I Want to Hate You Half as Much as I Hate Myself

The sun peeking through the curtains is what woke Pete from his not so deep sleep. Next to him was a woman who was breathing deeply, and still unconscious.

Pete doesn’t sleep with women too often. He classifies himself as “Bisexual” but prefers men. Last night he was in his usual hang out spot when a woman who was desperate for a rebound hook-up approached him. Pete downed a couple more drinks before accepting.

Walking into the woman’s apartment, he felt an uneasy-ness in his gut.

Kissing her lips felt wrong.

It could have just been because she was a woman. Maybe.

The reason he felt no need to continue through out the night also could have been because she was a woman.

Or it could have been because he wanted someone else.

He began to wonder what Patrick was doing.

He stopped himself.

He wanted the nervous unexperienced virgin over the desperate, needy, completely willing girl?

Was he becoming attached?

Fucking cliches.

Either way, Pete stayed and finished his service because he was bored, and Patrick was probably busy anyway.

So, in the morning, Pete quietly dressed himself and left the apartment.

~*~

“I hooked up with a chick last night.” Pete told his best friend over a drink.

“Glad to know you don’t limit yourself.” Brendon replied sarcastically.

“I didn’t like it.” he replied.

“Shocker.” Brendon retorted.

Pete scoffed. “You’re such an ass.” he said.

“No, I’d just rather not hear the details of your sex life.”

“Tough shit man. There’s like nothing else for me to talk about.” Pete said, taking a sip of his drink.

“Maybe that should tell you something.” Brendon said.

Pete rolled his eyes. “It’s weird man. I mean, the entire night I couldn’t stop thinking about that one kid, y'know?” he said.

“You mean Patrick? I’d stay away from him if I were you, or Ryan might finally have your head.” Brendon warned.

Pete scoffed. “Since when does Ryan care who I fuck?”

“Since you’re fucking his best friend.”

Pete’s amused smirk disappeared.

“Wait, Patrick is friends with Ryan? Shit. How come I’ve never met him before then?” Pete asked.

“Because Ryan hates even being in the same room with you. I thought you knew that.” Brendon said. “He’s not going to bring his best friend around so you can fuck with him.”

Pete scoffed again. “Come on, I’m not that bad.”

“Yes you are. You’re fucking him aren’t you?”

Pete sighed. “Whatever. Back to what I was saying. I was with the girl last night, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him, man. In fact, I haven’t been able to stop at all. It’s so weird.” Pete explained.

Brendon had the biggest smirk on his face.

“Oh my god. You have a crush on Patrick! How cute.” Brendon taunted.

Pete flushed slightly before responding. “I do not! I just… He has a weird effect on me.” Pete said.

“You said you were thinking about him while you were with someone else?” Brendon questioned.

“Yeah but, it could have just been my mind wondering because I was bored.”

“Or it could have been you thinking about him because you would rather be hanging out with Patrick, instead of fucking some desperate chick.” he said with a bit of a smirk.

“So I like him as a friend? So what?”

“Are you sure it’s just as a ‘friend.’?” Brendon questioned again, giving him the ‘I know you better then you know yourself’ look.

“Yes well, I think… Ugh. Damn it Brendon.”

“What?” he asked faux defensively.

Pete sighed. “Look, fine. I do like him okay? But look at who you’re talking to. Look at my reputation. I haven’t had a real relationship since high-school. Why would he want to be with someone like me? What if I hurt him?”

“Look man, I know Patrick, he’s not going to hate you for being a whore. He’s a sweet guy, but he’s also easily hurt. The reason I’m not telling you to go after him is because if you hurt him, you’ll hurt Ryan, and Ryan will hurt you. Patrick is like his little brother. But I do think a relationship would be good for you.” Brendon lectured him.

“I guess I could try…” Pete said.

“Don’t go getting yourself killed please.”

“Brendon, can you help me with this whole relationship thing?” Pete asked.

“Are you trying to get me in trouble with my boyfriend?” Brendon asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Come on. Please? If you help, this might actually work.” Pete pleaded.

Brendon sighed and rubbed his temples.

“Fine. But if anyone asks, I had nothing to do with it. In fact, I told you to stay away from him.” Brendon said, regretting the words as soon as they left is mouth.

Pete smiled. “Thanks man. You are, and always will be my best friend.”

“Stop being cheesy.” Brendon said. “And you’re welcome.

“Okay… so what now?” Pete prompted.

“Well, you should probably ask him out on a date.”