Her Best Friend

“You had to open your mouth!” Ryan hissed that evening at his brother; Tom looked at him, taken back.
“Me? You’re the one who didn’t bother to tell her that our father killed her best friend!” Tom snapped back. Ryan gritted his teeth, anger boiling in his veins.
“I-“ he began, he didn’t have an argument though. He faltered, and stared at his brother, his eyes burning into his brother’s.
“I’m sorry I brought it up. But I believed you would have told her who our father was. Did you know?” Tom said furiously. Ryan’s fist clenched naturally.
“I only just worked it out. I didn’t think it would be the same people. Of all people.” Ryan snapped, and Tom rolled his eyes.
“Next time Dad kills someone, read the bloody paper!” Tom bellowed. Ryan wanted to punch him, in the face, extremely hard.
“STOP BLAMING ME!” Ryan screamed.
“This is your fucking fault!” Tom yelled back, and as they stepped towards one another, Ryan lifted his fist and was about to strike, when Jenny suddenly yelped.
“RYAN!” she shrieked, and Ryan froze, and put his fist down, Tom reacted immediately and shoved Ryan away.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you just love messing things up? Stop taking it out on me. I’m sorry I mentioned him. But that’s all I’m sorry for. You should be…worse.” Tom snapped, and Ryan sniffed.
“I do. I feel guilty as shit. I should have told her-” Jenny stared at the two boys.
“I can’t believe you two. You’re fighting for absoulutely no reason. Ryan, sweetheart…you should have told her. You have to live his mistake now, and make amends.” Jenny assured. Ryan nodded.
“I-I feel such an idiot.” Ryan groaned, and turned away from his family.
“You’ve behaved like one.” Tom muttered, and Ryan heard as Tom left. Jenny’s soft feet, following.
That evening, Ryan lay on his bed that night, thinking how he could have made such a mistake. Guilt swelled in his stomach. Why didn’t he tell her?
Why couldn’t he tell her?
He knew why. He didn’t want to lose her.
---
“His father…” Olivia sobbed, as Eddie held her tightly. Lula was fast asleep, unaware of what had happened. Olivia wiped her eyes quickly.
“I know babe, I know. I’m just…in shock. I can’t believe he didn’t tell you. I mean, who keeps something like that?” Eddie said stiffly, he was beginning to dislike Ryan.
“I just, I can’t get it out my head. His dad killed Anna.” Olivia mumbled miserably.
“How long did he know for?” Eddie asked, and Olivia shrugged. She didn’t really care, he still lied about it. If he knew, and didn’t tell her. That classes as a lie.
“Please stop crying sis, it breaks my heart when you cry…” Eddie admitted, and Olivia gave a weak smile and hugged her brother, finally letting go.
“Thanks Eddie. I don’t know what I’d do without you lately…” Olivia said sadly, and Eddie smiled encouragingly.
“Don’t worry Livvy, I’m not going anywhere.” Eddie assured her.
---
It wasn’t till midnight, that Eddie left. Leaving Olivia all alone again, she wasn’t even that tired. Actually, that was a lie. She was exhausted. Of this.
Of everything.
Feeling the need for a shower, Olivia padded into the bathroom, and switched on the shower, scalding hot water fell from the head that sat over the bath. Olivia slowly stripped from her clothes, her towel on the ring and she cautiously stepped in. The hot water instantly stung her skin, but after a minute of numbing pain. Olivia didn’t feel the pain she felt the warm sensation of water cascading down her skin. Steam filled up the bathroom quickly, and soon Olivia could see it in front of her.

She tipped her hair back under the water, and instantly soaked, she felt safe here. She felt like it was okay to cry. Her heart was thumping, and her breathing came out slightly shallower. She physically hurt; her emotional break was killing her. She didn’t know how much she could cope with this anymore. She closed her eyes, black consuming her and instantly, she saw Anna, she saw Anna smiling, laughing, talking, driving, kissing Tallulah, hugging her. Olivia felt her. Then she pictured Ryan, kissing her head, hugging her from behind, spinning around on that ice-rink. She felt him too. She needed them both, except
one was dead, the other was dead to her.

She hated him, she felt hatred, hurt, and anger against him. She hated that he lied to her, she hated who his father was but worst of all? She hated the fact that despite his terrible mistake, she was completely in love with him. Her heart yearned for him. She needed him here, she wanted him still. She wanted to crawl into his arms and never let go, because Ryan had saved her but now her knight in shining armour, turned out to be a joker. But she still wanted him. He gave her the security, and love, and tender care she needed. Without him, she was empty again.
Before long, Olivia was sobbing, actual wails of pain. Her salt tears dripped into her mouth, mixing with the water drowning her.
“Ryan.” She sobbed, and turned her back, against the cool tiles. The sensation was unreal, as she felt the coolness, the shower water just in front of her. Her heart paced quickly, her fists clenched, they were all prune-like now.

