Finding Her Justice
A Long Night
I rolled over in my bed, slamming my hand down on my alarm clock that sat on the nightstand. Becoming frustrated when it didn't shut off, I sat up and yanked the cord out of the wall. That's when I realized it was my cellphone vibrating. I quickly stood up and went through the jeans I had worn, finally finding it in the back pocket. I answered it without looking at the caller ID, "Hello?" No answer came. I only heard a muffled voice along wiht a few other odd sounds. "Hello?" I said as I looked at the screen and saw it was an unknown number, also seeing it was 2:23 in the morning. I put the phone back to my ear. "Hello? Who is this?" Suddenly I could hear soft sobs from the other end. "Hello? Are you okay? Do you need help?" I paniced.
Then the sounds stopped. They had hung up. I dropped my phone on the floor, unsure of what to do next. As I was running the names of people I knew through my head and trying to match them with the muffled voice I heard, my phone started to vibrate again. I reached down, fumbling with it in my hands, and answered it. "Hello?" I asked, frustrated. I stood up and turned on my bedroom light.
There was a loud banging noise from the other side of the phone. "Hello? Jess?"
I relaxed, hearing her voice. "Hey Kristen, what's going on?" I asked.
"Nothing, I just needed someone to talk to. I haven't been able to eat lately, and I've been sleeping less. My doctor says it's stress but I don't know," she paused, "I'm sorry. I'm going to let you go. I shouldn't have called you so early in the morning. Go get some sleep, I'll talk to you after you get home from work tomorrow okay?"
"No no no. It's okay. I was already awake," I said, thinking of the phone call before, "Are you okay?"
"Yes I'm fine.. I've just been having the oddest dreams lately," she trailed off, "I keep dreaming about Rissa's funeral. But it changes every time. Sometimes the coffin is a different color, other times there's people there that I don't even know."
"Well the funeral was only a week ago Kristen. You're still grieving, we all are," I said thinking about the nights I cried myself to sleep.
"But these dreams, they feel so real Jess," she said. I walked into my bathroom, turning on the light.
"Well, have you been taking your medicine?" I asked.
"Damn it, have oyu been taking yours?" she shot back.
I tapped the rim of my marble sink. "That's not the point here. Your medicine helps your dreams feel less real. They help you-"
"Sleep better and not wake up crying. Blah blah blah," She interrupted me, "I know what my medicine does for me."
"So have you been taking it?" I asked again.
She sighed. "No, but-"
"No but's," I said, "take your medicine the doctor gave you and tell me how you feel in a week. Okay?"
"Okay," she said, "so how are you holding up? Better than I am, I hope?"
"Yeah, I'm doing alright. Taking it one day at a time and all," I said.
"That's good," she paused, "Well you know I'm here for you, right?"
I smiled, "Yes and I'm here for you too even at 2 in the morning."
"Actually it's almost 3 in the morning so ha!" she gave a small laugh.
"Haha very funny," I yawned.
"I know. Well I'm going to let you go so you can get some sleep. Goodnight girl, I love you," she said.
"I love ya too. Bye," I said before hanging up. I set my phone down on the back of the sink. Looking in the mirror attached to the cabinet above it I noticed how bad I looked. My hair was in a tangled mess and my mascara was stained on my cheeks. I opened the cabinet looking for a rag. Instead I saw a row of medicine bottles that had never been opened. Slowly, I took one down and stared at the label.
Zoloft. An anti-depressant I had been taking since I was 10 years old. My doctor had doubled my dose when Rissa died. I put it back on the shelf and closed the cabinet. I looked at myself one last time before shutting off my bathroom light. My bedroom looked worse than I was. Clothes were scattered across the floor, my text books for college were stacked in a mess by my dresser, and empty bottles of make-up covered the surface of my make-up counter. I sighed, making a mental note to clean everything tomorrow.
I walked across the room to shut off the light before crawling back into bed. It felt weird being alone in bed these days. I was used to Marissa sneaking in and crawling into bed next to me. I always woke up to listen to what new things she had to say. She always had the latest updates on our family and friends.
I rolled over, only to see Marissa laying next to me. "Hey sleepyhead," she poked my nose playfully.
"Y-yo-y," I stuttered in shock of seeing her there.
"Stutter much?" she joked, smiling.
I exhaled. "How are you here?" I asked. She seemed so alive with her hair on the pillows in perfect brown curls and her eyes glowing with excitement.
"You gave me a spare key to your house silly," she showed me the silver key, an exact copy of mine, before tossing it on the floor behind her. It made no sound at all.
"No, I mean how? You're d-de-dead," I said, looking at her as I processed everything.
"Dead? Me? No. I would never leave you like that. We're going to grow old together, remember?" She said, "We talked about this everyday in high school."
I gave a small smile as I scooted closer to her, laying my head on her shoulder near her neck. "Remind me again?" I asked as I breathed in her scent. It was vanilla, her favorite perfume to wear.
She stroked my back, her fingers following the line of my spine. "Well first we're going to get married to two very wealthy but very hot guys. And then we're going to have kids. Two each. I'm going to have girls and name them Serenity and Trinity. But you're going to have a boy and girl and you'll name them-"
"Alexander and Hannah," I finished for her, closing my eyes and listening to her voice.
"That's right," she smiled, "and then we'll bring them to eachother's houses everyday just so we can hang out. And it will be easy because we will be living right next door to eachother. Our kids will grow up and go to school together. Before we know it we will be in a nursing home, staying in the same room. But this nursing home will have the cutest boy nurses there," she began to play with my hair, twirling it around her fingers, "and then they eventually will have to seperate us because we will cause so much trouble, just like we did in high school. But not even then would we stop being friends because no one could seperate us, not ever." She started humming a soft lullaby as I fell asleep.
