Out of Darkness

Tori was amazed to find that her brother’s surprise was a shopping trip with Yumiko and her cousin. Her cousin had a blind best friend, and was very skilled in guiding without being overbearing, unlike Brandon who was still quite terrible at guiding his sister.

“I know you don’t think that shopping for clothes is very fun, because you can’t SEE anything you are wearing, but you deserve to have clothes that look great. You look good, but you still have a very limited wardrobe from what your brother has told me.” Yumiko explained while her friend Lilith guided her through the shopping center.

Lilith was a clothing designer, originally from Europe but living in the city of New York for work. She was visiting Tokyo for a while during a fashion show that was going to showcase her line, and wanted to give Tori the best wardrobe she could after hearing about her from Yumiko, who had taken a very strong liking to the blind girl.

“Tori, what kind of clothes do you like wearing? What makes you feel the most beautiful?” she asked while looking through a rack of skirts that honestly made her wonder why she was letting Yumiko lead the shopping spree. The clothes in the store made her cringe.

“I don’t know.” She answered quietly.

“Well, okay. If you could look any way you wanted, how would you dress?”

“When I could see, I always liked to layer my clothes. I liked a lot of black, with color accents, or silver…” she answered, “My favorite outfit was a pair of tighter black jeans, with my white tank top, and black vest that Brandon called my ‘Robin Hood’ vest.” She answered, “I liked midlevel inspired things, too.”

“Yumiko, why the hell are we in this store?” Lilith demanded before guiding Tori away to a store that was much more her style, “Nothing in here is what you would want to wear, I promise you that.” She added to Tori while leading her into a store more her style.

After hours of being dressed up Tori finally started to open up to Yumiko and Lilith. All it took was Brandon taking a turn guiding her, and nearly walking her off the edge of the stairs at the mall. Had a group of high school boys not been standing there to catch her when she fell, she could have been seriously injured. Though she was upset at first, Lilith and Yumiko pointed out just how funny it was when Brandon screamed like a little girl while one of the boys jumped over three stairs to catch her.

Now she was sitting beside Lilith and Brandon, waiting for Yumiko to finish trying on the pile of clothes that she had taken into the dressing stall with her. “I’ve been holding my piss all day. I’ll be back, it’s pushing emergency.” Brandon announced while standing up.

“Thanks for the information. I’ll be sure to write it down.” Lilith scoffed, rolling her eyes as Tori laughed quietly and he walked away without another word, really not caring if Yumiko purchased any of the clothes that she was looking at. “So tell me about this man of yours.” she demanded once he was out of earshot.

“He isn’t MY man.” Tori smiled.

“I thought you two were together?”

“We are, but I don’t own him. He could be with anyone he wanted.”

“I didn’t peg you to be one for open relationships. Even with a rock star.”

“I’m not. It would break my heart completely. Shinya isn’t one for open relationships either though. I just don’t like speaking about our relationship as if we were each other’s property.” She smiled, “I’m lucky to have his love.”

“SUCH a romantic!” Yumiko shouted from behind the stall door, laughing when Tori kicked it to shut her up.

“Okay, so what does he mean to you? I want to know! I haven’t found Mr. Right yet, tell me, tell me!” Lilith pushed

“I don’t know… he means a lot to me. It’s one of those things where I don’t really feel anything else when he’s holding me. He’s so careful with me sometimes that it can be a little annoying, but because of that I know that he cares so much about me. When I’m upset, and trying to hide it, even over the phone he catches me in my lie and gets me to talk about it, and makes me feel better.

“He’s my closest friend.” She smiled.

“Sounds like it.” Lilith grinned.

“What’s the sex like!” Yumiko demanded eagerly, “Is he good?”

“W-what?” Tori sputtered, making Lilith laugh openly while throwing a shirt over the door to Yumiko’s stall, successfully hitting her in the head.

“HEY! I’ve already tried that one on and hated it!” she retorted with a whine.

“Well the question’s already been asked. May as well answer.” Lilith shrugged, watching as Tori blushed darker and tried to hide in her hair.

“We haven’t, I mean, It’s not like that kind of… We,”

“You haven’t done it yet?! How long have you been together! Brandon said like, months!” Yumiko snapped.

“Yeah, but, Shinya and I, we’re different when it comes to that. Sex isn’t just something to do. We are going slower than that. It means more to me, and I’m not really comfortable doing that yet.”

“Oohh,” Lilith squeaked, hugging Tori excitedly, “It IS Love! True love! Oh you lucky Cinderella you!! I hate you!” she giggled.

“Why do you hate my sister?” Brandon questioned, returning just as Yumiko finished trying on the clothes and walked out empty handed.

“She’s in love, and I have seven evil exes.” Lilith grinned.

“Nothing looked good.” Yumiko pouted and walked away, leaving Brandon and Lilith to groan and Tori to giggle, knowing that they weren’t leaving the shopping center until Yumiko had at least one new complete outfit.

By the end of the trip, Tori had an entirely new wardrobe, and she had to admit she felt good in everything that she had. Everything was very simple, as Lilith understood that she didn’t like drawing attention to herself very much, but all of it was perfect for her. Half of the things she had were freebies from Lilith’s new collection, too.

