I Fell in Love With a Dead Boy

I felt like I would vomit my entire inner organs as we pulled up in a cab to Billie and Adi’s house. I’d been here so many times and yet this was the first time that I was dreading going inside. Gerard was quiet, really quiet and I felt sorry for him because he was doing this for me. Any moment now I was waiting for him to turn to me and go, “Ha you’re so not worth this” but he didn’t. The grip he had on my hand was becoming painful as we walked up to the front door and rang the bell.
Adi opened it with a huge grin on her beautiful face.
“Fia! Gerard! Come in, come in” she chuckled giving us both a hug and a kiss.
“Gerard you look so well” she beamed as we removed our coats and followed her into the kitchen were the smell of her delightful casserole was floating in the air.
“Thanks, I err, feel great for some reason” Gerard smirked at me and I felt myself flush red.
“They are all in the garden,” she grinned. Joe and Jake were at Ollie’s and free out of the line of potential fire.
“Oh Okay” I smiled as I led Gerard to the back door.
“Oh Fia, can you give me a hand with this?”
I turned to Gerard and he patted my arm, his eyes showing a small sign of horror having to face the lot of them by himself.
“Yes sure” I whispered watching him through the window as he slowly approached the gang of hyenas lounging around on the grass.
Luckily, Tre pounded over to him, enveloping him in a tight hug and patting his back warmly. Than God for Tre sometimes…
“Fia pass me that fork…”
I did as I was told, watching Adi prod at the food.
“So…Billie has been told that if he makes a scene I’ll be serving up his balls for dessert.”
“No one would eat them” I sighed as she cackled.
“That’s true…”
I glanced outside the window again to see Tre introducing Hannah to Gerard.
“Hannah seems nice”
“Yeah she is, dunno how long she’ll last” Adi sighed getting up and leaning on the kitchen counter with me. I suddenly realized the absence of blonde spikes…
“Where’s Mike?”
“I’m here”
We both turned to see the bassist grinning at us.
“Fia” he smiled gesturing for me to hug him. I frowned at him, the fucker; I walked over and hugged him quickly so Adi didn’t think anything was wrong. As soon as his arms wrapped around me I had a flashback of us sweaty and grinding in my fantasy and I pulled away in shock.
“Something wrong?” he asked cocking an eyebrow like he knew what had just flashed across my mind.
“No” I spat turning on my heels and out into the garden.
Mike caught up with me.
“Hey, hey” he whispered, pivoting me around by the shoulder just metres away from the group currently lounging on sun chairs.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing Mike, God. Why do you fell the need to mother me all the fuckin time!” I snarled stomping away from him, my anger and frustration truly getting the better of me.
I turned to see him standing in disbelief, a look of deep hurt on his face.
My shoulders collapsed in guilt, and I slowly walked back over to him.
“Sorry” I sighed. “I’m just nervous”
I nodded behind me to the hyenas.
“Oh, okay” Mike smiled sadly and a train of culpability suddenly knocked me for six.
“Mike, come on, I’m sorry.”
The bassist leaned down and hugged me, I froze again, why was physical contact always so necessary?
“It’s okay I understand”
Letting it slide we both walked over to the group of laughing maniacs.

“Hello Fia” Billie chuckled getting up to embrace me in a hug. I inhaled the familiar smell of Billie’s cologne and broke free of his grasp to hug everybody else.
I sat down next to Gerard cautiously and immediately everyone stopped talking. Oh Great.
I could foresee the future already, every family party, every get together we would ever have I would sit next to Gerard and everyone would just go silent to prevent offending Lord Billie Joe.

