As the Leaves Change in Color

I could practically cut the awkward in the air with a knife, so I came back and sat down. Frank's sort of blushing, and Ray's just sitting there, doing... nothing. Is he trying to hide what he's really feeling? Do either of them know I just eavesdropped on their conversation? Probably not, but I still have that icky feeling you get when you know you did something wrong.

"So... Ray? How are you?" I asked. It was kind of a stupid thing to ask, but I kind of let it fly out of me anyways. He smiled at me a kind of forced smile, and replied "Ah, I'm doing alright. And yourself?" I told him I was doing just fine, and he nodded.

"So... You're wanting to get a job at my bookstore? How come?", he asked. I didn't know what to say, so I answered him honestly.

"Well, I'm not exactly WANTING a job, but Frankie over there's gonna make me that way I can help pay for the place. Besides, if I have to get a job, might as well do it around something I like. I'm a bit of a nerd. I like reading and writing. And comic books are the man." I smiled and gave him a thumbs up, and he laughed at me.

"So, you like reading? What are your favorite books?" I blushed, because I normally don't talk about my nerdiness so often. Frankie's looking at me too, more than likely hoping that staring at me will just make me go ahead and start talking. So I sigh, and guess I just have to tell him.

"Well, I like The Catcher in the Rye. And the Harry Potter books. But I usually just read comics. Like, X-Men and Hellboy." He smiled at me, so I'm assuming he approves. I blush, because it's not everyday you share your nerdiness with a stranger. But he's a bookstore owner, so I guess it's alright. He must be a pretty big nerd himself.

We talked a bit more, getting to know each other and all. He's actually really pretty cool, and I think I have a really good shot at getting this job. Of course, I'm still not /excited/ about the job. I mean, having to get up early, shower regularly, deal with /people/... It's not gonna be something I'll like. But ya know, it's money, and it'll keep me living with my Frankie. So it's all good, right?

So here we all are, talking (Frankie eventually joined in the conversation. He musta got bored just sitting over there listening), when Frankie turns to me and says "Gee, do you mind if I speak to Ray alone?" I kind of hesitated, because I was thinking "What's going on? Why can't I be in here?". But then I remembered the conversation I just happened to eavesdrop on earlier so I excused myself and went to my room. This time, though, I didn't bother to eavesdrop. I just plopped down on my bed, turned on my iPod, and thought.

I wonder where Mikey is right now. How long is it gonna be until he gets home? What's he doing right now? Has he found Dad? What will he say when I bring up mention of being with Frank? Will he be surprised? Will he be mad?

That led me to thinking about Bert. Ugh, I hate it when I get to thinking about him. It always just makes me feel like either digging a hole and burying myself alive, or punching something into next week. But I thought about him anyways.

I bet he's found a nice boyfriend by now. At least, I hope so. And he's probably found a nice place to stay, and a nice job to work at... Those thoughts put my mind at ease. I can feel better now knowing he's safe, even if he isn't. In my mind, he's perfectly fine. And maybe that's what's erasing the guilt...