My Head Is a Prison and Nobody Visits

Pippa woke up the next morning with a smile on her face.

It was the first positive step of a new day. The weeks leading up to this Tuesday had all started out with sadness and the occasional flood of tears, because the idea of facing another day like the one before was too much to handle.

But today it was a different story. For the first time in weeks Pippa fixed herself a real breakfast. She also set aside a bowl of dog food for Eliot, Pippa happily munched on her toast as the puppy stuck his nose into his own food.

The pet storeowner had reminded Pippa that Jack Russell’s were originally used at foxhunts and so tended to be very lively and energetic dogs. This was true of Eliot, who was now nothing like the subdued pup she had seen in the shop yesterday. He was running around the apartment excitedly demanding Pippa’s attention. She looked out of her window to check on the unpredictable English weather and was glad to see that it was only overcast and did not look like it would threaten London with rain today. Changing into a floral dress and tights, Pippa threw a leather jacket on; made sure she had her tube card on her and reached for Eliot’s brand new lead.

“Come on little fella, let’s explore London.”

A change on the underground and three tube stops on, Pippa and Eliot found themselves on the outskirts of Hyde Park. It wasn’t as busy as Pippa had feared it would be. Most of London was working their nine to five today, something she wasn’t a part of yet and something she didn’t like thinking about.

Instead she clipped Eliot’s new blue lead onto his collar. She had held him tightly in her arms all the way on the tube. He was still so little and everything around him must be like a giant’s world. The tube still scared her so she couldn’t imagine what it must feel like for someone so tiny.

The minute his collar was on Eliot bounded onwards, if he had been a much bigger dog he could have pulled Pippa over. But she had no problems what so ever keeping the leash close by, and it felt good to be out of the flat. This was the first time she had truly ventured out on her own since the break up. It was good to have that purpose to get outside back; she made a silent promise to herself that everything was going to change from here. She was going to try even harder to find a job and would get her life back on track.

Eliot was running in front of Pippa, happy in his own little world. He seemed happy as well. Maybe it was the beautiful Hyde Park around them that made both Pippa and the puppy feel relaxed, but the day seemed full of promise. It didn’t feel like they were in a huge city in which it was so easy to live an anonymous life. It felt like Pippa was walking through the beautiful parks that were near her home. She didn’t feel like London was very cruel at this point, in fact quite the opposite. Everything felt positive.

Pippa smiled to herself and was busy with her own thoughts, so far that she didn’t realize that Eliot had sat down on the ground and refused to move. She only became aware of this when she carried on walking and tugged on Eliot’s leash, causing an indignant yap to come from him. She looked down at him and he looked up at her. His brown eyes were filled with his puppy plea: ‘don’t make me walk anymore’.

“If dog’s could speak,” Pippa thought to herself as she bent down to free him from his leash and stretched out her arms with every intention of picking him up and carrying him for another twenty minutes around the park before heading home.

But Eliot had a different plan. He wasn’t a big fan of the leash he was held back by, and he knew the human would melt under his puppy gaze. The minute he was free from the leash he bolted into the next bush to go exploring on his own.

Pippa was frozen to the spot. As if her puppy had just outwitted her. It took one second for the realization of this truth to sink in and then what followed in the next second was panic. Pippa hurtled past the bush she had just seen Eliot run into and began frantically calling his name. First she’d lost her boyfriend and now she couldn’t even keep a puppy near her? Pippa was close to tears and about to crumple to the grassy floor when someone called out to her.

“Miss? Miss, is this your dog?”

She wheeled around and her heart felt instantly lighter. There was her puppy, in the hands of a guy close to her age, a wrinkly pug on a red leash and a grey beanie on his brown hair.

“Oh my god you found him,” Pippa said breathlessly, her adrenalin still pumping.

“More like he found us,” the brown haired boy said with a smile. “He came running straight towards us and then started sniffing around Nelson here.”

He gestured down to the funny little grey pug, his wrinkles making him look like a happy and loved dog, rather than a neglected and unhappy one.

“Thank you so much, I just put him down for a second and took his leash off and he ran off like a 100 meter sprinter. Unbelievable.”

The boy smiled emphatically.

“They’re cheeky fuckers when they’re puppies, but then they get old and fat like this fella,” again he looked down to his pug who looked back up at him as if he had understood every word that was being said.

The boy handed her over Eliot, who looked a little sheepish. Pippa headed towards a bench with him and sat down letting a long breath escape out of her lungs. The boy joined her as she went about attaching the leash securely around Eliot’s collar. He exuded calm, which was good for Pippa because it still felt like her heart was racing. She took a few more steadying breaths and plucked leaves out of Eliot’s short wry fur.

“You alright? You seem pretty shaken,” the still nameless boy said to her; obviously taking in her shaking hands, unsteady breaths and cheeks that were still red from agitation.

