Becoming Wizards

Nathanyel rested his head against the cold window of the train as he watched the scenery speed by. He was alone, which he didn't have any objections to, and thinking. Mostly about his life. He needed to think more about what he needed to do, rather than what he wanted to do. He had to be responsible.

Lucius knew how to do that.

He supposed it would be easier, now, to be more responsible. Uncle Laszlo had escorted him and Olivia to the platform, and given him warded bandages to last him until Christmas. If he ever bled or even felt like he needed them, they were at hand.

"Hey." Severus sat down next to him, his rounds apparently over with. "You'll never believe who made head boy and girl." He rolled his eyes; Nathanyel grunted. "Lupin and Evans. Is that a bunch of crap or what?"

"Hm."

"Is there something wrong?"

"Where were you the other night?" It was rather abrupt of him, but he wanted to know.

"Lucius took me to this meeting thing."

"What kind of meeting?" He knew very well what kind it was, though.

"It was some rally about the superiority of purebloods, stuff like that. It was pretty boring, to tell you the truth. However, something rather exciting did happen."

"Go on, I'm listening."

"The leader of the group- calls himself the Dark Lord or something- he's interested in my potions!"

"Get out."

"Really! And, apparently, I've got an amazing amount of skill or some such bollocks. Anyway, he's going to give me a job and everything- says I'll be in a position of power- I was really just checking out Bellatrix, but when I heard that-"

"I get the picture."

"You don't sound happy for me."

"I'm just tired, that's all. I'm happy for you, really."

"Well... Thanks."

Nathanyel smiled at him. "Don't mention it."

Severus was helping Nathanyel unpack, which he was very grateful for. The long train ride and large meal afterwards had made him rather drousy, so he didn't feel his best. "Hey." Severus held up the package of bandages that Uncle Laszlo had given him. "What are these?"

"Oh! I almost forgot to tell you. Those are some warded bandages that Uncle Laszlo gave me, in case I start bleeding or acting up. Just wrap them around my forearms and neck if I can't do it, alright?"

Severus raised an eyebrow. "...Alright. But... What will happen if I don't?"

"I'm not sure. I might try to kill you, though."

"Oh."

"Yes, very."

"How can something be very 'oh?' That makes absolutely no grammatical sense."

"I assumed that by 'oh' you meant 'that's kind of creepy and more than a little bit weird.' Either that, or you wanted to call me an idiot."

"I was not about to call you an idiot."

"Good."

"Hey, Severus."

Severus tried not to groan as Nathanyel interrupted his first homework assignment of the year; he knew it wouldn't be the last time.

"What is it?" he grumbled, leaning back in his chair and staring into the common room fire.

"What's your favorite name for a girl?"

He blinked, looking over at Nathanyel. He was laying on his stomach on the hearth rug, swinging his feet in the air. "Why? Are you planning on getting a sex change?" He certainly wouldn't be surprised.

"No. I'm going to have a daughter someday and I need ideas for her name."

Severus rolled his eyes. "How do you know you're going to have a daughter?"

"Because I just do. Now, tell me your favorite girl's name."

"Fine." He thought for a bit. "Nadia."

"That's pretty. Why do you like it?"

"I don't know. It sounds... Sort of exotic, I guess. And sexy. If I met an intelligent, attractive woman with that name, I'd probably-"

"Cream your pants?"

"Among other things, yes."

"Would you marry her?"

"Perhaps."

Nathanyel grinned at him. "What about your second choice?"

"My second choice for what?" Severus asked, wishing he could just get back to his essay.

"For a girl's name."

"I don't know... Josephyne. With a 'y.'"

"You like those exotic names, eh?" Nathanyel looked over his shoulder, grinning at him.

"Whatever."

"Nadia Josephyne Page. How does that sound?"

"I really don't care."

"Would you marry her?"

"Will you shut up, already? I'm trying to work."

Nathanyel stuck his tongue out at him, then turned back to the fire. "I'll bet you would."

Severus kicked him.

"Guess what?"

Severus really did not want to guess.

"Never mind! I'll show you!" And then he had a buldging pouch of gold dropped in front of him, spilling out onto his bed. "That's what!" Nathanyel seemed excited.

"That's how much we sold?" He asked, shocked by the amount of gold.

"Yes! Look, look, look!"

"Merlin." He did look. And he touched, too. A pile of gold, silver, and bronze was sitting right in front of him. "Who payed in knuts?"

"Remus."

"I should have known."

"Don't talk like that about him."

"How much did we make?"

"I haven't counted it all yet." Nathanyel hopping onto the bed, grinning widely. "I think I'm getting really good at this. I think some of them are afraid of me."

"Yeah, the first years."

Nathanyel punched him in the arm. "Very funny! Anyway, I made a list of new orders. Look!" He pulled a long scroll out of his pocket, unrolling it. "We also need some new supplies. When's the next Hogsmeade weekend?"

"Not until October," Severus replied, scanning the list carefully. "And I know for sure that I don't have some of the ingredients on this list."

"Do you think we'll find any of them in the Forbidden Forest?"

Severus suppressed the urge to smack Nathanyel across the face. "We are not going into the forest to gather ingredients for drugs."

"What about the greenhouses? We could steal from them."

"Now that's more like it."

"When do you next have Herbology?"

"Tomorrow, actually. Greenhouse three."

"Great! You can scout out the greenhouse, see if there's anything we need in there, and then I'll sneak in and get it."

"Why just you?" Severus raised his eyebrows, trying to instigate a reaction; it was easier to read Nathanyel when he was irritated.

"Because you don't have any experience," Nathanyel immediately dismissed. "And if you want to learn, then this certainly isn't the job to do so on. The greenhouses are probably guarded with a number of spells and wards, and-"

"And you couldn't break them even if you tried," Severus pointed out.

"Olivia can help me."

"Why her?"

"Because she's better for the job than you are."

"There is no way that I'm getting left out. I will help you break the wards, and that is final." Severus crossed his arms, glaring at Nathanyel and daring him to argue.

"Fine, but you have to keep watch outside."

"Alright, fair enough."

"And don't forget to check out the greenhouse, tomorrow."

"I won't."

"Okay, it's all settled, then. We'll go in tomorrow night."

"Sounds good to me."

Severus kept a perfectly stony face under the intense glare of their Head of House.

"You have been reported as attempting to steal from greenhouse three. You have been caught out of bed in the middle of the night, outside the castle, trying to pilfer school property. This does not bode well for either of you."

"But we were just out there to snog, honest!" Nathanyel protested, acting completely innocent. "Don't you have any compassion for young love?"

"No."

"You can't prove we were trying to steal. This is ridiculous!"

"I most certainly can."

"Oh? How?"

"And why should I tell you?"

"Because we have a right to know. Besides that, I think you're bluffing."

"How can you tell?" He narrowed his eyes, his face perfectly calm.

"Your neck," Nathanyel replied, tapping his own throat. "Your adams' apple bobs a bit when you lie."

"...Get out of my office."

"Thank you, sir." Grinning, Nathanyel jumped up and dragged Severus with him, sprinting out of the office.

"That was close," Severus sighed.

"Yup. It's a good thing they didn't search us too thoroughly." Winking, Nathanyel ran off toward the common room.

"...Ew," Severus muttered to himself, following.

"Hey, Olivia." Nathanyel trotted up to her, waving. She was on her way to the greenhouses, and he was on his way to the castle, so he thought he'd try to make her late. Just to annoy her.

"What is it now? I have Herbology, you know." She crossed her arms, glaring at him, daring him to keep her past the bell.

"Severus and I are working on something new... We'll call it a 'study aid.' I was just wondering if you could maybe, you know, spread the word. I know how much you Ravenclaws like to study, after all."

"That's it?" she asked, annoyed. "That's all you wanted to say? You just wanted me to advertise your drug business?"

"Well, also..." He let out a long sigh, holding his hand to his heart. "I wanted to say... To say that..." He lunged forward, capturing her in a hug. "I loooooove you! MWAH!" He gave her a great, sloppy kiss on her cheek as the bell rang for classes to start.

"Stop slobbering on me!"

He stumbled back as he found his face coming in contact with a rather powerful fist.

"You've made me late, again! You bastard!" With that, she ran off toward the greenhouses.

Nathanyel grinned as he checked to make sure all his teeth were still in place. He always loved to irritate her.

Nathanyel yawned, blinking. He didn't need to look at the clock to know that he'd woken up in the middle of the night again. It was starting to become an irritating habit, especially when he couldn't get back to sleep. He could already tell that this would be one of those nights.

"Hey, Regulus."

He paused in the middle of rolling over when he heard Mundungus. He hadn't expected them to be up so late, and if they were, he hadn't expected them to be doing anything that didn't warrant a barrage of silencing charms.

"What is it?" Regulus sounded about as exhausted as he felt.

"Where were you?"

Nathanyel found that question rather interesting. After all, it wasn't often that Regulus spent his nights away from Mundungus.

"I was talking to someone, that's all. You've heard all those rumors about this new group... Death Munchers or something like that."

"Death Eaters," Mundungus corrected, a motherly note in his voice that Nathanyel had never heard before. "And from what I've gathered so far, they're dangerous."

"Yeah, well, I've been invited to a meeting. I don't know when quite yet, but it sounds interesting. I'm going to check it out."

"Don't do anything stupid."

"I'll be fine."

A few more words were exchanged before Mundungus ushered him to bed, for once not to fuck him silly. Nathanyel frowned up at the canopy of his bed, reminded of Lucius and his persuasive agruments in favor of that group, and of Severus' interest in them. He certainly didn't owe Regulus anything. In fact, if anyone had asked, he'd have said that Regulus owed him. However, he was well aware of the possibility that Regulus would not be fine at that meeting, and for a very specific reason.

He didn't mind writing a letter. He wasn't about to go back to sleep, and he was planning on writing to Lucius, anyway. Besides, it was something to keep him occupied.

Nathanyel stared at Severus, although he was trying not to be too obvious. Especially since he was sort of... Borrowing the seventh year showers. Regulus and Mundungus were at it again, and he had just finished sparring with Olivia. He was sweaty, sore, and unwilling to wait for a hot, relaxing shower. Besides that, he was worried about Severus and all this Death Eater business. "How come you've never told me where the prefects' bathroom is?"

Severus was starting to notice the staring, and he had to cover it up, somehow.

"Because you'd probably be in there every night, and then I'd be the one in trouble for it." Severus scowled at him, trying to cover up the fact that he was doing everything he could not to fully face Nathanyel.

"I suppose so." He understood why Severus was so uncomfortable; after all, he had no reason not to be.

"Anyway, you might start telling other people."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is," Severus insisted, sounding frustrated. "You take advantage. That's just the way you are."

"You're right, then, I guess."

That was probably why Severus always stayed on the other end of the shower. He was right, of course. Nathanyel had always been the type to take advantage.

"So, Olivia... What's your first Hogsmeade weekend like?" Nathanyel nudged her, grinning at the way she bristled and shoved him away.

"I don't want to be seen with you in public," she growled angrily.

"Why?"

"Because you're annoying."

"Aww." Nathanyel kept on grinning. "But you're my iddy bitty baby cousin! I have to protect you!"

"Protect this." Her punch was only narrowly avoided.

"You're in an awfully bad mood today."

"I know that."

"How about we go somewhere fun, eh? Just the two of us. I've finished my chores, and I'm ready for some excitement."

"Nathanyel..." Olivia let out a frustrated sigh, massaging her temples. "You just don't quit, do you?"

"Mmm..." Nathanyel pretended to be thinking rather intensely. "Nope."

"Fine. Dad told me about this place we can go to."

"Japanese?"

"Yes."

"Wheee!"

"Apparently Mum likes it a lot."

About an hour later, Nathanyel found himself in a club that was most definitely off the beaten trail. He'd had no idea that Hogsmeade had such a large Japanese population.

"Well?" Olivia shouted over the music. "Will you leave me alone, now?"

"Sure!" Nathanyel began to dance.

Severus found Nathanyel as dark was falling, rip-roaring drunk and singing horrible karaoke to a bunch of weird asian people. He should have known better, when it was Olivia who had directed him to the club. After a healthy amount of swearing, pushing, and backhanding, Severus managed to drag Nathanyel out of the club and head back to the castle.

"Heeyyy, Sev'rus," Nathanyel grumbled, squinting up at him as he tried to get him moving. "You are my... Bestest friend."

"That's nice," Severus grunted, trying to support Nathanyel's weight while at the same time not getting a face full of bad breath.

"I think... You're... Allll sexy-like," Nathanyel continued, leaning heavily against him. "Let's do it."

"Argh!" Severus leaned back, trying to avoid Nathanyel's tongue. "Cut that out!" Another backhand did the trick.

"Sorry."

"Just... Try to walk."

"M'kay."

"And don't do anything like that again."

"Right, ssssexy Sevvie." Nathanyel giggled, trying to grope him.

"Get off me!"

"Wheeeeee!"

It really wasn't worth the trouble, trying to help Nathanyel out. Still, he supposed it was the right thing to do.

"Ugh. I've got a splitting headache." Nathanyel dropped into the chair next to Severus in the common room, squinting. "You got any hangover remedies?"

"You did it to yourself," Severus replied stiffly, still trying to forget Nathanyel's highly inappropriate behavior the night before.

"I don't remember a thing after that crowd-surfing stunt... I think I hit my head." Nathanyel scratched at his neck, yawning. "Where were you all day, anyway?"

"I had more important things to do than get pissed with a bunch of weird Japs," Severus grumbled.

"Hey, that's very derogatory."

"Whatever."

"And it's called fun." Nathanyel plucked the book he'd been reading out of his hands, snorting. "You should try it some time."

"Maybe you should try getting a life," Severus bit back, grabbing for the book. Even with a hangover, though, Nathanyel's reflexes were better than his.

"I have a life. You need to get out more."

"Fuck you."

"Next time we go into Hogsmeade, you're going to have some fun. Alright?"

"Just give me the book."

"Promise me."

"Fine." Severus scowled at him, grabbing for the book.

"It's a promise, then?"

"Yes! It's a promise!"

Nathanyel handed him the book, grinning. "You know you want to have fun instead of holing yourself up in here all the time."

"This is fun. Now, leave me alone."

"What's so fun about that book?"

"It's interesting, and I'm getting to a very good part." Severus tried to shoo him away, burying his nose further in the book.

"Is it porny?"

"No."

"Then it's not interesting." Nathanyel slid out of his chair and positioned himself on the floor next to Severus' legs. "I want to do something," he complained like a spoiled child- which he was.

"Then go do something. I am already involved with this." Severus tried to nudge him away, but he wouldn't budge.

"Are you angry at me?"

"No. I'm just disgusted with you."

"Why?"

"You're an awful, terrible drunk. I'm still traumatized by your disgusting behavior."

"You wouldn't feel that way if you were drunk, too, once in a while."

"Why do you even bother?" Severus lowered his book to glare at Nathanyel, who didn't seem to notice his scathing look at all.

"I just do." He punched Severus in the leg, a sign that the topic should be changed. Severus tried not to let on that it rather hurt. "Oh."

"I'll leave you to your book."

"Thank you."

After that, nothing more was said. Severus found it relaxing, actually, to read with Nathanyel cuddled up against his legs like a cat. It was better than reading alone, at least.

Severus was in the library, studying. The full weight of the upcoming N.E.W.T. exams had finally hit him, mostly in the form of constant testing, and it was only adding to the stress he was already under. Between school, the "business", and Nathanyel's antics, he was already yearning for the Christmas holidays.

"Whatchya doing?" Nathanyel leaned on the back of his chair, peering over his shoulder.

"Studying."

"What for?"

"N.E.W.T.s."

"What?" Nathanyel reached around and snatched the book from right beneath his nose. "Those aren't in, like, a million years! Relax and have some fun, for once."

"Hmph," Severus grumbled, trying to grab the book back. "Not all of us can just walk into a test and instantly pass it. Some people need to study."

"And some people need to get out more." Nathanyel raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Will you get away from me, already?" Although, Severus did sort of want to get the hell out of the library.

"Come on. Let's go lock ourselves in a darkened classroom and do whatever feels right."

Severus jumped out of his seat when he realized that Nathanyel wasn't kidding; perhaps it was the hand on his thigh that had tipped him off.

"What's the matter?"

"Are you drunk?"

"Hmmm... Maybe."

"Nathanyel!" Severus was painfully aware of the fact that he sounded like an angry mother scolding her child.

"I was just kidding. I'm not really drunk." Nathanyel leaned in close to him, grinning. "Why? Do you want me to be?"

"Ew."

"I'd let you take advantage of me." Nathanyel winked.

Severus hit him in the face with his textbook and stomped out of the library; he was fed up with all that queer stuff Nathanyel had been pulling lately. He wasn't going to take it anymore.

And he was also fed up with getting aroused when Nathanyel tried to molest him.

Remus sighed as he sat in a darkened classroom in the charms corridor; it was past midnight, already, and there was no sign of Nathanyel. He'd been waiting for nearly an hour for his painkillers, and besides that... He just wanted to see Nathanyel. He knew he was just being an idiot, but he couldn't help it. His father had told him once that falling in love was like getting a new job... That he would be afraid to start it, but in the end he'd never want to quit. His father had always come up with the strangest analogies.

The only thing about it was... He didn't know why. It was like God was playing a joke on him, or something. Sure, Nathanyel was kind of cute, but he acted like a complete fool and was constantly trying to be something he wasn't and had absolutely no idea who or what he even wanted to be and never ever put anyone before himself... So what was there to love, really? A weird-looking smile (at best) and a sort of snortish laugh and a completely childish personality... Although he did have his moments. Those times when he could be really sweet and Remus just wanted to hold him... Or those times when he could be so absolutely hilarious and Remus just wanted to kiss him... Or then there were those times when he could be unbelievably tempting and Remus just wanted to pounce on him.

"Sorry I'm late!"

Or those times when he could be totally careless and Remus just wanted to smack him. "It's alright." Although he never showed it.

"It's just that a whole bunch of stuff happened, you wouldn't be interested." Nathanyel sat down next to him offering up an apologetic grin. "Sorry."

"I already said it's fine," Remus muttered.

"You should have worn a sweater; it's rather chilly, don't you think?"

Or the times when he thought he knew everything and Remus just wanted to tell him that he didn't. "I'm fine."

"Good. I was sort of worried, you know." Nathanyel leaned against him a bit, sniffling. "The windows are all open."

Or the times when he seemed to really care and Remus just wanted to tell him that... He was in love.

"I have your... You know." Nathanyel handed the vial to him, sighing. "You don't have to pay me anything, this time."

"Why not?" Remus knew how closely Severus monitored the ledgers.

"It's on me."

"No, I can't take your money."

"Just shut up," Nathanyel murmured, taking his hand. "I already put the money in the pot."

Remus could feel himself blushing. "Thanks."

"I'm so tired tonight... Usually I can't sleep at all, you know?"

"Not really," Remus admitted. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Say, you want to... I don't know..."

"What?"

Nathanyel leaned his head against Remus' shoulder, yawning. "You wanna carry me back to bed?"

"Very funny," Remus replied, although he wanted to take him up on his offer.

"I thought so." Nathanyel pulled away, stretching as he stood up. "Anyway... Goodnight."

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Remus blurted, before he could stop himself.

"Yeah." Nathanyel smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

Remus waited for him to leave before relaxing. "I'm an idiot," he told himself. "A complete and total fool."

Severus watched as Nathanyel scribbled in the ledger, his eyebrows furrowed. He'd been quiet (for him, at least) all day. "You know, we've changed a lot."

"Really?" Nathanyel hummed, his eyes not leaving the book in front of him.

"Yeah. Especially you."

"You think so?" Nathanyel looked up, raising his eyebrows.

"Yup. You're just... I don't know." Severus shrugged.

"I'm not really that different."

"Well... When we were younger, you didn't really want people to notice you at all. Now you want everyone to be afraid of you. What's changed?"

"I've just woken up."

"...Right." Severus thought it best to drop the subject.

"I'm the same, really."

He didn't reply.

Severus sat by the dormitory window, staring out at the grounds. The seventh year dorms had been rather empty at night, lately; he briefly wondered where Rosier, Avery and Nott had been getting to, but soon came to the realization that he didn't care. Nathanyel was usually bothering him about this time, though. He wondered what had happened... Until he heard the creak of the door opening. "Where the hell have you been?" he asked, not turning around.

Nathanyel didn't answer him. Instead, there was a popping noise. Loud... Like someone cracking his knuckles. He turned around, and Nathanyel was there, straightening up. His spine cracked as he did so. His neck cracked, his elbows, and his knuckles. His pupils looked very small.

"What are you doing?"

"You're Severus," he croaked.

Severus blinked, looking around the room. There had to be something wrong. "...Yes," he replied hesitantly.

A slow, sort of sharp smile stretched across Nathanyel's face. He looked like he was ready to pounce... But not in a good way.

"Are you alright?"

"I am very much alright." He cracked his neck in the other direction. "Very, very alright."

Severus took a step back.

"You're afraid." He seemed rather pleased with that.

"I... What is wrong with you?"

"I'm not what you think." He took a step forward, a sharp glint in his eyes. "I'm new."

"Stop it."

"I never liked you," he rasped harshly. "You and your hard angles and your soft insides... Like an insect. I could cut you open and everything would be warm and sticky." He tilted his head to the side; his neck cracked again. "Maybe I will."

"What are you-"

"I could cut you open and climb inside and wear you like a blanket." He sounded dreamy, as if this was something he'd wanted to do for a long time. "And poke your eyeballs out and lick the blood from the sockets, and push my finger into your navel until it goes all the way through and I touch your spine."

Severus gulped, backing up against the wall.

"I want to. I want to take you and squeeze you until everything just seeps out your ears." He lowered his head and looked up at Severus almost... coquettishly. "And maybe when I'm done... You can be my little doll, and I'll put stuffing in you and play dress-up."

That eerie smile still on his face, he reached out and brushed a thumb against Severus' cheek. Then, quite abruptly, he let out a strangled grunt and fell back, grasping his throat. He started choking and gagging, face going red, then sank to the floor.

"Nathanyel?"

He was hunched over on all fours, looking ready to vomit, not a single breath of air coming out.

"Nathanyel!"

And then he slumped, went sort of limp, gasped for air, and began sobbing. "Don't touch him..." It was barely a whisper. "Stay away... D-don't..." He choked again, just a bit, took several rasping breaths. "I'm sorry, Severus. I'm sorry." He didn't say anything after that, and neither did Severus.

"Nathanyel?" Severus approached hesitantly; he didn't want to scare him off.

"Yeah?" Nathanyel looked up from the newspaper he'd been reading.

"Um... Are we alone?" Severus cast a wary look in the direction of the other two beds in the dormitory.

"Yup. Mundungus and Regulus went out."

"Oh. Good." Severus shuffled his feet a bit, feeling awkward. "Listen, we need to talk about that freaky shit that went on last night."

"Yeah?" Nathanyel replied distantly.

"What the hell is going on with you?"

"It's nothing. You don't have to worry about me." Nathanyel turned back to the newspaper. "My dad's in the papers, today."

"...Is he?" Severus didn't like the way the conversation was going; it was never a good thing when Nathanyel mentioned his father.

"He's being investigated."

"What for?"

"Killing people." Nathanyel stared down at the paper, his mouth locked in a frown. "I hope they catch him. I hope they send him to the dementors and he gets the kiss."

"Stop reading that," Severus snapped, suddenly feeling rather... Protective. He took the newspaper away and folded it up. "It's getting you upset."

"Sorry." Nathanyel frowned at him.

"You look awful, by the way."

It was true; Nathanyel looked scrawnier than ever, and he was starting to get lines under his eyes. He was pale and mean-looking, and people were starting to avoid him in the corridors. Severus also suspected that he hadn't been getting much sleep as of late, and he hardly ever saw him eat, anymore.

"Are you going to tell me what happened last night?"

"It was..." Nathanyel trailed off, narrowing his eyes. "It was him."

"Him?"

"He's worse than my father."

"Worse?" Severus was only getting more confused.

"He says horrible things to me. He says he's going to kill you, and Remus and Lucius and Olivia and-"

"Who are you talking about?"

"Him!"

"Who is he?"

"Me." Nathanyel looked ready to cry. "He looks just like me and tells me I shouldn't exist and I think he is me, but he shouldn't be, and whenever I bleed-"

"When you bleed?" Severus interrupted again.

"Yes. When I bleed."

"What happens when you bleed?"

"He's there."

"Nathanyel..."

"I know. You think I'm crazy."

"Well... Yeah."

"Maybe it's all in my head."

"Yeah."

"But it's still real to me. And it's real enough to hurt you. That's why I have to keep wearing Uncle Laszlo's bandages."

"Right."

"Do you forgive me?"

"...Sure."

Severus wasn't quite sure what to think.

Nathanyel sat sucking on a stick of banana pocky while he went over his star chart for Astronomy. He left the bed curtain open, since no one was awake at such a late hour. He needed to get some air, anyway. "Page." The raspy whisper had come from the doorway; it was followed by heavy footsteps approaching him.

"Hello, Regulus," he replied. Regulus dropped down onto his bed, staring at him and looking like complete shite. "You alright?"i

"Your cousin told me you asked him to keep an eye on me. Is that true?" Nathanyel wasn't sure why Lucius would bring that up at one of those meetings, even if he had done the favor. "Well?"

"...Yes." There was a long period of silence as Regulus seemed to size him up.

"Why?"

"I thought a guy like you might need a bit of help." He glanced towards Mundungus' bed. "If you get me."

"Yeah. I get you." He frowned. "I've never been nice to you or anything."

"It doesn't matter."

"...You know... You're alright. I mean, you're soft... But I'm glad." Regulus leaned forward and gave him a shaky pat on the shoulder.

"...I'll go see if Severus has anything for you."

"Thanks."

Nathanyel was worried about the upcoming Yule Ball; why was there even going to be a dance in the first place? He didn't really see any particular reason for there to be one. In any case, he had nothing to wear, and even if he did, it wasn't as if he had any clue when it came to formal wear. That was why he'd written to Lucius, asking for advice.

He wondered if Lucius was angry at him because of what happened at the wedding, since he hadn't gotten any response as of yet. He hoped not.

"Hey, Page. What are you doing?" Regulus pulled his bed curtain aside, peeking in. "Not wanking, I hope."

"Unfortunately, no." Nathanyel sat up, stretching. "Are you ever going to call me by my given name?"

"That would just be weird."

"What happened to Mundungus, anyway?"

"I don't know. He's been acting up lately." Regulus took a seat next to him, sniffing his sheets. "Are these clean?"

"Yes. So, what do you want?"

"What? We can't just 'hang out,' as they say?"

"Uhuh." Nathanyel eyed him, still suspicious.

"Well, you know, after you helped me out like that, I figured... You know... I owed it to you to be a little nicer."

"That's sweet, but I don't need you hanging around me just because you feel obligated." Nathanyel slid off the bed, straightening his clothes out. He was a busy person, after all.

"Stop being such a shit," Regulus grumbled. "You don't have to act like a jerk just because you're a drug dealer, you know. You're never going to make friends like that."

"I don't care. I've got better things to do, anyway."

"Money, money, money. That's all people care about, these days." Regulus let out a long sigh. "It's such a shame."

"I'm not in a good mood right now," Nathanyel warned, lighting up a cigarette. It had been a while since he'd smoked one.

"Ew, is that one of those fag things? Those are so gross."

"I don't care."

"And I'll bet they're bad for you, too. I mean, you are inhaling smoke."

"Stop being such a grandmother," Nathanyel snapped, leaving and slamming the door behind him.

He'd woken up on the wrong side of the bed... And besides, his neck was so itchy; it was driving him crazy.

Nathanyel was venting to Olivia about his worries concerning the Yule Ball as they walked together between classes. There were so many things he needed; new robes, a haircut, new shoes, a date... She didn't seem too compassionate.

"I'd better show up, just to keep an eye on you," she sighed, frowning.

"You're too young to just go. You need to get a date." Nathanyel spotted Remus, then, but he was with his friends. Still... A date... But no, he needed to take a girl.

"I can get a date easily. Just you watch."

"I'm waiting," he replied, still feeling doubtful.

"Hey, Remus." She was just approaching Remus, out of nowhere.

"Erm- what are you doing?"

"Hello, Olivia," Remus replied pleasantly.

"Introduce me to your friends," she commanded (and it was easy to tell that it was a command, not a request.)

"Well... This is James-"

"No good," she replied. "Narcissist."

"Er... Sorry about that."

James looked rather put off.

"And this is Sirius-"

"Womanizer," she sighed.

"And this is Peter-"

"He looks a bit pathetic, but I suppose he'll do." She turned to Peter, ignoring the glares being directed at her. "It's your lucky day. You're taking me to the Yule Ball."

"Huh?" Peter replied, looking a bit stunned.

"I know, you've been desperate to ask me out, but you couldn't muster the courage. It's excusable."

"But-"

"Of course! I know we should get to know each other a little better. That's why you're walking me to my next class."

"I-"

"Hold these." She dumped her books into his arms.

"Sorry about this," Nathanyel apologized as Olivia dragged Peter off. "Anyway, I've got to go. Bye!" He ran after Olivia, rather surprised by the entire turn of events.

"What is it?" Olivia growled as he caught up.

"You're really serious about this?"

"Yes, and this is my class, so you can go now." She took her books back from Peter, who was looking rather dazed.

