Out of Darkness

“Brandon, just listen to me for thirty seconds! You can rant, bitch, and complain all you want after that. Just give me a chance to explain, AGAIN, why I left!” Tori snapped into her cell. She had been awake for three hours, and on the phone nearly the entire time. First it was listening to missed messages from family, and then it was calling Brandon back since she knew her parents would be hell to talk to. Her father would yell, and her mother would cry. Brandon would only rant, call her names, and eventually listen. He always ended up listening eventually.

“Tori, you’re BLIND! I know you think you’re just the same as you were before the accident, but you’re not! You’re just not!”

“BRANDON! Just LISTEN!”

“NO YOU LISTEN!” he almost screamed, and her heart stopped. There was pain, and fear, and… and tears in his voice! He was crying; he never cried.

“Tori, you’re my big sister, you’re always supposed to be here for me! You’ve always been there, and then after the accident I didn’t have my strong big sister anymore. She was taken away from me, and turned into a scared, and angry, and hurt blind girl that hated everything, and everyone. Do you remember that? When you hated it all? I only just started getting to see her again, and THEN YOU LEFT! You LEFT me Tori! Now, come home, please. Come back Tori, okay? Soon!”

Tori took a steadying breath before trying to reply to her pleading brother. Times like these, when they weren’t fighting, and he showed that he really cared about her, she couldn’t resent him anymore. She loved him, and wanted to hug her baby brother.

“Don’t cry, sis.” He sighed quietly. She could picture the way he was sitting in the floor, leaning against the wall in his bedroom, hiding between the wall by his window and his bed. He was probably wearing his baggy jeans that their mother always complained about, and some form of band shirt, probably gray or black. What broke her heart more than knowing how much she was hurting him was that she saw him as he looked twelve years ago. She didn’t know what he looked like anymore, or if he still hid like that when he was upset with something. She still saw her eight-year-old little brother.

“I’m not crying,” she lied, “Brandon, I will come back, I promise. I’ll have him drive me home today, just let me know when Mom and Dad won’t be there, okay? I don’t want them there when I come home. I don’t want to fight again. If they’re going to yell and treat me like a child, I will stay here.” She explained.

“They’re just worried! We’re ALL worried! We LOVE you, Tori! Please come home soon, please? Don’t stay because you’re mad at them!” he begged, and she couldn’t keep it away anymore. Her tears fell and she lost her battle against crying.

“I love you, Brandon, you know that?”

“Always and forever. I love you, too.”

“Then let me have this. Let me live for a little while, and I’ll come home.” She whispered. She knew someone was outside the door because she could hear Achilles sniffing under the crack and whining. He needed to go outside, and knew that she wasn’t getting out of bed. At home Brandon would usually get up and take him out.

“Okay. Be careful though.”

“I’m blind, not stupid, or crippled. I have two strong legs, and two strong arms, and good organs, a healthy brain… the only things that are broken are my eyes. Who needs eyes anyway?”

“Normal people.” He laughed.

She laughed with him until he got quiet suddenly. “I have to go, they’re up. You never called me back, I don’t know where you are; they know nothing. As much as I disagree with this, I have your back on this. Hold up your end and come home though!”

“I will.”

“Promise.”

“I promise I’ll come home.” She laughed sadly, not really wanting to hang up the phone.

“Bye,” he muttered sadly, and hung up the phone.

“Goodbye.” She whispered and began sobbing quietly.

She cried for a short while until there was a soft knock at her door. “Tori-san, are you all right?” she heard Shinya’s voice ask from the other side. Achilles started whining more, sniffing hard along the bottom of the door and wanting to get out and greet him.

“Yes, I’m all right!” she answered a little too quickly, cursing herself for being a suck actress.

“Can I come in?” he pushed. He sounded as concerned as Brandon was, but without the tears. She couldn’t refuse him.

The second he came in and saw her he sighed. Her hair was a mess from sleeping, her face was red from crying, her eyes were closed as she felt around for her glasses but they had fallen from the table and she would never find them without help, there were still tears falling from her eyes, and she was sniffling quite a lot while trying to hold them back.

