In the Beginning

Zack spent the rest of his weekend holed up in his room, feeling too guilty to leave. He felt bad about lying to his parents, but he just couldn’t tell them. He was the eldest; they expected so much from him. Expected him to set a good example for his siblings, how could he do that if he couldn’t even keep himself from whoring around? Sitting at the dinner table every night since he found out, he just barely kept himself from spilling his guts. The only way he was able to keep his mouth shut was to avoid them as much as he could without raising suspicion.

Monday came and staying in his room was not an option anymore, so he pulled himself out of bed after lying under the covers twenty minutes after his alarm went off. He took a quick shower and got dressed, then headed down stairs. The rest of his family sat eating breakfast as normal. Looking at his family the way it was now, he felt sad, knowing that with his little mistake he could ruin it all. The guilt he was feeling kept him from making eye contact. His mom noticing him walking into the kitchen looked up and smiled, “You’re up late, better eat quickly.”

Looking at the food laid out on the counter, he felt himself grow nauseous, so he bypassed the pancakes for an apple, “Hey, I got to get to school early today.” A reasonable excuse, he thought. Saying his good-byes, he grabbed his backpack and started walking to school.

The walk was a ten minutes, which gave him plenty of time for more worries to pop in his head. Like the possibility of seeing Jimmy. But Zack knew the chances of seeing the man were slim, he doubted that Jimmy ever really showed up to school half the time. The possibility was still there though, and nerves settled themselves in the bottom of his stomach. He wasn’t sure why he felt so nervous about seeing Jimmy, he’d never been before, but he pegged it as a hormonal thing and left it at that. He didn’t even like Jimmy, not really.

He walked on to campus with his head down, hoping to avoid any of his friends, not really in the mood. Of course, that was never possible, “Zack, wait up!” Matt called, running towards him.

“Hello, Matt.” He sighed when Matt caught up.

“What’s up?”

“Going to my locker, interesting stuff, I know.”

Matt laughed, “I meant with the whole baby situation.”

“Not much has changed in the half of a day that we did not see each other.” Zack said as he reached his locker.

“So, I assume that you didn’t tell your parents?”

“Nope.” He sighed, “And I’ve decided that I don’t think I ever will.”

“They’ll find out eventually, you know, you can’t hide this from them forever.”
Zack shut his locker and turned to face Matt, “Yes, but until then, I’m not going to tell them.” With that he turned quickly on his heal, and stormed off to class.
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Later, he realized that he was acting like a child. Of course he was going to tell his parents, Matt was right. He wasn’t going to tell them today though, maybe tomorrow, he told himself.
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That night Zack didn’t go to band practice. Partly because he was a little embarrassed about how he puked on Matt in front of everyone, and party because he was afraid that now that everyone knew that he was pregnant they were going to treat him differently. But the main reason was because he didn’t want to see Jimmy. He was lucky to have not seen him at school, but Jimmy always went to band practice. As much as he hated Jimmy, he had to admit that he was the most dedicated to the band. He was also the most talented in the band also, as much as it irritated Zack. So instead, he just sat in his room and did homework for a change.

When dinner rolled around, he went as to not raise suspicion. But as he kept silent during the nightly ‘how was your day’ crap, he found out that in all his attempts to not raise suspicion, he rose suspicion.

“So, what’s up with you Zack?” His dad asked after, his siblings had been excused.

Zack raised his eyes to look his father in the eye, “Nothing much, the usual.” He tried to be casual. His parents shared a look that he assumed that only parents understood, and looked back at him.

“Nothing you want to tell us?”

His heart sped up at that comment, what did he mean by that? Did they know? Was he really that obvious? “Not really? Why do you ask?”

His mom gave a small smile, “Oh, no real reason, honey. It’s just that you’ve been really distant lately, and we’ve been worried about you.”

He gave a little sigh of relief, they didn’t know, “Oh. Well, I’ve just been tired, you know with school and all.” He lied.

“Okay, well we’re here help with that, you know?” His dad asked, “Things are more stressful to deal with on your own.”

“I know, if I need help, I’ll ask.” He said, “May I be excused?”

“Yeah,” His mom smiled and he pushed away from the table, and headed towards his room, “We’re here for you when you need us.”

“I know.” He said again.

Back in his room, he let out a deep breath. He felt like he dodged a bullet, lucky this time.

He stripped down to his boxers and got into bed, tired all of a sudden. Tomorrow, he’d go to band practice, he decided. He figured that he still didn’t like Jimmy and Jimmy didn’t like him, he could pretend that maybe he wasn’t the father. Maybe. He wasn’t too sure what he wanted anymore.