"But I was just talking to you about the dance and getting a date and-"

"Do you want me to set you up?" she snapped.

"Okay." He wasn't about to turn down some much needed help.

"Hold on." She entered the classroom and emerged almost immediately with a short, red-headed girl. "Nathanyel, this is Loretta DiMarco. Loretta, this is my cousin, Nathanyel Page. He will be escorting you to the Yule Ball. After class, he will meet you in order to walk you to your next destination."

"Hi," Nathanyel greeted awkwardly.

"I thought it would be difficult to get someone shorter than you, but I got lucky." Olivia kissed Peter goodbye, then dragged Loretta back into the classroom.

Nathanyel turned to Peter, his eyebrows raised. "Are you as confused as I am?"

"Yeah."

Loretta turned out to not be so bad. Nathanyel had been rather awkward with her, of course, since she was a girl and he'd never been very good with them. Still, he'd tried his best to be charming and... Well... Not an ass. She didn't seem to buy it, though. All those Ravenclaws were ever impressed by was books and brains. Well, at least he had a date.

"What's the matter?" Severus sat down next to him, staring at the ledger.

"Nothing. Just worrying about the dance. Do you have a date yet?"

"Nope."

"Want me to ask Olivia to set you up?"

"Definitely not."

"Fine. So who are you going to ask?" Nathanyel leaned in to look over his shoulder.

"I asked Bellatrix, already, actually."

"She has a boyfriend," Nathanyel reminded him.

"Yeah. I know that now." Severus didn't seem terribly upset about it, though.

"You don't seem too unhappy. Are you over her or something?"

"I don't know. Probably."

Nathanyel felt inexplicably happy at that.

Nathanyel walked into the Three Broomsticks, his hands stuck in his pockets. Lucius had finally written back, offering to meet him in Hogsmeade, which was extremely unusual. Not once had Lucius ever made any particular effort to see him. Perhaps it was a side effect of being married.

Either way, it was the first time that Nathanyel was going to be seeing him since the wedding, and he was a little nervous. So nervous, in fact, that he nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"There you are." It was Lucius, of course. "Come on, I've got a table already."

Nathanyel could already feel himself blushing as he thought of the way he'd humiliated himself in the past. As soon as they were seated, he called Madam Rosmerta over to ask for a glass of water.

"So. You wrote to me for... Fashion advice."

"Yes."

"I see."

"And... You came all the way up here."

"Oh, please," Lucius dismissed with a wave of his hand. "I work at the Ministry; it's no great feat to get ahold of a portkey."

"Yeah. I guess not."

"What's wrong with you? Are you still all worked up about Narcissa?"

"No." Nathanyel leaned back in his seat, searching his pocket for his pack of cigarettes.

"Hmph. Anyway, I needed to get away from her for a while, and this was the perfect excuse."

"Uhuh." Nathanyel wondered why it was that he even bothered with smoking in the first place.

"Is that a muggle thing?" Lucius narrowed his eyes, leaning forward to inspect the cigarette.

"Yes." Nathanyel inhaled deeply, hoping that he wouldn't get as sick as he did the last time. "Why? Is that a crime?"

"It should be," Lucius grumbled as Rosmerta came back with a glass of water. "I'd like a bottle of your finest firewhiskey," he ordered, before turning back to the conversation. "As I was saying... Narcissa is a gigantic pain in my arse."

"So that's how it is?"

"How what is"

Nathanyel gave a small shrug. "Married life."

"Dear Merlin, yes! It's awful." Lucius scowled a bit and tapped his fingers on the top of the table. "She takes my money and goes shopping with it, all day, and then when I get home from work she tries to give me massages-"

"That doesn't sound too bad."

"Narcissa is in no way good at massaging. And lastly, I have to-" he shuddered- "share a marital bed."

"Ewwww. You have to-"

"Yes."

"Gross."

"I know."

"Hey..." A thought had just occurred to Nathanyel. "That means..."

"What?" Lucius grumbled.

"...That you saw her boobies!"

Lucius hit him.

Nathanyel stared warily at the store Lucius had led him to; the window was filled with the latest fashions in formal wear, and there were people inside who looked... Stuffy. "I'm not so sure this is the place for me," Nathanyel muttered as they stepped inside.

"Nonsense," Lucius snorted.

"Right." Nathanyel wandered around with Lucius, dismissing nearly every article of clothing he spotted. All the robes were... Elegant. And... Sophisticated.

"You need to look good for this dance," Lucius was saying, eyeing Nathanyel with a healthy amount of skepticism in his gaze. "If that's even possible," he added.

"Of course it's possible," Nathanyel insisted, grooming himself in a nearby mirror. "I always look good."

"I'm certain." Lucius perused the elegant garments that were lined up on the racks. "Augh, yellow. Certainly not your color, nor mine, for that matter."

Nathanyel rolled his eyes. To be truthful, nothing in the store was quite his style, but Lucius knew fashion, and he was in desperate need of some help. Besides, he'd been missing Lucius, lately. "Hey, what about this?"

Lucius turned around and promptly knocked the robes out of his hand. "Hot pink? Are you kidding?"

"Um... No. Should I be?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Sorry." Nathanyel hadn't realized that Lucius could be such a... Clothing Nazi.

"Now this is much better." He pulled out a set of dark blue robes with some sort of embroidery around the cuffs, closely inspecting it. "It'll need to be altered. You're too short for it."

"Thanks."

"Here, hold this." Lucius shoved the robe into his arms and continued browsing.

"Am I going to get to pick anything out?"

"Merlin, no! Why do you think I'm here?"

"Well, I just thought-"

"How do you feel about grey?"

"So-so, I suppose."

"Good, take these."

It was another two hours before Lucius decided that the grey robes looked the best, although the fact that he paid for them completely made up for the lost time. Nathanyel wondered why, though. Lucius had never really made a show of getting him anything before, and certainly hadn't visited him. "What are you doing here?"

"Hm?" Lucius seemed surprised. "I wanted to get out."

"You've never done anything like this before," Nathanyel pointed out.

"You'll understand it when you're married."

"So it's because you're married?"

"Drop it."

"Alright."

Lucius placed a hand on his shoulder, leading him in an almost... Possessive way.

Nathanyel blushed.

Nathanyel crossed his arms, shifting uncomfortably in his stiff formal robes. Slate grey hadn't exactly been the color he'd had in mind, but Lucius had picked it out, and apparently it was supposed to be very sophisticated.

However, he wasn't exactly a big fan of sophistication. It was, basically, a reminder of everthing about his life that he hated. So, standing against the wall and feeling sophisticated while everyone around him danced and laughed and had fun wasn't his idea of a rip-roaring time.

"What's your problem?" Olivia stomped up to him, dragging Peter Pettigrew along in her iron grip.

"I feel like a... A square."

"I assure you that you are perfectly circular."

"That's not funny," he grumbled.

"What happened to Loretta?"

"She dumped me."

"You got dumped on a first date?" she scoffed.

"My first date ever," Nathanyel sighed. "Oh well."

"If you don't care, then why are you acting like such a sad sack?"

"Oh, come on. I look sophisticated."

"And this is a bad thing because...?"

"It's not me!" he huffed.

"Then go change!" She stormed off, still dragging a rather frightened looking Pettigrew.

"Hm... That's not a bad idea," he muttered to himself, heading for the door.

"Hey, Nathanyel!" Severus cut him off, looking angry. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go change."

"Into what?"

"Myself." Grinning, Nathanyel ran off.

Remus stared down at the punch on the refreshment table, wondering how much firewhiskey James and Sirius had poured into it. He supposed that it didn't matter, since he wasn't planning on drinking any of it, anyway. It was only two hours into the Yule Ball and he was already bored out of his mind and ready to go to bed.

"Hi, Remus." He started, turning to see Nathanyel, dressed up like some sort of perverted procelain doll.

"You're..." He couldn't think of anything to say.

"I decided to come as myself," Nathanyel replied decisively. "It's the holiday season, after all."

"Yes. It is." Remus swallowed shallowly as Nathanyel smiled at him, literally sparkling under the candlelight. "Do you... Want to go for a walk?" He wasn't sure why he was even bothering to ask; he knew that he didn't stand a chance.

"Sure." Nathanyel would probably hold his hand and talk about how he was such a good friend. In a strange sort of way, it hurt to hear it. "Let's go before Severus sees." As he had predicted, Nathanyel took his hand and led him outside, into the enchanted garden. He vaguely wondered how many couples were snogging in the bushes, and how many of them were actually with the person they really wanted.

"I've never seen you made up before. You look pretty." He felt like they were a couple, walking under the moonlight, hands twined together.

"Thanks. You look very handsome." Nathanyel walked a bit closer to him, and he tried not to let his breath quicken.

"Thank you." He wasn't sure where to go from there.

"No need to be so courteous." Nathanyel sat down on a stone bench, lightly tugging his hand. Remus smiled nervously and joined him, his mind starting to fill with blind hope. "Did you come with anyone?" By the look on Nathanyel's face, he seemed to be quite aware of the double entendre.

"No. And you?" Remus ignored it; he knew already that there was really no rhyme or reason to Nathanyel's flirting.

"Nope. I suggested to Severus that we come as friends, but he seemed to think that it was too dorky. I guess I'm just a big fat fag." Nathanyel grinned, shrugging as a small shiver swept through him.

"Are you cold?" Remus wouldn't be surprised; he was wearing a rather skimpy outfit. Leather pants, a corset, long gloves... All in bright red.

"It's nothing."

"Here." Remus removed his cloak and draped it over his shoulders. Smiling, Nathanyel pulled it tighter around himself and shuffled a bit closer.

"You're such a gentleman. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were courting me like a proper lad."

"Nah." Remus blushed, hoping it was hidden by the darkness. "Do you remember-" he began suddenly, but cut himself off. On second thought, it was best to keep to small talk.

"Do I remember what?" Nathanyel leaned in closer, apparently anxious to hear. Remus shivered a bit at the proximity, slightly distracted by the brilliant red lips hovering so close to him. "You're cold, now." Nathanyel threw part of the cloak over him, sliding closer and pressing tightly to his side. "We'll share."

"Okay." Suppressing a gulp and cursing his own bold stupidity, Remus carefully slid an arm around his waist.

"So continue. What do I remember?" Nathanyel was staring up at him, almost coquettishly.

"Do you remember... When we went to that carnival? And got drunk on the ferris wheel?"

"Yeah, I remember!" He let out a short spurt of laughter. "That was a fun time, wasn't it?" Remus nodded. "Stuck up on top of that thing all night long... If I wasn't so drunk I might have tried something on you." Nathanyel winked playfully, while Remus blushed at the thought. Although, Nathanyel didn't quite remember that he had tried something.

"Well, I was just thinking that this is a lot like that time."

"How so?"

"We're stuck outside together, while a crowd of people mills around nearby, oblivious to anything we do..." He was digging his own grave, and he knew it. If only he could think of a way to stop his mindless rambling. "The only difference is that this time, we're on the ground." He just had to leave it at that, and he would be fine. "And we're not drunk." He wished there was a subtle way to just take his arm back and walk away.

"You make a good point." Nathanyel wriggled in his grasp, turning to face him, blushing prettily. "Well, I'm not drunk this time. So maybe I will try something." He leaned in close, brushing his nose against Remus'.

"Alright." Remus wasn't really thinking by that point; all he could focus on was the hot breath against his face, Nathanyel pressing close to him...

"Nathanyel!" And that was as far as it got. "Where the fuck are you, you git? Nathanyel!"

"Oops!" Nathanyel jumped up, the cloak sliding off his shoulders; Remus pulled his arm, which had suddenly gotten rather cold, back to his side. "Erm... That's Sev. I should go." Remus nodded, not trusting himself to talk. "I'll see you around, okay?" Remus nodded again, wondering if he should be angry at Nathanyel's deceptively casual and innocent demeanor. "M'kay. Bye!" Waving, he ran off, leaving Remus still sitting on the bench with his cloak only half-covering him.

"Bye..." he called back weakly, aware that his voice wouldn't carry far enough to be heard. He had come so close to getting Nathanyel to recognize him as something more than a friend, and just like that it had been snatched away. He supposed he should feel bitter at the cruelty of fate.

However, he only felt excitement from the encounter, and even had a little bit of hope left. More than anything, though, he was horny. And that was a problem that only he himself could solve.

Severus sighed, watching the crowd dancing maniacally to the rather bad music provided. He'd found Nathanyel outside, dressed up like some sort of demented hooker. It was extremely disturbing, and he was in a rather sour mood, seeing as he didn't have a date and Nathanyel refused to change back into normal clothing.

"Perk up," Nathanyel prompted, shoving a cup of punch into his hands. "It's spiked, by the way."

"Oh." Severus downed it in one gulp. "This is such a waste of time."

"Not really; it's a good opportunity to try to get laid."

Severus raised his eyebrows. "Dressed like that?"

"Yeah." Nathanyel stretched, grinning at a fifth-year boy who happened to be staring. "I think I'll go introduce myself."

"Don't be a slut," Severus grumbled.

"If you want me to yourself, all you have to do is say so."

"I think not."

"Alright, then." Nathanyel bounded off to flirt shamelessly with the rather apprehensive looking boy.

Severus scowled angrily as he watched the exchange go on; the boy was blushing furiously as Nathanyel dragged him out onto the dance floor. He was acting like such an ass, dressed up like that and hitting on anything that looked in his direction. It wasn't that Severus was jealous, because he wasn't. It was just that... He didn't like it when Nathanyel acted so irresponsibly, with no consideration for how it would affect either of their reputations.

"Hey!" Nathanyel was back.

"What happened?"

"Absolutely nothing. That's why I'm back."

"Oh."

"Have some more punch."

"Alright."

"Then when you're drunk enough I can take advantage of you."

Severus spat out his punch and left the refreshment table for safer ground.

Severus sat on Nathanyel's bed, going over some figures while Nathanyel scribbled equations to calculate their monthly profit for the year on a spare piece of parchment. David Bowie softly sang "Ziggy Stardust" from the record player that Nathanyel had fished out of a dumpster in a muggle town and charmed. Severus thought idly that his parents would be rolling in their graves if they knew he'd been listening to muggle music.

Severus let out a long sigh; he was currently feeling sorry for himself. He was in seventh year, eighteen already, and he hadn't even been kissed. This fact had been made quite clear to him at the Yule Ball, which Nathanyel had dragged him to, where almost everyone had at one point paired up and started snogging. "What's the matter?" Nathanyel interrupted his pity fest.

"I've never been kissed," Severus stated. "Is that pathetic, or what?"

"Not really," Nathanyel replied. "I've never been kissed."

"Yes you have!" Severus protested.

"That doesn't count," he replied, almost automatically. Nathanyel didn't like to discuss the fiasco that had occurred just before the Lucius' wedding, when the bride had gotten drunk, sobbed herself silly, and apparently caused a lot of trouble for him. He had been absolutely mortified after the incident, especially since Severus always suspected that he had a bit of a thing for Lucius.

"Fine. But even that stupid damned Gryffindor Pettigrew's been kissed! I mean, I admit that I'm not much of a catch, but I've got to be better than that!"

"Severus." Nathanyel slammed his quill down. "If you want to be kissed so much, then go out and kiss someone. Otherwise, shut the hell up, because I've got one hell of a hangover." Severus blinked.

"No one would let me kiss her."

"How do you know? You've never tried, have you?" Severus shook his head. "Well, maybe a girl's wanted to kiss you, but was too intimidated! Maybe you should try to make the first move for once!" Severus opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. "Just go out, find a girl, and kiss her! It's that simple! Now, leave me alone with that crap; I've got important things to do." Severus remained speechless for a bit, listening to the record switch to "All the Young Dudes." He wondered how Nathanyel had managed to mix up the songs like that.

"...But," he finally managed to force out, "anyone I tried to kiss would slap me across the face and run away screaming."

"Well find someone who doesn't!" Nathanyel was apparently in a foul mood, which was most likely because they didn't have as much of a profit as he'd expected.

Severus sat and thought for a bit. There was only one person he could think of who wouldn't cause him physical harm due to an attempted kiss, but there was one problem. He wasn't gay. Severus just didn't like blokes. And it would be weird to kiss his friend. Severus leaned his chin on his hand and sighed again; Nathanyel actually looked rather effeminate. So he could pretend that he was kissing a girl. That would work, wouldn't it? After all, his lips looked rather soft and full at the moment, and he had just said to kiss someone. Except that is was gross.

He did want to get a kiss, though.

And Nathanyel really did look like a girl.

Well, there was nothing else for it. "Nathanyel?"

"Hm?" Nathanyel looked up, and Severus took his opportunity. He grabbed Nathanyel by the shoulders and pulled him forward, capturing his lips in a tentative kiss. Nathanyel tensed for a moment, then relaxed and leaned into his mouth, which was a bit of a surprise, though a pleasant one. Severus slid a hand around his waist and buried a hand in his hair, forgetting that it was Nathanyel he was kissing as he dragged his tongue across those soft lips. With a quiet moan, the mouth opened for him, and he plunged his tongue inside, going on instinct and what he'd read in his mother's naughty books. He was starting to get extremely aroused when suddenly something that felt suspiciously like what was growing in his own pants pressed against his stomach and jerked him back to reality.

Severus broke the kiss as quickly as he could, going redder than he thought he'd ever been before and panting slightly. "Sorry!" he gasped. "I- I kind of- I didn't realize-" Nathanyel interrupted him with a short laugh.

"No wonder everyone keeps saying you're a nancy boy," he chuckled, picking up his calculations again and sucking on the tip of his quill. For some reason, there was something very sensual about the act- Severus shook the thought out of his head.

"I'm not a nancy boy!" he snarled. "I don't like men!" Nathanyel eyed his persistent erection.

"Doesn't seem it to me." Mouthing in wordless rage, Severus quickly covered his arousal and glared at him.

"Well, you were just as hard!" he bit out. Nathanyel shrugged.

"Because it felt nice," he replied. "You know I was just teasing, right?"

"Apparently not." Severus sneered.

"Listen, Severus, I know you fancy me, but that doesn't change anything between us." Severus was back to being outraged, and astonished.

"What?" Nathanyel hummed a bit, tapping his quill on the parchment.

"All the young dudes, carry the news," he murmured along with the music, swaying slightly. "Boog-a-loo dudes, carry the news..."

"Fine." Severus stood up, balling his hands into fists. "Don't answer me." He headed for the door, but Nathanyel called after him.

"Severus." He turned around, crossing his arms and waiting for an apology. "Kick your shoes off," he stated simply. Then he resumed swaying and humming along with David Bowie, obviously oblivious to the rest of the world. Severus let out an exasperated snort and stormed out, slamming the door, missing the amused smile that Nathanyel sent after him.

"Hey, Remus." Nathanyel approached, sitting beside him with a small grin on his face.

"Hi," Remus replied, scooting closer to Nathanyel for warmth on the ice cold bench. He wished that the courtyard was somehow heated or shielded from the weather.

"Guess what."

Remus always knew that when he had to guess what Nathanyel had been doing, it had something to do with sex. "What?"

"I had my first official kiss."

Remus raised his eyebrows; in a way, he was rather disappointed that he wasn't the one to give that kiss. "Oh?"

"Yup. Severus kissed me. I know that it won't happen again, though. He's always been rather paranoid when it comes to that stuff."

"Then why did he kiss you?"

"I told him to."

"Oh."

"Anyway, I rather like kissing. In fact, I should like to kiss someone again some time soon." Nathanyel carefully studied the ground, biting his lip.

"I see."

"Well, not just someone, really."

"No?" Remus could feel his heart racing; he hoped that Nathanyel was saying what he thought he was.

"I'd really like... That is to say..." Nathanyel paused, took a deep breath, and turned to him, blushing. "Would you kiss me?"

Remus couldn't believe it. "What?"

"I'm sorry. It's just-"

"No, no. I mean... I'm just rather... Floored."

"Right. You don't have to. I was wondering, is all..." Nathanyel wrung his hands together, staring up at him with a pleading expression. "Please don't be angry at me."

"I... I'm not. I'll... Kiss you." Remus leaned forward before he could change his mind, carefully pressing his lips to Nathanyel's. He nearly melted when Nathanyel let out a small gasp of surprise against his mouth, at the same time leaning into him. The action was so innocent and trusting, that it was difficult to believe that the boy he was kissing was... Well. There was no need for him to think about that kind of thing, surely.

When he pulled away, Nathanyel was flushed and shyly staring at him from beneath his eyelashes. Slowly, he slid his tongue out and licked his lips, eyes fixed on Remus. Finally, he released a tiny sigh before asking, "Again?"

The second time, Remus was much less hesitant in initiating the kiss. However, he still wasn't sure of how far to go, and so he kept it close-lipped. That was why he was so surprised when he felt Nathanyel's tongue pushing against his lips, and then into his mouth. He wasn't surprised, though, that Nathanyel had absolutely no idea what he was doing.

It was still better than he could have imagined.

Remus wandered into the common room, still rather dazed from his encounter with Nathanyel. They'd parted ways after someone had almost caught them, but Nathanyel wanted to see him again.

Nathanyel. Wanted. To. See. Him.

"Oi, Remus!"

He was snapped out of his blissful daze by Sirius slapping him on the back. "Hello, Sirius."

"I was just-" Sirius paused, staring at him.

"...What is it?"

"Is that a love bite?"

"No!" Remus quickly slapped a hand to his neck, trying to cover the mark that Nathanyel had left. Remus hadn't expected him to be so adventurous, but he had always liked surprises.

"It is! Moony, you scoundrel!" Sirius gave him a hearty punch in the arm, grinning like a mad man.

"I swear, it isn't!" Remus lied, still trying to cover it.

"What is it, then?"

"Just a bruise. I fell."

"On your neck?"

"It happens!"

"Right." Sirius' grin only widened. "Whatever you say."

"What are you guys talking about?" Peter asked curiously, approaching.

"Remus has a love bite," Sirius informed him.

"From a girl or a bloke?" Peter replied calmly. They both turned to Remus, eyebrows raised.

"...Well... A bloke." Remus did his best to keep up his courage. "Is that a problem?"

"Nope," Sirius replied. "It's just that girls are much hotter."

"I agree," Peter stated. "I mean, I don't see what the attraction is for you, Moony. Why would you want to do anything with someone who has all the same parts, anyway?"

"He's got a point," Sirius pointed out.

"Yeah, well..." Remus tried to think of something to say in his defense. "Well... Why would you want to put your prick in a hole that has blood pouring out of it once a month?"

"Better than sticking it in a hole that someone shits out of," Peter countered.

"And I thought you did that, too, anyway," Sirius added.

"Hey!" Remus punched him, though not that hard.

"Well, when you think about it, it is awfully similar to-"

"That's enough," Remus interrupted, frowning. "Where's James, by the way?" He thought it best to change the subject.

"He's off chasing Evans again," Peter sighed. "He should just give it up, already."

"You see, that's why you never get any girls," Sirius informed him. "You just aren't the romantic type."

"I could get a girl if I really tried," Peter argued, taking on a defensive tone.

"Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it."

"Hello! I already have one!"

"More like she has you."

Remus left them to their argument, heading for the showers. After such a long day, he needed to unwind a bit.

"Olivia!" Nathanyel tore through the library, luckily out of Madam Pince's wand range. "'mSOGAYNOW!" He dove into the chair across from her as she raised her eyebrows at him from over the top of her book.

"You're so... Gay... Now," she repeated, a healthy amount of consternation apparent in her voice.

"Yes."

"...Why?"

"You have to keep this a super total secret, okay?"

"Okay."

"I..." Nathanyel paused to build up the suspense. However, when Olivia looked more annoyed than suspended, he continued. "I kissed Remus."

"What?"

"I was so so so so so so so so so-"

"Wrap it up."

"-So nervous, but it was great and wonderful and I really like kissing boys especially Remus because he has lots and lots of hair." Nathanyel took a deep breath and let out a loud throaty moan. "HAIR!"

"I've noticed. Most people do have hair."

"Not that kind, but you know on his face and his body and I wanna touch it!" He was excited, to say the least.

"Have you been testing anything on yourself?"

"No."

"...Right." Olivia snapped her book shut and massaged her temples. "Nathanyel, have you any idea how disturbing this conversation is to me?"

"I think Remus is HOT."

"No."

"And sexy." Nathanyel giggled.

"Go be gay somewhere else. You're irritating me, and grossing me out."

"But you're the only person I can tell because it's a super big secret that I have a boner from snogging Remus and I want to lick him all over and be naked right now."

"Nathanyel, I'm going to give you the best advice in the whole wide world right now, so listen carefully." Anxious to hear what she had to say, he leaned forward. "Take a nice, cold shower and meditate. Calm yourself down. Then, come back here and talk to me like a normal human being."

"...Alright. Can do. Right." He stood up, took a few calming breaths, then headed out of the library. It didn't take long, though, for him to dissolve into girlish giggles again.

"Remus." Nathanyel grabbed Remus in the Charms corridor and hauled him off to the nearest secret passage before he could raise any protest.

"What are you doing? Nathanyel, I have to get to a class, and N.E.W.T. exams are coming up, and-"

"Take off your shirt." Nathanyel crossed his arms, waiting.

"...I'm sorry, what?"

"I said, 'take off your shirt.'"

"Are you drunk?"

"You're not going to your class until it comes off." Nathanyel continued to wait, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Why the hell do you want me to take my shirt off?" Remus asked defensively, grabbing at the front of his shirt as if to make sure it stayed buttoned.

"I want to see it."

"See what?"

"Hair."

Remus just stared at him, eyebrows raised.

"Give it to me now!" Nathanyel reached out, making grabbing motions. "I want it!"

"...Nathanyel..." Remus paused, rubbing at his eyebrow. "I'm going to class now."

"Nooooo I wanna see it! I know you have it!"

"You've been drinking, haven't you? Is that it? Or doing drugs?"

"I want it now!" Nathanyel lunged at him, only narrowly missing.

"I'm going to class, Nathanyel!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"But I want to lick you!"

"This is not appropriate!"

"Just let me have a little peek? Please?"

"No!" Protectively holding his shirt closed, Remus darted out of the secret passage, leaving Nathanyel to sulk.

He'd really wanted to see it.

"Remus?"

He jumped, his heart racing. "Nathanyel." He couldn't think of what else to say. Nathanyel had caught him off-guard, meeting him outside his Charms class.

"I was just wondering if, erm..." Nathanyel looked away, scratching at the back of his neck. "If we could just... Go somewhere to talk?"

"Er..." Remus checked to make sure that no one was nearby or watching. "Yeah, sure."

"Are you fine with a trip to the West Tower?"

"Yeah. That's fine."

He followed Nathanyel through the halls, jumping at any sign of another person approaching. After all, it could always be one of his friends, and it would be easy to track him down with the Marauder's Map. The walk to the West Tower was awkwardly silent, although he held onto the dying hope of another encounter like the one in the courtyard.

When they got to the West Tower, Remus was pleasantly surprised to find that Nathanyel veered off into one of the abandoned observatory rooms rather than heading straight to the top. It was more private, and warmer, so there might be a chance of some type of clothing removal. Hopefully on Nathanyel's part.

"Okay." Nathanyel rubbed his hands together, looking a little nervous. "Will you take off your shirt, now?"

"What?" Remus blinked, once again caught off guard.

"Your shirt. Take it off." Nathanyel stared at him. "Please?" he added, apparently as an afterthought.

"...Er..." It was the second time Nathanyel had done something like this, and he was rather confused. What exactly was supposed to be going on, he had no idea. He'd known that Nathanyel had rather strange tastes, especially when it came to sexual matters, but he was rather wary. Besides that, he was embarrassed.

He'd always been embarrassed of his scars. When he'd had sex with Lucius, he hadn't given the issue a second thought because he was certain that Lucius was the type to do it clothed. When he'd discovered otherwise, he'd been extremely hesitant. However, Lucius hadn't minded. "Just as long as you're a good fuck," he'd said. But he was the only person Remus had ever undressed for in an encounter.

"I'd really like it if you took your shirt off," Nathanyel continued, obviously thinking a more polite approach would work better.

"What do you want, exactly?" He thought back to their previous encounter, rather puzzled by Nathanyel's behavior. "Just to see my... Hair?"

"And touch it!" Nathanyel exclaimed, a strange glint in his eyes.

"I..." Perhaps it would be best to tell the truth. He wasn't sure how Nathanyel would react to his scars, but he was sure that if he put his foot down everything would turn out his way. "No. I refuse." He crossed his arms, daring Nathanyel to challenge him.

"Why not?" Nathanyel was pouting like a petulant child.

"Because... I'm uncomfortable."

"I've always found you to be rather warm and cozy."

Remus glared.

"What's so uncomfortable, then?"

"I... I just don't look good, that's all."

"That isn't true and you know it."

"And how do you know it isn't true?"

"Because Lucius wouldn't fuck you if you didn't look good," Nathanyel stated simply.

"Oh." Remus winced slightly. He didn't often like to speak about Lucius, especially not after the incident on the train platform at King's Cross.

"So take if off before I do." Nathanyel grabbed his shirt, tugging on it. He jumped away, frowning.

"No. I have..." He lowered his voice, embarrassed. "...Scars."

"...Oh." Nathanyel blushed, chewing on his bottom lip. "I have them, too."

"Hm?" Remus raised his eyebrows, a bit skeptical. He'd seen Nathanyel in the nude before (which he'd rather enjoyed) and he hadn't noticed anything.

"On my back," he clarified. "And my arms and my neck."

