Where I Belong

“Can you just…” Ellie started, “please leave. Go… because in all honesty, you’re the last person I want to see right now.”

Harry dug his hands in his pockets. “You sure about that?”

The brunette looked up from where she was sitting. The dark night was now in full gear and the only thing she could see was half his face which was being lit by the nearest lamppost. The both of them weren’t smiling; neither of them said a word, but their eye contact was steady as usual.

She sighed, “I don’t know what I’m sure about anymore…”

Being the brave one, Harry took the final step and took a seat next to Ellie, but distancing him from her so she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. He looked forward; the stars were beginning to come out and the crescent moon was starting to form right in front of their eyes. The hospital lights were still bright as light but they were now starting to shut off one by one.

“What time is it?” She asked.

Harry looked at his left wrist, trying to see what the time read on his watch. “Umm…” he couldn’t make it out; the numerals were too small and the light wasn’t enough. “I can’t see…”

Ellie shook her head. “Let me see,” she said, reaching for his wrist and bringing his watch up to her face. Her eyes squinted. “It’s nearly midnight.”

“Really? Wow, time flies by so quickly…” he said softly. As Ellie kept her grasp on Harry’s wrist, she lowered it down slowly and placed it on her lap. She brushed away her hair and tucked it behind her ear. “Harry…”

“Yeah,” he asked, lighting rubbing Ellie’s knee. She, then, placed her own hand over Harry’s and shook her head. Her head hung low and quietly she whimpered to herself. Harry leaned his head down to meet with Ellie’s. “Hey, hey… what’s the matter?”

Ellie shrugged her shoulders. “Everything’s wrong.”

“No, nothing’s wrong. Everything is going to get better.”

She shook her head. Ellie picked up her head and let the tears fall down her sun kissed cheeks. Her lips began to tremble before she could say anything else. Harry looked at her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight and never letting go. “I’m so sorry Ellie. I’m sorry about losing your granddad and I’m sorry for what happened with Chelsy. You know if I had the chance to redo that night, I would. I never wanted you to leave. I love you so much and even if you don’t feel the same… I don’t care; I love you.”

Ellie rested her head on his chest, letting her tears dampen his t-shirt. Her arms slowly made it around his torso but midway she stopped and pulled away. “It doesn’t matter Harry because even if you were given that chance to redo, you’d know from the beginning that you should have never done it in the first place.”

She shook her head again and scooted away from him. Harry sighed and tilted his head back to look up at the night sky. He ran his hand through his red hair and looked away.

“You know what Ellie, I would do anything for you even if it meant hurting you sometimes…” he stood up and turned to look at the brunette,” because that’s what love is about. I believe in all kinds of sacrifices and I thought that you leaving would be good for the two of us…”

“It was good for us Harry. You kissed Chelsy and didn’t even bother to tell me.” This time, Ellie retorted back and stood up towards Harry, crossing her arms.

The redhead looked at Ellie and said, “I didn’t mean to kiss Chelsy; she kissed me! You don’t know her Ellie! She LOVES to get her way and if that meant pulling me by the collar and calling out for the papz then there… that’s just Chelsy.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me the truth?! Why did I have to hear this from Kate?”

“Are you not glad you heard it from Kate? Would you have rather heard it from the telly or a complete stranger?” He shouted back.

Ellie huffed and replied, “You, Harry, are an arsehole. I never want to see you again!”

After her final statement, she turned her heel and walked passed Harry and towards… somewhere. She wasn’t sure, but she wanted to get as far from Harry as possible. Quickly, Harry turned around and chased after her, shouting, “Where do you think you’re going? Oh, let me guess… you’re going to the library. Am I right?”

As she walked away, she shook her head and decided not to reply back.

“GO TO THE LIBRARY AND STAY THERE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. STAY WITH YOUR BOOKS BECAUSE THAT’S ALL YOU CARE ABOUT.”

At that point, Ellie cried as she walked, but then she stopped, wiping away the tears that ran down her cheeks. She turned around and stomped on towards Harry, screaming back at him, “HARRY, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO LOVE SOMEBODY. SEEING WHAT MY OWN MUM GONE THROUGH MAKES IT HARD.”

The two of them eyed each other for quite a long time. The weather was slowly beginning to change as they continued to hold their strong, connected gazes. The darkness still stayed dark, as the stars were starting to twinkle brighter above their heads. However, clouds broke in and covered them. Soon, sprinkles of rain began trickling down from the sky. As they hit the two’s heads, they looked up together and back down at each other.

“You know the story Harry… you know the things my parents went through. The divorce, the obsession, the countless suicide attempts, and finally the actually suicide… my mum was a mess.”

He looked at Ellie and crinkled his eyebrows. “I know that Ellie,” he started just as the rain came down a little harder. “That’s why I want you to know that… I’ll help you get there.”

After he said that, the rain was now pouring upon them and they were absolutely not dressed for it. They were getting drenched, but they didn’t move an inch.

“Come on, let’s go under the cover… you must be freezing…” Harry said, reaching for Ellie’s arm. She pulled away and shook her head. “No, let’s finish this. Right here, right now. I want to know how you feel about me.”

Harry looked at her and said in all honesty, “I love you, Ellinor. You already know that.”

“No… I want to know how you REALLY feel about me! I want to know the things that I do that really get you mad, annoyed, and angry… WHY do you love me? WHY should I go under that cover with you and wrap my arms around you? WHY should I accept your apology and go back to being yours? I want to know everything.”

The rain completely drenched the two of them. They were dripping wet from every inch of their body. They were a mess and still they continued to stay out in the rain. Ellie took a stand and waited for a reply from Harry. Even though she was shivering all over, she looked at him and hoped he would say something.

“You want to know all that? Well, you drive me absolutely MAD! All the time. Every time I ask you, ‘What do you want to do?’ you always say, ‘Let’s go to the library.’ You know what annoys me? The times you go on and on about Manchester being LOADS better than Arsenal. And you want to know what makes me angry?” Harry stared at Ellie and she nodded her head. “Not speaking to you for 3 weeks… that’s what makes me angry. And your decisions on visiting the library do drive me mad most of the time, but as long as I’m with you, I’m happy. And let me tell you… Manchester may be better than Arsenal, but football isn’t too much of my concern when we’re together.” His voice became a lot softer.

“You should go under that cover with me so I can hold you in my arms and take care of you because you’ve been through so much in the past few months. I’m always going to be here for you Ellie. You should accept my apology because I’m serious about every word I’m saying to you. I’m going mad without you. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Once again, Ellie’s lips began trembling. She felt the heavy weight on her heart float away and she was left with the feeling she’s missed for 3 weeks. Her stomach was now unknotted and she made her final decision. With the rain, ruining the sad moment, it actually made the moment perfect. She took a step forward and slammed her drenched body against Harry’s, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips against his.

“I forgive you. I’m sorry and I love you.”