After shopping they went to get some more things from her house, having her wait in the car while Brandon collected her belongings. He only grabbed her laptop, her books, a few sets of pajamas and a pair of jeans that she liked, and Achilles’ spare harness before running out of the house and getting back into the car to take her back to Shinya’s.

“What the hell happened to the porch?” Lilith gasped, “I thought celebrities liked nice things… you said he was modest but I didn’t expect rubble.” Lilith laughed as they pulled into the drive.

“Achilles, Tori’s seeing-eye dog, rescued his dog. She was stuck under the steps and he dug his way under to save her.” Brandon answered.

“How big is the dog?!”

“Great Dane.” He laughed as Achilles came running around the house to run circles around their car, waiting for Tori.

“Oh wow.” She laughed, seeing Shinya walk up, attempting to get the dog to calm down, “You’re a lucky girl.” She smiled, making Tori blush.

Once Achilles calmed enough to sit still so that Tori could get out of the car Shinya opened her door for her, helping her with all of her bags. He held a short conversation with Yumiko, who was eager to know how everyone was after the crash, and Lilith who was desperate to know if his band would wear some of her new men’s line. He promised to talk to the guys about it, accepting her card and laughing at her excitement as she hopped back into the car after being yelled at by Brandon because they would be late for the party.

“I hate shopping.” Tori laughed once she and Shinya were safely inside his house. She was sitting on his bed while he put her things away, not wanting her to have to keep her things in bags in the corner of his room. He had made room in his closet for her things, as well as given her a drawer in his dresser.

“Die will be disappointed. He wanted to take you shopping for Christmas. Anything you want, he wants to buy for you.” He laughed.

“I told him that I don’t need any gifts for Christmas.” She frowned.

“But we all know that you are worried about finding us the perfect gifts.” He smiled.

“Well I didn’t say YOU don’t need gifts!” she laughed, making him smile more before sitting beside her.

“Why do you not like shopping?” he asked, once again resting their hands together while watching her carefully.

“I can hear what people say about me in crowded places. I understand they are only trying to be polite, but I hate it! Mothers scolding their children for not stepping out of the way because I can’t see them, men literally running to open a door for me, shop clerks immediately coming to assist me… did you know that today a woman commented on how brave I am for shopping in such a crowded place with my disability?”

“She doesn’t know you, Tori-san, she has no idea just how able you are.” He assured.

“That’s the problem, though, Shinya! Everyone sees the blind woman and thinks that she can’t do anything for herself! I don’t like hearing people talk about me like I am unable to do anything. I don’ like when they assume I’m weak.” She sighed, tears threatening to break free.

“I think the worst thing, is that they are right.” She whispered.

“No, honestly they aren’t.” he smiled, taking her hand lightly in his and lightly rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. Her hand was so small in his. He had never noticed how small her hand was compared to his before.

“Shinya, I don’t even know what I look like! I have no idea what you look like! Do you know what it’s like to have no clue to the simplest details of someone you care about so much? If we went somewhere together, and I was separated from you, I couldn’t describe you to anyone to ask if they knew where you were. I don’t know what my brother looks like, what my mother, or father look like. I don’t know my dog, or my closest friends. I don’t even have an image of the man I love, and it breaks my heart to be so lost!” she explained, fighting to keep her composure.

“Tori-san, you have so much more than you realize to give this world.” He smiled, tightening his hand around hers, “I never realized how much I had to learn until I met you. I never realized how much of the world I was missing until I knew you.”

She remained silent beside him, only speaking when he gently removed her glasses. “Please don’t,” she whispered, closing her eyes as soon as she felt her glasses move.

“You have no reason to be ashamed of your eyes.” He assured, putting her glasses on the table beside the bed. He watched her as she sat with her eyes closed for at least five minutes before slowly opening them, letting a tear free itself from its place behind her lashes. Though they were clouded and red, her eyes showed him everything that she tried to hold back. They held fear, and sorrow, and anger, and beauty that he couldn’t have imagined. They were the missing piece of Tori that he couldn’t find. Everything that he had wanted to see, everything that was kept from him, was finally visible to him.

“What do I look like?” she asked quietly, unable to let her voice be louder than a whisper.

“Beautiful,” he answered honestly, smiling while brushing a tear away from her face. “You have very light skin, and dark red hair, with light highlights. Your hair comes down a little passed your shoulders, and has beautiful waves and curls, even when tangled.” He smiled, making her laugh sadly, “Your eyes look like any other eye, but slightly clouded with a red tint to them. They are in no way hideous, or frightening, but beautifully unique, and perfect.”

“You’re lying. My brother says I look like something from a stereotypical Japanese horror movie.”

“He also says that Kyo dances like a woman on stage. Do you believe him?” he questioned before continuing his description of her.