When he thought about it, it sort of made sense. Nathanyel had never actually bared his back to him while shirtless, and always seemed to have those bandages around his arms and neck lately.

"I don't like to show people, either." Nathanyel blushed, his eyes falling to the floor. A moment ago, he'd been practically trying to rip Remus' shirt off, and all of a sudden he'd gotten shy?

"So you know how I feel, then," Remus pointed out, hoping that would be the end of the discussion.

"Yeah." Nathanyel continued to stare at the floor, his cheeks tinged pink. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours," he finally blurted out.

"Huh?" Remus was taken by surprise again, and reminded himself that when it came to Nathanyel, he should expect anything to happen.

"I mean... I trust you. And... And I'd like to see yours, really. I don't know anyone else with scars. Maybe you have some like mine." He was still blushing. "If you want, that is."

"Erm..." Remus had a feeling that he was going to regret his decision later. "Alright."

Swallowing loudly, Nathanyel took a step back and began to undo the buttons on his shirt. Remus watched on in fascination as the shirt was dropped onto the floor, and Nathanyel averted his attention to a spot on the wall. He'd gotten a bit more muscular than Remus remembered, though it was wiry and he was still as thin and pale as ever. His arms and neck were, of course, covered by those eternal bandages of his.

"Ready?" he asked nervously.

"Yeah," Remus replied, his curiosity spiking.

Slowly, Nathanyel turned around, his shoulders tensing. "Ta-da," he muttered weakly.

"Where'd you get these?" Remus was a little shocked.

Nathanyel's scars weren't the jagged, reckless results of his own brutally inflicted slashes. They were the careful, calculated marks of incisions and explorations. There were some raised pinprick-like scars, which puzzled him; he didn't think that needles left scars. Perhaps it had been something else. "I don't know," Nathanyel murmured. "They're just there. Sometimes I wake up with new ones."

Remus felt a shiver run through his body, remembering his stay at Nathanyel's house. The eerie atmosphere; the cold, almost sterile environment; the feeling he'd had almost all the time of being watched; it had all been rather unsettling. He wouldn't doubt that Nathanyel's own father was the source of the scarring. There was something almost ritualistic about it... Possessive, even. Like he was branded.

"I just... Feel weird, letting other people see."

"Yeah," Remus agreed, unable to tear his eyes away.

"You can see more, if you want."

"There's more?" Remus muttered, looking up at the back of Nathanyel's head.

"Here." His fingers were at the bandages around his neck, untying the tiny knot on the side and slowly unraveling them. Remus gulped as they fell limp, like a strange necklace, revealing a rather brutal mark on the back of his neck. "I know it's from my father. He has one just like it." Nathanyel sounded much calmer than Remus had ever experienced before.

"It looks painful," Remus replied. He stared at the mark, a livid and precise point, right at the center of the skin revealed, surrounded by spidery, vein-like scars. It looked to him like a volcano errupting; something harsh and violent and at the same time captivating.

"Sometimes, it is. Most of the time it's just itchy." Nathanyel began wrapping it up, working quickly and quietly. "The bandages help."

"...I... Er..." Remus wanted to ask more questions, but he doubted that Nathanyel would answer them. "I guess it's my turn, then." He shivered a bit as he unbuttoned his shirt; he wondered briefly how he'd let himself get talked into this in the first place. "Um... Right. This is... It." He felt himself blushing under Nathanyel's careful scrutiny.

"What's this one?" Nathanyel reached out to brush his fingers over the patch of toughened skin on his side.

"It's from when I..." He trailed off, trying not to flinch away.

"So that's what a werewolf bite looks like?"

"Er... Yeah." He looked away, trying not to show the redness on his face.

"I like it."

Remus would have protested that there was nothing to like, but he was too shocked by the fact that Nathanyel had leaned over and licked it to say much of anything. "Y-you don't have to..."

"You're nervous?" Nathanyel leaned back on his heels. "There are lots of scars, but that's the one you hate the most, right?"

Remus nodded, afraid that he'd stutter again if he spoke.

"I know how that can be." Nathanyel scratched the back of his neck, looking pensively up at him.

"So... What now?"

Nathanyel stretched out his arms like a child wanting to be picked up. "Kiss me?"

Remus thought that he must have looked like a glowing cherry as he leaned down.

"Wait!"

He stopped dead, afraid he'd done something wrong.

"I want an Eskimo kiss, first."

"An Eskimo kiss?" Remus was relieved that he hadn't ruined the moment. "What's that?"

Grinning, Nathanyel leaned forward and rubbed his nose against Remus'. "Eskimo kisses."

"Oh." Remus smiled back, feeling rather fond of the Eskimo kiss.

"Now give me a regular kiss."

Remus moaned a bit as Nathanyel ran his fingers through the hair on his chest.

"We've been snogging a lot." Nathanyel watched as Remus choked on his sandwich.

"Um, yeah," he replied, once he'd gotten his breathing under control.

"Is this a date?" He was referring to the small picnic they were currently having together at the top of the shortest west tower; it had become something of a meeting place for them.

"Well, er... I don't know what you mean by that."

"I just... Well, we're only friends, right?"

"Right."

Nathanyel didn't say anything for a long time; he wondered if it was possible that what he was doing with Remus could be considered a relationship. If so, what kind? He wasn't really sure how he felt about the idea of being... Boyfriends. He also didn't know what Remus thought about it. The obvious conclusion to come to in such a situation, therefor, was that he should stop thinking about it so much. "I want to touch you," he said out loud.

"What?" Luckily, Remus had finished his sandwich, already. "What do you mean?"

"I want to touch your cock," Nathanyel clarified. "Right now."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah." His stomach felt tight, like being nervous, but different.

"Alright." Remus grunted as Nathanyel climbed on top of him.

"I want you," Nathanyel whispered as he carefully unbuttoned Remus' trousers; he was fairly sure that he was supposed to say something to that effect. He could already feel himself blushing, before he'd even done anything; Remus was just as lovely as he remembered.

"You, too," Remus replied quietly, kissing him.

When Remus was done, Nathanyel used the picnic blanket to clean up; it wasn't like he never washed the thing, anyway.

"Your turn," Remus murmured, pushing him down onto his back.

"You've been disappearing an awful lot, lately."

"Hm?" Nathanyel looked up to find Severus glaring at him.

"Where have you been going, anyway?" he prodded, sounding suspicious.

"Booty calls," Nathanyel answered truthfully, turning back to his essay about the theory behind apparating.

"Seriously," Severus insisted, pulling the essay out of his hands. "Tell me."

"I already did," Nathanyel insisted. "I've been getting an awful lot of good snogging in, lately. That's all."

"That can't be."

"Why not?" Nathanyel snatched his essay back, feeling rather indignant at the implication.

"Who'd snog you?"

"You would."

"Shh!"

"Anyway, I've just been feeling a lot more confident, lately." He finished up his conclusion with a flourish. "And it's none of your business what I do with my free time, anyway." He was in a sassy mood.

"Yeah, well... I've just been wondering, that's all." Severus crossed his arms, looking rather sour.

Nathanyel knew that it was his way of saying that he'd missed him.

"How was it?"

"How was what?" Nathanyel looked up to see Regulus standing over him, watching as he sat on his bed and studied.

"Your meeting with your new boyfriend," Regulus clarified slyly, shoving him over and sitting down next to him.

"How do you know what I do with my free time?" Nathanyel grumbled, eyeing him suspiciously.

"I have my sources." Regulus grinned, nudging him playfully. "So have you gone all the way, yet?"

"No, and it's none of your business, anyway."

"Oh, come on."

"No! Leave me alone!"

"Fine." Regulus crossed his arms and pouting. "I guess I'll just sit here and sulk."

"...Get off my bed."

Nathanyel was starting to understand how Severus felt around him.

Nathanyel was meeting Remus that night to give him his painkillers; well... More like sell him his painkillers. Still, he was excited about seeing Remus, and found himself practically skipping down the hallway. Remus was actually sitting, waiting for him in the corridor, rather than their usual classroom. "Hi, Remus!" he greeted, immediately admonishing himself for letting his voice get too loud.

"Hello," he greeted, licking his lips.

Nathanyel felt a little puzzled at that as he approached, but shrugged it off. "I got your stuff," he informed Remus, kneeling in front of him.

"You look sexy tonight." Remus bit him.

"Umm... Thanks." He shifted a bit, feeling eyes on him. "...Remus? Is there something wrong?"

Remus had a feral look in his eyes, and was staring at him with a strange expression on his face. "Hm?"

Nathanyel frowned a bit. "Are you alright?" He leaned forward, placing a hand on Remus' forehead; it felt a little warm.

"I'm fine," Remus muttered grabbing his hand and pulling it down. Nathanyel blushed furiously when Remus put it somewhere much warmer. "Just a little... Excited. You could help calm me down." He'd never acted so bold before; Nathanyel wondered if maybe it had something to do with the almost-full moon.

"I don't think we should... In the middle of the corridor... Like this..." Nathanyel trailed off when Remus reached out and placed two fingers on his lips, slowly coaxing them open.

"Suck," he ordered.

Gasping, Nathanyel tried to pull back. "Really, you can't just-" He was cut off when Remus grabbed him by the hair on the back of his head and worked the fingers back into his mouth.

"Suck them," Remus murmured, breath tickling his ear. Nathanyel did as he was told, letting out a soft whimper when he felt Remus' hand between his legs. "That's it," Remus coaxed, "just like that. You're very good at this."

Nathanyel closed his eyes, pressing back against the weight on his crotch, desperately suckling and licking the fingers in his mouth. He let out a disappointed groan when his erection was suddenly left to fend for itself, but the rustling sound of clothing that followed sent an excited shiver down his spine. Then, the hand was back in his hair, and Remus was gently pulling him back. Eyes immediately traveling down, he bit his lip at the sight of Remus pointing up at him, red and swollen.

"I think you know what to do."

His head was being guided down, closer and closer. Nathanyel gulped nervously; he knew exactly what to do, but he'd never done it to another person before. "I'm not sure we should- in the middle- hey!" It was rubbing against his cheek, hot and damp. "S-stop it!"

"Don't worry, Nathanyel," Remus encouraged. "I know you'll be good at it."

"But someone might-"

"You're not the kind of person who worries. Just forget about that." Remus let go of his head, holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "We can stop, if you don't want to do it, but it would be silly to worry for nothing. Don't you agree?"

Nathanyel gulped, looking down; it was hot and wet and waiting. "...Yes..." Nathanyel slid his tongue out and licked it, smiling to himself as Remus moaned.

"Faster." And then it was in his mouth, completely filling it, his jaw aching as he pushed to fit more and more in. Remus hissed and pulled his hair and thrust up hard into him; he had to brace himself to keep from collapsing. "You're- you're so good," Remus babbled. "Like that, yes, just right, so good!" It was filling his throat, twitching and spurting; hot, slippery liquid was running down his throat, and he could barely swallow it all.

Finally, Remus let go of his hair, and he reeled back, coughing as some of the stuff dribbled from his mouth. Swallowing several times, he was finally able to clear his throat, panting. "You- you are so- so dead," he managed to gasp out, before lunging at Remus. "What was that?" Nathanyel demanded, grabbing him by the collar.

"It was bloody brilliant," he muttered, grinning.

"You practically rammed it down my throat!"

"You said yes, didn't you?"

"I did, but I told you to stop before that, right? Right?"

"And I did, so you could make a decision, and we both know how that turned out. Besides, you liked it," Remus pointed out. "You're still turned on."

"But- I- you-" Nathanyel abruptly found himself on his back.

"Just relax. I'll make it up to you." Remus was pulling down his trousers, and then his pants, and-

"Oh!" A strong, slippery tongue was on him, lapping at him, sliding up and down. "R-Remus..." Hot, strange wetness was all around him; a mouth was on him, and he was mewling and bucking as fingers slid up behind him. Fingers still damp with his own saliva were stroking him, working at his entrance, sliding inside. Letting out a long moan, Nathanyel arched, mouth working wordlessly.

He was in ecstasy; he was beyond wonderful. He was warm and tingling and his muscles were clenching and Remus was drinking it all up. He was shouting and writhing, and someone was bound to hear, but all that mattered was this feeling, this moment.

And then it was done. "Mmm, you taste awfully good." Remus was leaning over him, licking his lips. He felt tired, dizzy, and more content than he thought he'd ever been. "I don't know what you were complaining about. You were worse than I was."

"Hm?"

"You almost choked me to death."

"You deserved it," Nathanyel croaked.

Remus only shrugged, looking thoughtful. "I was thinking," he announced unnecessarily, stroking Nathanyel's stomach, "you could come up to my dorm." He slipped his hand up higher and began petting a nipple. "Wouldn't that be fun?"

Nathanyel shivered, letting his eyes drop closed.

"And I'd really like it. Better than the floor, at least." Remus was blushing, something of his normal self showing through.

"It was your idea to do it here," Nathanyel protested weakly.

"I know. But you can't seriously prefer it, can you?"

"Hmph. You've never been this confident before." He pushed himself up, batting Remus' hand away from his chest. "Is this all just the moon?"

"If it was all just the moon," Remus whispered, leaning close, "then I would have fucked you already."

Nathanyel shuddered, a knot forming in his stomach. "Alright. Let's go." He scrambled to pull his trousers up as Remus helped him stand, pulling insistently at his wrist. When he'd had time to get his own clothing back into proper order, Nathanyel had no idea.

"Hurry."

His stomach felt like it was going to crawl right out of his navel; he was finally going to get some real cock, he was going to bed with Remus, he was-

"Hold on a minute." Remus pushed him into an alcove and started rubbing up against him.

"But we're not there, yet," Nathanyel muttered, digging his fingers into Remus' arm.

"I know, but... I'm really impatient tonight. Sorry." Remus leaned forward and kissed him, hard. He would have protested more, but then Remus' tongue was sliding into his mouth, exploring, stroking. It was difficult to think straight with all the different sensations that were washing over him.

It was easy to do so, however, when they were interrupted by a loud meow. "Fucker," Nathanyel muttered instinctually, catching a glimpse of Mrs. Norris scampering away.

"Dorm," Remus gasped.

"Yeah," he agreed, and they were off running.

"Where are they?" It was definitely Filch's voice.

"This way!" Remus hissed, pulling Nathanyel behind a tapestry and leading him down a long flight of stairs. "We'll probably- end up- on the first floor," he panted.

"Then we can go to Slytherin," Nathanyel replied.

Remus abruptly stopped, glancing back at him with raised eyebrows. "Slytherin?"

"Trust me."

Remus hesitated a bit, then continued on.

"...This is Major Tom to ground control... I'm stepping through the door... Hmm hmmm..."

"...I'm starting to doubt my decision, here."

"Sorry. I'm just excited!"

Remus smiled warmly at him.

It took Nathanyel all his self-control not to skip through the dungeons to the common room. Then, it took even more self-control not to skip to his dormitory. He did have a bounce in his step, though.

"You're sure no one will hear us?" Remus muttered as Nathanyel pushed him onto the bed and closed the curtains.

"There are silencing spells around each bed." He began stripping immediately. "Take off your shirt."

"Er... Alright."

Grinning, Nathanyel finished undressing and crawled under the sheets. "I'm happy," he informed Remus.

"I can see." Looking rather happy himself, he crawled forward and tried to tug the sheets down.

"Oh no you don't! This is the Naked Club, and you're not allowed in until you take all your clothes off."

Remus rolled his eyes, but began undoing his trousers. "You're impossible, sometimes."

"I'm impossible all the time."

Remus let out a heavy sigh as he practically tore off his pants. "Alright, move over."

"Eat me."

"Don't mind if I do." Remus grinned as he climbed under the sheets and pulled Nathanyel closer.

"Hey there, Mr. Nakey," Nathanyel giggled.

"Hello there, Mrs. Nakey."

"Hey! I'm not a girl! Girls are icky!"

Remus just laughed and kissed him. Nathanyel couldn't help but dissolve into heady sighs.

"I guess I forgive you," he breathed.

"Good. I wouldn't want you to be angry at me."

"Kiss me some more. I love it when you kiss me." Nathanyel leaned forward, hoping for his request to be fulfilled.

"What would you do for a kiss?"

"Don't say that!"

"Why not?"

"Because I want a kiss now!"

"Then come and get it."

Nathanyel huffed indignantly; he refused to be the one doing the chasing. "Then I guess we won't... Do it." He felt a little juvenile using that kind of terminology, but he was feeling a bit shy about the matter.

"You mean... You wanted to..." Remus trailed off, blushing.

"Yeah," Nathanyel murmured, feeling his own face go red. "So... Do you want to?" He could feel his stomach squirming at the thought of actually going through with it... But there was no way that Remus would... He could handle it, though.

"Well, yeah," Remus replied, clearing his throat a bit. "O-of course." He straightened up, looking like he was trying to regain some of his composure.

"Um... What now? I mean, you've done it before, so you would know." Nathanyel scratched the back of his neck, sitting up. He could handle it.

"We need lubricant."

Nathanyel froze, staring with wide eyes at Remus. "W-what?" They were really going to do it?

"We need... You know... Lubricant. For..."

"Yeah. I know that." Gulping, Nathanyel crawled to the foot of the bed and pushed the curtains aside, rummaging through his trunk. His hands were shaking, and he was sort of cold, even though he was sweating.

"What's this?" Remus had crawled up beside him and pulled out the dildo from Lucius.

Nathanyel felt himself blushing, his chest clenching painfully.

"Looks like fun." Remus laughed and put it back in the trunk, disappearing behind the curtains again.

Nathanyel scrambled to find the lubricant, finally getting ahold of it and scooting up to Remus, wondering if they were really going to do it.

"Thanks," Remus muttered warmly, taking it and spreading some over his fingers. "Come here."

Nathanyel's first instinct was to back away; he could actually feel the hair on the back of his neck standing up. Instead, he inched forward, hunching his shoulders defensively. He felt the same way he had when he was punished as a child; he didn't know why.

"You're afraid," Remus stated flatly, frowning a bit.

"No," Nathanyel denied, even though he couldn't stop shaking.

"We could stop, if you want."

"No," he repeated.

"Well, whenever you feel-"

"I'm fine." He could tell that it was obvious he wasn't, but he didn't want Remus to think that he was a cold fish or a hypocrite. He didn't want to disappoint Remus. Besides, he could handle it.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah." Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to move forward, kissing Remus. It didn't help to calm his nerves at all.

"Kneel up a little bit."

Bracing himself on Remus' shoulders, he rose onto his knees, craning to look behind him as he felt Remus reach around. He could feel fingers brushing against his... His...

"Stop." It was rather sudden and bland, as if someone else had said it; surely his panicked mind couldn't produce something that sounded so calm.

Remus immediately pulled away, steadying Nathanyel to help him sit back down.

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright if you're not ready. I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do."

"But I do," Nathanyel protested, relaxing even as he spoke at the knowledge that they weren't going to... Do it.

"I'm not angry," Remus murmured, leaning forward to kiss him. "Just relax, alright? I don't mind at all, really."

"Sorry," Nathanyel repeated, disappointed that he'd backed out.

"Do you want to... Do other things?"

"Hmm." Nathanyel leaned forward and began to touch Remus.

"Thanks," was all Remus seemed to be able to say, and then he was quiet the rest of the time. When he was done, it was rather awkward. "Are you..."

"I'm fine," Nathanyel replied.

"Oh." Remus shifted uncomfortably, blushing. "I feel a bit bad. I mean, I- well what happened before- and... I got to, er..."

"Finish?" Nathanyel offered as a modest alternative to the word he had in mind.

"Yeah. I got to finish twice, but you only did it once."

"Once was enough," he assured Remus. "Are you hungry?"

"Er... A bit. I know how to get into the kitchens, if you'd like."

"That would be nice." Nathanyel sprung up, looking for his clothes. He wondered how things could have turned so awkward, after all that... What was it that Lucius would call it? Passion, he supposed. "Do you-" He was cut off as Remus kissed him, hard.

Nathanyel grabbed his hand and squeezed it, hard.

Maybe finishing twice wasn't such a bad idea, after all. Besides, he wasn't that hungry.

Nathanyel tapped his quill against the parchment. He couldn't stop thinking. He couldn't stop thinking about Remus and sex and his arms and... Everything. He'd written to Uncle Laszlo, because Olivia didn't really understand those kinds of things and Severus didn't understand anything, and Remus... He didn't want to scare Remus away.

Uncle Laszlo's reply had come very quickly, and advised him to distract himself. That was why Nathanyel had decided to distract himself by learning something. He'd asked Uncle Laszlo for help, because he knew that nothing he learned in school would be any good. He needed something that would... Exhaust him.

That was why his bag was packed with only necessities, and he was planning to leave without a word during the Quidditch game the next day. No one would notice until it was too late. He was certain that Severus would worry, but it would only be a week.

It was necessary.

Really, it was.

"Hey! Hey, Nathanyel!" Remus ran to catch up with him, breathing heavily. "Where are you going? It's the middle of a Quidditch game." Nathanyel bit his lip, pulling his hat tighter over his head.

"Well, I was thinking I should leave. And no one will notice during a Quidditch match, right?" He grinned. "I could use a walk, anyway."

"Wait! Where are you going?"

"Dunno, dun' care." Nathanyel adjusted his bag, then turned and kept walking.

"You can't just leave. Don't you care about anything?"

"I'll come back. I just need to go for a while."

"But-"

"Don't worry. You said I'm not the type to worry, right? So I'm not worried. And if I'm not worried about myself, then you shouldn't be worried either, see?" Remus blinked, looking confused.

"What? You're not even making sense."

"Huh. Imagine that." Remus was following him by that point.

"Nathanyel, you can't just leave. You could get hurt, or killed, and if you even come back in one piece you'll spend the rest of the year in detention, and-"

"It doesn't matter."

"But I'll miss you." Nathanyel paused and turned around, tilting his head.

"You'll miss me? Really?"

"Well... Yeah." For some reason, it made Nathanyel happy to hear Remus say it.

"I'll miss you, too." Smiling, he took Remus by the shoulders and kissed him, balancing on his toes. "See you later, okay?"

"...Okay." Waving, Nathanyel headed for the narrow road that led into Hogsmeade; he planned to travel through the town and into the mountains... And after that... Well, like he'd said, he didn't know.

"Nathanyel Page," Minerva McGonagall called out. There was silence. "Nathanyel Page," she repeated, glancing up from her attendance list.

Mundungus Fletcher twitched a bit, and Regulus Black looked guiltily in the other direction.

"Does anyone know where Nathanyel Page might be?" she inquired, raising her eyebrows.

A few students fidgeted and averted their eyes, but no one said anything.

"...Maybe he's sick," Black muttered after a few moments of terse silence.

"Yeah, sick," Fletcher echoed.

"I think he's in the infirmary," Mary Jordan added. There were a few murmurs of assent, but Minerva knew a lie when she heard one.

"Very well," she accepted in clipped tones. "I hope that at least one of you will be responsible for giving him his assignment."

Black slowly raised his hand.

"Alright, Mr. Black. You'll stay after class, then."

By the end of class, she had planned out exactly how she was going to squeeze the information from Black. Slytherins tended to be protective of each other, despite their differences, but most of them cracked easily under pressure. "Ah, Mr. Black." She offered him a tight smile, which he did not return. "Tell me, what exactly is wrong with Mr. Page?"

The boy shrugged, looking unconcerned.

"I see." She folded her hands on her desk and gave him a severe look over her spectacles. "I do not believe that Mr. Page is actually in the infirmary," she informed him firmly. "Am I correct?"

"Yes," he muttered apathetically.

She leaned back, blinking; it had been a lot easier than she'd anticipated. "Well, then... Where is he?" Black shrugged again.

"Dunno. Haven't seen him since the Quidditch match."

"But that was on Saturday!"

"Yeah. Haven't seen him."

She raised her eyebrows.

"You're asking the wrong person, anyway. We don't really talk." Black let out a bored sigh. "He's weird, like that." Apparently, he didn't actually know anything. "So what was that assignment?"

An hour later, Minerva sat in the staffroom, sipping her tea. She'd talked to Poppy, just to be sure, and Page hadn't been in the infirmary at all since the Quidditch match. She'd gone to Albus, but he, of course, had no idea where the Slytherin had gotten to. She supposed she'd gotten too used to the idea that Albus knew everything.

"Ah, good day, Minerva." Filius entered the room, pouring himself some tea and taking the seat across the table from her.

"Hello, Filius," she greeted half-heartedly. She wasn't quite in the mood for Filius' bright chatter; she was more in the mood for berating herself. She was the head of Gryffindor, yes, but she was also the Deputy Headmistress, and that meant that she was responsible for every student. She hadn't exactly acted responsibly in regards to the Page boy, though. In her defense, it was quite difficult; he was much like his father had been at that age. Although, at least his father had been able to transfigure a teapot into a turtle. She wondered briefly how he'd even managed to get a high enough grade on his O.W.L.s to pass on to N.E.W.T. level classes, but she'd heard rumors of eastern techniques. He certainly didn't seem to be using them in class.

"Is there something wrong, Minerva?"

She was snapped out of her reverie by Filius' ever upbeat voice; she did tend to let her mind wander when she was out of sorts.

"It's nothing much..." She frowned at her tea. "Just the Page boy."

"Ah, yes. I'd heard he was nowhere to be found." Gossip certainly traveled quickly in the school. "I've spoken to his cousin, but she won't say a word to me. Perhaps you could get something out of her?"

Minerva blinked, snapping her eyes up to look sharply at him; she'd forgotten that Page had a cousin in Ravenclaw. "Perhaps I will. Do you know where she might be, now?"

And so, after talking Filius into fetching the girl from the Ravenclaw common room, Minerva found herself in her office, facing a stony-faced Ravenclaw. "What is it?" the girl finally grunted, scowling.

Minerva, feeling a bit indignant at her rudeness, composed herself. "It seems that your cousin has decided to... Take off."

"And you want to know where he is." She frowned.

"Yes."

"Ask Remus Lupin." After that, she wouldn't say anything further.

So, with a long suffering sigh, Minerva made her way up to the Gryffindor common room, cursing the students and their little games and wild goose chases. Upon entering the common room, she felt several pairs of eyes on her, but ignored them, instead fixating on the four boys in front of the fire. "Mr. Lupin." She approached, eyeing them all cautiously. "I would like a word with you."

Potter and Black gave each other puzzled looks, while Pettigrew narrowed his eyes.

"...Yes, Professor." Slowly, Lupin stood and followed her out of the common room.

"Where is Nathanyel Page?" She was fed up with all the half-answers she'd gotten; she just wanted to get straight to the point and get it over with.

"What?" Lupin's eyes widened a bit.

"I do not wish to repeat myself," Minerva worked out.

"I- I don't know." She scowled.

"I have talked to four different people about the subject, and I've been led to believe that you, Mr. Lupin, have the answers that I need. Now, please, I am asking you kindly- tell me."

He shuffled his feet a bit, chewing his lip. "He didn't tell me where he was going. He just... Left, during the Quidditch match. He said he could use a walk."

Minerva must have had a rather severe expression on her face, because when he finally looked at her he flushed and looked away again.

"He said he would come back, though."

"Mr. Lupin, don't you think it would have been wise to stop him?"

"I couldn't have stopped him," Lupin muttered so softly that it was barely audible.

"You couldn't have stopped him?" Minerva repeated, disbelieving. "Not only are you Head Boy, but you are also a year above him! Not to mention the boy's wandwork is awful!"

"When Nathanyel wants to do something, he does it. You can't stop him."

"What do you mean?"

"He doesn't let things get in his way," Lupin answered simply. "He's a Slytherin, after all."

Minerva wasn't quite sure whether to strangle Lupin or to give him detention. "So you just let him go only God knows where with nothing but the clothes on his back?"

"He had a bag with him." Lupin shuffled his feet again. "He said not to worry, so I'm not worried. He'll be back."

Throwing her hands up in exasperation, Minerva gave in. "Alright. You may return to the common room." She turned and headed back to the staffroom, intent on another cup of tea; she just needed to calm down. Page was a Slytherin, after all, and therefor his own head of house's responsibility. Still, she couldn't help but think that she'd failed somewhere.

She just didn't understand how a student could be missing for three days without any teachers noticing. Or even caring.

Scratch the tea. What she needed was chocolate biscuits, and soon. Changing her course, she headed to the kitchens for a light snack. "That damned Slytherin, always giving me trouble..."

Nathanyel sneezed, his eyes watering. Either he was allergic to the weeds growing at either side of the dirt road he was traveling along, or someone was talking about him. It didn't really matter, though; what mattered was that he was hungry and wanted something to eat- immediately.

"What to eat?" he grumbled out loud to himself, checking his bag. He had precisely one stick of pocky and a slab of questionable dried meat.

He was about to go for the ugly meat when he heard some rustling in the nearby bushes. He tensed, facing the source, ready to strike when... A rabbit hopped out.

"Aww, aren't you cute?" he cooed, immediately going for the knife in his belt. "How about a snack?" He placed some dried meat on the ground and back away a little, waiting.

The rabbit took one tentative hop forward.

"That's it. Don't be afraid," he encouraged it.

It took another two hops forward.

Nathanyel felt kind of bad when he heard the thump of the knife he'd thrown making contact, killing the rabbit.

"Poor thing," he sighed as he skinned it.

"Hullo, Minnie."

She scowled, turning to lecture whomever was addressing her so disrespectfully.

