Androgyny

"I can't believe it's been two years already," Dad said.

We were standing next to my lovely silver Jeep Wrangler. Dad had just finished loading my bags into the trunk while I warmed up the car. The semester had just started and it was time for me to leave.

"I'm just going to be over in the next town," I told him with a smile. "There's no need to go crazy dad on me."

Dad smiled and nodded. "I know, Adrian. I just...I'll miss having you around the house. You are an amazing boy. And you have a stunning energy."

My smile wavered. Dad was so innocent. He had no idea how much of a jerk I was. I preferred it that way. I'd rather leave him with a happy memory instead of a sad once. Dad and I were great together. I wanted him to remember a sweeter me. Not a mean me.

"Thanks Dad. I love you. I really do. I can't see why Mother..."

I cut off and glanced up at the brightening sky. What was I thinking? Brining Mother up was the last thing I should have done. Dad wasn't as strong as me. He was still in love with that woman. Why couldn't I keep my giant mouth shut?

"Sorry, Dad," I apologized. "I forgot."

Dad pat my shoulder. "It's fine, Adrian. No need to apologize. We've never talked about your mother. Maybe we should get that out of the way before you leave..."

I slid down the side of the car and sat on the drive way. Did I want to talk about Mother? Was this something I was waiting for? Did I need to vent my feeling? To scream them into the air?

I looked up at Dad and breathed a shaky laugh. "I blame her."

Dad crouched down next to me. "For what?"

"I look like a girl," I whispered. "I look like a damn transvestite! I am so tired of people mistaking me for a girl. My name is Adrian, not Adriana! I...wish people would stop mistaking me for a female."

Dad ruffled my hair. "Adrian, I'm sorry for what happened. If I knew what she was doing...I would have saved you a long time ago. I'm sorry that I took so long."

"She started drinking, Dad. The corsets got tighter. The dresses got crazier."

A few stray tears crawled down my cheeks. I wiped them away with my sleeve, angry at myself for letting them break free. I didn't want to make Dad feel any worse than he already is.

"I'd hug you, Adrian...but I'm afraid I'm not a girl," Dad joked and lightly punched my shoulder.

I laughed and stood. "Thanks Dad." He knew that I wanted him to lighten the mood, not make it darker. I couldn't thank him enough for doing so.

Dad glanced at his watch and frowned. "It's time to get going, Adrian."

I opened the door to the car. "Dad...I...l'm going to miss you." I held my fist out to him.

"I'll miss you too." Dad touched fists with me.

I climbed inside the car and started it. I waved back at Dad as I drove away.

College, here I come.