“Here,” he smiled, picking up her glasses and handing them to her while Achilles demanded his attention, unsatisfied with the simple scratches behind the ears. “Why are you crying?”

“I called my brother to let him know I’m safe. The whole family is worried, but my parents aren’t going to be any joy to return to. We will only end up fighting and screaming at each other again. Brandon is usually someone I hate and envy, and resent. But there are times, like a few minutes ago, when he’s the same eight-year-old boy that begged me not to go to that party with my friends. The one that sat in my bed with me at the hospital until I could go home, and played the nurse every second he was near me when I didn’t want to do anything.

“He begged me to come home. He cried for me, reminded me how much he loves me, and I can see the eight-year-old sitting in the floor with the phone as he cries. I don’t want to be trapped anymore… but I need to go back to him.” She explained, feeling a little better to have talked to someone about it as he sat beside her on the bed.

Her phone started ringing again, playing some traditional Japanese music, which Mr. Amagawa had chosen as his ring tone. “I’ve been getting calls non-stop since they found me missing. I’ll only answer for two people though, Brandon, and Amagawa-sama. Do you mind if I answer? This ringer is his.” She explained.

“Of course not, should I leave you?”

“Only if you want to, the conversation won’t be very personal.” She nodded and hit the answer button before holding the phone to her ear.

“Good morning,” she nodded before sitting in silence while her former employer spoke. The entire time Shinya waited he had Achilles’ head in his lap, which was the dog’s way of demanding more attention.

“No… no, of course not. I’m just fine. Yes I found a place to stay, and Achilles was welcome. The owner of the house is beside me while Achilles tries to crawl into bed with us… What? No! We didn’t do that! What kind of woman do you think I am?!” she laughed before sitting in silence again, “Yes. Yes I did… it was. … He is. … Did they really? I’m shocked. … Amagawa-sama, are you sure? … I would have to purchase something; I couldn’t impose in such a way. … Thank you very much. I will. … Yes, good day.” She nodded and hung up.

“He was offering me a place to stay, and wanting to be sure that I was safe. He told me that the next time I fell like running off I should call him, and he will personally come and take me to his home” she explained to the man beside her, “He hates my parents.”

“Why does he hate them?”

“You’ll eventually see why.” She laughed lightly and started feeling around for her bag, which he also handed to her.

“When you’re done getting dressed I have some food made in the kitchen. The only other person awake is Kaoru. The others are all still asleep, and probably will be for a while.” He smiled.

“Thank you. How do I get to your kitchen from here?” she questioned while pulling some clothes out of her bag. What she grabbed was a bright pink shirt with lime green stripes and a cat on the front, and blue jeans with white lace around the ankles. She couldn’t see what she was about to put on, but the clothes made him cringe inwardly.

“You know, I think this shirt would look better with those pants.” He suggested, handing her a white tank top with a black bow in the middle of her back.

“Thank you. What do they look like?”

“The one in your hand is pink with green stripes, and a cat on the front. This one is white with a black bow in the back. Your pants have white lace at the bottom.”

“I wish I had nicer clothes,” she laughed, stuffing the ugly cat shirt into the bag again and taking the white shirt from him, “My parents get all of my clothes for me; since I’m blind it doesn’t really matter what they buy for me.” She shrugged, “But it would be nice to have nicer clothing. I used to have really nice clothes in high school, before the accident.”

He nodded quietly before realizing he may as well have nodded to a phone conversation. “I see.” He smiled and stood up to leave her, “I’ll wait outside the door for you so I can help you to the kitchen.”

“Thank you.” She smiled and waited until she heard the door close before changing clothes. He took Achilles with him, which made the dog happy and made her giggle. She wished she could see how Achilles acted, and know what her new friends looked like. She didn’t bother brushing her hair, and simply pulled it up into a hair tie and called it done. As soon as she was dressed she packed her clothes into the bag and put it over her shoulder and walked slowly to the door, feeling around for the handle to open it.