"Did you miss me?" Nathanyel Page was standing in the open doorway, a crumpled cigarette hanging from his mouth as he grinned so widely that his nose crinkled and his eyes almost shut completely. He looked like he hadn't showered the entire time he'd been gone, and she could swear that some of the stains on his clothing were blood.

"..." She stared at him, shocked; he just kept on grinning. "...MR. PAGE!"

He jumped, the cigarette nearly falling from his mouth.

"Where have you been?"

"Er... Bye!" He made a beeline for the dungeons, but she intercepted him.

"You're coming straight to the headmaster's office!"

"...Hmph." He grabbed the strange straw hat hanging over his back and placed it on his head. "I don't wanna."

She stared at him, fully taking in his attire for the first time. "...What on earth are you wearing?"

"My traveling clothes."

She reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Follow me."

With a long sigh, he fell into step beside her as she made her way toward Albus' office. "So, you wanna go out for drinks to celebrate my triumphant return?"

She paused, glancing down at him as he wriggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Mr. Page! That kind of behavior is inappropriate and uncalled for!"

He pouted. "I'll win your heart, someday."

She decided it would be best to ignore him, and continued her trek. Like she would ever even consider that kind of thing with someone so short, anyway.

"I missed you, too, by the way."

She also thought it best not to let him see that she was pleased by his return.

Albus was a bit less harsh than she, though he did have a sharp edge in his eyes. But perhaps that was because his reputation for being omnipotent had been compromised. "Nathanyel, do you understand the seriousness of your actions?"

"Nope." Page adjusted his weird hat and leaned back in his seat. "Could I have been killed, maybe?"

"Yes."

"Cool." There was a long silence. "Er... Just kidding?"

"Tell me, where have you been this past week?" Albus touched his fingertips together, leaning forward.

"I was just taking a walk, getting some fresh air." Page shrugged. "You know, that sort of thing."

"Mr. Page," Minerva warned.

"Why did you leave?" Albus asked, his tone calm.

"Well, I had to walk, and if I didn't, then I wouldn't, so I did."

Minerva tried her hardest not to let the statement frustrate her.

"I see," Albus replied serenely.

"Why were you really gone?" Minerva asked, crossing her arms and aiming a suspicious look at him.

"Fine," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "I was undergoing the rigorous seven day training of a secret technique, the name of which I dare not utter aloud." The statement was followed by utter silence.

"What?" Minerva finally asked.

"Unutterable secret technique," he repeated.

"...Albus?"

"I believe that it would be appropriate for us to delegate punishment to Professor Auric, seeing as he is Nathanyel's head of house. Minerva, would you be so kind as to escort him to Niccolo's office?"

Ignoring Page's grin, she bid Albus farewell and led the boy out of the office.

"Hey, Minnie."

Suppressing a growl, she turned her head slightly to look back at him. "Yes?"

"...Did you really miss me?"

She paused, her lips thinning. It was such a ridiculous question, but... He looked like an actual child with the cigarette gone from his mouth, holding the hat in his hands and fidgeting shyly with it. "What would you do if I said yes?"

"I would be a good boy." He placed a hand over his heart, beaming at her. "I swear."

"...Alright, then." He was silent the rest of the way, except for the tapping sounds of his shoes as he skipped along behind her.

"Hi, Remus."

"Welcome back."

Nathanyel grinned, wiping his forehead with his sleeve. "How's tricks?"

"Fine, I suppose." Remus gave a half-hearted shrug, not looking up from his book.

Nathanyel watched him for a bit, then knelt down beside him to read over his shoulder. "...Remus?"

"Hm?"

"Kiss me?"

The book lay forgotten in the grass, its place unmarked.

"Nathanyel?"

"Hm?" Nathanyel shuffled closer to Remus, basking in the warmth provided by an extra body nearby.

"Why didn't you tell me where you were going?"

"Because I didn't quite know, myself."

"Oh."

"That reminds me! I got you something."

"What?"

Nathanyel searched his pockets a bit before finally pulling out a slightly wilted bunch of wildflowers. "A bouquet for the lovely maiden," he proclaimed, handing it to Remus.

"Thank you."

"You like it?"

"Of course." Remus kissed him. "They're lovely."

Nathanyel beamed, a warm sensation in his stomach. "I promise not to leave again."

"I'm keeping you to it, you know."

"Good."

Remus sighed as he sat beneath his favorite tree, Nathanyel pressed up against him. It had only been a week since he'd left, but Remus had missed him terribly and was quite glad to have company again.

"I had a lot of time to think, while I was away," Nathanyel murmured to him.

"Really?"

"Yeah. And I realized that our relationship isn't exactly equal."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... You're so open with me, and so warm and kind... And I'm just... Me. And I left without telling you why or for how long and I probably upset you and I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Remus answered truthfully. "As long as you always come back, it's alright."

"And I will," Nathanyel hummed, kissing his cheek. "But I want to make it up to you."

"How?"

"By telling you a secret."

"Oh?" Remus was rather intrigued by the direction the conversation was heading in.

"I'm going to tell you something that I've never told anyone."

"...Alright." Remus moved a bit closer, watching him intently.

"It's just... I want you to know that I've kept this a secret for a really long time, and for a while I didn't even know it, myself. I hate to admit it, but... I just... Well, it's the kind of secret you tell someone really special, you know?"

"Nathanyel... I don't know what to say, really."

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted to tell you something personal. I feel like I owe it to you, really."

"You don't owe me anything."

"I do. And this is something that not even Lucius knows. I try to forget it, a lot of the time. So... I'm going to tell you, now. If you don't mind, that is."

"It's up to you. It is your secret, after all."

"I'll tell you, then."

"Then I'll listen."

"I used to love him. My father, that is." Nathanyel sat and stared down at the ground, looking completely hopeless and hollow.

Remus waited silently, because he somehow knew that it was the right thing to do.

"Sometimes I'd pretend that we were a normal family that did normal things," Nathanyel finally continued. "Sometimes, when I used to have nightmares all the time, I'd want to call for him, even though I couldn't." Nathanyel leaned on Remus, grabbing his hand and squeezing it tightly. "Sometimes I still do. Sometimes I think I love him, like a son should love a father and be loved back."

"It's alright, Nathanyel." Remus squeezed back and held him close. "You don't have to tell me anything more."

"Good." Nathanyel was crying. "Because I really, really hate him."

"I know," was all Remus could manage, and they sat there together for a long time.

"Hey, Olivia." Nathanyel sat down next to her in the courtyard, yawning. "How's Peter?"

"I dumped him," Olivia replied, seemingly unconcerned.

"Why?"

"He wanted me to put out." She turned a page in the book she was reading, a scowl crossing her face. "Although, I wouldn't expect a tramp like you to understand."

"Hey!"

"Slut."

"For your information, I happen to technically still be a virgin!"

"Meaning?"

"You know. I haven't... Done it."

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you counting bottom?"

"Yes!"

"Cold feet?"

"...Yes."

"Wimp."

"I don't have to sit here and take your insults." He stood up, brushing himself off. "I have better things to do, anyway."

"Like what?"

"Like beating up your sleazy ex-boyfriend, who is soon to be ex-living."

"That was so cheesy. But thank you, anyway."

"You're welcome." Nathanyel cracked his knuckles. "No one tries to make my little cousin put out and gets away with it."

"Just get it over with, already."

"Alright. Be back in a jiffy."

"He's hiding from you, by the way!" Olivia called after him.

Nathanyel was walking down the Charms corridor when he saw Lily Evans in front of him, stomping along in her normal too-fast gait, although she seemed rather irritated.

"Hey, Evans," he greeted amiably, extending the olive branch, since she was good friends with Remus.

She scowled at him, quickening her pace; Nathanyel honestly didn't see what he'd done to deserve such a rude greeting.

"Where's Remus?"

"In the hospital wing," she replied shortly.

"Huh? Why?"

"He coughed up blood in charms class," she snapped, turning and marching through the nearest door.

Nathanyel had a feeling that he was somehow the cause.

Nathanyel glanced around, surprised not to see Madam Pomfrey running any chores. Remus was laying awake in a bed by the window, looking very tired; he already had some rather large bandages on and a bruise sprouting over his cheek. "How are you?" Nathanyel made his way to the bed as quietly as possible.

"I've been better," Remus croaked.

"I see." Carefully, Nathanyel leaned down to kiss him. "Did that make you feel better?"

"A little. Another would be nice." Remus buried his fingers in his hair and kissed him again; it was indeed rather nice. "I like kissing you."

"I like it, too." They kissed one more time, just for good measure. "Do you need anything?"

"No, that's alright."

"...Nice bandages."

"Thanks. Yours, too." Nathanyel glanced at his arms.

"Thank you."

"I think I read about that. It's used to constrict... Whatever it's on. Are you trying to make your arms smaller?"

"No. They're small enough, already."

"They're rather sexy."

"Nah..." Remus sat up a bit to kiss him again.

"You're sexy."

"So are you." Another kiss.

"Would you lay down with me?"

"Sure." Still trying to keep quiet, Nathanyel pulled off his shoes and socks, setting them neatly beside the bed before climbing under the sheets. "You're so warm."

"Mmm." Remus pulled him close and started playing with his hair; it felt almost as good as when Severus pet him. "Nathanyel?"

"Huhm?"

"Do you like me?"

"Of course I like you. You're my friend." Remus was silent. "Why? You still want to be friends, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. It's just..." He trailed off. "...Never mind. It's not important."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Alright." Sighing, Nathanyel reached up under his shirt, stroking his chest; he absolutely loved all the hair Remus had. "Remus."

"What is it?"

"Hi."

"...Hullo."

"Page!"

"Ah, if it isn't Lily Evans." Nathanyel turned around to address her. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I need you to do me a favor."

He was intrigued. "Oh? And I thought you hated me."

"Yes, I do, but... You see- it's rather complicated."

"Please, do enlighten me."

"I need... I need to make James Potter jealous."

"Ah, I see. The stirrings of young love."

She blushed slightly. "Shut up already and listen! I need someone to pretend to date me, and... Well, I'm asking you."

"I had deduced that." Nathanyel tilted his head, surveying her thoughtfully. "And why would you choose me for such a task?"

"I need someone that he hates. Someone believable. Someone like you."

"And why would I consent to this?"

"I could pay you."

"How much?"

"Ten galleons sound good?"

"Peanuts." Nathanyel crossed his arms.

"Well, there's also the look on his face when he sees you with me. Assuming he becomes jealous in the first place, that is."

"And this is supposed to suffice?"

"Yes."

"...Very well." He could use a little light-hearted fun, anyway.

"Alright, you'll accompany me to Hogsmeade tomorrow. You will meet me in the entrance hall at promptly seven and we will walk there together."

"I charge extra for snogging."

"Please."

"Though I think I'll be generous and include hand-holding in the initial cost."

"Alright, it's a deal."

"So it is."

"Eh? Is that Page?"

Remus looked up from his butterbeer at what Sirius had said, eyes scanning the crowd of happily chattering students. Nathanyel was cutting a path through them, leading Lily Evans to the bar. They were holding hands. "Why's he with Lily?" Remus wondered out loud, hoping that Nathanyel hadn't suddenly developed any sort of curiosity toward the opposite sex.

"What?" James followed his gaze, mouth dropping slightly open at the sight. "Why is she with him? What the hell is going on?"

"It's called dating," Peter replied mildly, taking no interest whatsoever in the situation.

"How can she be dating him? I'm a much better catch!"

"Watch out, or your head might not fit through the door when we leave."

"Shut it, Peter."

"He's got a point," Remus defended, wondering when it was that Peter had stopped being impressed by James and why he hadn't noticed. "Lily can date whoever she wants."

"Not Page, though!"

"Why?" Remus tried not to bristle. "What's wrong with him?"

"He's an idiot," Sirius informed him. "And crazy, too."

"Actually, he isn't stupid," Peter replied, surprisingly enough. Remus had to wonder what was going on with him, that he was so... Defiant. "He gives all his old notes to Olivia."

"And you've read them?" Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"She can't read his handwriting, so she made me copy them for her."

"You really were pussy-whipped."

"Minus the pussy."

James was still glaring at Nathanyel and Lily.

"Don't talk like that," Remus muttered, watching them as well. "She's still a person."

"I wonder if Page is getting any," Peter stated mildly.

"Hey!" James had heard that, at least. "Don't you talk about Evans like that!"

Remus wasn't in the mood to stay in the conversation; he was going to kill Nathanyel.

"Look at them, getting drinks at the bar. Who does he think he is?"

"Righto," Sirius agreed.

"Someone should put him in his place!"

"I'll do it," Remus growled, standing up from the table and stalking toward the couple before any protests could be raised.

"Hi, Remus!" Lily greeted, immediately catching sight of him.

"Hullo!" Nathanyel chimed in cheerfully, raising a mug of butterbeer to him.

"We need to talk," he replied.

"Right, then," Lily interjected quickly, steering him away by his elbow. Once they were out of earshot of Nathanyel, she sighed and relaxed. "You wanted to talk? Talk to me."

"Alright. What's going on?" Remus crossed his arms, frowning slightly.

"Hm?" Lily looked politely confused. "I'm sorry, but I don't know what you mean."

"I know you fancy James," he replied. "Why are you here with Nathanyel, of all people?"

"Is there something wrong with that?" she asked lightly, seemingly unconcerned.

"No, it's just that..." He trailed off, trying to think of a valid response. He wanted to say, "He's mine," but that wouldn't really go over well. "It's just that I don't see why you're out with Nathanyel, when you have feelings for James."

"It's my little secret, I suppose." She smiled over his shoulder, waving at Nathanyel.

"Does he fancy you or something?" Remus grumbled, his jealousy getting the best of him.

"We're on a date, aren't we?"

"It seems that way." Remus was grinding his teeth by then; he was normally very in control of his temper, but he'd been having a bad week and it didn't look like it was getting any better.

"I don't see why you're getting so bent out of shape over it," she replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Has he told you he's been seeing someone else?" Remus finally snapped. He realized even as he was saying it that it had been a mistake.

"He is?" She seemed surprised. "I didn't know. Who is it?"

Remus remained silent, clenching his jaw.

"Oh my God." She leaned to the side, looking at Nathanyel over his shoulder again before returning to their conversation. "Him and you?" she whispered incredulously.

"...Yes." The last thing he wanted was pity, and from Lily, of all people.

"I just- that's- are you serious?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"Right." She glanced around again, her brow furrowed. "Listen to me, Remus. This is all an act."

"Well, I- what?" He hadn't been expecting that.

"I'm trying to make James jealous. I asked Page to help me out, and he agreed; for a fee, that is. If I'd known that you were seeing him, I'd have never brought it up."

"Oh. Well. Er." Remus wasn't sure what to say to that. "It's alright. I mean... All for a good cause, eh?"

"Thanks for understanding."

"Right."

"Do you think he'll try anything weird on me?"

"I'd bet my life on it," Remus sighed as Lily made a face. He wished he could see what Nathanyel was doing over at the bar.

"Does he normally get into confrontations with big, burly, intimidating men?"

"No, why- shit." Remus turned around to see Nathanyel apparently ready to fight a man who perfectly matched Lily's description. And people were placing bets. "What the hell is he trying to do, kill himself?"

"I'd better go handle it," Lily sighed, rolling up her sleeves and walking over to the scene. Remus followed, hoping for a miracle.

"...I could beat you blindfolded," Nathanyel was insisting calmly to the extremely large man.

"What are you doing?" Lily insisted.

"We're going to arm wrestle," Nathanyel informed her. "Oh, and I'll add her to the pot."

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation as Nathanyel pointed to Lily. The large man was eyeing her with a rather interested expression, on top of it.

"It's a deal," he growled. "You lose, your girl's mine."

"Whatever," Nathanyel replied, shrugging nonchalantly.

"Are you out of your mind?" Lily shrilled.

"Did you just bet Evans in an arm wrestling match?" James roared as he pushed his way through the crowd.

"Please," Nathanyel yawned, carefully inspecting his nails. "It's not as if I'm going to lose."

Remus felt extremely bad for Lily at that point.

"Of course you're going to lose!" James shouted in his face. "Look at you! You're a scrawny little piece of nothing, and he's..." James trailed off as the large man growled at him. "Right. I'll let you two get on with it, then."

"Thank you," Nathanyel replied haughtily, stretching his arms out. "Are you ready, Mr. Smithee?"

The large man grunted and dropped his elbow onto the closest table, beckoning Nathanyel. He obeyed silently, carefully getting himself into the same position at the opposite side of the table.

Remus, due to his overwhelming sense of dread, turned away. He couldn't watch. Even when he heard someone shout the signal to start, and the bar exploded into a bunch of cheers, and Madam Rosmerta was waving her money about in the air, he couldn't look. When he heard the inevitable thump and shout of pain that signaled the large man's victory, he felt sick.

"Holy shit! That scrawny little kid did it!"

He didn't recall the large man being either scrawny or a little kid.

"Page, what the fuck was that?" James sounded rather angry. Perhaps that other person had been mistaken. "How the hell did you win?"

Remus whirled around just in time to see the large man shuffling out the door, carefully nursing his abused right arm, while Nathanyel was bowing to the crowd from atop a table. "...Did I miss something?" Remus asked, feeling a bit dazed.

"He won," Lily informed him, looking the way he felt. "Page won. But... How?"

"How did I win, you all ask?" Nathanyel suddenly piped up, apparently soaking up the attention like a sponge. "It was the love that burns deep in my heart for my bird!"

"He has a bird?" Remus muttered.

"Get up here, Lily-pie!"

"Lily-pie?" Remus grumbled.

"Wow, he's pretty good," Lily mused as she was jostled forward and pushed up onto the table. It was at that point that Nathanyel pulled her into a very deep and passionate kiss.

"I'm going to kill him," Remus growled.

The man next to him nudged him. "So you lost a lot of money, too, eh?"

"We're following them."

Remus looked up from his butterbeer, frowning; he'd been sulking and James was interrupting him.

"You're insane," Peter grumbled.

"It's called being in love," Sirius corrected him, pulling him up. "Now come on. Let's go."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Remus asked as he followed them out of the inn. "And I haven't finished my drink, by the way."

"If we don't leave now, we're going to lose them," James insisted, practically jogging down the darkened road.

Remus gritted his teeth as he heard Lily laughing in the distance.

"We're catching up!"

"I don't want to-" Remus paused, his blood boiling as he caught sight of Lily, walking along on Nathanyel's arm and laughing like that, like they were a couple.

"What's that sound?" Peter suddenly asked, looking confused.

"It's Remus," Sirius replied, staring at Remus with a strange expression on his face. "Calm down, mate. We can hear your teeth grinding together."

"Sorry," Remus grunted.

"...So what do you say we stop off at that place I mentioned?" Nathanyel's voice drifted over, smooth and charming and completely out of character.

"Sure," Lily agreed readily.

Remus took the lead in their little chase.

"See how enthusiastic he is?" James practically whined. "Why can't you guys get into it like that?"

"Because you're a moron," Sirius jokingly replied.

"Can't argue with that," Peter sighed.

"Hurry up!" Remus hissed.

"See?" James insisted. "Remus feels my pain!"

"Shh!" Remus bit out, stopping them all in their tracks. Nathanyel and Lily had gone down a darkened alleyway and stopped in front of a small door guarded by a rather fearsome looking man. Nathanyel said something to him that Remus couldn't make out, and then he stepped aside to let them in.

"It's a bouncer," Peter clarified for them.

"We know that," Sirius replied, a bit harshly so.

"Looks like we need a password to get in," Remus whispered to them.

"What do you think the password is?" James asked, sounding anxious.

"I don't know. It can't hurt to try, though. Right?"

No one answered him.

"Fine. I'll go by myself." Remus emerged from the corner they'd been hiding behind and made his way down the alley, feeling a bit jumpy. It wasn't long before his friends were following him, though. He stopped in front of the man, gulping nervously.

The man opened his mouth and... Spoke complete gibberish.

"What was that?" James whispered to him.

"Erm..." It seemed like familiar gibberish, though. "Japanese, I think."

The man spoke again, his tone a bit more harsh.

"Er..." What words did he know in Japanese? "Er..." He had to think of something. "Er... Ai shiteru?" He found himself, James, Sirius, and Peter all being dragged down the alley by the man and dumped in the garbage at the corner.

"Merlin, Remus," Sirius griped as he stood up and brushed a rotting banana peel off his shoulder. "What did you say to that guy?"

"It must have been pretty bad," Peter muttered, grimacing at a wet spot of what smelled like rotten milk on his bum.

"Yeah," James agree, spitting and coughing.

"Well..." Remus strained to remember what the phrase meant. "I think..."

They all leaned close, curious to hear.

"...I think... I told him that... I love him."

He didn't appreciate the groans that answered his confession.

Remus was furious; he was furious about Nathanyel's behavior the previous night, he was furious about being thrown into a pile of garbage, and he absolutely seething about unintentionally telling a large Japanese man that he loved him.

That was why he was stomping across the grounds toward Nathanyel, who was hanging around outside the third greenhouse in a very suspicious manner. "We need to talk!" he commanded as soon as he was within a reasonable distance.

"Eh?" Nathanyel turned around, looking confused.

"Come on." Remus grabbed him and dragged him around to the back of the greenhouse.

"Well, this is rather unexpected," Nathanyel stated blandly as he was being dragged off to his doom. "And sexy."

"Don't give me that crap!" Remus let go of him and crossed his arms, glaring.

"What's the matter?"

"You know what you did last night!" Remus felt for a moment like he was scolding a puppy.

"I do?" Nathanyel tilted his head a bit, looking a bit like a puppy.

"I can't believe you kissed Lily."

"Why not?" Nathanyel asked innocently. "She's paying me, and kissing is extra, so I might as well make it convincing."

"But you can't kiss her!" Remus insisted, frowning.

"Why not?"

"Because... Because... You're mine!"

Nathanyel blinked a few times, looking a bit caught off guard, before a devious grin slowly crept across his face. "I'm yours?" he asked quietly, lazily approaching.

"Well... Yes." Remus could feel himself blushing already; he couldn't tell whether Nathanyel was horny or angry, although there didn't seem to be much of a difference, anyway.

"Say it again." Apparently, he was horny.

"Um... You're mine."

"I like that," Nathanyel breathed, pressing up against him. "Are you going to put me in a collar and leash?"

"That's... Rather kinky."

"Only by a Gryffindor's standards," Nathanyel giggled, licking his neck. "Are you going to bend me over your knee and spank me for being such a bad boy?"

"I- um- I don't know," Remus muttered, rather overwhelmed. "I mean, I don't want to hurt you and-"

"You won't," Nathanyel purred, rubbing up against him. "Why don't you dominate me? I love it so much when you get rough."

"Er... Okay."

"Take off your clothes."

"What?"

"Now."

Remus hoped, as he was dragged to the ground, that Nathanyel was a "bad boy" much more often.

"So..." Remus couldn't keep his curiosity suppressed. "How did you beat that big guy in the Three Broomsticks."

"Easy," Nathanyel replied, grinning. "I took off my bandages."

"How did that help?"

"I've just been figuring a few things out, lately," he replied mysteriously. "Anyway, I've got a treat for you."

"Really?" Remus supposed that it couldn't hurt to drop the subject, just for the moment. "What is it?"

"I'm going to take you dancing."

"Huh?" Remus blinked, feeling a bit puzzled.

"Don't worry about it. I've got a place."

"Oh. Alright."

"I wanna put my mouth on your peenie again," Nathanyel suddenly exclaimed, diving on top of him.

Remus wondered if he'd ever truly understand the way Nathanyel's mind worked.

Nathanyel sat in Transfiguration class, staring at the completely unchanged rabbit on his desk. It would figure, wouldn't it, that he'd have a rabbit for the assignment. He wondered if he could just eat it and lie. Say he made it disappear, or something; at least then it would seem like he had done something.

"Do you want some pointers?" Regulus asked. His rabbit had already been neatly transformed into a plate of baklava.

"We were supposed to be turning them into squirrels," Nathanyel pointed out.

"I know, but I was hungry." Regulus took a bite out of it. "Want some?"

"No thanks."

"You sure?"

"No. Tell me something."

"Try jerking your wand a bit at the end, like this." Regulus gave a perfectly calculated demonstration.

"Right." Nathanyel repeated the move, copying it perfectly; however, the only result was a bit of throbbing from his bandaged arm.

"Are you sure you're concentrating hard enough?"

"Yeah."

"Well... I don't know what the problem is, then." Regulus shrugged.

"I just need to practice," Nathanyel insisted, more trying to reassure himself. "Just watch." He waved his wand again, concentrating with all his might, and his arm throbbed again, but nothing else happened.

"What's with the bandages, anyway?" Regulus asked.

"I don't know," Nathanyel replied slowly, staring down at the bandages on his right arms. Perhaps... If he tried... It couldn't hurt to just take one side off, could it?

Very carefully, ignoring whatever it was that Regulus was saying, he unwrapped the bandages from his wand arm. He could see that it was bruised and the vein was protruding so much that it looked ready to burst. It was tingling and itching and he got that tight feeling in his arm like he just need to move it. With a deep breath, he concentrated on the rabbit and swung his wand.

Sitting on the table before him was a politely confused squirrel, lightly spattered with blood. A girl in front of him jumped up and shrieked, causing a general commotion, but... He'd done it. For the first time in years he'd actually done it.

"Wow, you really pulled it off!" Regulus exclaimed.

"What the fuck is up with that arm?" Mundungus questioned, taking interest in their conversation for the first time.

"Ew, you're right," Regulus agreed. "It's bleeding all over."

"But I did it!" Nathanyel exclaimed, staring down at his squirrel. "...But why isn't it moving?"

"Page... Your squirrel's dead."

"Mr. Page?" Professor McGonagall had gotten up to their table, looking rather put off. "What's going on?"

"My squirrel died," Nathanyel muttered, disappointed. "Will I get points off?"

She blinked. "You mean you actually managed to transfigure it?"

"I heard you finally did something right," Severus said as he caught up to Nathanyel in the hallway.

"Yeah, I transfigured a rabbit into a squirrel!" he replied excitedly, apparently unfazed by Severus' healthy skepticism.

"I see." Severus highly doubted that Nathanyel would suddenly be able to pull off a perfect transfiguration, for no apparent reason. There must have been some sort of catalyst, something to help him. "A perfect transfiguration."

"Yup," Nathanyel hummed proudly.

"And nothing went wrong?" Severus raised an eyebrow when Nathanyel turned a little pink. "Nothing at all?"

"Well... There was this one thing..."

"Go on," Severus replied, crossing his arms.

"It died."

"It died?" he repeated, puzzled. "How?"

"I don't know," Nathanyel replied casually, although Severus could tell from his demeanor that he was hiding something.

"You don't know, huh?" he prodded suspiciously.

"Nope." Nathanyel shrugged. "It just keeled over."

"That's awfully strange."

"Yup."

"So, you didn't do anything... Unusual... To it?"

"Don't make me kiss you again," Nathanyel suddenly threatened narrowing his eyes.

Severus backed up a little, put off. "Fine. Sorry."

"Apology accepted." Nathanyel fished around in his pocket for a bit before pulling out a box of those disgusting muggle things- cigarettes- and lighting one up. "Want one?"

"Ew. No." Severus grimaced at it. "How can you put those things in your mouth, anyway?"

Nathanyel shrugged.

"You're just gross all around, I guess," he sighed.

"I guess."

"...So." Severus glanced over at him again, wondering if maybe he could prod some information out of him. "About this person you keep disappearing with-"

"Hold on a second, I think I see the Bloody Baron." With that, Nathanyel ran off in pursuit of the Bloody Baron, trying to pass through him. "Come back, Mr. Baron!"

Severus let out a frustrated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Hi, Nathanyel," Remus greeted, shutting the door behind him.

"Hi." Nathanyel had been thinking a lot about new things to try with Remus, and he'd recently come up with something phenomenal. That was why he'd invited Remus to meet him in their usual empty classroom.

"So... What did you want to talk about?"

It was time to reveal his marvelous plan. "You want to be a teacher, right?" He grinned.

"Yes," Remus replied, blinking in slight confusion.

"So..." Nathanyel sauntered up to him and twirled his tie around his hand. "Maybe I should call you 'Professor.'"

"Er..." Remus was blushing rather brightly. "That sounds... Erm..."

"I'll bet you'd like that. I'll bet you'd love to see me all dressed up like a little schoolgirl."

Remus gulped.

"Oh, Professor," Nathanyel gasped, pressing himself against Remus and gyrating his hips. "I've been so bad... Won't you please give me detention?" He slid a thigh between Remus' legs and began rubbing.

"Oh... Christ..." Remus grabbed him by the collar and pulled downard. "Detention," he muttered. "Ten points from Slytherin."

Nathanyel sank to his knees and nuzzled Remus' crotch, grinning to himself.

He really was a genius.

"Olivia!" Nathanyel jogged up to her, happy to have caught her between classes.

"What is it?" she snapped. "I'm in a hurry."

"I need to borrow one of your school skirts." She stared at him for a bit after he said that.

"Why?"

"It's for Remus."

"Don't you have one?"

"I ruined it."

"Oh, for the love of..." She crossed her arms, rolling her eyes. "Fine. But don't give it back."

"Thank you! I love you!"

"Don't touch me, you freak!" She planted a right hook on his jaw before running off to whatever class she had next.

Nathanyel was very grateful for her generosity. However, he was not at all grateful for the trip he then needed to take to the infirmary.

