Strike Three

A cacophony of words and yells swirled around Colby and he couldn’t help but wince at all the sounds. He never liked being anywhere near the school’s gym simply because of the obnoxious personalities of most of the guys in the locker room. Admittedly not all of them were bad guys but around their friends they all got loud and he hated it. When a particularly vocal ass stumbled towards him nearly yelling “fairy” into his ear he couldn’t help but flinch away. Insults didn’t bother him, they never really had, but the volume was unbearable. A small bit of anger flared at the laughter that suddenly broke out around him, those who had heard the comment.

Colby really wished Lukas would hurry up. He just wanted to go home to where there was left-over spaghetti and quiet waiting but of course baseball was still practicing despite being already twelve minutes late. For the most part the guys in the locker room moved around him once he ignored the random other comments made towards him and he found himself leaning against a locker, headfirst. Colby was only self-conscious about it for a moment, not caring that he probably looked weird to everyone else. The cool blue metal was soothing on his head.

“Hey, baseball is over,” someone told him, a hand landing on his shoulder. Colby jumped in surprise, looking at the boy who’d touched him and just realizing how quiet the locker room had become. Cameron, he thought his name was, stood there with an easy smile. He was friends with Lukas and knew his friend always gave Colby a ride home.

“Thanks,” Colby told him and he nodded before walking out of the locker room. It took only a moment for the noise level to swell again, an entire team of adrenaline-fueled jocks rushing in to get their stuff. Colby gave a brief thought to moving out of the way before deciding against it. If someone needed their stuff from one of the lockers he was blocking they could ask. As it was he found himself entertained by an exceptionally long lock of dark purple hair. The entire under layer of his hair was the same deep shade but only a few strands had decided to outgrow the rest of his short hair. Short. Ok so his mom said it needed to be cut but it came to his ears and really, he didn’t think that was long at all. Considering the length of Lukas’ hair he didn’t understand why his mom even tried to criticize her son. Lukas’ reached almost to his shoulders in the back and the front wasn’t much shorter.

“I missed you.” Colby relaxed immediately at the words that were so much quieter than any of the other noise that had surrounded him for the last half hour or so that he’d been waiting, and the entire day at school really. He tried to turn around but found he couldn’t with Lukas’ arms wrapped so tightly around his waist. Colby reached back as best he could to hug his boyfriend, well friend he liked to kiss, and smiled at the warm skin under his fingers. He couldn’t help but wriggle enough to escape from Lukas’ grip to face him.

“You’re so damn tan,” Colby complained, positioning his arm so that it was parallel to Lukas’ bare chest. What should have at least been somewhat paler than his arms was really only half a shade lighter. One weekend in the spring sun and he’d already tanned to a shade Colby couldn’t even dream about being. He liked it though, the deep almost dust colored skin and the warmth that radiated off of Lukas. It reminded him of a summer spent in Spain, surrounded by historical sights and a laughing old lady that had Lukas’ deep brown eyes.

“You’re pale,” Lukas stated teasingly, grinning. “You didn’t miss me?” he asked after a moment, pouting, and Colby found himself distracted by the soft lips that were rather enticing and how good it would feel to be close enough to touch them. He started leaning in before catching himself and shoving Lukas backwards with an irritated scoff. The shorter boy hadn’t expected it so he stumbled despite having about ten pounds of solid muscle on Colby. He half expected Lukas to come back at him before immediately dismissing the thought. Lukas would never actually touch him with intent to damage.

“If you didn’t feel the need to, as you so eloquently stated when this,” he snapped, waving his arm around, “started, keep our relationship quiet you wouldn’t have to.”

“Colby not this again. You know why I don’t want to tell anyone. It won’t always be like this and we’ve only got two months left in school.” Colby’s bright green eyes narrowed and the anger he usually kept buried surfaced, flooding his veins with adrenaline.

“Then what? Then we can get out of this town and no one has to know you’re gay, or that you were so desperate to get laid you chose to go out with me of all people?” he demanded, scoffing.