Luckily Adi at that very moment called us in for dinner and they all shot up from their seats, racing to the dining room like starving rats. I held Billie Joe back however, signalling for Gerard to continue without me.
“What Fia?” He turned to me, sour expression on his lips.
“Uncle Billie please can you just try.”
He frowned at me as we plodded across the grass.
“What are you talking about?”
“Well you know…”
“Fia I haven’t said a fuckin word to him…”
“Exactly Billie, please, Uncle Billie please just try and talk to him, just for a little bit.”
I turned on the Puppy dog eyes, those and the use of ‘Uncle Billie’ equals the rock god turning into mush.
“Okay, okay, just a few words but I’m not promising anything.”
I squealed and hugged him tightly as we entered the house.
“Thank You Uncle Billie.”
“I hate you” he spat following me into the dining room and taking his seat at the head of the table. I sat down next to him, Gerard on my other side, facing Hannah, Tre’s girlfriend.
Dinner was quiet for a Green Day dinner, Tre was the one who was filling the silence with various stories and filling us in on how he and Hannah met.
“So yeah, I just kinda fell into her and that’s what happened.”
“You shouldn’t go on treadmills Tre I’ve told you before” Mike sighed into his fork.
Everyone chuckled before the silence of clicking cutlery filled the air. I glanced at Adi who gave me a small smile.
“So Gerard I hear you’re going to the UK next week?”
Everyone turned to Billie Joe then back to the New Jersey singer, no one expected that, least of all Gerard who jumped like a rabbit caught in headlights. I watched him on the edge of my chair as he swallowed a mouthful of food.
“Err, yeah, yeah we are” he answered turning to Billie slowly like any sudden movements between them would cause a riot.
“What’s that for then?” Billie asked shovelling his fork in his mouth, his eyes gleaming with all the power and authority he was currently sitting on.
“Our producer is out there next week; we thought we could have a bash at a few songs while he had a studio.”
Billie nodded, “Oh right that’s a good idea.”
It went silent again before Tre shot in, “I hate recording in England, and the mornings are so fuckin miserable.”
I turned to Billie, smiling at him gratefully.
He grinned back before coughing seriously into his dinner again; trying to keep up the ‘authoritive serious man’ role he was playing. But then Gerard opened his mouth to answer Tre,
“My mornings will be a bit brighter I think coz Fia’s gonna come along too hopefully.”
Gerard had literally frozen time.
I screamed in my head, I hadn’t told them yet that I was planning to take my vacation leave with Gerard in the UK.
I slowly squinted through my cringing eye to see Billie’s fork paused at the entrance of his mouth, glaring at Gerard with a look to kill.
“What?” he snapped putting his fork down on the table. Gerard snapped his head up, tensing completely. Everything was going so well, but then...oh shit.

“Well, I’ve got vacation time and…” I began but Billie cut me off with that sharp tongue.
“You really think I’m going to let you go to England with him after what happened?”
“Billie…” Adi began
“No, no, I’m not having it I can’t cope with the two of you being together in the same room were I can watch you, never mind all the way over the fuckin Atlantic!”
Billie smacked his hand down on the table.
I stared opened mouthed at my Uncle, “Billie I, I…”
“No Fia and that is the last of it!”
Gerard suddenly finding a new sense of confidence turned to him, “Fia can make her own decisions, she is 23”
“Oh can she?” Billie snapped back him making us all jump an inch from our seats.
“Well, she made a pretty poor one when it came to you didn’t she?”

The room couldn’t get any tenser than this, it seemed like Brittany, Adi, Mike, Tre and Hannah all edged away from the table. The definite calm before the hurricane, Billie leant across to get closer to Gerard. The New Jersey singer also leant forwards to square him,
“Who the hell are you to dictate that to her? You’re…You’re not her fucking father!”

I screamed, Adi screamed, Gerard went toppling to the floor, Billie pinning him down with brutal punches that slammed into his face and chest over and over again as the contents of the table spilled to join the fight on the floor.
“BILLIE JOE!” Adi screeched as Tre and Mike dragged the kicking singer away from the broken Jersey kid on the floor. I dived on Gerard, taking towels that Brittany had retrieved for him in the confusion. Mopping his bloody nose, Billie was literally seething with anger. A maniac look in his eyes that only appeared on stage, his mouth literally frothing.