“I’ve only had him at home for two days now, and loosing him in here would be so terrible,” Pippa said trying to arrange a vague smile on her face but failed to do so.

“Fair enough,” he said with a genuine smile that Pippa liked. His smiles came easily and were from the heart. “My name’s Josh by the way."

He held out his hand for her to shake and she shook it hesitantly. The people she had met in London so far hadn’t always been friendly to her, especially the people that Jack had introduced her too.

“I’m Pippa, and this is Eliot,” she gestured down at the Jack Russell who was sitting on her lap and sheepishly hiding his face under a paw.

For a while they sat in silence, enjoying the peace that Hyde Park brought from the bustle of everyday London. It was hard to hear the traffic here, in fact the further you walked the more peaceful it became. The sun had begun to peek out from behind the clouds just a little, sending some warm rays back down to London.

Josh felt the need to break the silence.

“You live here then?”

Pippa nodded.

“Moved here about six months ago.”

“Six months?” Josh repeated sounded interested. “How come?”

It was a question that Pippa had already been dreading but what surprised her even more was the early mention of it. She hadn’t expected it to have been brought up yet, she wished there was a way she could bide her time but there was no way of getting around it. She was going to have to look like the fool that she was.

“I moved down to be with my ex, but it didn’t work out as planned…”

Josh was quick enough to realize his question had been an awkward one, and felt stupid for asking. She was clearly uncomfortable, fidgeting with the dog’s collar and looking everywhere but him.

“I’m sorry,” he said immediately, feeling tactless and inappropriate.

“It’s okay,” Pippa replied with her first real smile of the day.

Josh smiled back at her and the balance between them had been restored. He still felt bad about clearly bringing up some past memories up for her. He could tell that the ‘not working out’ part must have happened quite recently. She had some faint black circles under her eyes, which she had tried to cover up with make up. Her brown eyes didn’t look as lively as they must have once looked and her blonde hair was pretty long and tired looking. It wasn’t to say that she looked bad, in fact quite the opposite, Josh thought her very pretty. He could just tell that she hadn’t taken care of herself recently, and that made him sad. He hated seeing girls like this; it reminded him of his sister and how she used to get about her ex’s.

“Would you like a coffee or something?”

The question had come out of nowhere, and Josh wasn’t even aware that he had been thinking of it until he said it. Pippa too looked surprised.

“The sun’s gone behind the clouds again, and knowing London weather it looks like it’s going to rain any second…” It was an excuse, and pathetic one at that. Pippa smiled because she too could tell what it was as well.

But in the end she agreed with a nod, something that Josh felt surprisingly too relieved about.

They had walked a few minutes from Hyde Park along the busy streets of London until they found a coffee shop that they both liked the look of. Pippa needed a window so she could look at the people walking by, and Josh needed a place that made good tea. They had found a perfect compromise.

“Here you go,” Josh said with a smile as he slid a hot chocolate with whipped cream onto the small round table in front of Pippa. She smiled her thanks at him as he sat opposite her, emptying a sachet of brown sugar into his tea.

The dogs were lying under the table, exhausted. Their little legs could only go so far so quickly. The fact that they were so complacent meant that Josh and Pippa didn’t have to worry about them causing havoc in the coffee shop.

“You like people watching as well?” he asked as he followed her glance out the window and onto the busy side street.

“Sorry,” Pippa blushed slightly, realizing she was drifting off into her own world and not paying attention to Josh. “I love seeing all these different people walk past, seeing what they are wearing and where they’re going. London is good for that.”

Josh nodded in agreement, taking a sip from his tea, two sugars and a little bit of milk.

“Yeah I find that, I usually people watch when I need inspiration.”

“Inspiration for what?” Pippa asked, taking a sip form her own hot drink, careful not to burn her tongue.

“Songs, I’m in a band.”

Pippa smiled knowingly. She probably should have guess. The grey beanie and the college jacket should have given it away. Jack had taken her to a few gigs, and that was how most of the band members were dressed half the time.

“You guys any good?” She asked teasingly.

“Alright I guess, we’re starting to write songs for album number three and so I don’t think we’re that bad,” Josh said with a slight joking smirk that dared her to say otherwise.

“What are you guys called and I’ll tell you if you’re famous enough for me to know.”

“We’re called You Me At Six.”

He said the name of his band with a questioning air about it, and was surprised to find himself hoping that she didn’t know the band because it would mean that he had an excuse for the plan been formulating in his head since she asked him why he needed inspiration.

“Never heard of you,” now it was Pippa’s turn to smirk.

“Well then,” Josh said ready to bring his plan to life. “Guess you better watch us play a show and get acquainted with us. How’s tomorrow for you?”

And with that Joshua Franceschi had made himself completely and utterly relevant in Pippa’s life, and he did it so charmingly that she didn’t even realize it until it was too late. But she didn’t mind, in fact she was excited.