"Hey, Nathanyel!" Severus could feel the frown spreading across his face as he stopped Nathanyel from running through the common room exit.

"Yeah?" Nathanyel backpedalled a little bit and walked up to his chair, staring down at him.

Severus could feel his jaw twitching. "What are you wearing?"

"A tiny little skirt," Nathanyel replied proudly, and began posing as if to show it off. "I know how much you like them."

"Shut up!" he growled, blushing. He hated it when Nathanyel acted like such a poof.

"I look good, right?"

"No you don't! You look-"

A loud whistle interrupted him. "Looking good, Page!" Mundungus Fletcher called across the room.

Severus slid down in his chair as he felt several pairs of eyes turn toward them.

"Wow, nice arse!" Regulus Black added.

Nathanyel bowed and giggled as the common room began to fill with cat calls.

When one boy insisted that Nathanyel "show him a good time," Severus got fed up.

"Just get the hell out of here!" he growled, looking away as Nathanyel flashed the entire common room. "You're fucking embarrassing!"

"Fine," Nathanyel replied, sauntering away.

Severus knew that he was never going to live this down.

"H-hey, Remus?"

"It's Professor Lupin."

"P-Professor?"

"Yes?" Remus licked his lips, grinning.

"Are you... Licking my asshole?"

"Yes. Would you like me to stop?"

"...No."

Nathanyel once again congratulated himself; the skirt was a fucking fantastic idea.

"What were you wearing that thing for, anyway?"

Nathanyel grunted; he'd only just changed out of the skirt, mostly because it was very stained, at least for the moment, and had collapsed on his bed, useless. Useless, spent, and utterly content.

"That's not a real answer." And Severus had come in to bother him.

"Fuck me," Nathanyel moaned, arching his back.

"That's not going to work," Severus snapped, hitting him. "I'm not leaving."

It was worth a try, at least. He had hoped that if it didn't work, he'd at least get what he'd asked for.

"What was the skirt for?"

"My booty call has a fetish," he finally answered, pulling his shirt off. Why was the dormitory so hot, anyway?

"Do you have to strip in front of me?" Severus complained.

"Come here," Nathanyel grunted; he was starting to feel fed up.

"Why?" Severus asked cautiously, although he slid up next to Nathanyel, anyway.

"You'll see," Nathanyel muttered, blinking hard a few times to keep him focused. "Just sit still." He reached out and patted Severus' chest.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"You'll see." Nathanyel kept patting, feeling around until he found the exact position of Severus' nipples. Then, he withdrew his hands.

"Are you done?"

"No." Nathanyel reached out with both hands, found his nipples, and squeezed.

With a yelp, Severus jumped back, blushing. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Nathanyel grinned, chuckling a bit. "Instant erection," he replied, eyeing the bulge in Severus' trousers.

"Fuck you!" Severus stormed out of the room, fuming.

Severus had been gone for over half an hour, leaving Nathanyel to relax in solitude. However, he couldn't seem to fall asleep, no matter how groggy he'd been feeling. In the boredom that resulted from trying to fall asleep and failing, his thoughts had turned to Remus. He was thinking of all the little things about him, like the way his nose twitched when he smelled something good, or how he squinted when he laughed, or when he smiled and sighed after... Finishing.

Nathanyel wondered when they'd meet up again; he tried to remember if they'd scheduled anything. That was when he realized that he had to give Remus his painkillers in two nights.

He felt a guilty pang in his chest; he'd meant well in the beginning, he really had. But now... Things had gotten out of hand. He'd known for a while that they had. Remus was looking paler, more tired, lately, and he knew why. But Severus said that the ingredients he'd added weren't all that bad.

Perhaps he'd lied.

Remus had coughed up blood, after all. He'd been in the infirmary, even. And still Nathanyel kept selling that stuff to him.

He wiped his eyes with his sheets; he wanted to help Remus.

And that was what he was going to do.

Remus was sitting in the empty classroom where he was supposed to meet Nathanyel, waiting patiently; it was the night Nathanyel was going to give him his painkillers, and he was an hour late. Remus didn't blame him; he must have had something important come up.

Still, the minutes ticked by like hours, and he found himself getting more anxious as time went on. The stuff was only supposed to help his transformations, but he really liked it. A lot. He thought that maybe he might be getting a bit of an addiction, but it was for a good cause, wasn't it? Besides, it wasn't as if it was hurting him or anything.

He was just starting to give up hope that he would get his dose when Nathanyel strode through the door, smoking. "That's bad for you," he pointed out playfully.

Nathanyel glared at him.

"Um... So. I have... Er..." Remus held up his money bag.

"Shut up."

That certainly startled him.

"Put your money back." Nathanyel was in front of him before he could blink, dropping ashes on him in a rather menacing fashion.

"Why?"

"I'm not selling you anything anymore," he clarified.

"What? You- you can't do that! What is Severus saying, now?"

"Nothing." Nathanyel inhaled sharply, burning up a good portion of his cigarette. "It's my decision entirely."

"What are you talking about?" Remus was starting to get a little annoyed.

"Get up."

"But you-"

"Get up." Nathanyel leaned down and blew smoke in his face. "Or else."

Remus scrambled to his feet, confused and more than a little angry. "Have you gone mad?"

Nathanyel backhanded him. "Calm down."

"I am calm! You're the one who just hit me! What the hell-"

Nathanyel effectively cut him off by slamming him against the wall and holding the lit cigarette far too close to his face for comfort. "It's called tough love."

"In what way is this loving?"

"You've got two choices." Nathanyel looked awfully demonic, with smoke billowing around him like that. "You could either go to the infirmary where Madam Pomfrey is waiting to treat you, or..."

"Or?"

"Or I can blind you."

"What?"

"Don't think I won't."

"What is wrong with you?" Remus shrieked, struggling. Really, this could not be happening- Nathanyel was going to blind him?

"What's wrong with you is more the issue."

"There's nothing wrong with me!" Remus insisted, wanting more and more every second to just lash out.

"You're a drug addict."

"I am not! They're just the painkillers you made for me!" Remus felt rather justified in his anger, but once he got a good look at Nathanyel's face, the more dominant emotion became dread. "Just painkillers... Right?"

Nathanyel let him go and backed away, refusing to meet his eye. "Sorry."

"What do you mean, 'sorry?'"

"The stuff I've been selling you's been laced for a pretty long time." Nathanyel shrugged, almost as if to just write it off. "I mean... It's easier to get addicted that way. Then we make more money. You know?"

Remus punched him. "You're a fucking bastard!" He didn't even care if anyone heard him. "Did you know that?"

"Yeah." Nathanyel dropped his cigarette and ground it out under his shoe. He didn't even seem perturbed by the punch to his jaw. "I already informed Madam Pomfrey of the situation, so... You want to go, or not?"

"Well... You can't exactly blind me anymore, not with your cigarette ground out."

"I never said I was going to use that." Nathanyel leveled an even, apathetic gaze at him. "Well? Are you going to let me take you down there? It is for your own good."

"Since when are you the ultimate authority on what's good for me?" Remus insisted, still outraged at the entire situation.

"Well... Most people do know that drugs aren't so good for you."

"You don't have to threaten to blind me over it, though!"

"Yes I do."

"Why?"

"Because it's tough love."

Remus was ready to scream. In fact, he did.

"It is rather tough," Nathanyel agreed.

"Why do you need tough love? Is there even a point?"

"Well, yeah. If I don't act like a bastard, then I'll probably cry or something, and I'm supposed to be helping you, not ruining your robes. Anyway, let's go before I really do blind you."

"And how were you planning to blind me?" Remus asked wearily as he followed Nathanyel out of the room, wondering how he let himself even get into these situations.

"Isn't it obvious?" Nathanyel asked casually, glancing back at him.

"No."

"Oh, come on. I'm sure you could at least guess. I haven't got any weapons on me, so it should be pretty easy."

"I thought you were going to use the cigarette."

"Try again." Nathanyel acted as if it was some sort of weird game.

"Um... With a spell?" Remus threw out, knowing that the only way Nathanyel could possibly blind anyone with a wand (intentionally, at least) would be by poking his eyes out.

"No," Nathanyel snorted, apparently amused. "I can't believe you can't get this."

"Well, then, tell me."

"I was going to tear your eyeballs out of your head with my bare hands! Duh!"

"...What?" Remus found himself stumbling an awful lot.

"Oh, please, like it's really that surprising. How else would I blind you?"

"In some less gruesome and cruel manner?" Remus suggested.

"Nah. And it's a surprisingly quick-"

"Stop right there. We're going to the infirmary, so you don't have to tell me any more." Remus thought he might be nauseous.

"Alright. Oh, and Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're doing this."

Remus thought that he must be an idiot for swooning at a time like this.

Remus woke up a week later from a very deep sleep; he'd been sedated for most of his stay in the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey had been giving him a potion to speed up the entire process of... Well, hell, he would call it. In any case, it intensified the effects of withdrawal, which meant that he spent most of the time that he wasn't passed out vomiting and generally feeling like Satan had just taken a huge shit on top of him.

On the bright side, he was constantly getting visitors. The fact that he had vomited on several of them didn't seem to deter them, either. His earliest visitor was always Sirius, because he had the least classes. Then Peter joined them, and soon after him came James. Lily came along rather frequently, too, or so he'd heard, although never regularly. Even Olivia had visited, and apparently fancied him on top of that, which was indeed very strange. However, he was rarely awake for the visits, and was later informed by Madam Pomfrey as she shook her head and complained about the lack of concern for a patient's privacy. Still, when he was awake, they all made him feel better.

He hadn't seen Nathanyel once, though. At first, he'd thought that Nathanyel wasn't visiting him and that they'd probably never speak again. However, upon asking Madam Pomfrey about him, Remus found out that he'd been visiting as well, but only in the early mornings and nights. Unfortunately, due to the sedatives, Remus had no way of keeping himself awake for the visits. He wanted the kind of company that only Nathanyel could offer him... Not exactly sexual, it was just that... Nathanyel was so intimate, in a way. Like family, almost. Even like... They were married.

"Hey, check out this trick I picked up from McGonagall," James announced proudly; he and Lily were visiting at the moment, and had been at his side for a good hour.

"Don't you even think about it," Lily reprimanded sternly. "This is an infirmary, with sick people, including your friend! You could hurt someone."

"Aw, there's nothing to worry about," James tried to reassure her.

"No." Lily crossed her arms, glaring.

"...Alright," James sighed, giving in.

Remus watched the exchange in silence, thankful that Madam Pomfrey had given him medicine to help him with his nausea. He hadn't been able to eat much because of it, so she was trying to remedy that at the moment. Speaking of whom...

"Alright, everybody out," she announced.

"But we've only been here an hour," James practically whined.

"An hour is plenty long enough," Madam Pomfrey informed him. "Now, the both of you need to leave and let the poor boy rest."

"She's right," Remus spoke up, before any more protests could be raised. "Although, I'd like to have a word with you in private, Lily." He caught the suspicious look that James was giving him out of the corner of his eye and cleared his throat. "Official prefect business and all." He really just wanted to ask about Nathanyel, though.

"Well, go ahead," Lily prompted as soon as James had left.

"Er... It's really not prefect business," Remus clarified.

"I'd suspected as much."

"It's more about... Nathanyel. I figured I'd ask you, since you're the only one who's on fairly good terms with him."

"Why don't you ask his cousin? She visits you."

"She doesn't really speak to me. I woke up when she was there once and she sort of threatened me, but in a 'get well' card kind of way... And... Well, it was just weird. And I've heard she fancies me."

"Really? I'd had no idea."

"Madam Pomfrey likes to gossip."

"Aha. That explains a lot."

"Yes. Anyway, about Nathanyel..." Remus gave Lily his best puppy dog eyes, hoping that it was enough to get something out of her.

"Well, I did see him sneaking in here once, while you were alseep." She seemed contemplative.

"And?"

"And... I don't know. He held your hand."

"That's helpful."

"What do you want from me, the guy's life story?" She crossed her arms glaring at him. "If he wants to talk to you, then he will. I don't see why you even want him to, though- he's the whole reason you're in here!"

"So I guess this means you're not on such good terms with Nathanyel anymore?" Remus ventured.

"Of course not! He could have killed you with that stuff he was giving you!"

"Do you have any idea what was in it? Because no one else will tell me."

"I'd heard there was some kind of hallucinogenic in there, and a lot of experimental drugs. I mean, half the school's a bunch of damn guinea pigs to those two idiots, and no one's doing anything about it! It pisses me off!"

"Give them a break," Remus sighed, pulling his bedspread up his chest a bit further. "They aren't really bad people, just... Misguided."

"You're too optimistic for your own good," Lily grumbled. "Just because someone's cute or nice to you doesn't mean he's a good person."

"You think Nathanyel's cute?"

"No!"

"You did date him."

"That was a complete sham!"

"That's rather hurtful." Nathanyel pulled the privacy curtain around Remus' bed aside, carefully stepping in.

Remus found himself holding his breath, and immediately willed himself to calm down.

"Our relationship meant a lot to me," Nathanyel went on, pulling up a chair and putting on a dramatic pout. "You were my first girlfriend. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't know anything about the birds and the bees."

"You seem to like sticking with the bees just fine," Lily shot back. "I don't see why you're so upset over the birds."

"And here I thought you liked me," he sighed, slumping in his chair. "This is awfully bad news."

"I don't associate with immoral bastards who prey on their own friends," Lily replied stiffly, almost jumping out of her chair. "Anyway, I have to go." With that, she stomped out of the hospital wing.

"She's wound rather tight," Nathanyel pointed out.

"I suppose," Remus muttered. "She's just angry about the whole drug thing."

"Yeah... She should be, but... You should be, too. Are you?" Nathanyel wasn't looking him in the eye.

"Yeah." Remus didn't see a reason for him not to be angry.

"It's understandable. I am a complete shit, after all."

"True," he agreed.

"Are you planning on forgiving me anytime soon?"

"Of course." Remus didn't try to sit up, but he held out his hand and waited until Nathanyel took it. "We're... Friends. Right?"

"Right." Nathanyel seemed relieved. "You smell, by the way."

"I've been vomiting a lot."

"Ew." Nathanyel wrinkled his nose, then leaned down and kissed him (which made absolutely no sense, by the way.) "Only a true friend would kiss you on the mouth after you've been vomiting," he clarified.

"A true friend would use tongue," Remus suggested hopefully.

"I suppose I owe it to you," Nathanyel sighed. "Although, that would be really gross."

"You don't actually have to."

"Phew." Nathanyel leaned back, stretching his legs. "So how much longer are you in here?"

"Just another week," Remus sighed. "Do you promise to visit me when I'm actually conscious more often?"

"I thought you wouldn't want to see me."

"That's not true."

"Good, because it's not true for me, either."

"...Yeah. Good." Remus wondered if the way Nathanyel looked at him would ever fail to give him butterflies in his stomach. It normally didn't make him projectile vomit, at least.

Still... Nathanyel deserved it.

Remus sighed, leaning back against the tree that he was sitting under with Nathanyel; he'd only been out of the hospital wing for two days, and things were already getting back to normal. In fact, Nathanyel's birthday was the upcoming Saturday.

"What do you want for your birthday, Nathanyel?" he asked, after wracking his brain for a decent idea.

"You shouldn't get me anything," Nathanyel dismissed immediately.

"No, I want to."

"Well... In that case... I want to be pampered."

"Pampered?" Remus raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah. But don't worry about it."

"No, no! I could- er- do that." He paused, waiting for Nathanyel to give him the details. "Er... How do you want to be pampered, exactly?"

"Take me out on a date."

Remus could feel the blood rushing up to his face. "A date?" he practically squeaked.

"Yeah. My first real date."

"Um... O-okay."

"I want to spend my birthday money and go out to dinner and then you can give me a kiss goodnight."

"Just a kiss?"

"Ladies don't put out on a first date."

"So what do you want to do for your birthday?" Severus was checking the ledger over, while Nathanyel... Laid about and did nothing.

"Eh," Nathanyel replied.

"Eh? What the hell kind of answer is that?"

"The 'eh' kind."

Severus decided to convey his annoyance through a snort.

"Well... We can do something in the morning, I guess."

"Why the morning?" Severus growled, glaring; Nathanyel was not blowing him off.

"I have an afternoon engagement." Nathanyel was blowing him off.

"With whom?" He could feel his hackles rising, although he wasn't jealous; he was just angry that Nathanyel hadn't mentioned anything sooner.

"No one important," Nathanyel replied, humming; he'd been doing that an awful lot, lately- hanging around and doing nothing, with a goofy look on his face, humming things. It was disgusting and irritating and Severus hated it.

"You mean the floozy you've been sneaking off with almost every night?" Severus grumbled, glaring.

"Yup."

"...Fuck you." Severus slammed the ledger close and stormed out of the room, ignoring Nathanyel's puzzled stare.

He was not jealous.

"Lily!" Nathanyel waved to her and approached, grinning. The more he got to know Lily, the more he liked her; in fact, he'd recently come to the conclusion that she was probably what the perfect woman would be like.

"What the hell do you want?"

He loved a woman with a proper temper. "I just wanted to know how things were going with your acquisition of the Moron." It was their code name for James Potter.

"We have a date," she replied, glaring at him. "Your services are no longer needed."

"Well, congratulations!"

She was still glaring at him.

"Er... What is it?"

"I don't like you," she replied, rather unnecessarily.

"I know," Nathanyel informed her, grinning; he knew she had a soft spot for him. She had to. He was awfully cute, after all. "Anyway... Good luck."

"Thanks." She sounded sincere. "And... Well, it was pretty decent of you to... You know, with Remus."

"I'm glad you think so."

"Right. Well... I have to go."

"Until we meet again," Nathanyel replied, taking her hand and kissing it.

"Weirdo," she muttered as she walked away.

Nathanyel decided that when he got married, he wanted his wife to be a strong woman like Lily. Although, he preferred brunettes.

"Happy Birthday," Severus grumbled, shoving his gift into Nathanyel's face.

"For me?" Nathanyel gasped dramatically, admiring the package. "It's just too much!"

"Open the damn thing, already," Severus growled, resisting the urge to hit him. It was his birthday, after all.

"Oh, right." Nathanyel tore through the packaging, making a complete mess of it, then let out a noise that sounded kind of like a dying cat and hugged the vibrator close to him. "OHMYGODIT'STHEBESTPRESENTEVER!" he shrieked.

Severus blushed, the embarrassment of actually buying the thing washing over him once more. "Whatever," he grumbled.

"I have a question, though," Nathanyel stated, calming down considerably.

"What?" Severus thought he might sink into the ground and die if Nathanyel didn't put the damn thing away.

"What am I supposed to use a clitoris stimulator for?"

To hell with birthdays; Severus smacked him, anyway.

"This was the best birthday ever," Nathanyel sighed, leaning his head on Remus' shoulder.

"Yeah?" Remus put an arm around his shoulders, thinking that it was the best day ever.

"Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you... I don't know... Say stuff to me?"

"What do you mean?" Remus shifted a bit closer to Nathanyel and kissed his temple.

"You know. Sweet talk." He grabbed Remus' hand and squeezed it. "Please?"

"You're lovely, you know that?"

"Perfect," Nathanyel hummed. "That's just right."

"You're beautiful," Remus murmured in his ear. "Beautiful and sweet and wonderful. I want to just stay like this forever."

"Me too," Nathanyel replied, pressing against him. "I wish we were married."

Remus blushed. "Why? Are you in love with me?"

"Hold me," he replied. "Closer."

Remus kissed him on the forehead. "You're all mine. My sweetheart. Right?"

"Right."

Remus held him as close as he could, content to stay the way they were. It just felt right.

Nathanyel sighed as he held Remus' hand while they walked down the hallway. It had definitely been his best birthday ever. He didn't want it to end, and he most certainly didn't want Remus to leave. "Hold on." They had reached the stairwell where they had to go their separate ways.

"Yeah?"

"I need to kiss you goodbye."

"Alright." Remus was grinning.

Nathanyel threw his arms around Remus' shoulders and gave him a peck on the lips. "Goodbye."

"Bye," Remus replied, the corner of his mouth turning up in a small smile. He stepped back to leave, but Nathanyel stopped him.

"I'm not done!"

"You're not?"

"Nope." Nathnayel gave him another kiss.

"Now?"

"No." Nathanyel kissed him again, and again. He wasn't sure when it turned into a snogging session, but he was rather enjoying himself.

"Who's down there?"

They broke apart just in time to get caught by Filch. Nathanyel wasn't sure if he'd seen anything, but his eyes seemed to be bulging more than usual. Remus gulped, turning slightly red.

"Turn out your pockets," Filch growled.

Nathanyel sighed as he handed over some lip gloss and an exploding galleon. Remus, meanwhile, only had a few chocolates and a blank piece of parchment.

"Hmm." Filch was closely inspecting the parchment, his lips pursed.

"It's just some spare parchment," Remus informed him, a bit too quickly to be innocent.

"To my office," Filch growled, apparently picking up on the same thing. Or maybe it was just about the exploding galleon.

Nathanyel could see the whole way down that Remus was hopelessly nervous; he kept twitching and looking at the floor. He could feel an idea popping up in his head, the kind that would cause some trouble.

"I'm so dead," Remus whispered as they entered Filch's office and sat down in front of his desk. He was watching with an expression that looked like horror on his face as Filch stashed the blank parchment and the other trinkets they'd been carrying in his cabinet and locked it.

"You kids will never learn," he began, and Nathanyel stopped listening, because he knew it would be some long-winded speech about "proper" punishments.

Instead, Nathanyel acted on the rather naughty idea that he'd gotten into his head. As soon as Filch turned around to admire the painting of the old geezer behind his desk, Nathanyel placed a hand on top of Remus' knee.

"...Keep my shackles right where I can reach..." Filch was saying as Nathanyel slid his hand up Remus' thigh.

"Stop that," Remus hissed, his eyes locked on the oblivious Filch.

Nathanyel leaned over and began to nibble on his ear. "He won't notice," he muttered.

Suddenly, a loud crash and some insane cackling interrupted Filch's long-winded speech, and Nathanyel broke away from Remus just in time.

"Peeves," Filch growled, sweeping out of the doorway without another word, Mrs. Norris at his heels.

"Well, that was close," Nathanyel sighed as soon as he was out the door. "Let's get out of here before we get into some real trouble."

"But when he comes back-"

"He probably won't even remember us," Nathanyel dismissed, yanking Remus out of his chair and leading him into the nearest secret passage. "I'm not going to let that old sac ruin my best birthday ever." He pulled Remus closer, kissing him.

"What is this?" Nathanyel didn't even bother to look up from his book at the sound of Severus' voice.

"Probably nothing of any particular importance." He was glad the dormitory was empty, since it seemed as if Severus was on the verge of a temper tantrum.

"Really? Because it looks like a note from Lupin telling you to meet him in the west tower for a quick snog!"

It took Nathanyel a moment to absorb what had just been said, at which time his insides immediately froze. "Wait... What?" He set down his book, staring up at Severus.

"I found it in my potions book that you borrowed. Are you fucking Lupin? No, wait- is he fucking you?" Nathanyel narrowed his eyes, shock giving way to indignant anger. It was his business what he did, really. Severus had no right to be outraged by the idea.

"So what if he is? Are you jealous?"

"My God! I can't believe you let a werewolf fuck you!"

"Shut it! I never said we did it!" It seemed rather important to let Severus know that they hadn't gone quite that far yet. "But anyway, what's it to you if we shared a few quick snogs, or if I sucked him off once or twice?"

"Oh, gross!"

"And he sucked me off right back!"

"I don't want to hear this!"

"Then don't fucking ask!"

"Then maybe I fucking won't!" They glared at each other.

"Remus and I will do as we please, at our own discretion," Nathanyel stated evenly. "End of discussion."

"...What?" Severus was slowly turning red. "No! No! Not end of discussion! You can't just go running around with some flea-bitten mutt of a Gryffindor! You'll get diseases! What if he bites you? Besides, Lupin's such a fucking git-"

"Stop! Don't say things like that!"

"Well it's fucking true!"

"No it isn't!" Nathanyel stood up, glaring at Severus. "You're just paranoid and jealous and sexually repressed!"

"What? Since when?"

"Since always! You can't fucking wank without a sheet covering yourself!"

"I told you that in confidence!"

"Don't forget you were half-drunk!"

"At least I don't get off from my cousin's used dildo!"

"Just shut the fuck up already! Fuck off! I knew you would do this, I knew it!"

"Well, la-dee-fucking-da! Fine! I'll leave you and Lupin to fuck all the fuck you fucking want you cock-loving piece of sodding shit!"

"Fine!"

"You stupid fucking poofter! Your voice makes me nauseous; I feel like vomiting just being near you! I hope I never fucking see you again!"

"Good!"

"GOOD!" Severus slammed the door behind him.

Nathanyel ran to the bathroom before he was sick all over the floor.

"Remus! Remus!" Nathanyel caught up to him and grabbed his hand. "I've got something to talk to you about." Remus turned around to stare at him, a deep blush creeping up his face. "...Is there something wrong?"

"Er... My hand..." The other Gryffindors had stopped as well, and were glaring at him.

"It's very soft today," Nathanyel complimented, kissing him.

"N-Nathanyel-"

"Come with me." He led Remus off, ignoring any protests that were raised.

"What was that?" Remus seemed a bit put off.

"It was a public display of affection," Nathanyel replied casually.

"But- right in front of- and-"

"Would you have preferred a firm slap on the rear?" He took the time to listen to their erratic footsteps echoing through the hall.

"...So what happened?"

"Hold on." Nathanyel stopped at the last door in the deserted corridor and checked inside, then pulled Remus into the empty classroom and kissed him. Hard.

"Mmph!" Remus pushed him away. "I thought you wanted to talk?"

"I did. I do. Severus and I are fighting." Nathanyel kissed him again, pressing as close to him as possible; he found himself pushed away once more.

"Wait- what? So then why are you attacking me?"

"I'm not attacking you. I'm snogging you."

"But- didn't you want to talk about it?"

"I want to snog you, too."

"Well, pick one!" Nathanyel backed up a bit and thought for a moment of the pros and the cons of each choice.

"I choose the snogging." He moved in again.

"Wait!" Then he paused. "Isn't there something wrong?"

"Yes."

"And you don't want to talk about it?"

"I thought the snogging would be more advantageous."

"...I need to get to class."

"But-"

"Goodbye, Nathanyel." Remus left. Just like that.

Nathanyel was not happy.

"What were you doing kissing Page?"

Remus winced at Sirius' harsh greeting; he knew that half the corridor had seen, and he could hear the other students twittering behind his back as he hurried through the common room.

"Are you going to answer?" James asked, sounding just as pissed off.

"Look," Remus suddenly grumbled, building up his nerve, "I don't know where that came from." If there was one thing that Remus could do well, it was to lie. "He just kissed me, out of nowhere. He fancies me, you know. He's just a weirdo, anyway, right?"

"I thought you were friends with him," Peter replied, still sounding a bit suspicious.

"Yeah," Remus shot back immediately, "but that doesn't mean he isn't weird."

"What a little nutter," Sirius agreed, crossing his arms. "Can you believe he did that?"

"Yeah," James agreed, apparently believing the lie as well. "You want us to beat him up?"

"Nah." Remus could feel relief washing over him; the rumors would stop soon enough, of course. Everyone always listened to James and Sirius. "He's just one of those socially inept people. I feel kind of bad for him, you know?"

James and Sirius both voiced their agreement; Peter only nodded.

"I let him down pretty easily, though," Remus went on, his confidence growing as they climbed up to the dorm room. "I'll tell you all about it..."

He wondered if he wasn't getting a little carried away.

"You are absolutely-"

"Shut it!" Nathanyel wailed. The last thing he needed at the moment was Him waxing philosophical about the ways of the warrior. He'd been crying into his pillow, hoping desperately to accidentally smother himself, and didn't fancy being interrupted. Especially since it had been a while since he'd cried, and he felt like a right pansy doing so.

"Aha! I knew something was up!" The bedcurtain was thrown aside to reveal Regulus standing over him with a triumphant glint in his eye.

"Go. Away." Nathanyel wiped his face, pulling it away from the pillow enough to scowl.

"What are you crying for? What made you lose that new tough-guy disposition of yours, eh? Was it a mean, nasty Gryffindor?"

"Go fuck yourself!"

"I'm afraid the position has already been filled."

Nathanyel sniffed loudly before replying. "Speaking of whom, where is Mundungus?"

"Dung's out closing a deal. So, seeing as my endless source of juicy gossip is currently missing, why don't you indulge me?"

"I hate indulging the whims of others." Nathanyel hugged his pillow tighter to himself, pretending that it wasn't slimy and sopping wet.

"Won't you make an exception for your beloved roommate?"

"Fuck off."

Regulus rolled his eyes. "You really know how to ruin a good mood, don't you?"

Nathanyel chose not to reply.

"Oi! Reg!" Mundungus burst through the door. "I just heard Page kissed Lupin in the- oh, hello, Page."

"Go fuck each other!" Nathanyel covered his face tightly with the pillow and screamed into it.

"You fancy Lupin?" Regulus gasped dramatically.

"Really, of all people..." Mundungus added.

"I do not fancy him!" Nathanyel growled into his pillow.

"What, then?" Regulus prodded curiously.

"I... We had something going. And Severus found out. We had a huge row, and he said he never wanted to see me again and that the sound of my voice made him nauseous."

"I couldn't describe the feeling of being near you better myself," Mundungus commented lightly.

