Where I Belong

Two weeks. It was a very long, lonely two weeks for Ellinor Brin.

She was sitting on the steps outside of the campus library. She had her head stuck in a book and didn’t bother looking up at people unless she heard his deep, raspy voice call her name. Ellie had already forgotten how he sounded and that wasn’t good.

“Look its Ellie, Princess of Wales,” A group of girls snickered as they walked up the stairs. Ever since Ellie’s face appeared on the papers, her name and situation circulated through the whole university and everyone had assumed that she was in a “serious relationship” with the prince.

Ellie rolled her eyes and looked up at the girls, walking passed her. “No. Harry and I are not in a relationship. Get off my back.”

As they left her sight, Ellie groaned out loud, “Ah, fuck my life.”

A few minutes later, Natasha came from behind and planted herself down next to Ellie. Sighing herself, she cocked her head back and groaned loudly. “Why is Professor Attfield such an arsehole!? I swear, he likes tormenting us, students, just for his enjoyment.”

“Nat, I feel horrible,” said Ellie. She shut her book and placed it on her lap. As she turned to Natasha, she rested her feet on the second step down and hugged her knees to her chest. “Harry isn’t trying with me. He says he cares about me a lot, but yet, he hasn’t called me.”

“Jesus Christ,” retorted Nat. “That bloke isn’t doing his damn job as being a boyfriend.”

Ellie glared at Nat. “That’s not funny. What am I supposed to do when he comes back here?”

“Talk to him. Be honest. Ask him if he still wants to pursue anything with you?”

“I’m not even sure if I want to pursue anything with him!” exclaimed Ellie.

Natasha shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know Brin. Maybe you’ll know what to do as soon as you lay your eyes on him. And make sure not to leave any words unsaid because you’ll just be hurt a lot more.”

“Finally some good advice from you,” replied Ellie. She laughed and lightly pushed her best friends’ shoulders, “Just joking.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” emitted Nat. As she stood up, she looked down at Ellie and ran her hand through her hair. “I got to go. Study group for my Philosophy class in a few. Text you later Brin!” Ellie waved bye as Natasha rushed down the stairs and around the oak tree to the other side of campus.

And so she sat there, thinking. Ellie wanted to know what was going on. Harry should have contacted her the day he arrived in Australia. Ellie wasn’t the type of girl to make the first move, therefore, partly the reason why he hadn’t done anything.

She sat there on the steps remembering the night he asked her to leave with him. After Natasha left and her grandparents’ went to sleep, she gave Harry a ring and the two of them talked until he had ended the call.

“Is school really that important to you Ellie or are you just scared of coming with me?” he asked. Ellie was outside on the front porch, sitting on the front step. She sighed and replied, “I don’t know Harry. I want to go with you –”

“Then why don’t you?”

“You don’t understand…”

Harry groaned, “Ellie, I’ve lost my mother, my face has been plastered on every paper, billboard, telly announcement, basically everything on how I’m such a bad guy, a wild child, an unmannerly Prince… My dad looks down on me and I’m always second best to William. I’ve gone through a lot so please don’t tell me I don’t understand because I highly doubt that.”

“Harry…” Ellie said, “You fancy me right?”

Without hesitating, he answered, “I do. I like you a lot, Ellie.”

On her side of the line, she looked up at the dark sky and closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure of her feelings towards Harry and she didn’t want to hurt him, especially over the phone.

“Do you fancy me?” He asked, quietly.

Ellie held onto her mobile tightly and thought about that question. She looked everywhere for a good sign and maybe Harry was it, but now, everything was a blur.

“I like you…” she started, “but I’m not sure about an ‘us’.”

“What do you mean? Are you still afraid of being in a relationship?”

Sighing, she said, “I am.”

“Ellie, you know I would never hurt you.”

“I know that Harry, and I’m not saying you will ever do that to me, it’s just…”

“Just what? Just say it Ell,” he begged.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t.”

As the line went silent, Ellie rested her head on her knees, hoping Harry would say something to make her feel better. But she knew she had hurt him by just saying that. She didn’t know what else to say or do. Her feelings for him were barely there.

“So it would be a lot simpler for both of us if you just be honest Ell. You either like me or you don’t.”

At that point, Ellie felt like crying. There was so much pressure built up in her system and she couldn’t handle it anymore. One moment she knew she liked Harry but another, she didn’t.

“You know I held off my duties just to be with you on those days I went to Cardiff…”

“I get it Harry! You like me a lot! And as for me, I don’t.”

Just like that, the truth – though she wasn’t sure – came out. She bit down on her lip and waited for Harry to say something. Silence: you could cut it with a knife.

“Oh, alright. I guess… never mind. Goodbye Ellie.”

Before Ellie could say something quick, he hung up and she sat there, alone. The line beeped and she shut her phone off. She wept until midnight or until the moon transitioned from her left side to her right. Her eyes, bloodshot, hurt and she felt her throat swell up.

Coming back to reality, she sat back and nodded her head. “That’s why he hasn’t called…” she said to herself. She held back the tears and looked down at her book, wishing he was there to comfort her and take her back.