“Much better than the cat.” Shinya approved, making her smile and laugh a little as he took her arm to lead her to the kitchen.

“Good morning, Tori-san.” Kaoru nodded when he saw her, moving his chair at the table slightly to make room for her since Die and Toshiya’s card game the night before had moved all of the chairs to odd placements.

“Good morning.” She smiled, “Where is Achilles?”

“Outside playing with Miyu. It’s strange to see such a big dog running from her, is he always so afraid of dogs?” he answered.

“He’s not afraid of her, he’s just playing. He thinks she is a puppy and is playing with her the way he would any puppy. Without the play fighting, though, because he knows he would hurt her.” She smiled and quietly ate the breakfast that Shinya had placed in front of her.

Shinya and Kaoru were having a quiet conversation, which she slowly tuned out to roam her own thoughts while leaning her forehead on her hand, hiding her eyes and oblivious that another voice had entered the room and greeted her. She didn’t like hurting her brother, but the thought of returning home, made her want to cry. To be kept again without any outlet, locked away from the world outside their yard, hidden in silence by her own choice years ago. A choice she now regretted, and hated; the choice that condemned her to this life, and took everything from her.

“How long is she staying?” Toshiya yawned, since she had not seemed to hear him ask her the same question.

“I think she wants to go home today. She got a call from her brother this morning and it upset her quite a lot. He’s worried about her and the thought of hurting him seems to break her heart.” Shinya answered quietly.

“There are a lot of things that seem to do that.” He nodded but was cut off from the rest of his thought as their latest single began to play through the room.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry.” She nodded and quickly answered, trying to feel her way out of the room until Toshiya stopped her and led her to the back porch so that she could have some privacy in her conversation.

“Whoever called her is very unhappy.” He announced after the door closed.

“How can you tell?” Kaoru asked.

“He’s screaming at her.” He answered as Kyo slowly joined them, being woken by Achilles barking at Miyu as they played.

“Who is screaming?” he questioned blankly.

“The man that just called Tori.” Kaoru nodded and went back to his breakfast.

While the guys conversed about their blind guest, she was walking into the grass to sit in the sun and listen to her father’s tirade until she was given a chance to speak.

“I will be home today, unless you don’t want me there.” She sighed sadly. She knew he would react like this.

“I want your ass home, NOW!” he snapped.

“I can’t just teleport! He will drive me home later today!” her heart stopped when she realized what she had just said.

“He…? Who is ‘He’, Victoria?! Some guy you met on the street and went home with?!”

“No! Well, one of them I did only meet yesterday on the street, and three I met when I got to his house. But Shinya, I met him in the train station a few days ago.”

“You’re in a house with five men that you don’t know!”

“They’re really nice, believe me. I wasn’t so sure about staying with them either, but they’ve done nothing but treat me well. Don’t assume that every time I walk out the door I’ll be killed, daddy. I’m okay!” she assured calmly.

“Get home.”

“Later today, I will. I promise. I already promised Brandon that. You’re calling from his phone, so I’m sure you already know all about our conversation this morning.” She sighed as the door behind her opened again and she heard someone walking over to her.

“Where are you? I’m coming to get you. Don’t make me get the police involved, Victoria!”

“Don’t you fucking dare call the police on me!” She snapped furiously, “I’m a grown woman! I can have ONE DAY as such!”

Before he could reply to her she hung up and threw the phone out into the yard.

“Would you like me to go and get that for you?” Die asked with a smile in his voice.

“I don’t even know where it went, and I honestly don’t care right now.” She sighed, hiding her face in her hands, “Do you think you can give me some directions to get home? I need to get back before tomorrow, and I know that it is a long walk from here.”

“You’re not walking home. I’ll drive you myself, if Shinya won’t. I’m sure even Kyo would drive you home before he let you walk out of here alone.”

“I’ll be all right, I can take care of myself! There is nothing wrong with me!” she snapped emotionally.

