I Want to Hate You Half as Much as I Hate Myself

"So, you gonna ask out Patrick or not?" Brendon asked as he inhaled deeply on his cigarette. Pete light his cancer stick and shuffled his feet.

"I guess," He replied. He looked down at his shoes, "I need new fuckin' shoes." He reaches down and pulls at a piece of thread from the lace of his shoe, deciding to retire them.

"Thinking of what Patrick would think?" Brendon chuckeld lightly. "Even I waited a few dates until I changed something about myself for Ryan."

And Pete just gives him the finger.

"Whatever, just hear me out, do not mention anything about sex. That is going to make him feel uncomfortable and like you are only doing it to get something." Brendon started coaching Pete. "You need to act like nothing happened. Patrick is a sweet guy, I'm sure he will say yes as long as you don't fuck things up completely."

Pete nodded, despite the minor insult about him doing anything wrong. "Thanks, man. I'm not used to this kinda shit. I can't really remember the last date I was on."

Brendon shook his head, "Man, you're seriously something else."

They both finished their smoke between classes and waved goodbye. Pete went to Music class while Brendon went to Literature.

~~~~~

Pete waved awkwardly at the shorter boy. Patrick waved back.

Pete cursed himself, he has never been this awkward in his whole fucking life. Why was he suddenly second guessing himself? No one knew except that small voice in his head. All he knew was that he liked how he felt around Patrick.

Pete didn't ask him out after class, he instead decided he would go to his apartment and ask him.

~~~~~

There was a knock knock on the door, and Patrick went to answer it.

He opened the door, Pete was standing there. "Hi," Patrick said.

"Hey," Pete said. He played with his hands. He tried to hide some hickies he had with a hoodie. He was actually trying. "I wanted to know if you, kinda, wanted to hang out?" He mumbled out quickly, it was a question because he didn't know if Patrick would say yes even though Patrick was the nicest guy ever (according to Brendon). He did not even want to use the word 'date.' So he stood there, asked him quickly and shoved his hands in his jeans.

"Sure."

~~~~~

Add that Patrick was just as nervous as Pete to this equation.

He kept fixing his hair, fixing his shirt, fixing anything about his appearence. He barely talked and thought over what he would order. Oh God, Pete would think I was such a fat-ass if I ordered that. He felt insecure. He wished they went to a movie instead.

He sipped his water. Pete glanced at the Patrick over the menu.

And to add to this, Patrick didn't know if Pete liked him anymore. Ryan had been bitching so much about Pete lately he was starting to believe him. Pete probably doesn't like me anymore. This must be nothing but just friends hanging out.

He ended up ordering a salad and Pete forced him to order something else after that. "You have to order something else. I'm the one who wanted this dinner, and I insist that you eat to your content."

So Patrick just ate some breadstickes and thought about whether or not they were on a date.

~~~~~

Patrick sat in the passengar seat, Pete in the drivers seat.

He didn't want to ask if Pete wanted to go up to his apartment, that would be awkward if Pete really only wanted to be friends. He could imagine how Pete would just mutter out a 'No. Thanks,' to him and drive off. But if it was a date, he needed to make sure Pete would stick around.

So he sat there and played with his fingers, waiting for Pete to say something.

"So, I'll see you tommorrow?" Pete asked. He still was questionening himself. He didn't even know if Patrick wanted to see him tommorrow.

"Yeah, sure." He smiled and nodded. Pete smiled and he took it as his time to go back inside his apartment.

He went home and went to sleep. He was confused about 'Pete the school whore,' because the school whore might have just taken him out on a date and acted like a gentleman.