Les Oiseaux de Mauvaise Augure

"I went out to get coffee for the three of us. Lucy had left early and I was running kind of late. This morning was kind of hectic. I was going to meet back up with her at the station."

We sat together on the couch, sipping at our tea and trying not to cry.

Joey drew in a shaky breath, clearing his throat as he let it back out.

"She was... alone when it happened. I mean, there was some weird van parked across the street, but... but I didn't know. I didn't think anything of it. I went inside. I knew she would be in the back, but when I-" He stopped suddenly, swallowing and clearing his throat again. I could feel my own tears starting to spring up again. Joey finally started to get choked up as he was talking, and I tried to comfort him. I let him take his time. I let him take as much time as he needed. Partly for selfish reasons.

My story was coming up next. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay as strong as Joey was. I knew I was going to break down once I started talking. But, I didn't want to. I could already feel my throat starting to close up and my lungs starting to get heavy.

I rubbed his shoulder and held his hand. My heart ached for him. "And, I was too late. The man... he was so pale. But he also had burn marks." My heart nearly stopped as he said that. "His hair was jet black and his eyes... they were so empty. He looked right into my eyes. They were bright green, and just... lifeless." He looked at me with tears in his eyes as well.

I almost threw up.

I knew it in an instant.

I felt so much sadness and remorse.

This was all my fault.

Vengeance killed Lucy.

I held my breath and grabbed his hand, trying desperately not to let myself go.

He told me that he got away. And, he had to watch the light leave Lucy's eyes. Until her eyes were just as lifeless as Vengeance's. He held onto her hands and cried for her.

I pulled him into a tight hug.

"Joey, I am so sorry."

This was all my fault.

This was all my fault.

I let him cry. What else was there to do at that point?

When he pulled away, he looked a little more relieved, but a little embarrassed, as well. He took a couple gulps of his tea and looked into my eyes.

"Your turn, Anna. If you feel comfortable... I really want to know. What happened? What happened to you that was so terrible?" I closed my eyes and drew in a very shaky breath.

Where to start? What to say?

There were so many things that I was uncomfortable discussing, but there were so many things that I had to talk about. Would I tell him about Vengeance? Should I tell him about my mother? I knew I wouldn't be able to talk about... well, the rape. But, Vengeance? He deserved to know... but would he hate me? Would he hate me so much that he wouldn't want to be around me again? I didn't know if I could handle that...

So I took in one last deep breath. And, I started to talk.

"It was this summer." I swallowed again as another lump started to form in my throat.

I started with the robbery. I talked about each of the five men. Personalities. I left out everything they did to me, but I told him about my mother. Again, leaving out the details. I told him about the end and the fire and the rescue. I told him about my father and my therapy, deciding to go light on the raging insanity. You know... how Jimmy lived in my head and all. I knew that probably wouldn't fly too well with him.

And, you know, I thought I would feel relief after telling him. But, all I felt was guilt. Mostly because I knew I couldn't tell him about Vengeance.

His face was riddled with concern. It made me feel even worse.

I felt guilty for dumping this all on Joey when he was at such a vulnerable and miserable state. He didn't need to know this. He didn't need this crap weighing him down. I didn't want to scare him away with my openness, but I didn't want to push him away either with my desire to close myself off to the world. And, I felt guilty because I was the cause of his misery. I was the cause of Lucy's death and the loss that he was suffering. I knew that I would never have the strength to tell him.

The most I would ever be able to tell him was: "I'm sorry, Joey." I didn't want to start crying. At all. It felt selfish of me to start crying in front of this poor man about my past, when his present was on the verge of collapse. I tried to stop the tears, but the sun started going down and the tea was getting cold and I just... couldn't.

He pulled me into a hug. It was tight and warm and comfortable. It reminded me of all the things that I would never be allowed to have. He made quiet shushing noises and stroked my hair.

"Anna, it's alright. You're okay." I made stupid little gurgling noises, sniffling. "Thank you for telling me."

"You're-" I hiccuped, pulling away. "You're not angry?" He gave me a small side smile.

"Why would I be angry?" I gave a little shrug, putting my hands to my face and trying to wipe away the tears. "I'm sorry you had to go through that." I gaped at him, amazed.

"No one's-" I sniffled again. "No one's every said they were sorry to me." My lips trembled. "And, it wasn't even your fault." I put my head in my hands, trying to wipe away the tears. "You're like a miracle, Joey. I've never met anyone like you. You're so... rare." I looked back up at him, but he was staring at our tea mugs on the coffee table. He shook his head.

"Sometimes... life isn't very fair." He looked back to me again. "But, we survive. We live and grow from the good and the bad. We fall and get back up. We get stronger and wiser. We learn and remember and try to forget." He smiled lightly again. "But, no matter how bad things get, I believe that..." He swallowed hard, taking in a breath. "I believe that everything happens for a reason." He shook his head. "I don't know if I believe in God," he started, pointing his finger up quickly. "But, I believe in a higher power. And, I believe it's got a plan for us. Whatever that may be... I guess we'll find out in time." He leaned back into the couch, laying his hand in between us with his palm open to me. I looked at his beautiful eyes then back to his hand. I reached out and took it. It was warm and soft. He smiled at me and I smiled back, getting lost in his eyes.

Everything happens for a reason.

Through all the bad that I've seen... And for all the the lives that I've lost.

Everything happens for a reason.

And, I found Joey.