Silence Tells the Cruelest of Lies

I hated the fact that despite everything he was putting me and my children through, Matt still forced me to share a bed with him. And although he said it wasn't as awful to me as it should be, he still raped me. He was never safe, he never took into consideration the consequences of sleeping with me unprotected.

A week had passed since Matt had threatened my son, and I had been continously ill. The sickness would start out as a whirling deep in my stomach, then balloon in size and send bile rocketing up my throat. I would flee to the toilet, and vomit until I slumped over from exhaustion. The queasiness in my gut persisted for days, then worsened, then became something dismayingly familiar.

For the first time in quite awhile, I willingly sought out Matt. He was, as usual, in the main room, and from down the hall I could hear him shouting. But this seemed to be something different than his usual issuing of orders. There was something more in his voice, something dark, and when I turned the corner I saw that he was standing in front of two people on their knees, and it was them he was shouting at. In his hand, he brandished the Reaper Blade, and several times it came dangerously close to the two prisoners' necks. After awhile, Matt waved them off, and two male guard-type people came and dragged the prisoners off. 

It was while he was assuming his seat at the front of the room that Matt noticed me standing in the darkened doorway. He beckoned me over with a roll of his black eyes, and I cautiously approached him. "What are you doing here, Calyx?" Matt asked, sounding annoyed. "Shouldn't you be in the nursery, tending to your little bastard son?"

I gritted my teeth at his words, but bit my tongue. Now was not the time to pursue that. I need to go to the market, I mouthed.

"You now very well that you aren't allowed to leave the castle," Matt spat. "Now leave me alone. I don't have the fucking time to deal with you and your petty shit."

But I'm late, I said to him, hoping I wouldn't have to say anything more.

"You're late?" Matt repeated, sounding as though he thought I'd just said the stupidest thing in the world. "What do you mean you're-" Suddenly he paused, the intention of my words dawning on him, and his black eyes widened. "Oh."

I need to go to the market, I repeated. To buy a test.

"No, you don't," Matt said, his indifference returning. Obviously the thought of possibly having placed another child in my womb did not spark any feelings in him whatsoever. But perhaps the baby would be Jimmy's? I could only pray. "Let one of the nurses look over you."

Fine, I said through clenched teeth. I'll just go now.

I at least expected Matt to spit something insulting at my back as I walked away, but he said nothing. As I walked down the hall to the nurses' office, I crossed and uncrossed my fingers, mouthing over and over that if there just so happened to be a God, he would let the baby I was possibly carrying be Jimmy's. There was a short wait at the nurses' office, although I couldn't see why, but it wasn't long before I was called into a small room like the one I'd visited when I was pregnant with Ryder.

"Oh, hello Miss Calyx," the nurse said when she stepped into the room. She seemed surprised to see me. "What seems to be the problem today? Are you sick again?"

I shook my head no, running my hand through my long blonde tresses. Actually, I-I think I may be…pregnant, I said.

The nurse smiled widely at me as she started to get her tools ready. "Oh, that's wonderful, Miss Calyx," she congratulated. "I'm sure Master Matthew will be estatic when you tell him the news." Of course she assumed the child was Matt's. No one else knew of my liasons with Jimmy in the dungeon. "I'm just going to need some blood, and then I can tell you for sure whether or not you've got a little one in that stomach of yours." The nurse inserted a syringe into the inside crook of my elbow, and upon getting an adequate amount of blood, left the room.

While I waited, I calculated the days in my head. There was a slight possibilty the baby could be Jimmy's, but if it was, that would make me at least a month along. I knew that even if the baby was Matt's, I would still love it, because it would still be my child. And if it was Matt's child, perhaps he would warm up to it more.

Nearly fifteen minutes passed before the nurse stepped back into the room. She had a wide smile on her face as she turned to face me, and I knew what she was going to say before she even opened her mouth. "I have your test results here, Miss Calyx," she said, referring to the papers in her hands. "And I have good news! Congradulations, you are indeed pregnant."

Thank you so much, I mouthed, feigning happiness. I have a question, though.

"What is it, Miss Calyx?" she asked, seeming confused.

I-Is there a way to determine the baby's father before it's born?, I asked.

"No Miss Calyx, there isn't," the nurse replied, the tone of her voice implying that she was beginning to suspect what I was getting at. "Miss Calyx, is this baby Master Matthew's?"

I don't know, I said with a shrug of my shoulders. I hope not.

The nurse was now looking at me with astonishment. Of course. In their brainwashed minds, Matt could do no wrong. He was the king of this Realm, and I was his queen. And any child I bear should be his. "Whose baby is it, then?" she asked.

It may be Jimmy's, I mouthed, ducking my head.

"The prisoner who escaped?" the nurse gasped. She said this the way one would speak of a mass murderer, rather than a man who had been wrongly imprisoned. "But Miss Calyx…why?"

Because I love him, I said, meeting her gaze, which immediately dropped to her feet. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll just be going now.

"Of course, Miss Calyx," the nurse said, tipping her head as some form of respect. 

I left the nurses' office in a hurry, eager to be away from the gasping eyes and prying questions. I went subconsciously to the nursery, where Aileen was sleeping and Ryder was sitting quietly inside his crib.

"Mommy, a wady put dis thing on my wist and now I can't move it," Ryder said, holding up his broken wrist, which was now encased in a cast. 

I picked him up, careful of his wrist, and placed him on the floor. He immediately went for his plastic soldiers, setting them up in various battle positions. I sat down next to him, watching him carefully, and one of my hands drifted instinctually over my stomach. I reached out for my son and pulled him into my lap, despite his protests and squirming. 

"Mommy, wet go!" he shouted. "I wanna pway!"

Ryder, Mommy had something important to tell you, I said to him. 

My som looked up at me, an eyebrow arched. He stopped struggling to get away. "What is it?" he asked.

Well Ryder, how would you feel about getting a new little brother or sister?, I asked cautiously.

His eyes drifted to my stomach. I was surprised that he already knew where my third child was forming, but that was a topic for another date. Ryder met my eyes again, a smile on his face. "You and Daddy gonna have another baby?" he asked happily, an excited air in his voice.

I paused, my breath hitching in my throat. Explaining to my three-year-old that the baby in my womb may not be his father's was a daunting task. So I petted down his hair, plastered a smile on my face, and said, Yes Ryder, Mommy and Daddy are going to have another baby.