“That isn’t it at all,” Lukas answered instantaneously and Colby couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“Then what is it? Do you just have too much fun ‘convincing’ people that you’re straight? You certainly seemed to enjoy displaying that when you were shoving your tongue down Heather’s throat.” Lukas’ eyes widened in surprise and Colby couldn’t help the hard laugh that tore itself from his throat. “Yeah, you got caught.”

“Colby it didn’t mean-“

“It didn’t mean anything; she kissed me; I didn’t kiss back. Make whatever excuses you want but we both know they aren’t true.”

“Colby I love you!”

“Of course you do babe. I’m the most amazing person you’ve ever met, I make every day brighter, I’m your soul mate, it was love at first sight…” Colby was laughing by the end of it, angry and bitter. “Have I missed anything? I’m pretty sure I’ve covered all the bases in the whole ‘cheat and apologize’ run.” The surprise and hurt that found its way into Lukas’ expression gave Colby only the briefest moment of satisfaction before he started to feel guilty, hating himself. He had chosen his words specifically to inflict pain on his boyfriend but he loved Lukas. Seeing him hurt for any reason was unpleasant and when Colby knew he was the cause of it the feeling was nearly unbearable.

“Please let me explain Colby. Don’t do this,” Lukas pleaded as all the anger faded from his tone, turning suddenly soft in the way that always told Colby that he had won, that Lukas was done arguing. In Lukas’ family arguments were rare and they were never particularly serious so he always gave in. Colby hated it sometimes, occasionally just needing the release. He and his family got along great usually but when they had their almost weekly fights they tended to be furious debates that ended with everyone hurt and no one having even raised their voice. Colby was used to that kind of argument and Lukas’ easy defeats always left him guilty and ashamed.

This was different though Colby reminded himself. He was tired of the constant hiding, of watching Lukas spending an entire party making out with random girls while he idly wandered around with his small group of friends. The image of Lukas and Heather on the couch the Friday before flared in his mind and his anger spiked again. Lukas hadn’t expected him to show up at the party and Colby suddenly found himself wondering what had happened at all the other parties he had missed.

“Three strikes, you’re out,” Colby hissed, eyes dark. Even as he spoke more guilt flooded through him but he couldn’t give in, couldn’t let Lukas win and just keep doing this. He turned to grab his book bag from its place next to him so he could walk out. It was only when he’d already made it halfway to the door that he realized Lukas was his ride. His mother would get off work soon though, so she could get him he decided.

“Colby stop,” Lukas demanded even as he grabbed Colby’s shoulder, forcing him to turn around. Even if he hadn’t the command in Lukas’ voice would have almost done it. He’d heard that voice only on rare occasions, mostly when Lukas caught someone making fun of him for being gay, or lanky, or just weird. He knew Lukas would never hurt him but his instincts also knew that voice was almost always followed up by a strong punch. “Just listen to me, please? If you aren’t satisfied I’ll drive you home and never talk to you again. Please?” he asked as he reached for Colby’s hand. He gave a sharp nod, sitting down on one of the benches. Lukas followed quietly, hesitant.

“I love you Colby and I don’t mean to keep hurting you. I just can’t tell anyone here. As soon as we’re out of here I’ll tell everyone. Hell, when we get into college I’ll make sure everyone knows. Not here though Colby, please.”

“Why?” he asked meekly, anger fading so that he was only left feeling guilty and unwanted. Lukas never wanted anyone to know; even when Colby had gone to Spain with him and his family he’d made up some excuse about why he wanted to bring a friend. “It’s only two months away and no one would mess with you. I mean, they might make a few comments but they wouldn’t go after you or anything.” Colby sighed, pulling his knees to his chest so he could hug them tightly. “I can’t keep doing this Lukas. I always just end up feeling like some castoff toy that you like to have in case you get bored.”

“Colby!” Lukas said, tone chiding without even thinking about it. “You know that isn’t true. I love being with you, even just being near you.”

