Great Diversion
Wait, What? Did You Say Handcuffs?
Ava sat with her friend Greta at an outdoor café.
"So, how did your date go with that drummer guy?" Greta asked, sipping her iced tea.
"How do you think?" Ava said puncturing an olive in her salad with a fork. " I went on a date with Tre Cool. It was the best date, like that I've ever been on. A complete dream."
"Tell," Greta said.
"Well, first off, I will say, he was late to pick me up," Ava said.
"No," Greta gasped. "I would have told him it was off right then."
"You're heartless, unlike me. It's my fault anyway," Ava said. "I didn't give him very clear directions."
"Whatever, go on," Greta egged.
"Okay," Ava took a drink of water. "He picked me up, and we went to a little Italian restaurant, very romantic."
"What did you guys talk about? Anything juicy and rock-starry?"
"Um, well, we talked about our backgrounds, my job, his kids, blah, blah. Other stuff too."
"Other stuff too what?" Greta asked suspiciously. When Ava hesitated, Greta blurted, "SEX?"
The waiter dropped off the check.
"Shhhh! Jesus Greta, you always jump to sex!" Ava shook her head.
"It was sex wasn't it? Oh my God, Ava, you let him in your pants!"
"So what if I did? I don't see why it's any of your business what I do with my date."
"Ava," Greta looked across the table at her. " You're my friend. I don't see how it's not my business who you shtupp."
"Oh my God!" Ava laughed in surprise. Reaching for the bill, she said
"Well I definitely won't tell you about the hand cuffs." and left the table.
Greta called after her,
"Handcuffs? Now you have to tell me!"
***
Tre sat across from Billie Joe, Mike and Jason, spilling the details of his date with Ava.
"Dude," he said with his eyebrows raised. "If I ever thought that tongue rings and back tattoos are hot before, let me tell you,".
"So, like, what did you do, like, eat or something?" Jason asked taking a swig of his beer.
"Okay, I'm just going to interrupt for a moment here," Billie Joe said eyeing Jason. "Okay, Jason, you just used the word 'like' in that sentence like seventeen times."
Jason shot him the evil eye. "Fuck you Billie."
The table laughed joyously.
"Alright, it started off that I was late, 'cause I couldn't decide to go with or without the eyeliner," Tre pointed to his eyes.
"Dude," Mike said, shaking his head.
"I know, I know, dumbass, right? Any way, once I did get there, she was sitting on her steps, and I'm like 'Oh God, I am never going to get any'."
"Did you?" Billie asked.
"I'll get there. So she's sitting on her steps all hot and what not in a tight leopard print, like, pinup sweater and tight skirt and these hot red heels. Total dynamite." Tre paused to take a drink. "And I'm thinkin' she's gonna be all mad and stuff, but she's not. She acts all happy to see me. Bonus points for me, right? So we go to some restaurant and we're talking about stuff- her job, my kids, so on, so on, and then she's like 'so, what's the weirdest place you've had sex? ' And, you know me, I'm like did she really just ask that or am I just thinking wishfully. So I decided to answer and hope for the best. It was crazy and awesome at, like, the same time."
"Dude, how come no one I ever go out with asks me these questions?" Jason says, half pouting.
Billie Joe laughed. "Would you have a good answer?"
Jason glared at him again before laughing. "Never mind."
"Go on," Mike prompted Tre.
"Okay, so we finish eating and I drive her back to her place, secretly hoping she's gonna let me in, you know?" The opposite side collectively nodded.
"And when I walk her up to her door, she starts making like she's not going to, and I'm starting to wonder what I did to make her mad. But... " Tre gave a devilish grin. "I was wrong."
"Oh, yeah"
"Man, Tre, you always get invited in!"
"Dude."
"Yup." Tre took another satisfied drink.
"So, how did your date go with that drummer guy?" Greta asked, sipping her iced tea.
"How do you think?" Ava said puncturing an olive in her salad with a fork. " I went on a date with Tre Cool. It was the best date, like that I've ever been on. A complete dream."
"Tell," Greta said.
"Well, first off, I will say, he was late to pick me up," Ava said.
"No," Greta gasped. "I would have told him it was off right then."
"You're heartless, unlike me. It's my fault anyway," Ava said. "I didn't give him very clear directions."
"Whatever, go on," Greta egged.
"Okay," Ava took a drink of water. "He picked me up, and we went to a little Italian restaurant, very romantic."
"What did you guys talk about? Anything juicy and rock-starry?"
"Um, well, we talked about our backgrounds, my job, his kids, blah, blah. Other stuff too."
"Other stuff too what?" Greta asked suspiciously. When Ava hesitated, Greta blurted, "SEX?"
The waiter dropped off the check.
"Shhhh! Jesus Greta, you always jump to sex!" Ava shook her head.
"It was sex wasn't it? Oh my God, Ava, you let him in your pants!"
"So what if I did? I don't see why it's any of your business what I do with my date."
"Ava," Greta looked across the table at her. " You're my friend. I don't see how it's not my business who you shtupp."
"Oh my God!" Ava laughed in surprise. Reaching for the bill, she said
"Well I definitely won't tell you about the hand cuffs." and left the table.
Greta called after her,
"Handcuffs? Now you have to tell me!"
***
Tre sat across from Billie Joe, Mike and Jason, spilling the details of his date with Ava.
"Dude," he said with his eyebrows raised. "If I ever thought that tongue rings and back tattoos are hot before, let me tell you,".
"So, like, what did you do, like, eat or something?" Jason asked taking a swig of his beer.
"Okay, I'm just going to interrupt for a moment here," Billie Joe said eyeing Jason. "Okay, Jason, you just used the word 'like' in that sentence like seventeen times."
Jason shot him the evil eye. "Fuck you Billie."
The table laughed joyously.
"Alright, it started off that I was late, 'cause I couldn't decide to go with or without the eyeliner," Tre pointed to his eyes.
"Dude," Mike said, shaking his head.
"I know, I know, dumbass, right? Any way, once I did get there, she was sitting on her steps, and I'm like 'Oh God, I am never going to get any'."
"Did you?" Billie asked.
"I'll get there. So she's sitting on her steps all hot and what not in a tight leopard print, like, pinup sweater and tight skirt and these hot red heels. Total dynamite." Tre paused to take a drink. "And I'm thinkin' she's gonna be all mad and stuff, but she's not. She acts all happy to see me. Bonus points for me, right? So we go to some restaurant and we're talking about stuff- her job, my kids, so on, so on, and then she's like 'so, what's the weirdest place you've had sex? ' And, you know me, I'm like did she really just ask that or am I just thinking wishfully. So I decided to answer and hope for the best. It was crazy and awesome at, like, the same time."
"Dude, how come no one I ever go out with asks me these questions?" Jason says, half pouting.
Billie Joe laughed. "Would you have a good answer?"
Jason glared at him again before laughing. "Never mind."
"Go on," Mike prompted Tre.
"Okay, so we finish eating and I drive her back to her place, secretly hoping she's gonna let me in, you know?" The opposite side collectively nodded.
"And when I walk her up to her door, she starts making like she's not going to, and I'm starting to wonder what I did to make her mad. But... " Tre gave a devilish grin. "I was wrong."
"Oh, yeah"
"Man, Tre, you always get invited in!"
"Dude."
"Yup." Tre took another satisfied drink.