“No, I didn’t mean for it to sound that way. I only meant that we want to be sure you make it home safely. I don’t doubt that you can take care of yourself, and any doubt that I would have had is dismissed by my faith in Achilles as a guard.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, it was very disrespectful of me.” She muttered shamefully.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t offended. I understand that you are under a lot of stress, and whoever called you was being very difficult.” He nodded and took her hand to pull her to her feet. “Before we go back in, I want to warn you that Toshiya wants to hear you play something.”

“What?” she asked as he pushed her through the door.

“Good! Your call has ended! We were just talking about going to the studio for a while to play around for a while. Will you play for us?” Toshiya asked excitedly as soon as she stepped into his view.

“Why?” she asked with a slight laugh in her voice, overwhelmed by the amount of movement around her as Shinya busied himself with cleaning up breakfast, and Kaoru was changing the strings on his guitar, and polishing the instrument. Kyo was talking on the phone, Die was beside her laughing, and Toshiya was very animated as he tried to convince her to play.

“Because, Die said that you told him you can play piano and guitar! I wouldn’t mind hearing someone other than these two play.” He shrugged.

“I’m really not that good. In the past twelve years I’ve only touched keys maybe five or six times. And the guitar, I can only play one song all the way through.”

“One song is enough!” he beamed.

“If she doesn’t want to play, we shouldn’t make her.” Kaoru cut in, taking notice of how uneasy and insecure she looked as Achilles trotted up to sit beside her. Once again wiping his paws before stepping into the house. Miyu wasn’t far behind him.

“No, I suppose I owe you at least this much. Do you want me to sing, too?” she asked shyly.

“You sing?” Die questioned in mild surprise.

“Anyone can sing. The question is do they sound good while doing it, or does their singing make dogs bark?” she asked, “I’ve never been told that I sound very good when I sing, but the song does sound better with the lyrics; it’s a very simple song.” She explained.

“If you’re comfortable singing, I think you should. I would like to hear you.” Shinya announced.

She just nodded and scratched Achilles behind the ears, wincing when his tail hit her as he wagged it. “Does that hurt?” Toshiya asked in honest, but somewhat childish, curiosity as they led her to the modest studio that was built into Shinya’s home.

“Getting hit by the tail?”

“Yes.”

“Most of the time, yes. This is a strange question, but have you ever been hit with a string for a bass guitar?”

“Unfortunately, yes. More than once.” He nodded.

“It’s comparable to that after a while; the tail hits about the same place each time.” She laughed.

“When have you been hit?” Kaoru asked, making her laugh as the memory returned to her.

“Some friends of mine were trying to form a band. That’s part of the reason I was learning to play guitar, they wanted me to play the second guitar and sing for them. I was standing beside Dee, the bassist, when he tightened the lowest string too much; it snapped and hit me instead of him.” She giggled.

“Here we are. Do you want an electric guitar, or acoustic?” Die demanded, getting a little excited to hear their blind friend’s musical talent. “Electric would probably be best, but you wouldn’t be able to hear me sing.” She answered.

“Nonsense. We have microphones for that.” He scoffed playfully and began setting things up before handing her a guitar and sitting her on a stool in front of the microphone. “Just start whenever you’re ready.” He nodded supportively and went to sit with the others as she tried to get the courage to play.

“Don’t be shy, we’re all musicians. You don’t have to worry about sounding off; making mistakes is a part of playing music.” Kaoru encouraged, smiling when she started to try out a few cords and began to play the single note intro to “Wake Me Up When September Ends” by Green Day.

By the end of the song she had tears in her eyes from a mix of nerves, excitement, and memories of her life before the accident, but the five men around her were applauding. “Your voice is beautiful, and the emotion you held in the song made it even better. Very impressive!” Shinya praised while someone took the guitar for her and let her find a more comfortable position against a wall away from the microphone.

She was about to answer when she felt her hand brush against what was unmistakably a keyboard, and a very nice one at that. Her heart jumped at the thought of playing something that should truly display her talent. They were so kind to her, not dwelling on a single mistake, she wanted to show them even more.

