a knock at her door.

Her father and Jennifer were stood on the other side of the door and embarrassment flooded Pippa. She was stood in front of them in the usual broken heart attire: pyjamas, greasy hair and red eyes. The apartment smelt musty and the blinds were drawn. It was the newly singleton cave. Mr Reilly hadn’t seen his daughter for over a month. She had done everything to avoid the family but now there was no hiding.

It was Monday morning and that was when everything changed.

Her father pushed Pippa into the direction of her shower whilst Jennifer began opening the blinds around the apartment and putting several stray white wine bottles in the recycling box. The apartment already looked that little bit better. Mr Reilly collected the empty tissue boxes and the scrunched up sheets that had once housed in them, that were now lying all over the floor. Jennifer sighed as she and Mr Reilly continued the cleaning process. It was tough to see Pippa so sad, but enough was enough. She couldn’t stay holed up in he overpriced and tiny apartment forever.

When she finally came out of the shower dressed in a pair of jeans and a plain black t-shirt, a horribly nondescript outfit for her, her father took one look at her still sad face and sighed too.

“Come on we’re getting you a puppy.”

Pippa and her dad were stood in the pet shop completely overwhelmed by the amount of adorable little animals everywhere. Jennifer had volunteered to stay at Pippa’s apartment to make sure it was puppy suitable and safe. The last thing Jennifer wanted was for Pippa’s new puppy to choke on a lying around cork from a wine bottle.

“So why are you so up for getting me a puppy?” Pippa asked curiously as she put her finger between the bars of the cage where ginger kittens were tentatively sniffing at her fingertip.

“You need to look after something and for someone to love you unconditionally, and animals are good at that. You can love your puppy and treat it well and you won’t need to fill that void with a guy who is a waste of space.”

Pippa could only smile up at her dad through eyes that were filling up with little tears. He put a reassuring arm around her shoulder and smiled down at her.

“No more tears now Pip, let’s find the perfect little dog.”

It probably wouldn’t have taken as long as it did, but all the other pets kept distracting Pippa. The little black rabbits were too cute to just pass by, as were the kittens. Then there were the turtles or the hamsters. In the end after much ‘aww’ing and ‘how cute’ they reached the back of the shop where the puppies were kept. The only rule that Mr Reilly had given Pippa was that it should be a small dog. A German Shepherd in her small apartment was out of the question.

But it didn’t take long for Pippa’s eyes to fall on her perfect new best friend. He was the little mutt that was sat in the corner of a big cage, his little ears were dropping slightly and all the other Jack Russell’s were running around him filled with excitement. She was allowed to hold the little puppy by the shop owner, and then there were no doubts, the puppy felt perfectly content and Pippa was as excited as she had been as a child at Christmas time.

They returned to the flat armed with all the necessary items needed to take care of the new member of the Reilly family: a dog bed, food and water bowl, dog food, a little cage to transport him in and various squeaky toys.

The puppy, now carrying the name Eliot after Pippa’s favourite poet T. S. Eliot, seemed to feel very much at ease in his new home. Pippa had picked him out of all the other white short legged puppies because he had looked just as sad and lonely as she felt, and she thought that maybe through him she could finally put everything behind her and move forward with her own life.

It was a good start for a Monday.