“You’re shorter than myself, and most other people either of us are friends with, but nothing abnormal. You are thin, but do not look unhealthy…anymore. You did look a little sullen when you were not eating, but now you look strong, and prepared to take on the world.” He nodded, “You have an air of innocence around you, but have no sense of being naïve. If I have met anyone as fitting of the cherry blossoms, it is you. They are the perfect flower for you, and when I see one I see you.”

When he finished they sat quietly before she began to laugh. “You can see all of that. But when I think of you, all I can say is that you are tall, and thin, and muscular… I would be surprised if you have any fat on your body.” She sighed.

“Is that how you see me?” he joked, but she shook her head and frowned.

“No,” she spoke, “I can’t see you in looks… that is what I mean when I say I see the world in a strange way. I see you as safety, and comfort. To me, you are what I turn to when I can’t find anything else. When I am alone and not feeling well, be it illness or emotionally, I wrap my arms around myself and imagine that you are holding me.” She explained, confusing him when she let go of his hand and ran her hand from his shoulder to the side of his face.

“The only way I know your looks, is to feel them.” She explained, smiling while finding him in her mind for the first time, “Your features are softer than I imagined.” She admitted, gently feeling over his nose and eyes, “Your lashes are long,” she laughed, “Longer than mine I think.” She added before moving down to his lips.

His eyes fell closed as her thumb lightly brushed over his lips, down his chin and neck to his shoulder, to his chest as she described to him the way she saw him. He wasn’t sure if she had moved, or if they had both leaned forward, but before long their lips were touching and his arms were lightly holding her to him.

The kiss was slow, but by no means light. Everything they had been holding back came through in that kiss. Her love, and desperation, fear, apprehension, innocence, and strength all mixed with his adoration, protection, need, and care. Every other time they had been close to one another he had forced himself to resist this moment. Forced him to hold back, and not push for anything more than what they already had. But he knew that they were both ready for this step now, and couldn’t bring himself to pull away.

He tightened his arms around her, finally deepening the kiss from a light first kiss, to a meaningful and intimate connection, without pushing it into the realm of something too sexual.

Pulling away out of necessity for air, he felt her head rest against his shoulder as his lips came against her neck, resting there as they both caught their breath, taking in each other’s unique scent and comforting embrace.

“I love you.” She whispered, tightening her arms around him to feel him closer to her.

“I love you too, so much Tori-san.” He smiled, kissing her neck again before pulling away. She stayed leaned against him, smiling in contentment and refusing to let him go. His smile grew as he carefully lay them down on the bed, watching as she looked through him with her blinded red eyes, carefully tracing the lines of his muscles down his arm as he held her.

“Why do you want to see my eyes so badly?” she asked quietly.

“Because, they are a part of you.” He answered, leaning his forehead to rest against hers again, “I want to see you.”

He continued to look into her eyes, chilled by the way her blind eyes seemed to look THROUGH him. She smiled up at him as another round of tears built up in her eyes, conveying the true nature of her feelings and giving away the sadness that she tried to hide. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his shoulder as he tightened his grip on her, comforting her the best he could while she refused to confess what had her so upset.

“I can tell that you think I’m sad.” She announced quietly, “I’m not upset or hurt by anything you’ve done, or that we have done.”

“Then what is bothering you?” he pleaded, still refusing to take his eyes away from her.

“In the words of my brother: Emotional Overdose.” She joked, earning a light chuckle from him. “I have never felt so much at once. I’ve never ALLWED myself to feel so much at once.”

“I don’t understand,” he admitted.

She giggled shyly as her cheeks, ears, and nose tinged pink, and hid her face in his shoulder in an attempt to hide her blush. “I’ve never been kissed like that.” She said, reminding him more of a young schoolgirl, instead of the nearly thirty-year-old woman beside him. “In High School, I had fallen in love. I’ve thought that I had been in love for all of these years… but I know that THIS is what it feels like to really be in love. When Shane and I kissed, it held maybe… a third of what this kiss held.

“I’ve always blocked parts of my feelings out, so that I don’t feel them all at once. Right now I’m overwhelmed. I’m angry, because I will never see you. I’ll never know what your eyes look like, looking into mine. I’ll never know what Toshiya, or Die, or Kyo, or Kaoru look like with you on stage. I will never watch you drum. I will never go with you somewhere without having to have you directly beside me to know that you are there. And I am sad for the same reasons.

“I’m unbelievably happy to be in your arms now, too. To know that I can count on you for anything while you are here with me. I am overjoyed by everything that I feel with you, and can’t believe that you actually chose to be with me, when you could have any other girl, who can see you and fend for herself. I’m honored by the simple fact that you love me.

“I’m terrified of losing you, too. I’m terrified to move forward, as much as I want to. I’ve never been so afraid while kissing Shane or Alex, but I was never so emotionally attached to a kiss either. In my fear, I also felt comfort, because I know that if I were uncomfortable you would have pulled away from me and ended the kiss.

“I’m overwhelmed, Shinya. I’m not upset by anything, I’m just overwhelmed.” She smiled, snuggling into his chest as he lightly played with her hair, taking in everything she had said.

“Don’t fear losing me, Tori-san, it will never happen.” He promised, earning a smile from her as they slowly drifted off to sleep together