“YOU LITTLE FUCKER! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW LONG I’VE WANTED TO DO THAT!”
He roared still grappling with Tre and Mike to get at the bloody mess of Gerard’s face that was collapsed in my hand, catching the blood pouring form his nostrils. Gerard moved my hand away,
“You just can’t stand the fact that you’re not the only man in her life now.”
Mike let go of Billie and raced forwards, pushing me away from the singer and kicking Gerard in the stomach hard, he keeled over in agony as the bassist yelled,
“YOUH HAVE NO FUCKIN IDEA!”
“MIKE!” I roared rising to my feet in pure hatred and pushing him backwards into the table. I stared at him in disbelief, wanting to literally kill him.
“That was the most pathetic low thing I have ever seen” I spat feeling nothing but hatred towards him now. All feelings I had ever had towards Mike had suddenly disappeared in that one thrust of his right foot.
Gerard groaned and I ran back to him, slowly sitting him up and wiping the blood from his face once again.

Billie seemed rather amused by Mike’s sickening kick and continued to roar at the bloodied Gerard on the floor.
“YOU! OH YOU LITTLE SHIT! I’M ANGRY BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE IN HER LIFE!”
Gerard swatted my advancing clean towel away once more,
“I’m not good enough.” He smiled, “but she doesn’t think so and you should respect that.”
Gerard stayed completely calm as Billie wrestled in Tre’s grip; I stared at Billie as Gerard’s warm blood began to pour into the towel.
“I’M NOT RESPECTING ANYTHING ABOUT YOU GERARD, YOU’RE A FUCK UP! A SUICIDAL LOSER!” Billie roared.
“Billie!” I yelled, thoroughly getting sick of this now, “Encase you have all forgotten I am actually here, stop talking about me like I’m not! I’m sick of this! I’m sick of it; don’t make me choose between the two of you because I can’t! I bellowed.
Billie stopped struggling and stared at me; he pulled himself free of Tre’s shocked arms and stormed out of the room, quickly followed by Mike.
The rest of us stood gob smacked, glancing at each other’s traumatized faces for an answer.
Gerard coughed and I turned to him, guilt racking through me.
“I’m so sorry Gerard” I whispered, combing a piece of hair around his ear and helping up on a chair.
“Its okay” he wheezed, “I kinda had it coming, I just wasn’t expecting a kick in the guts too”
“What a prick” I spat at the thought of Mike, “No offence Brittany but he’s a prick” I spat turning to the blonde girl as she sat down next to Gerard’s other side.
“I don’t know what had come over him recently Fia, he’s been acting so strange.”

I shook my head and glanced down at Gerard again, earlier today at what she said would have made my toes curl, but now, it sickens me. Gerard slowly pushed my hand away,
“I think it’s stopped” he sighed touching his face delicately.
“Oh God it looks so sore, oh Gerard” I winced stroking his cheek tenderly. He smiled, eyes shining, “I’m okay.”
Tre, Hannah and Adi who had been tiding up the mess came and sat down around the table.
“I’ll make some coffee” Adi sighed, visibly trying to hide the fact she wanted to murder Billie Joe, not just for hitting Gerard but for breaking four of her best china plates.
“FIA!”
Adi called me from the kitchen and I looked at Gerard,
“Go, go I’m okay” he smiled. I stood up cautiously meeting Tre’s eyes that gave a small shine of compassion.
I was slightly surprised that Tre wasn’t laughing by now…
“Hey Gee maybe next time you can actually get a punch in there man!”
There he was, right on cue...he howled with laughter and I shook my head smiling.
It’s a good job he was here to always act sensibly and cheer up the mood.
My smile faded at Adi’s tear stained face in the kitchen.
“Ades?” I rushed over to her and she sobbed into my shoulder.
“Oh Fia it’s all my fault!”
She smelled of Vanilla, her beautiful dreads tickling my face softly as she pulled away.
“Why do I think I can always fix things? I’ve just made them worse?”
“Adi it’s not you! It’s not, you tried and God I love you for it…” My eyes focused out the window to the garden were Billie and Mike sat talking on the same sun lounge.
I turned back to Adi who was mopping her face with a tissue and smiling sadly at me.
“I’m sorting this now.”