Nathanyel ignored him. "Then I figured he'd tell everyone, just out of spite- so it was no big deal- and I kissed- but he- and then- I tried- and-" Nathanyel cut himself off, falling silent with the effort of trying not to sob.

"Hmmm... Absolutely fascinating. Go on." Regulus had perched carefully beside him on the bed, while Mundungus occupied the entire right half.

"Yeah, go on," he agreed. "I've got nothing better to do." Nathanyel took a moment to calm down before he spoke again.

"I only have two friends. And neither of them ever want to see me again. Ever. Forever."

"On the bright side, they don't have to be around you anymore," Mundungus offered.

"Oh, how absolutely cruel," Regulus admonished fondly.

"Will the both of you leave me alone, now?" He'd rather be alone with Him than them.

"No, no- we need to offer comfort and psychological evaluation," Regulus informed him, sounding far too excited.

"Since when are you interested in my life?"

"Since I finished all my homework for the week and the gossip well dried up. You're our only source of amusement, Page."

"I think there's at least one other thing that amuses me," Mundungus rejoined suggestively.

"Oh, you're naughty."

"You know I am, baby."

"You dirty little bitch."

"I'll fuck you right here."

"You wouldn't!"

"I know you want it."

"Oh, my-"

"Get the fuck away from me!" Nathanyel nearly screamed, whipping the pillow off his face and tossing it wherever his instincts told him.

"That was quite unnecessary," Regulus sniffed, picking feathers out of his hair. "Just because you aren't getting laid-"

"I just want to be left alone!"

"How utterly ridiculous. If you wanted to be left alone, you wouldn't be sobbing into a pillow like a little girl on her first period. Isn't that right, Dung?"

"Absolutely."

"So, what would you prescribe?"

"A threesome."

"You're awful!"

"And you're up for it."

"Don't you know it."

"How about it, Page?"

"No thanks," Nathanyel groaned.

"Maybe Severus wants a threesome," Regulus speculated.

"Obviously not, if he's so jealous," Mundungus snorted.

"Lupin could want a threesome."

"Doubtful. He's too straight-laced."

"Maybe Page wants a threesome with Severus and Lupin."

"I wouldn't mind it," Nathanyel interjected.

"Ha! You see?"

"He's just humoring you, you daft cow." Mundungus rolled his eyes.

"What? How dare you!" Regulus crossed his arms, looking rather offended.

"You dirty little slut."

"I most certainly am not!"

"You want my cock in your mouth, don't you?"

"Oh! Don't get fresh with me in public!"

"This isn't public, it's a bedroom, and beds are made for fucking."

"Such awful language for such an upstanding young man."

"You know you want me to fuck you through the mattress."

"For Merlin's sake!" Nathanyel grumbled, trying to crawl over Regulus to make his escape. "Just fuck already!"

"Are you sure you don't want to join us?" Regulus asked politely.

"Yes!"

"If you change your mind-"

"Just leave it," Mundungus grunted. "And shuck your kit."

"Oh, my..."

Nathanyel let out a sigh of relief as he shut the door behind him. There was nothing quite like hearing Mundungus and Regulus' dirty talk to put things in perspective.

"...Lupin." Severus had wandered out onto the grounds sometime past midnight, certain that he would go without sleep for the night. Apparently, Lupin had been experiencing the same.

"Severus?" He looked rather dumbstruck.

"Yes. I'm talking to you. It's absolutely amazing."

"...Sorry." Lupin looked away, towards the lake, leaning back against the tree.

"Nathanyel was just telling me about your apparently quite satisfying sex life together." Lupin blanched. "Would you mind telling me... Why?"

"...Why... What?"

"Why you are so damn interested in him?" Severus crossed his arms, glaring. He was trying to be civil, and it was taking a great deal of effort.

"I just... I..." Lupin bit his lip, staring down at his feet. "I just... Love him." Severus redirected his efforts to trying not to strangle him.

"I... See..."

"Sorry."

"You should be." Lupin winced. "What, exactly, were you thinking, anyway? How? How could you even- I can't-" Severus cut himself off, mentally gathering himself. "You are absolutely incomprehensible. Are you a masochist, Lupin? Or maybe a sadist? Or maybe looking for a replacement for whatever amount of affection you lost when your father-"

"Don't talk about my father," Lupin interrupted quietly, tensely.

"Aha. So that's your weak spot, is it?" Lupin glared out at the lake, his jaw set.

"Don't. Talk. About. Him."

"Bitter, are you? Maybe a little angry that Daddy left you and Mommy all alone?" It felt surprisingly good to be taking so many shots at the... Werewolf.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Understand what? Being abandoned? Being ignored?" Lupin remained silent. "Right. You're absolutely correct. There is no way I, of all people, could possibly understand such a thing." His sarcasm was evident. They both remained silent for a long moment.

"...Do you know how to play the harmonica?" Lupin asked, breaking the silence.

"Excuse me?"

"It's a muggle instrument." Lupin fished around in his pocket for a bit before pulling out a rectangular silver... thing. He put it up to his lips and blew, making a sort of tinny sound.

"I have never seen anything so ridiculous in my entire life," Severus replied bluntly.

"It's not ridiculous... It's beautiful, when you play it right. I just... Can't seem to figure it out."

"Well, you're asking the wrong person."

"Right." Lupin blew on the thing again, half-heartedly. "I haven't played it in a long time. Not since... Not since he left." Severus tried to think of a way to leave without Lupin noticing. "He used to play it all the time. It was like... Like the feeling you get your first time on a broom, listening to him play." Lupin sighed. "I miss it. I miss him."

"...Why are you telling this to me? Why not spew out all of your ludicrous woes to Nathanyel, or one of your friends?"

"Ludicrous?"

"I'd say missing the sound that that thing makes is pretty damn ludicrous."

"It isn't. You would know it isn't if you heard him play."

"You didn't answer my question. Why?" Lupin squared his shoulders, slowly looking up at Severus.

"You're always asking 'why.' You're relentless with it. I don't understand why you need to delve and prod like this."

"I'm waiting."

"Because you'll listen to me, and you won't offer empty comfort. You'll tell me what you're really thinking, even if it's something insulting."

"You really are a masochist, then."

"I suppose." Lupin offered him the harmonica, but he declined. "I feel like a failure. It must be my fault he's gone. I mean... I'm pretty worthless, aren't I?"

"Yes." Lupin stared down at the harmonica. "However... Nathanyel seems to have taken a liking to you. And, so far, he hasn't shown any major signs of being a bad judge of character... So perhaps you'll find some use for yourself in the future."

"Thank you, Severus."

"Just don't let it go to your head."

Lupin grinned and played the harmonica, his horrible technique emphasizing the grating sound of the thing. Severus stayed to listen, though.

It sort of grew on him, truth be told.

Nathanyel sat outside in the rain, taking long gulps from a bottle of firewhiskey. He was watching the lake, and the way the water hit the surface. It was somehow soothing.

"Hey." Remus was standing in front of him. "It's raining pretty hard." He knelt in front of Nathanyel, looking him in the eye. "Shouldn't you have an umbrella or something?"

"Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

"Aha." Remus ran a hand through his already soaked hair. "Why do you drink?" The question was sudden and unexpected; it took Nathanyel a moment to gain his bearings and answer.

"Because I feel like it."

Remus stared at him, chewing pensively on his lower lip. Then, he gently pried the bottle from Nathanyel's fingers and took a sip. "Augh, firewhiskey," he coughed.

"Why do you drink?" Nathanyel countered, waiting for a bullshit response.

"Because..." Remus paused to take another sip from the bottle. "Because it makes you happy."

"Hn." Nathanyel really didn't know what to think of that; then again, he didn't try very much to understand it. "You shouldn't worry about me. Don't worry about anyone but yourself. Make yourself happy and no one else."

"Is that really your opinion?"

Nathanyel nodded.

"That's bullshit." Remus threw the bottle away; Nathanyel didn't see where it landed. "Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

"Since when do I try to make anyone happy?"

"Since I've known you, at least." Remus leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Nathanyel's neck. "You're just that way." He kissed him, briefly. "You make me happy."

"You shouldn't depend on me. I can't give you what you want."

"Hm. And you know what I want?"

"You want what everybody wants." Nathanyel shrugged. "I just don't have any of it to give."

"That's not true." Remus leaned his head on Nathanyel's shoulder.

"And you really think that you're right about me?"

"I know that I'm right about you. Nathanyel, you're... My friend."

Nathanyel couldn't understand how Remus could be so nice. It just didn't seem plausible to him that Remus was never really cruel or unkind. "So, Mr. Know-It-All... If you're so smart, then why are you sitting out in the rain?"

"Because it makes me happy."

Nathanyel let out a long sigh. "It makes me happy, too."

"Hi, Severus." Nathanyel sat down next to him, waiting for him to blow up.

"Hi."

He was rather surprised by how calm Severus was.

"Was there something you wanted?"

"Um, yeah... I want to make up."

"...Alright."

"Really?"

"Well... I can't stop you from being a pervert." Severus sighed, leaning back in his chair, staring into the common room fire. "So, I might as well just try not to get angry."

Nathanyel knew that it was as close to approval as he was going to get. "Thanks, Severus."

"Yeah, you'd better be grateful."

Nathanyel grinned.

Nathanyel leaned back against his headboard, grimacing. He was bleeding, and he knew that he should be wearing his bandages, but he couldn't bring himself to move. He was bleeding all over Lucius' letter and he was crying, too, and his nose was probably running, but he didn't want to move.

"What the hell do they need a fucking baby for anyway?" he sobbed to himself, crumpling the letter in his hands.

What did Lucius want with a baby? Lucius had never liked children, and now he was trying to have one of his own? It was absurd!

He'd bet his entire stash of galleons that Narcissa (that fucking bitch) was barren, anyway.

At least, he hoped so.

Remus gasped as Nathanyel pushed him against the wall and all but tore his trousers down. He groaned when Nathanyel did something much more pleasant. In fact, he even used a few choice words to try to describe exactly how pleasant the sensation was.

When he was done, he felt slightly dizzy, and braced himself against the wall, just in case. "Wow, Nathanyel." He shouldn't have been surprised, though. Nathanyel had always been very good at that sort of thing. "Do you want me to-"

Remus stopped abruptly when he caught sight of Nathanyel curled up against his leg, shaking. "...Nathanyel? What's wrong?" He received no answer. Concerned, he knelt down and pulled Nathanyel close, trying to be reassuring. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." He was lying, of course.

"Did something happen between you and Severus?" Nathanyel shook his head. "Something with the family, then?" The question was greeted with a nod. "What happened?"

"I'm bleeding," Nathanyel answered bluntly, not even close to addressing his question.

"Bleeding?" Remus drew back a bit, eyes widening at the sight of blood stains on his sleeves. "You're bleeding!" Nathanyel nodded. "Don't worry, I'll take you to the infirmary."

"No! No, not there!" Nathanyel grabbed the front of his shirt, gripping it tightly with unsteady hands. "Get Severus."

"But, where-"

"Library."

"Alright. Should I-"

"I'll wait here."

"Alright."

"Cast Petrificus Totalus on me before you go."

"...What?"

"Just do it, alright?" The pleading look in Nathanyel's eyes was enough to prompt Remus to cast the spell, move him someplace relatively safe, and leave him to find Severus in the library. He had no idea what was going on, but he hoped that Severus could help him.

When he entered the library, he nearly groaned out loud in frustration; it was more crowded than he'd ever seen it before. He was just about to go around to check every person he saw with black hair, when he realized that Severus hated crowds and would probably go to the most deserted section of the library. Keeping that in mind, he headed for the Muggle Studies section.

He was surprised to find that his hunch had been correct; Severus was sitting alone at a dusty table in an empty sitting area right at the beginning of the Muggle Studies section. "Severus!"

"Go away, Lupin. I was only relatively kind to you for Nathanyel's sake. That doesn't mean you've any right to address me as if I'm you friend." Severus was apparently absorbed in some thick potions volume.

"But this is an emergency!"

"What? Does Nathanyel need his stomach pumped of all the-"

"He's bleeding." There was dead silence between them for at least a minute.

"...I'm sorry. What did you say again?"

"His arms are bleeding and he won't go to the infirmary and said to get you, but I don't know what's going on and I think it's something serious because he wanted me to cast Petrificus Totalus, but I don't know why, is he having seizures?" Remus took a deep breath, trying to replenish his oxygen after such an incredibly distressing run-on sentence.

"I see. Come with me. And no, he's not having seizures." Severus stood and prowled out of the area at a dizzying pace, leaving his book open on the table. Remus followed, still with no idea of what was going on.

"What's happening? What's wrong?"

"I can't be sure," Severus answered in clipped tones. "His uncle knows everything, but is unwilling to divulge any but an insignificant amount of information, even to him. Judging from his so-called 'episodes' and his behavior as of late, I'd say it has something to do with split personalities. That's just a guess, though. It could be possession, come to think of it." As he spoke, they entered the dungeons. "Stay here. I'll be back in a bit."

Remus waited anxiously, wringing his hands. Severus never spoke to him so willingly, especially without insulting him. The situation must have been serious, then. He was more than a little worried. What if Nathanyel was going insane? What if he was sick? What if something had happened to him in the corridor he was currently laying in? What if he was dying?

"Alright, Lupin, let's get the fuck going." Severus had returned with a roll of bandages, and... That was it. Just a roll of bandages.

"That's all you're using?"

"Oh, shut the fuck up and come on." Severus began climbing the grand staircase two at a time, Remus following closely, when he suddenly stopped. "Where are we going again?" Remus took the lead without a word.

The corridor near the prefects' bathrooms was almost always empty, so it was never very alarming to find it devoid of all human life. However, on this occasion, it was extremely alarming. Especially when there was a trail of blood leading into the next corridor.

"Shit, shit, fuck, sodding goddamned motherfucking arse-sucking cock-riding bloody shit!" Judging by his vocal expression, Severus seemed to share Remus' sentiments.

"How could he have left? He was petrified!"

"Lupin... Is there anyone who could have come along and released the spell?"

"No! Only prefects are ever in this corridor, and no one knew..." Remus trailed off. Someone had known where he was. "I told Lily I was going to be at the prefects' bathrooms around this time. She wanted to talk to me about something."

"Oh, for the love of Merlin!" Severus threw his hands in the air. "Get your fucking wand ready, Lupin, we might be facing a fight."

"What?"

"Come on. We'll follow this entirely inconspicuous trail of blood. I swear, even when he's turned into a murderous bloody psychopath he's still a moron. Lupin, are you coming or not?"

Remus snapped out of his horrified state and followed Severus into the adjacent corridor. The drips of blood seemed to lead into a nearby room; it was probably one of the many deserted classrooms littering the castle. "What are we going to do?" he asked quietly, drawing his wand.

"I have no idea. Maybe Evans is dead already..." Remus felt sick at the thought. "Get ready," Severus warned him, reaching out for the door. After only a slight hesitation he swung it open.

Inside they found... Nathanyel sitting on a desk while Lily stood in front of him, examining his forearms and making the kind of irritated sounds that Madam Pomfrey did when inspecting wounds. Severus looked more taken aback than relieved, but Remus felt as if a gigantic weight had been lifted from his shoulders. After all, he certainly didn't enjoy the prospect of a battle to the death with his lover.

"Oh, hello," Nathanyel murmured, eyes sweeping over them rather... Coldly.

"Here," Severus stated flatly, holding out the bandages. "You needed these, correct?"

"Yes, thank you." Nathanyel took them and stared at them a bit. "You know, I don't think they're necessary. I feel much better now, after all."

"You do?" Remus asked hopefully.

"Yes. Especially now that you're both here."

Remus was glad that Nathanyel was back to normal.

"I really would prefer a double homicide, you know? It's just so messy having to take two people out separately when you know you could easily get them together, anyway." A horrified silence filled the room. "Well, what's your preference? I've got poisoned needles, a knife, there's a window over there, and of course there's the killing curse. Personally, I think the window would be best. It would look more like an accident that way, don't you agree? And, of course, I suppose she'll have to go out, too, seeing as she'd be a witness. Though, three deaths would just make the circumstances much more suspicious, and I really only wanted to take out the two of you." Calmly, he turned to Lily. "If you're good, I might just settle for a memory charm and call it a day."

"N-Nathanyel?" Remus stuttered, hoping severely that the entire situation was just some sort of sick, tasteless joke. However, judging by the way that Severus was backing toward the door, he was dead serious... In a very literal sense.

"Oh! I almost forgot." Nathanyel drew his wand and cast a locking spell on the door. "Thank you for reminding me, Mr. Snape. Now..." He turned to Remus. "Lupin, is it? Hm. You're the werewolf, aren't you?"

Remus only gaped at him.

"Well, Mr. Lupin, I'm quite glad you did as you were told. You're an awfully good boy, aren't you? Would you like a treat? Maybe you'll finally get that shag you always wanted, eh? Call me soft, but I'm not above honoring last requests."

"Have you gone insane?" Lily exclaimed angrily.

"Actually, yes. Although, I'm not technically the insane one. That would be Nathanyel. However, seeing as I'm the one in charge now, why don't we just leave him out of the conversation? It's really an unpleasant topic for me, anyway. Now, Miss Evans... Mr. Snape... Mr. Lupin. If you'll all kindly hand over your wands, this will be a lot less difficult than it has to." Lily already had her wand trained on Nathanyel, and Severus was holding his tightly, though he hadn't raised it yet. Remus was simply... Numb with shock.

"Stand down, Page!" Lily ordered severely. "Everyone here knows that your wandwork is shit!" Nathanyel let out a frustrated sigh.

"Very well." He flicked his wrist, and some sort of paper flew from his hand, attaching itself to Lily. She didn't make a single move after that. "I know how it is to be petrified, so please believe me when I say that I am entirely sympathetic to your current plight." He then turned to Severus. "Drop it."

Remus watched from the corner of his eye as Severus tightened his grip on his wand.

"You and I both know that you're not going to do anything with your damn wand, so just drop it."

And then... He did. Severus dropped his wand.

"Nathanyel, do you have any idea what a fucking moron you are?" he spat.

Remus silently cursed Severus with all his might. He'd dropped his wand and then thrown out an insult- it was utter suicide!

"I'm sorry. What was that?" Nathanyel didn't look too pleased.

"You're an idiot! You're a total fucking brainless twit! You haven't got a single speck of intelligence in your entire brain! The only thing on this planet with an I.Q. lower than yours is a goddamned doorknob!"

"You know what?" Nathanyel narrowed his eyes, approaching Severus with what Remus was sure was murderous intent. "I was going to be nice to you, but now I think I'd like the squeeze the life out of you myself." With that, he grabbed Severus by the throat and began strangling him.

"Shit, shit, shit," Remus muttered to himself, unsure of what to do. Nathanyel was strangling Severus. Lily was petrified by some foreign type of magic. He was going to die.

Nathanyel was going to kill him.

Nathanyel.

"Nathanyel, stop it!" He was completely floored when Nathanyel immediately dropped Severus, coughing and massaging his throat, to the ground. He then turned and stared at Remus rather intensely. "Er..." Where to go from his current position, he had no idea.

"I've told you not to call me that. Why don't you listen, Mr. Remus Lupin?"

Remus could only draw a complete blank.

"Do you think that I'm just doing this for fun? While I don't mind at all killing these two, your death will be quite unpleasant to me."

He wasn't sure what to say to that. "...Thank you?" He was an idiot. He was going to be killed. He was completely and totally braindead.

"I assure you, you are welcome. However, I'm sure you have no idea why I've admitted such a thing. You see, you are a constant provider of pleasure. I, myself, am a very avid fan of such pleasure, and would not care at all to lose it. To boot, you are a werewolf. I find that being around a creature as undisturbed by the death of human beings as myself to be rather soothing and... Refreshing, so to say. Despite my reservation, though, I must kill you. I know this might put a strain on our current relationship, but you see, Nathanyel has become much too attached to you. Worldly attachments are no good, because then he has a will to live. And, to my great displeasure, if he has a will to live, then I, unfortunately, am stuck in a shithole. I would like to live as well, but this desire cannot be fulfilled with him around. He only gets in the way. So, in order to get rid of him, I must first get rid of you. You, Mr. Snape, Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Page, and the young Miss Page. As you can most likely tell from this long list of people to do in, I haven't much time to spare. So, if you'll kindly submit to my will, I can still offer you a quick and painless death."

Remus stared at him.

"Is there something wrong?" Nathanyel tilted his head, apparently unaware of the fact that the prospect of death could possibly be disturbing to someone.

"You're going to kill me."

"I know that. In fact, I just told you. Were you listening to me?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you making such asinine statements?"

"Because I'm in shock."

"Ah, yes. It's a very undesirable state." Then, with a decisive nod, Nathanyel turned back to Severus. "You were trying to reach your wand," he stated, before continuing his strangulation. "You're very disobedient. I've never liked that about you."

Remus realized that if they had any chance of surviving the situation, it was up to him. He was responsible for their lives. He was going to have to stand up for himself and them as well. And there was more riding on this than the anger of his friends. "You can't do this!" But he didn't want to hurt Nathanyel.

"Yes I can."

Severus chose that exact moment to spit in his face.

Remus was thankful for the opening, and immediately lunged, knocking Nathanyel to the floor. The bandages that he had been holding tightly onto rolled across the floor. Severus, coughing and hacking, scrambled for them while Remus struggled to reach his wand and keep Nathanyel busy at the same time.

"L-Lupin!" Severus coughed, grabbing hold of the bandages. "Stun! Petrify!" Remus finally managed to tear his wand from his pocket, only to be thrown halfway across the room. It was a rather disorienting thing to experience, but he still held tightly to his wand.

"Severus! Grab him!" He managed to get himself back on his feet in time to see Severus jump on Nathanyel's back and start pulling his hair. "Stupefy!" he roared, pointing his wand straight at Nathanyel's chest. There was a moment when he stood perfectly still, and Remus thought it hadn't worked, before he crumpled to the floor.

"It's about fucking time!" Severus growled, swearing as he turned Nathanyel over and began wrapping the bandages around his heavily bleeding neck.

"What do we do about Lily?"

"Leave her for now. I don't know how to dispell one of those things, but Olivia does."

"Should I get her?"

"Help me with these, first."

Remus kneeled down on Nathanyel's other side and accepted the length of bandages Severus handed him. "I just wrap these around his arm?"

"Yes."

Remus did as he was told, and soon found that they were done.

"I hope this works."

"So do I," Remus sighed, feeling a headache coming on.

"He seemed the most reluctant to kill you, so you stay here while I find Olivia."

Somehow, he didn't quite feel reassured by the statement.

Remus had no idea what to do next. Lily was petrified a few feet away, and Nathanyel was unconscious on the floor. The only thing he really could do was stay until Severus brought back help or whatever he'd gone to get. He stared down at Nathanyel, wondering how long it

would be. He also wondered what would happen if Nathanyel woke up before Severus got back. Would he try to kill them again?

As if his thoughts were somehow controlling the current events, an ominous moan drifted up from Nathanyel's prone form. Remus tensed, waiting for something horrible to happen.

"...Remus?"

He relaxed, feeling as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "Hey, Nathanyel." It seemed as if Nathanyel was back to normal. For him, at least.

"What's going on? You got my bandages, right? Oh, right. You're hurt! I did that, didn't I? I'm sorry."

"It's alright."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, really."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"Really, it's nothing." Remus had no idea what he was saying. Suddenly attempted homocide was nothing? "Severus got off worse than I did."

"...What happened?" Nathanyel seemed devastated. "Is he alright?" His voice was small and shaky.

"He'll be fine," Remus reassured him, pulling him into a tight embrace.

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

"I'm sorry, Remus. I'm sorry."

"Just try to calm down a little."

"I'm such a bad boy."

"You'll be alright." Remus wondered if it was true.

"Mr. Page and Mr. Snape are both doing fine," Madam Pomfrey informed Remus, snapping him out of his previous stupor.

After a long lecture from Olivia, insistence on Severus' part that none of the events were reported to any sort of proper officials, and the restoration of Lily's ability to move (along with her ability to scream at them like a psychopath,) they had all headed down to the infirmary. Severus and Nathanyel were kept, mostly for observation, and Lily had left immediately, swearing profusely under her breath. Olivia, meanwhile, had sat down to talk to him, however briefly.

"He's not healthy," she'd told Remus. "I'd advise against any further molestations."

After that, she'd left, as well.

Remus couldn't leave, though. That was why, after an hour and a half of sitting motionless in an uncomfortable chair, he was shuffling towards Nathanyel's bed.

"How are you?" He winced as he sat down in a chair beside the bed; his bum was sore.

"I'm better," Nathanyel replied, avoiding his eyes.

"Has something like this ever happened before?"

"Don't you remember? It was in the papers."

"Oh." Remus remembered quite well, actually. Things had been so simple, back in his fourth year; he'd had friends, a life, a family... Since when had everything gotten so out of hand, anyway?

"I feel like my life's falling apart." Apparently, Nathanyel could read minds. "Am I the only one?"

"No," Remus whispered, reaching for his hand and squeezing it.

"I wish I could be normal, for you. You don't deserve this kind of trouble."

"It's fine." Remus leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, trying his best to be reassuring, although he was the one who'd almost been killed. "Really."

"I think about you a lot," Nathanyel suddenly blurted out, apparently on instinct.

"Yeah, same here."

"No, I mean... I think about you... All the time. And... Things like that." He looked away, shifting in the bed. "I just... Thought I should tell you. Just in case."

Remus felt his stomach do a flip. "Right. Just in case." Could it mean that Nathanyel... Loved him? "I... Well, ditto." He'd never had much of a way with words.

"Just in case," Nathanyel muttered again, smiling fondly at him. His eyes looked glazed and unfocused, and Remus wondered if it was anything to worry about.

It wasn't long, though, before his eyelids drooped and soft snoring began to sound from his nose. Remus felt relieved, but also very, very apprehensive. After all, he had no idea what would come next.

Severus scowled up at the ceiling, refusing to look over at Nathanyel. He couldn't believe what had happened; things with Nathanyel were really getting fucked up. And he knew that he wasn't exaggerating.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Shut the fuck up," he snapped.

"You're mean," Nathanyel whined.

"You tried to kill me!"

"I didn't mean it!" Nathanyel wailed.

"Hmph." Severus finally turned his head to look at Nathanyel; he was laying on his side, curled up with his back to Severus. He looked like he was probably crying or something, the pansy. "...Sorry I snapped," Severus finally muttered.

Nathanyel rolled over, wiping his eyes. "Really?" He looked like crap.

"Yeah." Severus frowned.

"Hold on." Slowly, Nathanyel sat up, wincing. "I'm still sore," he muttered, swinging his legs over the side of his bed and sitting there for a bit. "I have a confession to make," he finally murmured.

"What's that?" Severus asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I... I haven't been wearing my bandages as much as I should be."

"Oh." Severus felt a little furious at that.

"It's just that... Without them, I feel stronger and I'm better with my spells and I can actually apparate at the apparition lessons. I apparated! I actually did it!"

Severus glared.

"Anyway... It was stupid, and I shouldn't have done it. I mean... Because of me, you and Remus and Lily were all almost killed. I'm really sorry."

"Well..." He frowned, pushing himself up into a sitting position. "I guess I forgive you. A little."

"Thanks." Nathanyel stood up, groaning and stretching, then padded over to his bed. "You're my best friend, you know?" He leaned down and kissed Severus, very briefly, then ran back to his own bed, blushing.

Severus glared some more.

"Sorry." Still blushing, Nathanyel flopped down in his bed and rolled over again, his back to Severus.

"Fuck you," Severus muttered, his face feeling hot as he lay back down.

He did not enjoy that.

"Hey," Remus greeted quietly, meeting him in the hospital wing.

"Hi," Nathanyel replied, stretching, his bandages back in place.

"I, er... Came to get you," Remus muttered, feeling sheepish.

"Thanks," Nathanyel replied, brushing past him on the way out. "Well, let's go."

"Right." Remus followed, unsure of what to do next; he assumed he'd just be walking Nathanyel back down to the Slytherin common room, since it was almost curfew when he'd been released. He suspected that Madam Pomfrey had planned it that way, so that Nathanyel would have to go straight to bed, anyway.

"So... Since you just got out of the infirmary, do you want... Do you want me to treat you to anything?"

Nathanyel stopped, turning around to stare at him with an unreadable expression.

"You know..." Remus forged on, feeling hopelessly stupid. "Something like that."

"I want..." Nathanyel looked away, blushing, then gulped and turned back to him. "I want to have sex."

"Um... Alright." Remus couldn't help but blush, as well.

"I mean like... All the way. You know, fucking. Or... Making love. Whatever you want to call it." He shuffled his feet.

"...Now?"

"Yeah. In your bed."

Remus hadn't known until that moment that instant erections were possible.

"R-Remus?" Nathanyel shivered, squirming a bit in his lap.

"Mmf, don't do that to me..." Remus was in heaven; he had Nathanyel in his bed, naked.

"Sorry."

"So what is it?"

"Well..." Nathanyel pulled back, sitting there, flushed and naked and panting.

"What?" Remus groaned.

"What do you think about when we do things like this?"

"Huh?" Of all the things to ask, and of all the times to ask anything...

"What do you think? Do you even think at all?" Nathanyel seemed completely absorbed in the subject.

"I... I don't know. I mean, I think about... You. And how... How sexy you are. Or how you feel. Or how I feel, and what we're doing. Things like that."

