Out of Darkness

In the gentle twilight of the park Tori and Shinya were walking their dogs in complete contentment. Both humans smiling and laughing occasionally at nothing at all, and enjoying the pure experience of life that was around them. The air was cold, but neither minded, and both dogs had their fur to keep them warm. Though Miyu, being so small, did wear a sweater around her tiny body to help conserve her body heat.

“The trees… very few of them have any leaves. Their leaves have already fallen, and been swept away by caretakers.” Shinya smiled, answering one of Tori’s many questions and causing her to giggle.

“And the path we are walking on? What does THAT look like?” she laughed, hearing him chuckle beside her before answering.

“Black and thin, like a road would be.”

“That’s boring!” she frowned playfully, and leaned her head onto his shoulder as they stopped to give the dogs a chance to sniff around as dogs so love to do.

While the dogs played around them Tori felt Shinya put his arms around her to help keep her warm, knowing that she was beginning to get cold after noticing her shivering. She tensioned up in his embrace after feeling something cold touch her nose before disappearing. Standing in confusion for a short while as this sensation repeated, she was suddenly filled with excitement at the realization that it was snowing and had to resist the urge to take off her gloves, hat, and jacket so that she could feel more of the snow.

“Please don’t move,” She pleaded when he went to let go of her.

“Is everything all right? What happened?” he demanded worriedly, making her laugh quietly, though the laughter didn’t hold the joy that he had moments ago.

“Everything’s fine,” she nodded, sighing while feeling more snowflakes melt on her face as she looked up, resting the back of her head against his shoulder, “I remember seeing something like this in a movie once, when I was in school. A couple standing in the park in the snow.” She explained, “I’m trying to remember exactly what it looked like… what WE must look like.”

“And how do you see us?” he asked curiously.

“Close your eyes.” She instructed, waiting for him to tell her that he had followed her orders, “Now, feel everything around you. Feel the air against your face, the snowflakes melting against your skin, the cold against your legs. Listen to the wind through the bare branches around you, and to the dogs playing, and cars in the distance. Smell the scent of winter as the wind blows around you. What do you see?”

He stood quietly for a minute or two before sighing a sigh that was full of sadness and regret. “Forgive me, Tori-san, though this moment is beautiful… all I see is nothingness behind my own eyes.” He answered.

“That’s all I ever see.” She nodded in a voice laced with a sorrow that broke his heart completely.

“Tori-san,” he spoke softly tightening his arms around her in a quick hug.

“It’s not a big deal, Shinya. Honestly by now it’s gotten to the point where I can’t remember anything that I miss. I’m more attached to the idea than the memory; I can’t envision these things anymore.” She nodded with a genuine smile and turned in his grasp to face him while removing one of her gloves. “Don’t be sad for me. I want your love, not your sadness.” She smiled and placed her bare, cold hand against his face to feel his expression, laughing as he closed his eyes at her touch.

“You already have my love. But with my love comes my sadness, because I know that you are hurting.” He confessed.

She smiled sadly and leaned her head against his shoulder, letting her hand fall from his face to be caught by his as he held her. He quickly wrapped his long fingers around her slender hand to return warmth to her icy fingers and shield them from the cold around them. “Tori-san, I found something while looking for your Christmas gift, but it is your decision if you would want this or not.” He announced quietly, sounding almost unsure of himself.

“What is it?”

“There is a new medical procedure that has been discovered. I’ve been doing some research on it, and I believe this may be able to heal your eyes. Depending on the degree of blindness, it says the results can vary from sight without colors, to complete and normal vision.” He explained, “I have the information saved at home, if you are interested in it.”

“Shinya, I don’t know… My eyes are too far gone for help; my father looked into it when I was younger and the doctors all said that I couldn’t be fixed.”

“This operation hadn’t been discovered then. These doctors believe that they have found a way to cure ‘long-term blindness due to accidents and injuries’ Tori-san.” He encouraged.

She seemed lost in thought as they stood together, only moving to shiver as the wind blew against them harshly, sending more snow to stick to her hat.

“Let’s go home. You can think about it there, where it is warm.” He smiled and called the dogs back before guiding her out of the park and back to the house.

By the time they reached his street the snow had gone from gentle flurries, to falling at such a rate that Tori could hear the snowflakes clicking against the hood of her coat. As cold as she was, however, she couldn’t think of anywhere she would rather be than walking through constant winds, listening to the continuous click of snowflakes against her hood and Shinya’s occasional comment about lack of visibility as the cold nipped away at her exposed skin.

They quickly went around the house and into the back door, seeking refuge from the cold winter air and graciously taking in the warmth of Shinya’s home. “Heat is a wonderful thing.” Tori breathed while unhooking Achilles’ harness from him and stripping off her gloves, scarf, shoes, hat, and coat, handing each of her winter items of clothing to Shinya as he went about putting things away.

“Yes it is.” Shinya nodded while keeping his worried gaze on her as she shivered beside him. Her nose and cheeks were pink from the cold, and after she removed her glasses he could see that her eyes were watering from the wind as she cupped her hands over her mouth to blow into them in an attempt to thaw them out a bit.

“I’m fine.” She smiled through her hands, causing her voice to come out muffled and deep, “I know you’re staring at me, I’m fine.” She explained.

“How can you tell?”