She slowly slid down, and sat awkwardly but she didn’t care, she couldn’t stand up. She just couldn’t do it. She was too weak, in too much pain. She wallowed in her pity, in her disgust, in her numb-pain. It took a fair while before Olivia reached up and turned the shower off, and crawled out the bathtub. She wrapped a large towel around her shoulders, and wrapped the edges around her. She sat on the floor, staring at her bathroom wall.
She felt indescribable really. How could she describe the pain of her best friend’s death? How could she describe the moment she discovered who killed her? And the fact she was dating his son, and fallen for him. Hard.

She had Tallulah. But for how long? Theresa was manipulative bitch who would do anything to get what she wanted. She would sabotage Olivia, to take Lula away. Olivia wouldn’t cope, that would be the last, short, weak straw she had left that was keeping her sane. Tallulah was keeping her sane. Without her, Olivia may have topped herself by now.
It took Olivia another amount of time to get herself off the floor. She pulled on an oversized t-shirt; she had brought in a sale somewhere to clean the house in. She threw it on, it came just to her knees, and she didn’t really care. She roughly dried her hair with the towel, and then threw the towel on the bathroom floor. She shuffled into the kitchen, and switched on the light. It was half two in the morning, and she still wouldn’t sleep. She opened the fridge and got out the milk, and poured herself a glass. She sipped it and stared out the window that sat above her sink. London was out there, living. And here she was, trapped. She could remember going out at night, having fun. Now, she couldn’t think of anything worse.
---
Anna Katherine Greene
Daughter, Friend, Mother
~
Always in our hearts
1991-2011

Olivia sighed as she saw it, the name that shouldn’t be there.

“Hey Annie.” Olivia whispered faintly, and crouched down, placing a hand on the cold, graphite gravestone. Her name carved with silver. Beautiful pink flowers were placed on there, but they were wilting, dying.

“I brought you some new flowers; I know how you hate wilting flowers.” Olivia said with a sad smile, and picked up the dead flowers, and replaced them with the lovely, lilac freesia that she brought with her. The plastic rustled in the wind, and Olivia’s hair blew back. Olivia slowly sat down, crossing her legs, and looked right at the grave.

“I miss you.” Olivia said simply, and stroked the stone carefully.
Birds chirped, trees rustled, and a faint sound of cars could be heard. “So much Annie. I miss you, so much…I really underestimated you eh? I didn’t think losing you would be-” Olivia faltered as her throat choked up.

“-Didn’t think losing you would be this hard.” Olivia finished, swallowing the swelling lump. A shiver went down Olivia’s spine as tears collected in her eyes, suddenly blurring her. She took a deep breath, and pursed her lips, trying to keep calm.
“I just, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t face not seeing you. I need to talk to you. To hear your voice.” Olivia continued.
“Anything. I just-I just need you Annie. I need you.” Olivia said, her voice cracking multiple times. She gripped the headstone, her knuckles turning white. Desperation, she was in desperation.

“Anna, come back.” Olivia begged, tears fell endlessly.
“Please. Come back.” Olivia begged, closing her eyes. Praying for an empty miracle. Her heart racing, her stomach churned. She needed her best friend.
“What am I doing Anna? What am I doing here without you?” Olivia said, biting her lip.
“You gave me Lula…and I thank you for that honour but I have to ask what the hell-I mean, heaven did you think you were doing? Me, a mother? You’re out of your mind Anna!” Olivia snapped suddenly, realizing how insane she sounded.
“Your Mum. She’s going to take her away….but I promise you Annie, I promise I’ll never let that witch near her. I know how much she hurt you. She isn’t hurting Tallulah too. I promise. Just, I suck at this. I suck at being a mother…” Olivia mumbled, sniffing.
“Couldn’t you have left me a book or something?” Olivia murmured, laughing humourlessly at her joke. She sniffed again, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.
“I know who killed you. I know who took you away from me.” Olivia said sadly, feeling the tears coming back. Olivia breathed in deeply again.
“But what’s worse Annie…I’m in love with his son. I love him Annie. I really do.” Olivia admitted, and her heart raced again.
“I wish you were here. You’d know what to do.” Olivia said, and smiled weakly at the headstone.
“You’re my best friend. Forever and always, no one will ever replace you Anna Greene.” Olivia said seriously, and she slowly got up, taking one last look at the stone, the flowers staring back at her. Olivia’s eyes travelled to the grave next to her:

Jacob Michael Calloway
Son, Brother, Father
Loving him in our memories
1991-2011

“Take care of her Jake. I’ll be seeing you guys up there.” Olivia said sadly, wiping her eyes one last time. Sighing, Olivia turned away, stuffed her cold hands in pocket. For a day in June, it was fairly cool, then again it was only 8’o clock in the morning. Olivia made her way back to her car, and got in, and silently drove to work, where she would have to face Ryan. Well, face him…not talk to him.