These Scars We Wear

Day by day; that's how my Gram's taught me to take things. She always said, "Baby girl, take a deep breath and let rest what can't be helped; and always remember to keep your heart and eyes wide open."
Gram's was always a wise woman, doubt she'd be proud of me if she could see me now.
She died three years ago, a damn shame if you ask me. My Grams was one of my two life lines left, the other was my boyfriend, Ronnie Radke.
Grams had always loved Ronnie; thought we'd get married someday and have babies. I have to be honest, I always thought the same thing; throughly believed it. Until about six months after my grandmother died.
Our love used to feel so strong that it could withstand anything, but nowadays I'm not so sure.

Ronnie got heavily stressed out and needed an outlet; he found one.
Doesn't mean it was constructive.
He got heavy into oxycontin; then everything went downhill from there. Eventually Ron got sober and now we're doing really well. But I know that he still stuggles; sometimes I wonder if he'll ever go back to it. That is honestly my biggest fear of all.

"Harley, I'm home!" I heard his voice echo from the hall.
"Hey love," I smiled. "Record anything worthwhile?"
"No, not today. We basically just jammed for a few hours."
I felt his arms snake around my shoulders as he planted a soft kiss at the base of my neck.
"Well that's fun I suppose." I said, tilting my face so my lips could reach his.
I kissed him softly and smiled, "I love you Ronald."
"I love you too Harley."

I looked up at his face and noticed something different about it; not really different, just something that I have yet to see in a while.
"What's wrong Ronnie?"
"What? Nothing babe, why do you ask."
I looked into his eyes; they were deep brown and bloodshot. I haven't seen them like this since before he got sober.
"What were you really doing tonight Ronald? Don't you dare fucking lie to me."

Ronnie's body tensed, and he turned away from me. "I did what I told you I was doing."
I stood up and walked over to where he was standing. "Empty your pockets Ronnie."
"Why? You don't believe me do you?" He snarled.
"No I can't say that I do." I looked down at my feet. I want to believe him, I just can't seem to.

"You know what I thought we were passed this, my own girlfriend doesn't fucking trust me."
I ran my fingers through my brown hair and sighed; trusting him is something I want more than anything, I just can't when he comes home like this all the time.
"Then empty your pockets if I'm wrong." I demanded.

Ronnie shuffled his feet and stared at the ground; he only acts like this when he's hiding something.
"You know baby, this isn't how I wanted this to go." he sighed deeply.
I felt my face go hot with anger; I fucking knew it; he's doing drugs again.
"You're such a fucking asshole Ronald. After you promised me you'd stay clean you start using again!" My muscles began to tense and my blood pressure rose.

"Har, it's not what you think. I promised and I've kept that promise I swear." Ronnie put his hands on my hips to keep me from walking away from him.
Tears began to well up in my eyes; I couldn't help it, I hate broken promises but what I hate even more is to see the love of my life using again. I can't watch it anymore.
"Then empty your fucking pockets Ronald Joseph."

Ronnie removed his hands from my hips and reached into his pockets; he pulled his left pocket completely out. "Nothing in there now is there?" he smirked.
"Empty the other one Ronnie." I commanded; I hate how he treats this like a fucking joke.
He reached in his right pocket and slowly pulled out a tiny, black velvet box.

"As I said before this isn't how I was planning to do this Harley; but you forced me into it," he ran his fingers through his long black hair. "I love you Harley Hunter, more than I've ever loved anyone or anthing in my entire life. I don't really know how to say this but here goes nothing," Ronnie took my left hand in his and bent down on one knee; I could feel my heart skip a beat. " Will you do me the honor of spending the rest of my life with me?"

I looked down at his face, I could see he was smiling through his nervousness.
A faint smile forced itself onto my face, "Ronald Radke, of course I will marry you."
Ronnie's face twisted up into a huge grin as he slipped the engagement ring onto my finger.
Before I knew it I was in his arms, and a rough kiss was being placed on my lips.

"You never have to worry about me getting hooked again Har."
"Why might that be Ron?" I asked.
A smile erupted on his face, "Because I get high enough just being with you."
Laughter ecaped my lips, "That has to be the corniest thing you have ever said to me."
I placed a kiss on the base of his neck.
"But it's the truth; I love you more than anything Harley, don't forget that."
I guess this is what genuine happiness feels like, "Here's to forever baby." I said, kissing his soft lips.

And may forever feel just like this.