“You aren’t though. You don’t want anyone to know and then when everyone in college knows you’re going to be able to spend more time with me and you’re going to realize you want someone else. Some random pre-med student who gets all of your passion for biology is going to sweep you away and you’re not going to even remember that you used to have a boyfriend back in high school.” Colby hated the way his voice grew progressively quieter, cracking in a few places while he spoke.

“That won’t happen Colby,” Lukas promised as he pulled Colby tight into his arms.

“You don’t know that. You can’t make those promises. I just want to be able to be happy with you for a little longer, just in case I lose you.”

“Colby,” he said with a sigh as he pressed a kiss to the younger boy’s cheek. “I can’t do that. I know they won’t mess with me but what do you think is going to happen to you? You aren’t dating anyone so they don’t care that you’re gay but as soon as it comes out that we’re together everyone is going to want to hurt you. I can’t be responsible for that Colby.”

“Nobody cares Lukas and I’ll be fine.”

“No Colby, you won’t. You want to know why I spent the entire party with Heather? It’s because she knows about us damn it. I don’t know how but she does and she threatened you. She said she’d have you in the hospital by Monday if I didn’t agree to whatever she wanted last Friday. Colby I cannot let that happen.” Lukas pulled away only to glare into Colby’s eyes, trying desperately to prove he was being honest.

“I’ll be ok. She wouldn’t have followed through and I’ll be safe.”

“How? Whose going to protect you Colby?” he demanded, desperate.

“Jack would, and so would Robin and Robby. You,” he said quietly, reaching out to entwine his fingers with Lukas’.

“What if one of us isn’t there? You aren’t going to be able to defend yourself if a bunch of people gang up on you.” Lukas sighed, wishing he could do a better job at convincing Colby to be content with hiding. He didn’t like it, he hated it really, but he’d rather hide forever than see Colby hurt. Carefully he reached out the hand Colby wasn’t holding, brushing a finger against his boyfriend’s cheek. He couldn’t help but smile when Colby leaned into the touch without thinking.

“You have to trust that I’ll be ok Lukas. Getting hurt by them would be far better than hiding is. I hate it so much! We’ve been together for almost a year and only Robin and Robby know and when you found out I had told them you were furious.”

“I know Colby, I know and I’m sorry. I was just surprised when you did that.”

“That isn’t even important anymore. Lukas I love you, you know that, but I can’t do this anymore. Either we stop hiding or I’m done.” Colby hated the way that his voice broke but he glared fiercely into Lukas’ eyes, not giving in. He couldn’t keep living this way.

Lukas didn’t respond, instead reaching out to pull Colby into a kiss. He fell forward slightly, off balance on the bench but allowed Lukas to continue kissing him. The shorter boy stood up, pulling Colby with him to make it easier to reach each other, winding his hands through Colby’s dark hair. He sighed into the kiss as he pressed closer to Lukas. His bare chest was warm in the cold of the locker rooms, too warm almost, but Colby didn’t care. He was distracted instead by the resignation he felt in the kiss, the defeat, and needed to make the most out of this goodbye.

He touched his pale hands to Lukas’ face, cupping his cheek and memorizing the feel of stubble and smooth hair that brushed against the back of his hand. His other hand snaked around Lukas’ waist and he pressed against his hipbones and felt along the skin, smiling as his hand brushed a raised area he knew was a scar from a boating accident years before. When Lukas pulled away Colby was reluctant, reaching up for a final brief kiss before looking at him with watery eyes.

“My mom will come get me,” Colby said quietly. “I’ll miss you Lukas.” He started to walk away until the baseball player grabbed onto his wrist.

“Colby I’ll tell them, I’ll tell everyone. I promise,” he said, determined, and Colby looked at him in surprise. “I can’t lose you.” The taller of the pair hesitated, almost leaving anyway, before stepping closer to hug Lukas tightly. He buried his head into the tanned chest, ear pressed to hear a heartbeat as Lukas held onto him tightly. “I’ll keep you safe. I have to.”