"Ah." Nathanyel was staring at him so intensely that he could feel his skin start to crawl.

"What do you think about?"

"Oh, you know, those things, too. And also... Sometimes I just wonder."

"Wonder?"

"Yeah. Like... Like what someone perfect like you would want with someone like me, doing something like this... Things like that." Remus stared at him in disbelief.

"You think I'm perfect?" he muttered, completely floored.

"Yes." Nathanyel had that intense gaze fixed on him. "I've never thought otherwise." He was just staring... There was something like devotion in his eyes, complete and unabashed adoration. "I'd do anything for you, Remus." Nathanyel crouched down a bit, resting his weight on all four limbs in what seemed like a submissive gesture; Remus felt like he was being worshipped, in some twisted sort of way; like the gesture was a bow, or a vow of service.

"Nathanyel, I... Don't know what to say."

"Just tell me what you want me to do."

"Just relax."

"Fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me-"

Remus thought that he'd be happier about this. It was, after all, a culmination of two years' worth of lust.

"-Fuck me fuck me fuck me-"

But it wasn't quite what he'd expected it to be. First off, Nathanyel was crying, which never tended to be a good sign.

"-Fuck me fuck me fuck me-"

Although, he was a virgin, and it could have been nerves.

"-Fuck me fuck me fuck me-"

Second off, he wouldn't shut up.

"-Fuck me fuck me fuck me-"

And it was rather distracting.

"-Fuck me fuck me fuck me-"

And irritating.

"-Fuck me fuck me-"

And it definitely put a damper on the whole situation.

"-Fuck me-"

Remus stopped, trying to get his breath under control. Normally, he'd probably have been done by then, but it was rather difficult to concentrate under the conditions. There were a few moments of confused silence before Nathanyel began to speak again.

"Why did you stop?" He looked rather puzzled.

"I just..." Remus wasn't sure exactly how to say it. "Er... Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Nathanyel wriggled a bit, wrinkling his nose. "Did you finish?"

"No." He bit his lip, trying not to squirm.

"So then what's the matter?"

"I just... Could you... Could you shut up for a bit?"

"Hm?" Nathanyel tilted his head to the side, frowning. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... I can't really... Concentrate. That's all." Remus looked away, feeling rather awkward.

"Huh? But I wasn't saying anything."

Remus shook his head, sighing.

"Anyway... Could we keep going? I rather like it." Nathanyel grinned, blushing.

"Alright." Remus kissed him, and started up again. Leaning forward, he buried his face in Nathanyel's hair, making sure that he could cover Nathanyel's mouth with his shoulder.

After that, Nathanyel just made little whimpering sounds, which he thought were rather sexy. More importantly, it was much easier to concentrate.

"Hey, Remus?" Nathanyel nudged him, grinning.

"Yeah?"

"How was I?" He rolled over to spread himself on top of Remus, making himself comfortable.

"You were... I don't know. Good. Kind of noisy." Remus yawned, stretching.

"Sorry. I didn't realize."

"It's nothing."

"I liked it a lot." Nathanyel tried not to blush, but failed. "I'd like to do it again, some time."

"Yeah." Remus smiled down at him. "Me too."

Nathanyel blushed even more. "Maybe sometime around... Now?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah." Nathanyel kissed him, already excited about the prospect of going another round.

"I suppose it's not such a bad idea."

This time, he was definitely not going to let his mind wander; he already felt guilty enough for the first time.

"Good morning," Nathanyel muttered, grinning as Remus blinked his eyes open.

He smiled for about a second or two before his eyes widened. "Shit," he whispered.

"Hm? No, I don't have to go."

"Not that. What if someone finds you?"

Nathanyel blinked, looking puzzled. "They'd... Win a prize?"

"No!" Remus paused to listen for any signs that the others had woken up; he didn't hear any movement, which was a relief. "You can't stay here. Do you have any idea what James or Sirius- even Peter- would do?"

"They'd all shit themselves," Nathanyel murmured, giggling.

"This isn't funny."

"I'm sorry." Nathanyel sat up, stretching. "I'd better get going, then, before I'm caught."

"Wait!" Remus pushed himself up as a loud curse rung out through the dormitory. "I'll handle it, alright? Just... Be quiet."

Nathanyel nodded, a small grin creeping across his face.

"What is it?"

"I like it when you dominate me," he whispered enticingly.

Remus felt himself blushing. "Not now," he grumbled, gathering up his underwear and trousers and tossing them on.

When he emerged from the bedcurtains, he found James and Sirius fighting over a matter involving dirty undergarments. "You left them on the floor, I know you did!" James was saying.

"I don't own green briefs!" Sirius argued back.

Remus knew he was in deep shit when he realized that the briefs in question belonged to Nathanyel. "Erm, they're mine," he spoke up quickly, hoping to retrieve the underwear and retreat.

"I told you they weren't mine!" Sirius cried out triumphantly.

"You don't have green underwear," James said, looking puzzled.

"Of course I do," Remus brushed off nervously.

The curtains around Peter's bed were suddenly drawn back, and he leaned forward, groggily surveying the scene. "They're his boyfriend's," Peter mumbled, pointing at the briefs. "The two of them kept me up half the night."

Remus could feel himself turning incredibly red.

"Seriously?" Sirius asked, a sly grin appearing on his face.

"Ew," James replied, dropping the underwear.

"Let's see him, then!" Sirius advanced toward Remus' bed, reaching out for the curtains.

"He's gone already," Remus protested quickly, inserting himself between Sirius and his bed. "He... Er... Is from a different house, so... Yeah. He's gone."

It was at that inopportune moment that a small sneeze sounded from behind the bed curtains.

"Right, of course," Sirius laughed, pushing Remus out of the way and pulling aside the curtains.

"Hullo," Nathanyel greeted them, waving a bit. "Lovely morning, isn't it?"

His greeting was met with absolute silence.

"Could I have my underwear back? I'm sort of naked right now, you know."

Remus knew that once James and Sirius were done being shocked, they were going to to be furious.

"I'm going back to bed," Peter announced grumpily, drawing his curtains.

"Page?" James finally choked out, still staring.

"Yes," Remus confirmed.

"Remus fucked me last night," Nathanyel clarified happily. "He's got a nice cock."

Remus thought he was going to vomit.

"Argh!" Sirius cried out, lunging at Nathanyel.

"Wheeeeeee! I'm naked!" Nathanyel screamed as he narrowly avoided Sirius' attack and streaked across the room, grabbing his underwear and nothing else. "Whooohah!"

Remus closed his eyes and slowly sat down as James and Sirius chased Nathanyel out of the dormitory, undoubtedly heading for the common room. Judging by how the morning had started out, he wasn't going to have a very good day.

"Look on the bright side," Peter reassured him from behind his bed curtains. "At least you're not sleeping with Regulus. Now that would have been awkward."

Remus sighed, hoping he could make it through the day.

Nathanyel watched his fingers curl around his cup of tea; that was all he was having, tea. He wasn't very hungry. A feeling of fullness had come over him, and not just in his stomach. He felt content, as if he'd just had a large meal and a satisfying nap.

He thought he'd have felt more different after... Sex.

It seemed so dirty and wrong, that word. It wasn't what he'd done, and he knew it.

He knew it from the way Remus had held him, and the way he had smiled and the way he was so incredibly frightened, but it was all alright because he was with Remus.

He knew it from the way that Remus had kissed him so carefully, like he would break, and had looked sad because it was Remus and Remus would be able to tell that he-

And the way Remus was looking at him, with that hungry expression, but he could see that Remus just knew that he-

And the way he couldn't concentrate on his tea because he couldn't stop feeling guilty over the way that he-

He used Remus. Used.

It was wrong. It was a terrible thing, what he was doing. It was awful that he tried to ignore the way his stomach squirmed whenever Remus touched him, horrible that he didn't think anything of the way his heart beat just a little bit faster when Remus said his name, unacceptable that he didn't even care that he might be in love.

It wasn't Remus, in the end, though, that he would be sharing notes with and staying up late playing gobstones with and passing the salt to in the morning because the eggs were just a little too bland.

It was disgusting, really, how the night before, when Remus was murmuring his name and moaning and acting just so happy- that he'd almost said...

He'd almost said...

"Severus."

"What?"

"Would you like some eggs with your salt?"

It was an awful, terrible, horrible, disgusting thing.

"We're going to spend the whole summer together."

Severus looked up from his lunch, his brow furrowing. "Huh?"

"We're going to spend the summer together," Nathanyel repeated. "I'm getting an idea."

"Oh." Severus stared at him, wondering what he meant.

"I won't tell you, though."

"It figures," Severus grumbled, turning back to his food.

"By the way, after you leave school I'm not going to continue the business."

"Huh?" He didn't think that Nathanyel was making any sense, lately.

"I've decided to leave it. Did you know that a first year girl was in a coma because of us?"

Severus wasn't sure how to react to that little tidbit.

"So... Once you're gone, it's over."

"This is kind of sudden, you know. What was it, an attack of conscience?"

"I guess you could call it that." Nathanyel fidgeted, playing with the cuff of his shirt. "And also, you know, with Remus and all..."

"So you want to quit because of Lupin?" Severus growled.

"Not just because of him."

"Uhuh." Severus pursed his lips, trying not to show any of his anger. "Well, it won't be any of my business, anyway."

Nathanyel frowned. "Oh yeah. You won't be here anymore, will you?"

Severus shook his head, raising his eyebrows.

Nathanyel started to cry.

Remus grimaced to himself as he watched his friends laugh and joke- on the other side of the room. He was being ignored, and he rather resented it.

"Remus, what's wrong?"

He looked up to see Lily standing in front if him, carefully balancing a stack of potions and charms books. "Why aren't you hanging out with James?" He stood up to help her with her load, hoping for her to be distracted by the change of subject.

"You know, he's having his 'guy time.' Besides, he always acts like an idiot around you guys. Why aren't you hanging out with them? Is it related to the look on your face?"

Remus sighed; he should have known better than to try to hide something from Lily. "Not here," he muttered, sparing a glance for the giggling group of second year girls sitting nearby.

"Alright. I was planning to return these to the library, anyway. You can come with me."

"Sure." Remus followed her out of the common room, ignoring the glares being directed at him from the group of raucously laughing boys in front of the fire.

"So," Lily prodded as soon as they had rounded the corner, "what's going on?"

Remus found himself grimacing again. "Well, it's about Nathanyel."

"Go on," she pushed, elbowing him.

"I fucked him," Remus blurted out, snapping his mouth shut as soon as he'd said it.

Lily dropped her books. "What?"

"We, erm... Made love." Remus found himself blushing.

"Do you really have to tell me about this kind of thing?" she practically snarled, picking up her books.

"Well, that's not the whole story. You see, he stayed the night-"

"You had him in the dorm?"

"Yes. And in the morning... Well, everyone found out. And now they're ignoring me."

"Just like that?" She seemed rather put off.

"Well, they are glaring at me a lot. I guess that counts for something."

"That's ridiculous! Just because they don't like who you're dating!"

"Well, you don't like him, either," Remus pointed out.

"Yeah, because he's a psychopath! But you still have the right to choose, you know."

Remus just sighed.

"Why are you with him, anyway? After all the shit he's put you through, he doesn't deserve the time of day." She made a beeline for the first table in sight the moment they stepped into the library and grunted as she dropped her books on the table.

"I thought you had to return those."

"I want to finish this conversation, first."

"Oh." Remus shuffled his feet a little, then sat down next to Lily.

"So... Answer my question. Why are you with him?"

"I don't know..."

"Answer me," she ordered severely, leveling a rather disturbing glare at him.

"Fine." He'd had enough glaring for one day. "I..." He leaned in close, lowering his voice.

"Go on."

"I love him."

She stared at him for a few seconds before slapping a hand over her mouth... To hold in her laughter. "N-no, really," she wheezed, snorting.

"It's the truth!" Remus hissed.

She immediately stopped laughing. "You can't possibly be thinking straight."

"I've been in love with him for two years," he confessed nervously.

"Do you have a fever?" She leaned forward to check his temperature.

"I'm not delirious!" He batted her hand away, frowning. She was the only person he'd ever told about his feelings for Nathanyel, and now he wished he'd just kept it to himself altogether.

"Sorry." She frowned at him, her eye narrowed as if she could discern exactly what was wrong with him if she stared hard enough. "But... Why?"

"I don't know," Remus muttered miserably. "He's cute," he offered, knowing that Lily secretly agreed with the sentiment.

"That's not a reason to love someone!"

"I know," he sighed, "but it's just... I don't know how exactly to describe it. He's a complete moron, a loon, a cad, and an asshole. He says stupid things, does downright cruel things, and thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. I don't even know why I love him, or even like him. And, oh yeah, he isn't the best lay in the world, either."

"Wow, that was more than I needed to know... But you've really got him to a tee," Lily commented, her eyebrows rising. "So he has absolutely no redeeming qualities?"

"Well, it's not that... It's just... He's really bad for me. And he's dangerous, too."

"And you're too good for him," she added.

Remus blushed.

"But if you love him, then no one else should have anything to say about it."

"Thanks."

"Besides... I kind of get what you see in him."

"Really?" He blinked, surprised.

"Yeah. He can be kind of sweet when he's not acting like a jerk. But still... I'm not quite sure about all that multiple personalities, bipolar shit he's got going on."

"That's kind of a setback," Remus agreed.

"Well, you've just got to lay down the law," she advised, standing up. "Tell them you're not going to take any shit. Now, I've got to return these before Madam Pince feeds me to the house elves."

Remus nodded, a knot tying itself inside his stomach; how was he supposed to lay down the law, exactly? He was outnumbered, for one thing, and in the end there was really no possible way to defend falling for Nathanyel, of all people. He was screwed and he knew it.

"Remus, we need to talk."

Remus stopped dead in his tracks, blinking over at where James sat on his bed, his arms crossed.

"Yeah," Sirius' voice agreed behind him, followed by the sound of the door shutting and locking.

Remus gulped, a sense of foreboding washing over him.

"You guys are fags," Peter grumbled, looking a bit disgruntled at the whole situation as he sat on the floor, reading a book. "No offense, Moony."

"None taken," Remus replied, staring around at his rather stern looking friends. "So... What's this all about, exactly?"

"Well, we've been thinking about you and Page," Sirius began, joining James on his bed, "and we believe that we've come up with a suitable solution."

Peter snorted.

"Solution?" Remus repeated incredulously.

"We're giving you and ultimatum," James forged on. "It's either him or us."

"I'm sorry... What?" He felt stunned, as if his friends had just greeted him with a punch in the face.

"If you don't dump Page, then say goodbye to us," Sirius replied harshly.

Peter snorted again.

"I- I-" Remus was speechless.

"Well?" Sirius pressed, leaning forward.

"I don't know."

"You don't know what?" James asked, frowning.

Remus wanted to shout at them, scream at them, throw them across the room, even. However, he'd never been very good at standing up to his friends, no matter how out of line they may have been. He didn't want to lose them... But he didn't want to lose Nathanyel, either. He was sure that when they'd been together there was something there. It was almost tangible, and he'd been hoping that maybe... Maybe... But perhaps he was just being ridiculous.

"Are you going to make a decision or what?" Sirius prodded.

How could he choose? How could he possibly make the decision, just when he thought that things were going so well? How could he leave Nathanyel when he'd looked at him that way, and he'd thought that perhaps he'd finally hear those three words out of that insufferably sweet mouth? What could he possibly do?

Peter's third snort brought him back to reality.

"I'll think about it," he promised, ashamed of himself for not having the courage to tell them where to get off.

"Hmph," Sirius replied, crossing his arms.

"I suppose it's good enough for now," James accepted reluctantly.

A fourth snort found its way past Peter's nostrils.

"What the hell is your problem?" Sirius finally snapped.

"Nothing," Peter replied airily as Remus slowly retreated from the dorm room. "It's just, I wasn't aware that friendship entailed making each other miserable."

Remus felt a pang of gratitude toward Peter as he closed the door behind him, but he knew that it was already too late. When James and Sirius had made up their minds, there was no turning back.

It was just that... There was only one way to help himself, now, and it was a route he'd been hoping to avoid.

He'd have to tell Nathanyel the truth.

He'd have to finally say it.

Those three terrifying, awful, wonderful words.

"Wish me luck," he said, mostly to God, and partly to no one in particular.

For a brief moment, he wished that his father was there to help him.

Remus had asked to meet him outside the prefects' bathroom, and who was he to deny a luxury that Severus had so cruelly denied him throughout the years? Nathanyel found himself preening as he waited outside the nondescript wooden door, despite his deep-seeded guilt. He'd been moping about ever since he'd realized what a complete piece of rotting sewage he truly was, but he still couldn't keep himself from getting excited at the prospect of a gigantic, relaxing bathtub with a most-likely naked Remus inside of it. Although, he shouldn't have come in the first place.

"Hello." Remus had arrived, smiling nervously and shifting his feet.

"Hi," Nathanyel replied, finding himself unable to look him in the eye.

"Well, um... Hold on." Remus turned to the door, knocking twice and listening. "Pesto sauce." He waited a couple of seconds before swinging the door open.

"Pesto sauce?" Nathanyel inquired, rather intrigued by the choice of password.

"It was Lily's idea," Remus clarified. "She loves Italian and she said that no one would be able to guess a password that has nothing to do with bathrooms, anyway."

Nathanyel found himself laughing in that high-pitched laugh that he'd heard girls warble out when the object of their affections had told a particularly bad joke. It couldn't be a good thing.

"Um... Yeah," Remus replied, looking rather awkward.

"Sorry." Nathanyel felt himself blushing as he ducked past Remus into the bathroom.

"No, no, I didn't mean it that way," Remus hurriedly replied, following him inside; the door closed of its own volition.

"It's okay," he muttered, taking a good look around the bathroom; it was just as Severus described it. Everything was pristine and made out of what looked like white marble and the middle of the room sunk into a gigantic bathtub with what looked like dozens of spouts. Nathanyel approached it and fiddled with one experimentally; it expelled a pink foam that smelled like strawberries. "Ooh!" he practically squealed, rather pleased with the results, and turned it up all the way.

"You like that one?" Remus was crouching behind him, looking over his shoulder, into the tub.

Nathanyel blushed again, his stomach feeling... Wibbly. That was the best word to describe it, at least. "Yeah," he muttered and, feeling like a terrible slut, moved back just enough to press against Remus.

"Oh," he replied, sounding a bit breathless. "Okay."

Nathanyel found that he had lost all control over his body, as he had, completely against his own will, spun around attached himself to Remus with such force that he was certain he had knocked out both of their front teeth. He wasn't sure what had come over him, but he was unexpectedly filled with the desire to have his way with Remus, preferably within the foam-filled bath.

"Wow," Remus panted when Nathanyel finally pulled away. "That was-"

"Fuck me," Nathanyel interrupted, already undressing himself.

"W-what?" Remus looked rather surprised.

Nathanyel felt rather surprised. "My body is filled with a burning lust that can only be satisfied by your throbbing man muscle," he recited from a passage he remembered from one of Lucius' dirty books.

"Oh," Remus replied, then grunted as Nathanyel practically ripped his clothing off.

"Get in the tub and pound me like a fucking whore," he ordered.

"I don't think you're a whore."

Nathanyel pretty much tossed him into the tub, then followed suit. He still wasn't completely in control of himself, and he knew that he should be doing the complete opposite of what he was, but he supposed that he just couldn't let go. Or perhaps he wanted to do it one more time, to have last memory.

He knew, as Remus held him close and whispered very lovely things into his ear, that it would be a sweet one.

Nathanyel sat at the edge of the tub, kicking his feet as he watched it drain. It had been better than the first time, and even the second time that had almost immediately followed the first, and it made his chest twist into funny-feeling knots. "That was nice," he told Remus, who was sitting behind him and busily drying him off. It felt good to be pampered, although he was also feeling a little guilty; he should have been the one doing the pampering, but Remus had insisted.

"I'm glad you liked it," Remus replied warmly, pulling him a bit closer. "However, you didn't have to tell me. You were so loud that the whole castle probably heard you."

"That's because it was so nice," Nathanyel muttered, leaning against him.

"I agree." Remus was silent for a long time after that, and it made Nathanyel feel a little nervous. Remus often did have moments of silent reflection, usually at the oddest of times, but this felt different.

"I like this," he offered, eager to break the silence.

"Hm," was all Remus said.

Nathanyel sighed and decided to remain in silence until Remus decided to break it, himself. He was rather enjoying being toweled off, anyway, and it was easier to concentrate on the sensation.

"All done," Remus finally announced, pulling the towel away and standing up.

"Thanks."

"It was nothing," he dismissed. "Anyway, let's get dressed. I... I need to talk to you."

Nathanyel felt the bottom of his stomach drop out; the reason Remus was acting strange was because he wanted to have a talk. Talks were hardly ever good things, and as much as Nathanyel had been preparing to end everything, he still wasn't prepared. Truth be told, he probably wouldn't have had the guts to do so, in the end.

"Here." Remus was holding out his clothes; the talk was upon them.

"Thank you." Nathanyel stood up and dressed with Remus in silence; the mood in the room had become rather serious, and he could feel his heart beating faster with every passing moment.

Finally, they were done.

"So." He couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Let's sit down," Remus replied calmly, although he looked anything but.

"Right." Nathanyel sat down next to him, leaning against the wall.

"So... How do you feel?"

"My dick feels like corn," he practically vomited out, letting his nerves overcome him. "I mean... Um... I'm good."

"Okay." Remus was looking at him with a very strange expression on his face. "Well, I'm feeling very corny, myself."

Nathanyel offered up a feeble smile; he'd always enjoyed bad puns.

"I suppose I should get right down to business, then."

"Yeah," Nathanyel agreed.

Remus took a very deep breath and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes for a moment. Then, gulping, he opened them again and looked Nathanyel straight in the eye. "Nathanyel... I love you." He was frowning a bit.

"Love you, too." Nathanyel felt relieved, in a way, that this was all the talk was about. He grinned, glad to get it over with. "You're my friend, after all."

"No... Not like that." Remus reached up and ran a hand through his hair; he was still looking very serious. "I mean like... More than a friend. I mean... I'm in love with you."

Nathanyel's mind went nearly entirely blank at that. "Oh." He felt numb all over, like everything had just stopped working.

"...Are you angry? Or... I don't know... Anything?"

"I... Don't know. I..."

"I just... Needed to tell you. That's all."

Nathanyel's brain was slowly refocusing on reality as the words still echoed and vibrated through his body. There was only one way to describe how he was feeling.

He was scared.

"Nathanyel? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"I've never seen you so... Tongue-tied."

"Yeah." He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to think or feel, either. "I don't love you back," he finally blurted out, not sure if it was true, and even in that moment thinking the statement was most likely false.

Remus looked rather sad. "I know," he admitted, unaware of the nefarious nature of the words.

"Listen, I... I... I don't know." He was beginning to get a headache; he could swear that the floor was pulsing beneath him. "I'm gonna go now. Bye." He stood up and walked away, keeping his head down. It was the first time he ever remembered feeling truly ashamed of himself.

"Severus." Nathanyel sat down next to him in front of the common room fire.

"What is it, now?" Severus scowled at him, setting his essay aside.

"You know about magic having to do with... You know, the mind... And stuff. Right?"

"Yeah." He wondered what Nathanyel wanted.

"Do you know how to make a pensieve and put memories in it?"

"Yes. Why? What do you want a pensieve for?"

"It's nothing much. Could you just teach me? Please?"

Severus hesitated, considering it. What could Nathanyel possibly need a pensieve for, anyway?

"Please?"

"...Alright. But you have to tell me why."

"Well..." Nathanyel hesitated, apparently trying to find the right words. "I want to start over."

Severus stared at him, long and hard, sizing him up. "Start over? What do you mean by that?"

"I'm talking about... Remus." Nathanyel looked away, frowning.

"You think looking over your memories will provide new insight, eh?"

"Yes."

"What, exactly, are you looking for?"

"I want to see if I can tell whether or not he loves me." He sounded sincere enough.

"I see." Severus didn't exactly approve, but... Perhaps this could mean that the end of their little 'relationship' was near. If that was the case, he certainly supported it. "I suppose that's good enough. Let's get started, shall we?"

Nathanyel only nodded.

Nathanyel walked outside, carrying his pensieve, careful not to let it spill. He was heading for the lake, where the light from the sunset was being reflected like jewels in the water. It was a rather romantic setting, he thought. Fitting, even.

He stood on the bank of the lake, staring out at the still water, tightly clutching his rather poorly made pensieve. He'd put everything inside it; everything he could possibly remember. Everything from that time at the Yule Ball when he'd almost kissed Remus and almost felt like there was something more than a kiss there to that time last week when Remus had said... Something terrifying. Something he didn't want to remember, if he had the choice.

And he did.

Everyone knew that while a memory was held in an enchanted object like a pensieve, then the owner would still at least have some knowledge of their existence. If a memory was somehow spilled out of the pensieve, then it would be lost. There would be no way to recover the memory, no matter how precious. That was why pensieves were always so carefully warded.

He hadn't bothered to ward his.

He looked down at the swirling, foggy contents of the pensieve. He thought he could almost catch the shadow of a memory, two figures holding hands. Maybe cradled against each other, on the edge of sleep. He swirled the fog around until it was only that; only fog.

Then, with a deep breath, he threw it with as much force as he could.

He watched the pensieve sail through the air, silver strands of memory floating from it like a spider's web being spun.

He watched it land in the water with a rather loud splash, a silver cloud floating over the surface for only an instant before it was gone.

He watched the sunset, trying to remember why he'd come outside in the first place.

Severus looked up from his book, watching Nathanyel approach him with a dazed look on his face. "Where were you?"

"Outside." He sounded as dazed as he looked.

"What were you doing outside?"

"I don't know." He looked around a bit, blinking, then sat down. "What are you doing?"

"Studying for the N.E.W.T.s," he replied, narrowing his eyes. "They're coming up soon."

"Oh." Nathanyel stared into the common room fire, his eyes slightly glazed.

"So..." Severus pursed his lips, sensing something wrong. "How's Lupin?"

"I don't know. I suppose he's alright." Nathanyel shrugged.

"You didn't see him tonight?"

"No. Why would I?"

"Never mind." Severus was suspicious, to say the least.

"I'm going to take a shower and go to bed. I feel kind of weird."

He watched Nathanyel go, a frown tugging at his lips. Something was definitely wrong, but he wasn't sure if he had the time or the energy to find out exactly what it was.

Remus approached Nathanyel in the hallway, pulling him aside; they needed to talk. "Nathanyel? I've been meaning to talk to you."

Nathanyel started and blinked at him. "Oh, hi. What did you want to talk about?"

"About... What I said to you last week."

Nathanyel gave him an extremely blank stare. "I'm sorry... What did you say to me?"

"You know... That really important thing..."

Nathanyel's stare remained blank.

"Um... Right... Well, I'll talk to you later, then. I've got to get to class."

He wondered what was wrong with Nathanyel.

Severus scowled to himself; Lupin had volunteered to partner with him, which meant that he wanted something. However, they had been silently collecting bubotuber pods for nearly half an hour, and Lupin hadn't said a word. Severus was so frustrated, in fact, that he decided it was best to bring up the subject himself. "Lupin."

"Hm?"

"What did you want from me, exactly?" There was a short silence between them.

"Ah. Yes. Well, I suppose I can't play innocent forever." Lupin shrugged as he dropped a pod into their bucket. "I just... I'm worried."

"About Nathanyel," Severus guessed.

"Yes. I talked to him just before class, and he acted like... Like he had no idea what I was saying to him."

"What were you talking about, exactly?"

"It was... Something important."

Severus frowned and waited for Lupin to elaborate.

"I... Last week I sort of... Told him that I..." Lupin's voice dropped to a whisper. "That I love him."

Severus managed, through great effort, to keep his hands steady.

"And he just ran away from me. Today was the first time I've seen or talked to him since, and he's acting like he doesn't remember."

The answer to Lupin's burning question was beginning to dawn on Severus; he suddenly had a good feeling that he knew what the pensieve had been for.

"Do you know anything?"

He was practically shaking with suppressed glee. "I do believe I know exactly what has happened," Severus informed him, trying to keep the satisfaction out of his voice.

"Really? What happened? I need to know."

"The reason that Nathanyel is acting as if he doesn't remember..." Severus paused for a moment, basking in the glory of what he was about to say. "...Is because he really doesn't remember."

There was a moment in which Lupin stared at him with an expression akin to horror on his face. "What? Why doesn't he remember? How?"

"You see, Nathanyel recently came to me with questions on how to make a pensieve and fill it with memories. In fact, he asked me just last week. Seeing as the pensieve has mysteriously disappeared, along with all his memories of your... Relationship... I am assuming that he filled it with memories of you and him as a couple and somehow destroyed it. The idea probably occurred to him as soon as you revealed to him your true feelings. So, I guess that's the end of it, then."

Lupin was staring at him with something that was then definitely horror. His mouth was slightly open, and his eyes seemed watery, while he simply... Stood there. He was perfectly still, his fingers already gently gripping a pod, ready to carefully pluck it free from the tentacle-like stem of the plant. However, his grip suddenly tightened, causing the plant to spasm and spray pus all over the surrounding area.

Amidst the following coughs, groans, and expletives he remained stationary, that expression still on his face. "Lupin?" Severus was beginning to worry that maybe he had finally snapped, and was going to go on some sort of killing spree. "Lupin, are you... Still sane?" Perhaps he should have phrased the question better.