I stomped out into the garden as Mike got up and began to walk back into the house. We crossed paths half way and I didn’t even acknowledge him, I stayed focused on Billie whose head was hung so low it nearly touched his knee.
He looked up as I approached him and sighed as I sat down on his left. I was prepared to yell at him but I ended up melting at the sight of him so strained.
“I suppose you never, ever want to speak to me again now do you?” he whispered.
I sighed and ran my hands down my legs awkwardly,
“Billie I…why did you do it?”
He ran a tattooed hand through his messy black hair, “Fia, you heard what he said; I’m just concerned for you. You’re, well to me and Adi you’re the daughter we never had and if anything ever happened to you or if you ever got hurt I…I could never forgive myself.”
I sat watching him.
“I guess beating the shit of your boyfriend isn’t standard fatherly behaviour…”
“Too right”
“but…I just lost control and…I’m sorry”
I smiled at him, his eyes watery, his face tired.
“You should be saying sorry to Gerard.”
“I will. He’s not a bad kid really, but he had to bear the brunt. I guess I just don’t want my little girl to grow up.”
He folded his arms around me, “I’m so sorry Fia, I love you so much.”
I felt my eyes prick with tears as we just held each other tightly. Billie’s hugs were always warm, I never wanted to leave them, here I always felt safe, loved.
He pulled away from me and held my chin, his magical green eyes connecting with my own.
“You behave yourself in England and anytime, any day, just say and I’ll come and get you.”
“From England?” I chuckled.
“Yeah, from The Antarctic if need be.”
I grinned as he kissed my nose tenderly.
“I suppose I have some apologising to do” he sighed.
I nodded as he grinned, “You coming to witness this humiliation?”
I chuckled, “I think Gerard is more humiliated than you. He got beat up by someone half his size.”
“Hey!” Billie teased, “I’ll have you know I can kick some shit when need be, being the average height or not.”
“Average height! Bill! You were in Q magazine’s shortest rock stars ever feature! Weren’t you just after Angus from ACDC?”
Billie frowned, “Fia what did I say?”
“The mention of that feature is banned when you are around”
Billie chuckled and pulled me closer to him as we arrived at the patio door.
“I’m getting drunk” he sighed.
“Nothing new then” I teased “but first you have to apologise to your wife and buy her some new plates.”
He bit his lip in fright, "Oh shit yeah"
“Got a cigarette?” I asked as he handed me the packet from his jeans and rushed inside to make amends with Adi, then...hopefully... Gerard.

I leant against the wall and lit up, puffing away and contemplating the evening’s events. To be honest it could have gone much worse, instead of having a busted nose Gerard could be sat with a butcher knife in his chest and Billie could be sitting in jail right now.
“It’s a warm night…”
I turned to see Mike shutting the patio door behind him, uttering that terrible cliché and filling me with pure hatred.
“Yeah it is” I stubbornly replied, tensing at the sound of his voice.
He leant against the wall of the house and folded his arms.
“I want to talk to you Fia”
I turned to him inhaling on the cancer stick between my fingers.
“Oh really? Well I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I’m sorry I did that” he sighed watching the smoke rise from my mouth.
“Well tell it to the person you did it to” I snapped turning away from him.
“I don’t know what came over me I’m sorry.”
I turned around and shrugged at him, “Okay”
I was being deliberately calm and annoying.
“I said sorry to Gerard I swear…”
“Okay”
“Fia!”
Mike grabbed my shoulder and pivoted me around, “Fia stop it! Don’t hate me Fia. Is this about Gerard or is this about everything between me and you?”
I froze at him and frowned.
“What?”
“That day in the office”
I exhaled and coughed with the surprise in my throat.
“You okay?” he asked hitting my back with two strong smacks.
“Yeah…ow…fuck Mike…ow!”
“Sorry”
I turned to him, "It's not about that at all!"
“Okay” he smiled giving me a taste of my own annoying calm tone.
I stood with my mouth open staring at him in absolute disbelief as he began to talk.
“We need to face the fact that we, me and you, can never, ever happen.”
My mouth dropped,
“Mike. Where the fuck has that come from this better be some sick joke?”
“And I need to face the fact that those weeks in hospital did Gerard some good. I can see it now. I couldn’t at first but, yeah, Adi is right, you’re perfect for each other.”
Was he STILL talking?
“Mike, woah, woah, no, NO! What? Are you actually interpreting this so wrongly? You kick my boyfriend when he is literally down on the floor bleeding and now you’re chatting this at me?”
Mike’s face dropped and he smacked his lips together and stared at me…
“I thought…”
“No Mike you thought wrong, I’m not angry with you because I have a crush on you. There never was a me and you and yeah there never will be! I’m angry because you kicked Gerard and you got yourself involved in a fight that wasn’t yours!”
Mike looked at the floor like a five year old being caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “I’m sorry Fia, I really am, I…I don’t know what to say, I thought it was because of...”
“Don’t say anything then Mike.”
I spat, cutting him off and flicking my cigarette stub away.
“Fia…”
The bassist grabbed my arm as I headed for the patio door.
“Don’t do this, don’t hate me.”
I sighed and wiggled my arm free of his grasp, “Mike I don’t hate you, but I don’t love you either. You’re an old friend who has pissed me off and as soon as I calm down I’ll be fine. Go and see how your fiancée is, I think she got a bit of a shocker at the whole fight thing.”
Mike cracked a grin, “It’s the first fight she has ever seen.”
“Why does that not surprise me?” I sighed stepping into the kitchen and freezing.

