I Want to Hate You Half as Much as I Hate Myself

"And then I was like, 'Hell no!' you know? There was no way he'd get me to do that, but then he gave me those big puppy dog eyes, so I finally gave in and... Patrick?"

Patrick snapped out of his trance and looked back at his best friend.

"What?" he responded.

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Were you even listening to me?" Ryan asked.

"Uh, sorry. I was spacing out." Patrick apologized.

Ryan rolled his eyes a second time. “What’s been going on with you lately? You’ve been so out of it.” Ryan questioned.

“Oh, its nothing. I just have a lot of class work this week is all. I’m kind of stressed” Patrick lied.

“Oh well, maybe you should take some time and relax you know? Maybe you can chill with Bren and I tonight.” Ryan offered.

“Thanks for the offer but I have a paper due. Thanks anyway though.” Patrick told him, afraid Ryan would catch him in his lie. It’s not that he didn’t like spending time with Ryan and Brendon, but he was hoping to maybe hang with Pete tonight.

Whatever their little thing may be.

Even if Pete just wants to be friends, he still likes hanging around with him.

Or just looking at him.

“Oh shit. I’m late for class.” Ryan said, coming to the realization. “You should get going too. I’ll see you later.” he said taking off.

Patrick sighed, picked up his bag, and headed for his music appreciation class.

~*~

He walked in, almost late, and took his usual seat next to Pete.

Pete smiled and greeted him when he sat down. He looked as if he was going to say something else, but the teacher started talking first, so Pete stopped and turned to face the teacher.

Patrick tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach, and take notes, but his head was just filled with too many questions. Questions and fantasies about the boy next to him.

Was the date really a date? Were they a thing? Were they just fuck buddies? Were they just friends now? What if Pete thought Patrick was lame in bed and didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, and the date was just a pity thing?

Patrick wished he could know exactly what was running through Pete’s head when they were together.

If he’s so nice and inviting to him all the time that can’t mean he dislikes him right?

He took him on a date right?

Or something.

But he didn’t want to go up to Patrick’s apartment.

Patrick began to worry that maybe Pete thought he wasn’t attractive and that’s why he wouldn’t go up to his place.

But then why did Pete hit on him to begin with?

Did he become hideous all of a sudden?

Was Pete interested in someone else?

Well of course.

Pete never stays with someone for long.

He hardly ever even sleeps with the same person twice.

And I’m not special. Patrick thought to himself.

So then why the fuck did Pete take him on a date?

Was it even a fucking date?

Why the fuck was he acting like it?

Patrick continued to think over the whole confusing situation, and continued to try not to look over at Pete too much.

Suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked over and Pete leaned in a whispered in his ear.

“Aren’t you going to take notes?” he asked.

Patrick flushed and looked down.

“Uh, I was spacing out.” He whispered back.

Pete smirked. “It’s okay. I noticed. I took notes for you.”

Patrick looked up at him. “Really? thanks.” he said.

“Do you want to hang out with me tonight after I get off work maybe? We can like, chill out and order pizza or something. Maybe get a movie. You can come up to my apartment.” Pete said.

Patrick smiled, and the butterflies came back.

“Sure.” he answered.

“I’ll text you directions to my house.”

~*~

Pete dragged his way to work, distracted and slightly worried.

He walked into Starbucks, put on his apron, and took his place behind the counter.

“One vanilla frappuchino and a skinny caramel machiato!” Jon called to Pete. It was super busy and he had just stepped in the door. He sighed and began making drinks.

He seems to be distancing himself from me lately. Pete thought to himself.

What if he doesn’t want to date me? What if he just wants to be fuck buddies? But was Brendon right about the whole no sex thing? What if that’s not what he wants? But what if it is, and if he mentions sex again he’ll think that’s all I’m after? Pete continuously thought to himself.

He began to remember why he doesn’t usually do relationships. They’re so difficult and confusing.

But Patrick is worth it, he thinks.

Being lost in thought, he managed to overfill the drink, spilling it all over the counter.

“Pete! Ugh, clean that up please. where is your head today?” Jon said coming up from behind him, then abruptly being distracted by something else.

Yeah, Patrick is definitely worth it.