I woke up to a ray of sunlight streaming on my face. It was then I remembered the events of last night and I rolled over. Disappointment overwhelmed me as I realized the spot was empty. My hand reached over to feel the spot I was so sure Marissa was at last night, but it was still cold. I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes before standing up. I stretched and stumbled into the bathroom to get ready to go to work.
Then the sounds stopped. They had hung up. I dropped my phone on the floor, unsure of what to do next. As I was running the names of people I knew through my head and trying to match them with the muffled voice I heard, my phone started to vibrate again. I reached down, fumbling with it in my hands, and answered it. "Hello?" I asked, frustrated. I stood up and turned on my bedroom light.
There was a loud banging noise from the other side of the phone. "Hello? Jess?"
I relaxed, hearing her voice. "Hey Kristen, what's going on?" I asked.
"Nothing, I just needed someone to talk to. I haven't been able to eat lately, and I've been sleeping less. My doctor says it's stress but I don't know," she paused, "I'm sorry. I'm going to let you go. I shouldn't have called you so early in the morning. Go get some sleep, I'll talk to you after you get home from work tomorrow okay?"
"No no no. It's okay. I was already awake," I said, thinking of the phone call before, "Are you okay?"
"Yes I'm fine.. I've just been having the oddest dreams lately," she trailed off, "I keep dreaming about Rissa's funeral. But it changes every time. Sometimes the coffin is a different color, other times there's people there that I don't even know."
"Well the funeral was only a week ago Kristen. You're still grieving, we all are," I said thinking about the nights I cried myself to sleep.
"But these dreams, they feel so real Jess," she said. I walked into my bathroom, turning on the light.
"Well, have you been taking your medicine?" I asked.
"Damn it, have oyu been taking yours?" she shot back.
I tapped the rim of my marble sink. "That's not the point here. Your medicine helps your dreams feel less real. They help you-"
"Sleep better and not wake up crying. Blah blah blah," She interrupted me, "I know what my medicine does for me."
"So have you been taking it?" I asked again.
She sighed. "No, but-"
"No but's," I said, "take your medicine the doctor gave you and tell me how you feel in a week. Okay?"
"Okay," she said, "so how are you holding up? Better than I am, I hope?"
"Yeah, I'm doing alright. Taking it one day at a time and all," I said.
"That's good," she paused, "Well you know I'm here for you, right?"
I smiled, "Yes and I'm here for you too even at 2 in the morning."
"Actually it's almost 3 in the morning so ha!" she gave a small laugh.
"Haha very funny," I yawned.
"I know. Well I'm going to let you go so you can get some sleep. Goodnight girl, I love you," she said.
"I love ya too. Bye," I said before hanging up. I set my phone down on the back of the sink. Looking in the mirror attached to the cabinet above it I noticed how bad I looked. My hair was in a tangled mess and my mascara was stained on my cheeks. I opened the cabinet looking for a rag. Instead I saw a row of medicine bottles that had never been opened. Slowly, I took one down and stared at the label.
Zoloft. An anti-depressant I had been taking since I was 10 years old. My doctor had doubled my dose when Rissa died. I put it back on the shelf and closed the cabinet. I looked at myself one last time before shutting off my bathroom light. My bedroom looked worse than I was. Clothes were scattered across the floor, my text books for college were stacked in a mess by my dresser, and empty bottles of make-up covered the surface of my make-up counter. I sighed, making a mental note to clean everything tomorrow.
I walked across the room to shut off the light before crawling back into bed. It felt weird being alone in bed these days. I was used to Marissa sneaking in and crawling into bed next to me. I always woke up to listen to what new things she had to say. She always had the latest updates on our family and friends.
I rolled over, only to see Marissa laying next to me. "Hey sleepyhead," she poked my nose playfully.
"Y-yo-y," I stuttered in shock of seeing her there.
"Stutter much?" she joked, smiling.
I exhaled. "How are you here?" I asked. She seemed so alive with her hair on the pillows in perfect brown curls and her eyes glowing with excitement.
"You gave me a spare key to your house silly," she showed me the silver key, an exact copy of mine, before tossing it on the floor behind her. It made no sound at all.
"No, I mean how? You're d-de-dead," I said, looking at her as I processed everything.
"Dead? Me? No. I would never leave you like that. We're going to grow old together, remember?" She said, "We talked about this everyday in high school."
I gave a small smile as I scooted closer to her, laying my head on her shoulder near her neck. "Remind me again?" I asked as I breathed in her scent. It was vanilla, her favorite perfume to wear.
She stroked my back, her fingers following the line of my spine. "Well first we're going to get married to two very wealthy but very hot guys. And then we're going to have kids. Two each. I'm going to have girls and name them Serenity and Trinity. But you're going to have a boy and girl and you'll name them-"
"Alexander and Hannah," I finished for her, closing my eyes and listening to her voice.
"That's right," she smiled, "and then we'll bring them to eachother's houses everyday just so we can hang out. And it will be easy because we will be living right next door to eachother. Our kids will grow up and go to school together. Before we know it we will be in a nursing home, staying in the same room. But this nursing home will have the cutest boy nurses there," she began to play with my hair, twirling it around her fingers, "and then they eventually will have to seperate us because we will cause so much trouble, just like we did in high school. But not even then would we stop being friends because no one could seperate us, not ever." She started humming a soft lullaby as I fell asleep.
I woke up to a ray of sunlight streaming on my face. It was then I remembered the events of last night and I rolled over. Disappointment overwhelmed me as I realized the spot was empty. My hand reached over to feel the spot I was so sure Marissa was at last night, but it was still cold. I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes before standing up. I stretched and stumbled into the bathroom to get ready to go to work.