Loud roars were coming form the dining room; I turned to Mike, mirroring shocked faces.
“They’re not at it again are they?” I asked in complete terror as we both dashed to the room.
I flung open the door to see them all hovering around the table that was now heaving under the weight of alcohol.
“FIA! Since the dinner was a disaster were all getting shit faced to make up for it!” Adi giggled, her pupils already looking pretty big as she clutched her oversized wine glass.
I rolled my eyes and sat down next to Tre, eyeballing Billie and Gerard who were whispering in the corner, I raised my eyebrow in disbelief and confusion.

Tre passed me a shot glass and chuckled, watching me staring at my Uncle and Boyfriend, “They’ve been chatting away for half an hour.”
I grinned, observing them laughing at each other over their beers. It was an endearing sight; you would never have guessed that just an hour ago they were fighting on the floor in that exact spot. Billie was always like this, schizophrenic switching of emotions.

Tre filled up the glass and I chucked it back, coughing as the burning alcohol set fire to my throat.
“So…you gonna come on tour with us again next month?”
“Am I hell” I chuckled
Mike sat down opposite us, arm around Brittany, “I don’t blame you kid,”
“Can’t you even be tempted with a fancy dress party?” Tre cackled filling up some more shot glasses.
“Just coz Mike wants to dress up in that leather coat again…”I smirked as Brittany chuckled.
“Hey I rule as the Punisher” The bassist beamed.
“I think Billie beat you to that title tonight” Tre cackled before shotting back more Tequila.
Oh boy.

I lay in bed next to Gerard, he closed his eyes for a few moments and I stared at the way his eyelashes danced across his pale face. Bruises had erupted around his nose and under his eyes, my stomach churned as he turned to me.
“What?” he croaked his arms flinging out to reach me.
“I was just thinking.”
“What?” he smiled burying his face into my neck?
“Oh nothing”
“Fia” he chuckled looking up at me with those electric green emeralds of his.
“Alright, alright…I was just thinking how…well…how fantastic you were today, despite everything, you were so brave.”
He giggled harder kissing my nose, “Thanks Fia, you were great too”
“I did fuck all, you got beaten up over me. It’s quite romantic” I giggled as he snuggled in closer to me.
“Really?” he grinned.
“Yeah, but you’re poor face looks so sore, I wish you’d let me put some cream on…”
“Fia It’s fine, I kinda like it, it makes me look more macho.”
I giggled as he kissed my nose, his hands tracing up my thighs.
“I’ve passed the test now.”
I grinned, “The first test”
Gerard swallowed, “Who else do I have to meet now?”
I chuckled, “No, no, you don’t have to meet anyone new, but you do have to pass another test.”
“What?” he croaked looked at me with a puppy dog expression, green eyes going wide.
I ran my fingers up through his hair, bringing his head down to mine and I kissed him hard, forcing my tongue into his mouth, he gasped and I softly bit down on his bottom lip.
He pulled away, panting slightly, eyebrow rising, “Oh…THAT test…”
I giggled as we dived under the covers
My mind became clouded, except for one beautiful thought…
I wanted to be with this man for the rest of my life and now it looked like that dream was more possible than ever.