Out of Darkness

It had been raining throughout the day, but finally the rain had stopped late in the evening. Most people were in bed at this hour, but Shinya couldn’t sleep. Instead he took to walking the beastly dog that was Achilles. He wasn’t sure where he was headed, but it was very far from his home. He only realized when he saw Alex’s apartment building where his subconscious had taken him.

In one of the windows he saw the silhouette of a couple kissing, and undressing one another, before falling out of sight to what he could only guess, and hope for their safety, was the bed. His heart ached, knowing that it was Alex and Tori’s apartment he was looking into as he continued the walk, shaking the thoughts from his head. What she needed now was for him to be kind to her, and support her love for this man.

The thick scent of the rain filled the air, only making his heart ache more with each step he took. He was falling ill from lack of sleep, and the heartbreak he had suffered was enough now to worry his fellow band members. He knew that his illness had nothing to do with Tori being in love with Alex, but they wouldn’t believe him.

Kyo was the first to say it after they returned his car to him the day Tori moved in with Alex. “She is killing you. You can’t see it yet, but she is.” He said, shaking his head and staring him down across the small table that held the band’s lunch.

Shinya denied it, again, but Kaoru shook his head and put his chopsticks down before looking sadly at his friend until he sighed and admitted to being ill, though Toshiya saw through it and jokingly called him out for lying to them, tossing a balled up sheet of discarded music from the pile beside Kaoru’s chair at his head.

A smile broke out across his face as he thought about the support his friends gave him. Though that blind woman still meant the world to him, they were doing all that they could to help him move on without her. Die and Kyo even went so far as talking Kaoru into postponing the tour, but he wouldn’t let them. The fans meant as much to him as they always have, and he didn’t want to let them down by making their idols abandon them. It wasn’t fair to the band, or to their fans for him to be so selfish.

He was sucked out of his own mind when he suddenly found himself falling to the rough and wet pavement while crossing a street. His jeans were torn at the knee now, and blood was beginning to surface on the scrapes of his right palm, as well as his left elbow, and Achilles was already a full block away from him, running into the darkness.

With a startled shout he got to his feet and ran after the dog as quickly as his legs could carry him, but he was no match for the dog’s four-legged speed. Worried that he may be chasing after another animal his heart began to race more, and to make it better rain was beginning to fall from the sky once more. Now he was forced to run through the rain, after a dog that was nearly as big as he was, in the dark, in an unfamiliar area. There were so many other ways he could have been spending his restless evening, and he would have chosen any of them now over this.

“Tori-san,” he half mouthed in shock when he finally found Achilles. She was sitting on the ground, her light purple silk nightgown torn and dirty, holding her furry friend for dear life. Guilt filled him as he felt a sense of satisfaction in the fact that she was NOT the one in Alex’s window. At the same time he was filled with fury and concern, as he was with a woman, and she was so far from their home and hurt.

“Who’s there?” she demanded as he took a step closer, tensioning up and looking around while listening for him before making the same demand in Japanese.

“Tori-san,” Shinya called out, kneeling beside her and looking at the new wound across her cheekbone glistening in the dim light of the street lamp above her.

“Why are you here, Shinya? Your house is miles from here.” She spoke blankly, turning away from him.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“You walk miles away when you can’t sleep?”

“Achilles is a big dog, he needs long walks.” He smiled, making himself more comfortable on the sidewalk beside her. “Why are YOU here, Tori-san? Shouldn’t you be at home?”

“I don’t have a home. Shinya, can I use your phone? Mine won’t turn on. I need to call my brother to see if I can stay with him tonight.”

“Of course,” he nodded sadly and handed her his cell. She gave a cry of frustration when Brandon’s phone went straight to voicemail again, and dialed Mr. Amagawa’s number. There was nothing in this world that would make her call her parents. She hadn’t spoken to them since she ran away from home.

“Amagawa’s Antiques and Oddities, Amagawa speaking.” He answered. Clearly it wasn’t as late as she thought it was, if he was still answering in his business tone. Then again, Mr. Amagawa was always a businessman, and probably always answered his phone that way.

“Amagawa-sama,” she smiled sadly, struggling with what to say next.

“Victoia-san! Your voice sounds hurt, are you all right?” he questioned worriedly.

“I’m all right. I’ve just had a bad night. Would it be all right if I stay in your shop tonight? I haven’t played piano in a while… and I can’t go home tonight.”

“Of course! I’m there now I will wait for you. Are you able to find your way here all right at night?”

“I’m blind, things look no different to me at night.” She joked, “As long as the train leaves from the same place, I’ll be all right.”