"Mr. Snape! Mr. Lupin!" The professor was approaching them, looking absolutely enraged.

"Excuse me, ma'am," Lupin suddenly croaked, rushing out of the greenhouse.

"Mr. Lupin! Get back here!"

Severus knew that Lupin had run off to cry his poor little broken heart out somewhere; most likely in his dorm. For some reason, though, he didn't feel quite as triumphant as he'd expected to.

Remus found himself skipping class, not for the first time in his short life, and with just over two weeks left before the N.E.W.T.s, on top of it. However, rather than hanging about with his friends like most people would be doing, he was in his bed, trying very hard not to burst into tears. "Men don't cry," he muttered to himself, rocking back and forth as he sat, hunched over, with his pillow in his arms. "Calm, cool, and collected. Men don't cry."

He took a deep breath...

And began to sob. "Fuck men!" He couldn't stop himself. "Fuck everything!" Nathanyel had done something so cruel, so completely heartless, that he could barely believe it. He hoped against hope that it wasn't true, yet... Deep down, he knew that it was. Nathanyel was just the type of person to do something as stupid and hurtful as this, and after he'd... After he'd done and said all those things.

He'd actually had hope, for a little while. He'd actually thought that maybe, just maybe, Nathanyel might love him back. In the little things, like the way he looked at him or the way he held him... He thought he'd sensed something more than just friendship or lust. He had even considered choosing Nathanyel, choosing him of all people, over his friends. He'd been certain that they would get over it, of course; they were only teenaged boys and could hardly focus on something like that forever... But still, he'd thought of risking it.

"...Just saying that maybe we were too harsh," James' voice suddenly drifted in as the dormitory door was opened.

Remus fell silent, carefully listening.

"We were not," Sirius insisted, stomping about like a rhinoceros, as usual.

Peter's trademark sigh drifted across the room.

"He'll pick us."

"You don't know that," James pointed out, apparently trying to be reasonable. "What if he picks Page?"

"He won't," Sirius replied, stubborn as ever.

"He will," Peter piped up. The statement was followed by several moments of tense silence. "He knows that if he picks Page, you two will get over it soon enough and extend the olive branch. Right?"

"Well... I know I would," James replied.

"I guess," Sirius grumbled reluctantly.

"But if he picks you guys-"

"Hey, what about you?" James interrupted.

"I was never a part of this stupid scheme," Peter sniffed indignantly. "As I was saying, if he picks you, he runs the risk of losing Page for good, as both a lover and a friend. Picking Page is the safest route, in the end."

"Wow, Peter. Bravo." James sounded impressed.

"Yeah," Sirius countered, "but what if he doesn't know we'd back down? Why'd he want to pick Page, anyway?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Peter shot back in rather condescending tones; Remus still couldn't get over his sudden acquirement of a backbone. "They're in love."

Remus felt his breath catch in his throat at that; Peter had said, "they're in love," not, "Remus is in love with Page." That meant that Peter obviously knew that Nathanyel... But no. Peter could be wrong. Remus had to allow for that.

"You know, Peter, you can be a real idiot sometimes," Sirius was saying haughtily. "There's no way Remus feels anything for that berk."

Remus wondered if Peter would have snorted, if he hadn't beaten him to it. There was silence for a second or two before footsteps quickly approached his bed and the curtains were thrown aside. Remus frowned.

"Moony!" James exclaimed, looking rather sheepish.

"Have you made up your mind yet?" Sirius immediately cut in.

"Lucky for you, I didn't have to," Remus hissed coldly, every hair on his body standing on end, his grief joined by seething anger. "If it were up to me, I'd have picked Nathanyel. However, he's done with me, so I'm stuck with you." From the looks on their faces, he imagined his gaze could have frozen hell itself. "I'm sure you're both ecstatic." With that, he jerked the curtains closed and flopped onto his back, tears welling up again.

He was alone for a long time before the hesitant whisper found him.

"Remus?" It was Peter's voice, calling his name. Peter, who had always been on his side.

"Yeah?" he croaked, wiping his face dry with his sheets.

The curtains twitched open and Peter stepped forward, sitting down next to him on the bed. "You really loved him, didn't you?"

"I still do," Remus muttered, unable to push himself up into a sitting position. "How long have you known?"

"A while. Since back when I was still going with Olivia." He looked rather wistful. "I know I don't seem it, but I miss her an awful lot. I guess I shouldn't have been in such a hurry." He shrugged.

"Uhuh." Remus sniffed.

"He loved you back, for what it's worth. I don't care what he may have said to you; he was lying."

Remus sniffed again; Peter's rare show of concern and sympathy was rather puzzling, but welcome all the same.

"I know you're upset that he dumped you, but don't let it ruin your life." Peter paused, his brow furrowing. "I'm not being very comforting, am I? Well... I thought you might need it, since I'm the only one here to give it to you."

"Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome. You'll get over him, in time."

"No I won't," Remus murmured miserably, knowing that despite his dramaticism, it was still true. "I'll never love anyone else. Werewolves mate for life, you know."

"So do human beings," Peter pointed out gently. "I found that music helped me, when Olivia dropped me. If you like, you can use my phonograph and my records."

Remus started at that. Throughout the years, as Peter admired James and Sirius, he would have given them anything, except for his phonograph. He cherished the thing as if it were his own child, and never let another living soul touch it. The fact that he was offering its use so freely was a huge surprise and very... Wonderful. "Thank you," he replied earnestly.

"You're welcome."

"You know..." He sniffed some more, trying to compose himself. "I'd never thought you'd be the one comforting me. It was always the other way around, you know?"

"Yeah," Peter replied quietly.

"What's happened to you this year? You've changed so much."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"You have," Remus replied, thankful for the brief distraction from his grief and self-pity. "The way you treat James and Sirius now, stand up to them and disagree with them... And the way you're acting now, trying to comfort me like this and the way you found out about Nathanyel and me and kept it a secret, condoned it, even... I just never expected it."

"Hm." Peter seemed to be thinking. "Well, the best way to explain it is this: in the past, I always thought James and Sirius were cool. I admired them, looked to them as examples of how I should be, even. You, however... I always respected you. The kind of blind admiration, hero worship, even, that I had for James and Sirius fades with time. The respect I have for you, though, is something that I will have for the rest of my life. It's just... What I've learned this year."

"That's... Really kind of you," Remus replied, stunned at the confession.

"Well... I'll leave you to your mourning." Peter abruptly stood up and left, apparently satisfied with what he'd done.

Remus stared back down at his pillow, eventually returning to his piteous moans and sobs.

He was just having an overall bad day.

"Severus?"

He grunted, not wishing to speak. Nathanyel had been showing signs of targeted memory loss ever since that evening in the common room, and what was once only a probability had become a fact in his mind.

"I have a letter for you. I think I might have written it, but I don't remember doing so. I'm not supposed to read it, though, so here it is." A folded up piece of parchment was dropped right in the middle of his essay. "I'll leave so you can read it privately." As soon as Nathanyel was gone, he practically tore the thing open.

Hullo, Severus. How are you? I am fine. I've decided to throw my memories of being with Remus into the school lake. He told me he loves me, so I'm thinking that it's the best thing, seeing as I love you. I love him, too, and I do think it's possible to love two people at once. It's just that... You can't actually have both of them. So, despite the incredible odds, I've chosen you. Congratulations! Anyway, have a good day!

Sincerely,

Nathanyel

Severus stared at the letter, wondering if it was possible to go blind with rage. If it was, then he'd probably be blind within a matter of minutes. First off, it had to have been the most fucked up love letter he'd ever heard of. Secondly, who in their right minds would confess their love in a letter about ending a previous relationship, and then sign it with a phrase such as "sincerely?" And although there was no love lost between himself and Lupin, it was a tad inconsiderate to end a relationship so completely without even bothering to inform the other party. Just to clarify.

He had several choices after this; he could show the letter to Nathanyel and see what he wanted to do, destroy the letter and try to forget its contents, return Nathanyel's apparent feelings, or do the right thing and tell Lupin about it.

...Right. He would tell Lupin that Nathanyel definitely had no intention of continuing their relationship and had indeed completely forgotten it, then burn the letter and forget all about its contents. That seemed to be the best course of action.

"Hey, Lupin! Lupin, hold up!" Severus ran up to Lupin, Nathanyel's letter tucked safely into his front pocket.

"What is it?" Lupin asked monotonously, glaring at him.

"Er... Well, I thought I should inform you that... My assumption about Nathanyel's destruction of certain memories was correct. Your relationship is currently residing at the bottom of the lake."

He was actually rather surprised at how hard Lupin could punch.

"Lupin, you absolute-"

"Leave me alone." Lupin began to walk away.

"I know why!" He stopped there, turning to look back at Severus as he stood up and brushed himself off. "He wrote me a letter, then erased his memory of the thing. In it, though, he said that... He... Had feelings for another person." It was rather difficult to say it out loud.

"Who?"

"He didn't mention any names," Severus replied, technically telling the truth.

"...I see." Lupin turned and walked away, his shoulders tense and squared.

"You're welcome!" Severus called after him, rubbing his jaw. It felt rather sore, after that particular jab.

He suppose he would have done the same thing, though.

Remus walked down the hallway, his nose stuck in a book. The hollow ache that Nathanyel had left behind still throbbed somewhere deep in his chest, but he still needed to continue with life and pass his N.E.W.T.s. Besides that, studying helped him focus on something else, and although he couldn't completely ignore the pain, it was better than moping around and dwelling on it.

"Hi, Remus!"

Remus felt his entire body stiffen as Nathanyel approached him, wearing a wide grin. It was the first time he had approached him since that night in the prefects' bathroom, and he could feel the ache in his chest double.

"How's it been with your studies? Ready for exams?" He patted Remus on the shoulder, that grin still there. "I was thinking that maybe we could, you know, study together or something like that." Nathanyel was actually flirting with him; Remus was practically seeing red. "You know, maybe... Grab a late night snack from the kitchens, or just-"

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" Remus had backed Nathanyel up against the wall, and the crowd milling around in the corridor had come to a halt, all staring at him.

"I'm s-sorry." Nathanyel looked tiny, pressed against the wall like that; he looked frightened, cornered. Like prey.

"Leave. Me. Alone."

"O-okay."

Remus whirled around and stomped away, tears stinging at his eyes.

He didn't need this kind of shit.

Nathanyel wanted to know what was going on; he wanted to know why Remus haunted him in dreams that felt like they'd happened, why he was suddenly experiencing odd bouts of deja'vu, and why there was this strange ache inside of him, like something was missing. Most of all, he wanted to know why Remus was acting so strangely.

That was why Nathanyel had cornered him in an empty corridor and stood his ground. He wanted some answers. Remus, however... Didn't looked ready to give any. "Spill the beans," Nathanyel ordered immediately, frowning in a very authoritative way.

Remus stared at him for a long time, his eyes boring a hole into him. "Why are you torturing me?" he finally whispered; he seemed upset. "Do you hate me?" He seemed very upset.

"I... I don't know." Nathanyel didn't know what to say; he didn't even know what was going on with Remus.

"Why do you hate me?" He hoped that Remus wouldn't start crying. "What's wrong with me? Tell me!"

"I don't hate you!" Nathanyel was so confused; he hadn't done anything that would make Remus think something like that. In fact, he'd been getting along with Remus rather well, until weird things started happening. Like that note to Severus he'd found, for one. Or like the way Remus was acting, which was what he was trying to investigate in the first place.

"Then why did you do it? I just want to know! Tell me something, anything!" He grabbed Nathanyel by the collar and shook him, his voice cracking. "I just don't understand!"

"Neither do I!" Nathanyel admitted; he was starting to get upset, too. What had happened to Remus that was so horrible? It had something to do with him.

"I know you don't!" He let go of Nathanyel's collar, letting him drop to the ground.

"I'm sorry, Remus." Nathanyel just wanted Remus to be happy again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." Whatever had happened, he wanted to make it better.

"You don't know that. You don't know what's going on." He sounded defeated, like he was giving up.

"I would never do something to try to hurt you," Nathanyel murmured, trying to keep his voice even. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry. Please, don't... Don't hate me."

Remus just shook his head, squared his shoulders, and walked away.

Nathanyel didn't know what to do. He wanted to make things right, somehow. He wanted to make Remus happy and warm and lovely again.

He wanted to make Remus perfect again.

"Remus."

"Hm?" Remus turned around to find Nathanyel standing in front of him.

"Here." Nathanyel thrust an envelope with his name on it into his face.

"What's this?"

"I don't know. I found it, and I figured that you'd want it... Besides, maybe it'll make you feel better."

"Oh. Thanks."

"Anyway, I have to go. Bye."

"Bye." Remus watched him go, then headed straight into the nearest classroom, locking the door. He had to see what was in the envelope.

After a deep breath and a great deal of mental preparation, he opened the envelope and pulled out the single piece of parchment inside. He immediately recognized Nathanyel's handwriting, and found himself unable to hold the page steadily. Trying to calm himself down, he began to read.

Hullo, Remus. How are you? Not well, I suppose. I thought that it would be easier to write down what I wanted to say, anyway. Still, I'm sure you're angry and hurt, and you've every right to be. So, I'm going to tell you why I did what I did.

The first reason is... There's someone else that I love. I can't really tell you who, or even why, but... I've thought about it a lot and I realized that I need to go after him. I know that it doesn't really make sense to just erase everything, but I can explain.

It's the second reason I did it. I was afraid, when you told me you loved me. I hadn't really seen what we had as a real relationship... Just something to lean on. And I thought, as long as you didn't want any more than that, it would be fine because there's really nothing more I could give you. I was afraid, because you love me and I don't know what that could mean. And I was afraid that I'd miss you too much... So I decided to forget. I'm sorry.

- Nathanyel

P.S. - I'm in love with you, too.

Remus couldn't stop crying.

Severus sighed, leaving his last N.E.W.T. behind him. It was a feeling of great relief, to have finished everything at long last. Things were right with the world again; Nathanyel had broken Lupin's heart and forgotten all about it, which meant that he had returned to his old pastime of clinging to Severus. Lupin seemed to be getting over it and was avoiding Nathanyel, which was rather pleasant. Olivia still nagged them, and although he seemed rather worn, Nathanyel teased him and said stupid things. He had been smoking a lot, lately, but it couldn't be helped, and it wasn't too much of a discrepancy, anyway.

"So how was it?" Nathanyel was in the common room, waiting for him, as it had always been.

"It was a breeze," Severus replied confidently, dropping his book bag on the floor and sinking into his favorite chair. "I am a genius with potions, after all."

"Yeah," Nathanyel replied. He seemed rather melancholy.

"What's the problem?"

"Oh, nothing. I just feel down, that's all."

"You'll feel better once the summer starts. And guess what? That apprenticeship Lucius got me starts in the fall."

"Bad things are going to happen," Nathanyel replied mysteriously, his voice low and sad.

"You're just being paranoid," Severus dismissed.

Really, what could possibly happen, now that he had everything back to the way he liked it?

They rode in silence. The train was kind of bumpy. "So." Severus wasn't sure of what to say. Nathanyel had been strangely quiet the whole time, and, to his horror, had kept shooting strange looks over in Lupin's directed when they'd all arrived on the train's platform. "When I get home... I... I suppose I'll start... Practicing for the apprenticeship."

Nathanyel just stared out the window, and hugged himself, even though it was rather warm.

"And... And I'll continue with..." He gestured futilely. "My potions. You know."

Nathanyel still didn't say anything.

"What are you going to do, with that thing you're planning for us?"

Silence.

"Answer me."

Nathanyel didn't even look at him.

"Say something! Look at me!"

And he did. His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with red. "Don't go," he whispered, sounding like he'd just vomited. "I don't want to be alone. I don't want you to go."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes you are!" His lip trembled ominously. "I can see it. And I'll be at school alone, without you. I don't want to be separated." He lunged forward and hugged Severus tightly. "Do we have to be apart?"

"Nathanyel," he grunted, trying to push him away, "stop being such a drama queen. We'll have the whole summer together, and when you go back to school in the fall I'll still be living in Hogsmeade. You can visit me!"

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Good." Nathanyel sat back, a small smile working at his lips. "I feel better."

"I'm glad."

Severus wondered if he'd be able to stand a whole summer alone with Nathanyel.

"Hey, Olivia." Nathanyel stood nervously in the door to her compartment, shuffling his feet. Severus was off in the year's last prefect meeting, where they prepped the next year's potential head boys and girls, which had left him alone and lonely. Besides that, he needed to talk to Olivia about an important matter. "Mind if I sit with you?"

"Yes," she replied automatically, her attention not wavering from the card game she was involved in with Loretta and a Ravenclaw boy their age.

"Um, I just wanted to talk to you."

"Nathanyel," she sighed, sounding frustrated as she looked up at him. "...Fine."

"Should we leave?" the boy asked, looking a bit put off.

"Yes," Olivia replied harshly; although, most of what she said usually sounded harsh.

Nathanyel stepped aside, watching the two leave, before he sat down across from Olivia. "I've made an important decision that I wanted to tell you about."

"What is it now?" she asked, looking bored.

"I'm leaving."

"Leaving?" She seemed a bit more intrigued.

"For good. I'm running away this summer; I can't be part of this family anymore." He waited for her response.

She slapped him.

Nathanyel was rather surprised, actually; Olivia was never the type to slap people. "Sorry," he muttered, all the same.

"Yeah, whatever," she huffed, crossing her arms and turning away.

Nathanyel continued to sit, not sure of what to say next; he didn't know what he really could say.

"Hey." Olivia broke the silence, her voice unexpectedly soft. "Do you remember when we were little and I used to call you my big brother?"

"Yeah," Nathanyel muttered, grinning a bit. "In Japanese, though."

"Yeah."

"I thought you were always embarrassed about that," he pointed out.

"Well... It's just something I thought of, that's all."

"Oh. Anyway, could I borrow another one of your school skirts?"

"Fine," she sighed, crossing her arms.

"Thanks, little sister."

She snorted and looked away again; Nathanyel could tell she was smiling, though.

Once Nathanyel had left Olivia's compartment, he was certain that the prefects' meeting had already dispersed, so he decided to have one more go at talking to Remus. They wouldn't see each other all summer, and Nathanyel found that he already missed him.

Wandering down the aisles of the train cars, he found that Remus wasn't patrolling the train; instead, he was sitting alone in a compartment, his head leaning against the window. Nathanyel gingerly slid the door open and stepped inside, quietly shutting it behind him. "Hi," he greeted nervously. "Do you want to... Talk?" He shuffled his feet a bit, staring down at Remus. He wasn't sure if he was awake or not.

"No," Remus replied, sounding exhausted.

"Please," Nathanyel pleaded, desperate for something, anything, "just tell me what I did wrong."

"You didn't do anything," Remus replied, his voice monotonous.

"Yes I did," Nathanyel murmured. "Otherwise, you wouldn't hate me."

"I don't hate you," Remus spoke up with sudden fervor. He straightened himself and looked Nathanyel in the eye for the first time in the last month. "I probably should, but I don't."

"That's good to know. I don't hate you, either, you see." For a moment, he really just wanted to kiss Remus; the moment passed rather quickly, though, and he attributed it to stress.

"There was a while when I thought otherwise."

"I'm sorry."

"...Thank you."

"Are we... Friends?" Nathanyel took a hesitant step forward, nervous about what the answer would be.

"Yes. We're friends." The way Remus had said it sounded like he wanted to add something more.

Nathanyel was content with the answer the way it was.

Remus stared down at his bag, all packed and ready to go, sitting on top of the kitchen table.

Never let anything hold you down, his father had always said. A good lot that did him now, with his whole life ahead of him and his mother behind him. Did he really have to choose?

Never hesitate, his father had always told him. He couldn't do anything but hesitate, with the plans he had.

Always fight for the ones you love, his father had always preached. He was following his father's own ill-followed advice, and it made him sick with nerves to think of how he was stupidly going to chase after Nathanyel.

The world is a big place; you can do and be whatever you want, his father had once told him proudly, when he'd gotten his Hogwarts letter. He was going to strike out on his own, whether or not he struck out with Nathanyel again. It was time for him to learn to be a man.

A man did whatever he needed to do to protect those important to him; a man always conducted himself with honor and respect, even for his enemies. That had been his father's outdated philosophy. He'd do his best to follow it.

Even if you have to leave your family behind, do what you need to do. That was what his father had taught him, by leaving them. And now, he was doing the same despicable thing. Even as he approached the front door, he could see his mother's face in the morning, sad and strong and always worrying as she read the note he'd left.

"Where are you going?"

Remus paused, tensing as the padding of bare feet approached.

"Remus?"

"I'm just going to meet a friend, Mum." He turned around to see her in her dressing gown, wringing her hands.

"This late at night?"

"Yes, Mum."

"What do you have that bag for?"

"I'll be back the day after tomorrow."

He watched her as she started to worry her dressing gown. "Why didn't you saying anything? I mean... You weren't going to tell your own mother that you're leaving?"

"It's just for a day and a half, Mum. I left a note."

"And you're taking a big bag like that?"

He didn't mean to get frustrated, but he just needed to go. He didn't want anyone questioning him or holding him back, and he already felt guilty enough as it was. Really, though, he just wanted his mother to trust him.

"What do you think?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think I'm just going to leave, just like that? You think I'm going to walk out of here and never come back, like Dad? Is that what you think?" It was true, though, a small voice whispered in his head.

"I don't know what to think. You don't talk to me anymore."

"I can't talk to you! Alright? Do you think I'm still ten years old? I'm not! And you're always sleeping or out doing whatever it is you do! I can only think of a few things that would make a person so tired, and they aren't flattering!"

"Don't talk to me like that!"

"Just go back to bed, Mum! I'll be back soon, alright?" Liar. "I'm coming back. So just go to sleep."

"Remus, I never said-" He slammed the door behind him and kept walking.

"Nathanyel?"

Nathanyel looked up from his book, smiling as Uncle Laszlo joined him on the sofa. "Hullo," he greeted warmly.

"How are you?" Uncle Laszlo sounded concerned.

"I'm feeling better," Nathanyel replied. "Although I've been a bit disoriented as of late." He scratched at his bandages.

"I've been researching an alternative to those bandages." He adjusted his glasses, looking around for a moment. "But there's something else I wanted to tell you."

Nathanyel waited.

"I think you're ready to know what this all is."

"Am I insane?" Nathanyel asked, fairly sure of what the answer was.

"...In a word." Uncle Laszlo adjusted his glasses again, looking nervous. "Are you upset about it?"

"Well... Yes. I pretty much knew, already. I mean... All this weird stuff that's been happening to me..."

"Are you still having strange dreams?" He placed a hand on Nathanyel's shoulder, a worried frown crossing his face.

"Not really." Nathanyel paused for a moment, chewing on his lip. "My father did this to me, didn't he?"

Uncle Laszlo nodded once, decisively.

"Why?"

"The idea is... To create and perfect an emotionless murderer." Uncle Laszlo sighed, fiddling with his glasses again. "I'm not sure if I should warn you of this or not, but seeing as you've already witnessed it once..." He trailed off, looking unsure.

"I know there's something else about me," Nathanyel replied slowly, trying to prompt him into continuing. "This person that's me, but isn't, all at the same time. A thing that taunts me and always follows me in my shadow... Is it just my imagination?"

"In a way... You see, it's another personality. The basic idea is to erase you... And put him in your place." Uncle Laszlo seemed very troubled with the conversation. "Your father was a subject in the same experiment."

"I see." Nathanyel mulled over the information in a detached way that seemed almost wrong to him. "And he's the result?"

"He's not perfect." Uncle Laszlo gulped, almost inaudibly. "This was the part I was wary of telling you about, but since you seem so calm..."

"Tell me." Nathanyel leaned closer, eager to listen.

"The experiment can only be perfected when you..." He paused, looking very grim. "...When you kill every person you care about."

Nathanyel sat in silence, thinking of when he'd tried to kill Severus and Remus.

"Once you destroy every important person in your life, your personality, every trace of you, will be destroyed, as well. However... The problem with that part of the experiment is, it's up to you to complete it."

"And he didn't?" Nathanyel asked, incredulous at the idea of his father hesitating to kill anything.

"No." Uncle Laszlo once more adjusted his glasses. "He could never kill the most important person to him."

"Who?"

"Me."

Nathanyel sort of understood, then, why Uncle Laszlo was always so attached to his father, and why they seemed so dependent on each other. Uncle Laszlo was the only one who could ever come close to keeping his father under control, because he was the only person in the world that he couldn't bring himself to kill.

It was strange to think about. It didn't make him hate his father any less, though.

"So... That's it, then? I just have to keep my important people alive?"

"It may turn out to be more difficult than it seems, if I can't perfect these new seals in time."

"That's okay," Nathanyel replied, smiling. "My important people can take care of themselves."

"I'm glad to hear it." Uncle Laszlo stood up, smoothing out his robes. "I just wanted to tell you everything before you left. Anyway, if I don't see you before you leave... Goodbye. And good luck. I'll contact you when the seals are ready." With that, he turned and left the room.

Nathanyel wondered how Uncle Laszlo had known he was leaving.

And after everything he'd just learned about himself, he wondered why he wasn't in complete shock.

Well, he wasn't the type to worry, anyway.

Nathanyel had just finished packing his things, and he was taking the time to look around his room once more before he left.

"Nathanyel?" Lucius let himself in, closing the door. "I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Oh." Nathanyel smiled.

"Do you remember what you said to me last year?"

"Last year?"

"At my wedding."

"Oh! Yes." He wondered what Lucius was getting at.

"Well... I can kiss you, now."

"That's lovely." Nathanyel didn't feel quite as happy as he thought he would have. "It's too bad, really, that I can't."

"...What?" Nathanyel grabbed his bags and began sorting them out and moving them toward the door.

"You see, Lucius, I'm leaving."

"Now?" Nathanyel nodded. "Where are you going?"

"I'm not quite sure. But I do know that if I don't leave now, then I never will. I can't stay here." He paused, unsure if he should continue. "I..." He had to, though. "I can't spend my whole life waiting for you."

He grabbed his luggage and walked out, not looking back.

Remus knocked on the door, wondering what he would say when it was answered. Judging by his previous experience, the claim that he was a friend of Nathanyel's wouldn't exactly go over well.

"Hm. Well I'll be fucked by a hippogriff." Fortunately, the door had been answered by Lucius. "What are you doing here?"

"I... Came to see Nathanyel." He shifted a bit, aware of what he must look like, holding an overnight bag and his clothes wrinkled and stale from his train ride.

"You just missed him."

Remus blinked, not quite sure he'd heard correctly. "Sorry?"

"Well, not just missed him." Lucius scowled. "He left last night, took the overnight train to Hogsmeade."

"...Shit."

"Would you like to come inside for some tea and perhaps an iron?" Lucius eyed him as one would a stray dog.

"Sure." Remus followed him inside, to the kitchen, wondering where the sudden hospitality had come from. After all, Lucius wasn't what one would call a good samaritan, and he'd certainly never seemed like the sentimental type. Although, he could be wrong.

"So tell me why you came."

"I wanted to talk to Nathanyel. He... We... There were a few things that I needed to discuss with him."

"Hn." Lucius sat down across from him as a house elf served tea. "What kind of things?"

"We... Er..." Remus wasn't sure how to say it.

"I see. You know, he didn't mention anything about a relationship to me."

"That's just it! He doesn't remember!"

Lucius raised an eyebrow at his small outburst, and he took a moment to calm down before continuing.

"He erased his own memory."

"And why would he do a thing like that?"

"I... Told him I love him."

Lucius seemed to be trying to decide what to do with him. "There's a five o'clock train into Hogsmeade this evening. In the meantime, you can stay here. I haven't got anything better to do, anyway, seeing as Narcissa has decided that she needs an entirely new wardrobe."

"Thank you."

"No thanks are in order. I'm just trying to find some way to amuse myself."

"Does this mean that I have to put out?"

"No, but it would be preferred."

"I'd rather not. I had a rough night." Remus shifted uncomfortably, hoping that the issue wouldn't be pressed.

"Very well, then." Lucius sipped thoughtfully at his tea. "I suppose you need your rest. After all, it's quite a walk from the Hogsmeade station all the way to Snape manor."

"...Right." Remus had a feeling that he was in for a bit of trouble.

Severus sighed, leaning back into his comfortable armchair. Living alone certainly had its benefits, and he was taking full advantage of it. After the crazy year he'd had, it was nice to hole up inside on a day like this.

It had been raining on and off in sunshowers all day long, and although the sun was shining, it was hardly weather one would want to take a stroll in. So, Severus sat in his parlor and read. It had been a while since he'd had a nice, relaxing day to himself, and he wasn't about to waste it with chores or some nonsense like that. Not until he heard knocking at the front door, at least.

Grumbling to himself, Severus shuffled up to the door, marking his place in his book as he went. He answered, surprised to see Nathanyel standing out in the rain with a suitcase. "...What in Merlin's cock are you doing here?"

Nathanyel grinned. "We're going on a trip."

"What?"

"Go get packed and we'll leave right away."

"...You're such an idiot."

Severus supposed he would have to finish his book on the train.

Never seen a bluer sky

You ever feel like reaching out and moving closer?

There's something about blue

Asked myself what it's all for

You know the funny thing about it, I couldn't answer

No, I couldn't answer

Free

Wanna be free

Gotta be free

And move among the stars

You know they really aren't so far. . .

-End-