We'll Be Okay

He’s sitting in the window, paper in his hands, bottom lip between his teeth. He’s focusing and the words are spilling onto the blank pages in beautiful flowing metaphors. He’s begun to talk this way in real life, living in his words as if they are the last safe place he knows.

There’s something wrong with him. Brendon knows that. He knows there’s not a lot that’s right with either of them or their relationship. The writers and the singers and the artists are all the ones who didn’t make it. They were all those kids that people stared at growing up. They were the ones who were always different and just a little bit stranger than the other children.

With Ryan it’s not that he tries to be different, he just is that way. There’s no one like him in the whole universe. He’s unique. He’s special. Brendon sees into his crazy little complicated messed up soul the way no one else does. He understands because his brain is slightly twisted too.

Brendon is the freak with ADHD. He can’t sit still. He’s always full of energy, bouncing around and running at full speed. He lives his life in fast forward, making snap decisions and jumping off of ledges. He’s always the first to dive into any project. He’s unafraid because he doesn’t think about consequences. When he’s forced to deal with repercussions later he just brushes them off. He isn’t normal. He doesn’t deal with anything like normal people do. Sometimes Ryan wonders if he’s on speed or ecstasy.

While Ryan writes Brendon fidgets on the bed, asking questions and disturbing Ryan. It annoys Ryan. Neither one of them can focus like that. They cannot concentrate. So Ryan puts down his papers and walks over to Brendon. Brendon is wrapping his arms around his best friend, his boyfriend, the love of his life. They both know they are not okay. Somehow when they are together though, in their own little world, everything always works out. They are not okay but that is okay.