Don't ruin a perfect thing.

Looking down at the cup in my hands I started to feel dizzy. I knew this was the only way I could bring myself to talk to him again. It had been one whole year since everything happened, and I still feel like nothing is going to change. I chugged the rest of my drink and threw the cup down on the counter with a loud thud. I was terrible with confrontation that was obvious. I looked around the room people dancing, kissing, basically fucking each other on what they call the ‘dance floor’ but was just the living room with the furniture moved out of the way at Jaime’s house.

“Having fun?” I heard a familiar voice behind me. I turned around smiling “well you know could be better, but I’ve been missing my best friend.” I smirked looking at my best friend Ally. She had gone on tour with Jaime, Vic, Mike, and her boyfriend Tony. Honestly, I’m not quite sure how I made it through this year without her. She ran up to me giving me a hug. Following the hug were the expected ‘how are you’s’ and normal cliché stuff. Finally the question I had been dreading. “Have you seen mike yet?” she asked. I took and deep breathe and shook my head “nope. Haven’t seen him around.” I said shrugging my shoulders. It was hard to say if I was relieved that I haven’t seen him, or if I was angry that I couldn’t find him.

“He should be somewhere out back, probably smoking.” Tony said as he walked up beside ally and wrapped his arm around her waist. I looked at them and sighed. So many questions ran through my head. Why couldn’t mike keep our relationship like that?

I grabbed another drink and started to walk out back. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach going crazy, and prayed that they could just calm down. Outside finally, I looked over to see my ex-boyfriend smoking a cigarette with a cup in the other hand. I walked over to him and he looked at me and just kept looking. He didn’t say a word until I managed to sit down next to him. “Hey” I said so low it might have sounded like a whisper. “Alyssa” he nodded his head toward me.

I laughed sarcastically. “All I get is a head nod?” I asked obviously getting angry. I could feel myself wanting to just walk away. Instead I grabbed the drink in his hand and downed it. “Well sorry. Hello Alyssa, how have you been? Are you still as untrusting as you were before I left for tour, or have you realized that you were wrong and you’re here to apologize.” He asked and turned his body to face me.

I was waiting for this conversation to happen, I just didn’t think it would happen this fast. “You know, if you would just see it from my side for one second. My boyfriend goes on tour for a year with girls all over him, and I’m supposed to stay with him and not be jealous?” I asked.

He shook his head “no. of course you’re going to be jealous, but what you’re supposed to do is trust me. Which obviously you couldn’t do.” He laughed and put his cigarette back in his mouth. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes. “You’re such an ass hole.” I said and got up to leave.

He pulled my arm causing me to sit back down and he connected his lips with mine. It was unexpected, but there was no way I could resist him. I kissed him back with more force tangling my hand in his hair. When he pulled away he smiled slightly “you’ve been drinking. Let me bring you home. Don’t worry I’ll stay with you.” He said.

It's time to take you home,
it feels so early but I promised I would bring you to your door.
Now our lips are numb!
As we walk, sharing warm alcohol
That kiss tastes like summer.

I smiled and nodded. Alcohol definitely helped me on this situation, couldn’t have done it alone. As we walked through Jaime’s house I grabbed one more drink and mike took it from my hands and put it back on the counter. “You’ve had enough, trust me.” He laughed. He held my hand as we started to walk to my house. It was only about two blocks away, and driving wasn’t exactly an option at this point.

Back at my house it didn’t take long for us to make it upstairs to my bedroom, our obvious destination. He pushed me down on the bed and I grabbed his shirt causing him to fall on top of me. All these memories rushing back to me, I tried to block them out as mike kissing down my neck, sucking softly on the skin leaving marks as he made it down to my collar bone. I tilted my head back and he pulled away. I looked at him confused, but then he pulled off my shirt along with my bra. I looked at him and bit my lip as his tongue made contact with my breast.

I small moan escaped my lips, and then he moved over to the other one. After pulling away he brought his lips back to mine and kissed me roughly. His tongue was fighting with mine for control, but that’s something he wouldn’t have right now. I pulled away and pushed him down on the bed, sitting on his waist, my legs on either side of him.

Kissing his neck, I slid my hand into his pants and into his boxers. I heard him gasp as I made contact with his erection. I smiled and bit down softly on his neck when he lightly pushed me off of him. “What’s wrong?” I asked and looked at him curious. “Can’t take the foreplay. Not today” he laughed slightly embarrassed.

I laughed at him as he quickly undressed himself, along with myself and laid me back on the bed.

Mike was always good in bed, probably the best. He always knew what a girl wanted, even if he couldn’t handle the foreplay; he knew how to make up for it. That’s exactly what he did. Thrusting hard, I clawed at his back moaning loudly.

Pulling away he laid down next to me and moved close and wrapped me in his arms. I could feel all the feelings coming back, and I knew this didn’t mean to him what it meant to me. I got up out of bed and put my clothes back on and walked downstairs. Walking into the kitchen I grabbed the beer in the kitchen and chugged it down, and opened another one.

Mike stood in the doorway and watched me and I looked over at him. “Honestly?” he asked, annoyed. I rolled my eyes and put it down after taking a sip “just go away. Please.” I sighed.

He shook his head “I don’t get you; I’m trying to fix this. To fix us, and you act like I don’t fucking care!” he yelled. “Because you don’t mike! You really don’t. You will never care as much as I did. As I do.” I said and I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.

“Really? Because I thought about you every day. I don’t care how stupid that sounds, how cliché it may be. It’s fucking true, but the problem here isn’t me. It’s you. You can’t accept that I’m not the boyfriend that cheats and parties behind your back. I’m not like you past boyfriends, but keep acting like this and I swear it’s going to happen.” He said.

And I ask myself, why do I still pray?
When will it end? And who fucking cares?

I swear to God I did what I could.
I practically begged you, I pretended everything was fine.
A soul sacrifice, an American nightmare.
I'd rather be dead.

With that, he grabbed his jacket and walked out. He walked out on me just like I walked out on him. I couldn’t trust him, and he never did anything wrong. I shouldn’t treat him like he’s every other boy I’ve dated because the truth is, he isn’t every other boy. He’s so much better than them.

I poured the beer down the drain and went upstairs. I took a shower then laid down in bed, it was almost impossible for me to fall asleep. I looked at the clock and it said 3AM. I picked up my phone and dialed Mike’s number. “Pick up please” I cried into the phone. No answer.

I guess I never should have loved you,
but I do forever 'cause you loved me.

Quickly I got out of bed and put on a pair of sweat pants and a tank top. I couldn’t honestly care any less on what I look like right now. I walked downstairs and left the house quickly walking over to mike and Vic’s house. When I got there I knocked on the door hard. Vic answered and looked at me like I was crazy “Alyssa, I know you party hard. But we just got back from tour, we would like some sleep” he laughed jokingly. I shook my head “no time for jokes Vic.” I said and pushed past him and ran upstairs to mike’s room.

I slowly walked over to his bed and sat down on the side. He woke up and looked at me. “What are you doing here?” he sighed and sat up.

“You were right. I know you were right, but you can’t blame me. I’ve been fucked over so much. I know you won’t do that, I just love you.” I cried, I couldn’t stop myself from crying at this point. It was my last chance.

He stared at me for what seemed like the longest time, he seemed to be in deep thought, but waiting was killing me. “I’ll just go” I said and stood up. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back down just like he had done earlier. “Just, don’t ruin a perfect thing.” He smiled and kissed me slowly. Possibly the best kiss I have ever gotten. Only because I could finally say that I was okay again, all because of mike.

‘Cause without you there is no me.