“You can play it, you don’t have to ask.” Shinya smiled as he and Kyo watched her argue with herself over asking permission.

“Really?” she replied excitedly.

“Of course.” Kyo nodded, “If you sing again.” He added with a smirk.

“I can sing better with a piano.” She smiled happily and pressed a few keys to see if the keyboard was turned on. To her joyful discovery, it was.

She played a few improvised tunes to warm up a little, and went into a piano rendition of Evanescence’s song “Imaginary”, which had always been a favorite of hers. Of course, her rendition of the song was played with very intricate technique and advanced style, adding a complicated beauty to the song. Not because she wanted to show off, but because to her it took that much effort to make one single instrument create as much power in the song as the drums, two guitars, symphonic elements, a bass, and a singer.

The end of that song left her breathless and full of excitement and joy. Even her playing on the piano Amagawa had given her wasn’t so free. This music session was purely in fun, and for once in a very long time she felt like a normal woman, spending time with friends, as a normal woman should.

“You lied to us all! Telling us that you aren’t very good, how dare you? You have a lot of talent, and should use it more often!” Toshiya shouted, making Achilles bark. “See? Even the dog agrees.”

Tori laughed with him, and it felt great to just laugh without thinking of everything that was taken from her. But just like that, it all came back to her. She was leaving that day, and they would go on with their lives and never see her again, and she would never hear from them again. In that minute all of her excitement was taken away and she was once again filled with hidden anger towards her own life.

“We should play for her.” Die suggested, “It would only be fair for us to do two songs for her, as she has done for us.”

“So you are a band then?” she asked with a smile.

“We’ve been together for years.” Kyo nodded as they all took their places and she sat happily by the piano as they started their songs.

As soon as the singer started in, she felt her eyes widen in surprise. They sounded almost exactly like the albums her brother had! The inhuman sounds that came from the singer, very skilled guitars and bass, and her favorite, the drums. She wished the first song could go on longer, but as the second song played she found herself even more entranced by them.

“What do you call your band?” she asked curiously when the room fell into silence again.

“Dir En Grey.” A few of them answered in unison.

“You’re actually them? The world famous band that my brother is such a fan of?” she laughed.

“We are.” Toshiya beamed, as she laughed more.

“Is something wrong?” Kyo inquired; unsure of what they had done that was so funny to her.

“I run away from home and get lost in a strange place. My dog saves the life of another, and the owner of that dog happens to be the same man I tripped on his way to Tokyo. That man takes me to stay with him as the storm comes, introduces me to his friends, and later I find that they are my brother’s favorite band? The situation is unbelievable to me, but I know it’s true; I’ve never heard any other drummer who can do that.” She explained happily. “But you all are unique in your playing, though. It’s a nearly unmistakable sound!”

“You play guitar and piano, and sing, but in music you listen to the drums above anything else. Why? Any time I have heard you speak of playing, you have mentioned the drums.” Kaoru asked.

“Because, the drums are the instrument that has always called to me. Since before I can remember, I’ve wanted the drums. When I hear them it’s like I can feel them in my heart, taking over its beating rhythm! They are my passion in music, and why I play any instruments at all.”

“Then why don’t you drum?” Kyo questioned.

“My parents said that I couldn’t. They are too masculine. I needed a gentler instrument, one appropriate for women and girls. So, they gave me piano lessons. In their mind it is the same, it’s still a musical instrument so I should be happy with it.” she shrugged, “That’s their view on a lot of things. It just got worse after the accident.”

“I’m very sorry, but what was ‘the accident’? You’ve mentioned it so many times, but I’m curious now, what happened then to take your sight?” Shinya asked softly.

“I… some friends and I made a terrible mistake one night, and it ended in tragedy.” She sighed, “If I tell you, I’m not sure I can avoid crying; I’ve spoken of it very little in the past twelve years. I’m sorry.”

“If you don’t want to tell us, you don’t need to, Tori-san. It’s all right; it isn’t our business anyway.” He nodded as her phone once again began playing their song.