“Because any time we are together and you are this still and quiet for a long period of time, it means you are worried and watching me.” She giggled, “I see the world in minor details, remember?” she grinned, tapping the side of her eye and frowning when she heard him sigh quietly.

“All right, let’s go over this surgery you found.” She nodded, and he could tell that she as trying to hide her apprehension, but her eyes gave it all away to him. Looking at her now he could see just how afraid of the entire conversation she truly was.

“First, I think I will make some hot chocolate for us to enjoy and warm up.” He smiled and put his arm around her to guide her to the kitchen.

She stood leaned against the counter while listening to him work, keeping her head turned in his direction in her way of “watching” him. She was a little surprised at how quickly her mug was set beside her, and even more surprised at the quality of her hot chocolate.

“You don’t play around.” She teased after taking a sip and feeling the hot liquid heat her body all the way down.

“I don’t understand,”

“You mixed milk, sugar, and chocolate. You made it the way it’s SUPPOSED to me made. When I say I love hot chocolate, THIS is what I’m meaning. Not that powder out of a can that my brother makes all the time… though I do appreciate the tiny marshmallows that come with that kind.” She giggled.

“Oh,” he answered, and she heard him moving through one of the nearby cabinets for a moment before hearing a quiet splash in her mug. She confusedly took another sip, letting the aroma of milk and chocolate fill her nose until something small and squishy bumped against the tip of it.

“Tiny marshmallows!” she squeaked happily, “You really are the best hot chocolate brewer I’ve ever known!” she beamed, adoring his quiet giggle as he put the bag of marshmallows away before guiding her to the couch where they wrapped up in blankets and he set a laptop up to go over details of the surgery.

“This is a lot to take in,” she laughed nervously after four hours of Shinya reading to her everything that he had found.

“I know that it is.” He nodded sympathetically, closing the laptop and putting his arms around her, trying to ignore the tear that slid down her cheek to land on the back of his hand.

“Even if it could work… it costs so much, I would never be able to pay to have this done.”

“You wouldn’t be asked to pay for it. I would be paying, as my gift to you, Tori-san.” He smiled, hearing her make a quiet noise of acknowledgement while once again staring ahead of herself eerily as she always did.

Silence once again fell over them as she thought over everything that he had brought up, both good points and bad. There was a very high success rate for this procedure. There were very few reports of negative side affects. The healing process took months, and was reported to be quite painful depending on the extent of the injuries that caused blindness; meaning for her the recovery would be torture. He promised that he would be there for her for every moment of the recovery, and that even when he had to work with the band he would bring her with him so that he could care for her. She trusted him in every word he spoke, and promise that he made. However the fear remained at the front of her mind; what if the bandages come off after months of painful recovery, and so much of Shinya’s money being spent, and it was all a waste?

“Do you think it will work?” she whispered, reminding him of a frightened child as she clung to him, allowing him to hold her close to him.

“I can’t assure something that I am not certain of,” he answered honestly, feeling her nod against his shoulder as he brushed a stray lock of hair that had been tickling her nose away from her face, causing her to turn her face away from him. “However, I do have a good feeling that this could be successful. The chances are very high.” He added with a smile.

She laughed lightly against his shoulder and turned her head back to face him, reaching her hand up to feel his features and imagine how he would look. “I’m terrified of this. I could be agreeing to let you make a very expensive financial mistake but… I want to see you. I want to see the snow, and learn what Kyo looks like, and Kaoru, and see the smile that I hear so often in Die and Toshiya’s voices. I want to know my brother now that he is grown, instead of as the child I remember seeing last. I…I want to look into your eyes, and SEE you, see YOU, instead of feeling through my other senses and using my imagination to create some misshapen image of memory to match what it is I feel.” She answered desperately, speaking with heartfelt passion as she named everything she wished to witness again, “Fireworks! Shinya, I’ve forgotten what fireworks looked like. I remember they were beautiful, and bright, and lit up the entire sky sometimes! I remember dancing with sparklers in my hands and trying to write my name by moving them fast as I could! And colors… a rainbow! I’ve always loved rainbows… I want to look out during a rainy day, and see the rainbow again! And, and, the sunrise, or sunset, all of the colors that appear in the clouds?

“Clouds, I want to see the clouds again, Shinya, I’ve always thought they were like floating puffs of cotton candy when I was little. I want to see the shapes in the puffy clouds again. Or watch lightening flash through them in a storm.”

He waited a short while to see if her excited and passionate rambling was finished before laughing and rubbing his thumb over her shoulder lightly. “Does this mean you do want this procedure then?” he asked.

She took a deep breath and bit her lip for a moment before sighing and nodding. “Yes. Yes I do want to try this… what’s the worst thing that can happen? I will go blind?” she joked, laughing with him.

“Don’t be afraid, Tori-san. We won’t even set an appointment for another month or so.” He assured and kissed her softly, but with full meaning before pulling her up with him.

“Okay.” She smiled into the kiss, only smiling more when he instinctively tightened his grip on her, obviously not appreciating her interruption of the kiss very much.

No more words were spoken that night, and both Tori and Shinya chose to sleep early, seeking warmth after being in the cold all day, and Achilles followed them into the bedroom with Miyu close behind to sleep on the floor at the foot of their bed, where he had claimed to be his “spot”.