“Then I will wait for you. There will be tea and fresh warm bread waiting as well.” He smiled, and bid his farewell as she handed the phone back to Shinya.

“I’ll take you to the shop. It isn’t that I don’t trust that you will be all right getting there, I only feel better myself if I were to accompany you.”

“I would like that.” She smiled and let him help her to her feet, guiding her by the arm through the night after putting his jacked over her shoulders.

“What happened, Tori-san? Why did you leave home again?” he asked once they were seated safely on the train. She thought for a while before sighing sadly and resting her head against his shoulder when he put his arm around her.

“Alex isn’t who I thought he was.” She answered as anger built up inside of her. “He doesn’t care about me, at all. All he really wanted was to have sex with me, Shinya! That’s all he cared about! He… All I was to him was a bet! He made a bet that I would sleep with him! Can you believe that? I’m only good for making bets on!” she ranted until he calmly silenced her, promising that she would be all right.

“It’s like I’m an object… no one REALLY cares for me, Shinya. To Alex I was worth exactly one thousand yen, and a week of alcohol. To my parents I was worth my music talents. To my brother, I’m a memento of his old life… There is only one thing I can count on to always care for me.” She sighed, petting Achilles affectionately.

When the train stopped Tori wouldn’t let him touch her. She walked away from him, letting Achilles guide her as he followed silently. It was almost like she didn’t want him around her anymore. He asked her if he should leave, but she answered that he could if he wanted to. No “Please stay with me”, no “I like the company” only that she didn’t mind either way. And that hurt him, even if she wasn’t meaning to.

Deep down he had hoped that if Alex left her, he would have another chance to love her. But he saw now that she didn’t return his affections at all. But she was so beautiful, even as broken as she was under this new anger she was showing, and he would give anything to have her smile again. Even if it killed him inside. Even if the only way for her to smile were to be with someone else, he would have it happen.

“Victoria-san! You traveled all this way, wearing only that?” Mr. Amagawa gasped as soon as they walked through the shop’s door. She could hear his quickened steps echoing through the shop, as they got closer to her she bowed her greeting to her former employer.

“Come with me, the tea is in the office.” He ordered and led them into the back room.

“Amagawa-sama, this is my friend, Shinya. Shinya, this is my former employer.” She introduced as a warm cup of tea was placed in her hands and the other men sat comfortably around Amagawa’s desk. She wished that she could see them as their voices filled her ears, exchanging stories of what they knew of her. Where they smiling or frowning? Did they get along, or were they simply tolerating each other? What color were the clothes they were wearing? What did the cup she held look like? So many questions went through her mind as her blindness once again struck her with it’s abusive hand, and anger filled her heart as her most common question returned to her mind.

Why did they get to see, while she was forced to live in darkness?

“Amagawa-sama, may I play the piano you brought in?” she asked, not wanting to hear their happy voices anymore.

“Of course, Victoria-san, enjoy.” He smiled, and watched her carefully feel her way through the dark shop to her piano.

“It is so strange to see her moving freely in the darkness that way. I always expect her to turn on a light, but she doesn’t need them.” He sighed to Shinya who also watched her disappear into the shadows, “but you already know this. You care very much for her; I can see it in the way you look at her so often. But every time you look at her I can also see pain. I am no young man, I have seen wounded eyes before.”

Shinya stayed silent and looked at the floor as the sounds of the piano filled the shop and both men listened. The song she played was a raw and pure expression of what she felt, and it brought tears to his eyes. It wasn’t fair in his eyes that she should suffer so much, when she has done nothing to deserve it. The hand that was dealt to Victoria Death was proof that she had been cheated.

She didn’t say goodbye to him when he left. She didn’t want to hear his voice over her music, and only played louder as he walked out the door, promising to come back the next day for Achilles.

She knew that she was pushing him away. She knew that soon he wouldn’t even speak to her. And his band members cared more for him than they did for her; therefore soon they would want nothing to do with her either. She would be a memory to them all. Brandon hardly seemed to have time for her. Any time she called he didn’t answer, but she knew that he still loved her. Somewhere in his heart, he had to.

She didn’t want to be hurt again. She cared too much for Shinya for him to hurt her. She felt butterflies in her stomach every time he touched her. Every time he held her it brought tears to her eyes. Every soothing phrase he spoke to her chased away her pain, if only for a moment. But she cared for Alex, and she meant nothing to him. Though she cared more for Shinya, she wouldn’t allow him to do to her what Alex had. She would chase him out of her life before she allowed him to murder her heart. There wasn’t much of her left to break, but she knew that he would be the one to shatter those last few pieces.