“You should answer that.” Toshiya laughed as she held it in her hands for a short while.

“I know, I just don’t know if this is really Brandon calling me.” She explained and apprehensively answered.

“Victoria, where are you?” her mother pleaded, “We want you home.”

“I told you earlier, I’ll be home later today, can you please let me enjoy the time away from you that I have?”

“Victoria, you’ve had enough time away. Just come home!” her father snapped, taking over the phone.

“Enough time away?”

“Yes. When you come home, we’ll have a talk. And then tomorrow your mother will take you out for the day, how does that sound?

“I hate you more than anything in the world, you worthless piece of shit! Rot in hell you fucking bastard! How dare you treat me like this when I am a grown woman?! Fuck you, you inconsiderate asshole!” she ranted in Japanese, since her father couldn’t understand it. It was her mother who spoke the language, and taught her brother, but her father never learned.

“In English, sweetheart?”

“I’ll be home later!” she snapped and closed the phone.

“Who was that?” Kyo asked as soon as she had hung the phone up.

“My father.” She spat bitterly.

“And you spoke to him like that?” Shinya asked in disbelief.

“Yes, but he can’t understand a word of it. He doesn’t understand Japanese.” She giggled. “I’m sorry, I need to be getting home. They’re going to get worse if I don’t go back soon.”

“All right, I’ll drive you.” Shinya nodded and made his way to the door.

“Do you mind if I go with you?” Toshiya asked, “I haven’t left this house in two days.”

“Smart excuse.” Kaoru huffed, shaking his head.

“I don’t mind if you all go, to be honest. You’ll have to ask your friend.” Tori giggled.

“Shinya?” he whined.

“Fine, lets’ go.” He answered and led her to get her bag and dog, and head home.

The entire ride they chatted about this and that, and Tori’s smile only faded a few times. Toshiya was definitely skilled in making her laugh, and she was very thankful that she was able to meet someone like him, as well as the others. Though when the car stopped at her address and Shinya described her house to her, all laughter from her stopped.

“Yes, this is my house.” She sighed, scratching Achilles’ back.

“Would you like us to walk you to the door? We can help you with your bag.” Toshiya suggested, but was turned down.

“It would be better if you didn’t. If my parents saw you, they would be furious and blame you for kidnapping or something. My father is angry enough as it is, and my mother… there is no telling how she will be when I go inside. It would be better for you if you leave as soon as I’m out of the car.” She explained, “Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for such a wonderful time though. I haven’t laughed so much in nearly twelve years! Give the others my thanks as well, please? I will never forget the time I spent with you all.” She smiled sadly and went to leave the car.

“You sound as if we will never see each other again, Tori-san.” Toshiya pointed out sadly.

“You have busy lives, if you are who you say you are. You have recordings, interviews, tours, and all that added to a normal existence? What room is there for a helpless blind woman?” she laughed.

“More than you know. There is always room in our lives for our friends.” Shinya smiled.

She didn’t know how to reply to being called a friend, and felt a few tears form in her eyes. She had no friends in Japan; she had never met any. The only “friends” she had were friends of her parents, and none of them really were people she would call to hang out with. She could see herself calling Shinya, or Toshiya, or Die for a drink, or laughing at the sounds of a movie with Kaoru. Kyo she hadn’t gotten to know much, but to her he seemed like he would be just as fun when he wasn’t so guarded.

“Victoria!” her father’s voice echoed just as she was about to express her gratitude towards their friendship.

“You should go. Now. Please don’t come back; my father is very protective. He isn’t abusive to me; don’t think that that is the issue. The problem is that he will treat you very badly just for having driven me here, and let me stay in your home with you.” She sighed, “Goodbye, thank you again.” She added quickly and shut the door to the car after grabbing her bag and Achilles. As Shinya slowly pulled away from the house he and Toshiya could hear her and her father’s argument being yelled through the yard as they made their way into the house. Even with the door closed they could hear them fighting, and it made both men wish they could have kept her with them longer.