What If The Only Way Out Is To Die?

Have you ever felt that unexplainable need to run away? Well, that’s just what I’m doing now. The soft surface of a dirt path at the local park is flying past my feet. I can’t find any reasonable explanation to my uneasiness, I just feel the need to escape, to get away. I’ve been running for a while now, maybe an hour or so, I didn't bring my phone so I can’t check the time. My sweaty clothes are glued to my skin and I’m out of breath, so I decide to head back home.

I find my best friend, Cindy, sitting at the doorstep of my apartment building. She’s a year older than me. We have been friends for the last ten years. When I was a child, me and my family lived more than six hundred miles from here, in a small town called Thompster. But my father had to move because of his work and the rest of us followed him. I met Cindy on the first day and nothing or no one has managed to separate us since then. Now she has a slightly annoyed look on her face.

“I am so sorry honey, I lost my track of time. How long have you been waiting here?” I apologize while hugging her for greeting.

“About exactly seventeen minutes. How could you forget me?” she’s grouchy, but I can still see a bit hidden happiness underneath it. “By the way, you really stink.”

“I didn’t forget you silly, I forgot what time is. Come on, lets get inside,” I nudge her towards the front door. She sighs but follows me inside.

Once on the third floor, I open the door and we enter to my spacious three bedroom apartment. Cindy, feeling herself like home, lands on the couch and switches TV on.

“I need a shower. There’s a soda and other shit in the fridge if you want some,” I say to her before I head down to my bedroom. From the corner of my eye, I can see a smile on my girlfriends face as she jumps up and runs to the kitchen.

In my bedroom, I strip from my sweaty clothes and toss them in the hamper. On my way to bathroom, I grab my phone from the desk and see three missed calls, one from Cin and two from my boyfriend, Jared. Smiling to myself, I call my boyfriend while walking to the bathroom.

“Alyssa! You took time calling back. What are you doing?” he rattles, answering almost instantly.

“Hi, Jared. I’m sorry, I was out running and left my phone home. And now I’m taking a shower,” I tell him, adjusting the water temperature and removing my underwear.

“Mm, I would so gladly join you babe,” Jared says on the other end, his voice sweet like sugar.

“Dream on, boy,” I can’t but laugh at his endless tries. There’s no way I would share my heavenly hot shower with someone else.

“You can’t deny me that. What plans do you have for tonight?” he asks, changing the subject smoothly.

“I’m not sure yet. I promised to go shopping with Cin later but I should be free after that,” I tell him, thinking about spending my evening with him. Actually it’s been days since we were together more than an hour.

“We should meet up somewhere. I’ll call you later,” Jared says hurriedly, ending the call without waiting my response. I’m looking at my phone, speechless for a moment, then shrugging it off, I lay my phone on the cabinet. I step into the shower and let steaming hot water wash away my worries.

“Who’s missing?” Cindy asks, sitting at the edge of my bed, watching as I storm around my room, wearing only my underwear. I’m tossing around different pieces of clothes and other things that get on my way. I don’t care about the mess I leave behind, I have to clean my room soon anyway.

“You know that black top with crystal skull on it? I can’t find it. I just picked it out of my closet this morning,” I mumble while squeezing myself into dark gray skinny jeans and then continuing my search.

“Did you look under your bed? You know you have a habit of losing things under there,” she laughs lightly, tossing herself on my bed with her hands reached over her head. Without losing any more time, I kneel down and lift the comforter up. Of course I find my runaway top hiding behind it.

“Thanks babe. I don’t know what I would do without you,” I shake my head and stand up.

“You would be losing your precious brain cells with this pointless searching. Now move it, we’re never going to get anywhere like this,” she rushes me, impatiently sitting up again.

“Yes, Boss,” I comply, running back to bathroom. I emerge from there ten minutes later, ready to go out. My dark brown hair is straightened, I have eyeliner around my eyes and my lips have a generous layer of lip gloss. I never bother with foundations or powders, they’re always more trouble then they’re worth. I don’t have a perfect skin but I’ve learned that foundations only make it worse, no matter how neatly I clean my skin after wards. I’ve tried many different foundations and it’s just not worth it. Plus I’m saving a lot of money, being just natural.

“Are we going or not?” I enter to the living room, sliding a studded belt on my jeans.

“Finally!” Cin yells, raising her arms up. She shuts off the TV she was watching again and follows me to the hall. I slip on my comfy sneakers and grab my favorite jacket. It looks exactly like leather but it’s fake, and not to mention, a lot lighter than real leather.

Soon we walk around the mall, looking for a shop to visit.

“I need coffee,” I grab my friends hand and yank her to the Starbucks counter.

“Caffeine addict,” Cin laughs at me but follows me anyway. Having both what we wanted, we sit on a nearby bench.

“So what are we doing tonight?” she asks me, not turning her gaze from two guys, walking by and smiling at us. I smile, noticing how Cin unconsciously twists a strand of her blond hair around her finger.

“I don’t exactly know yet. I promised to meet up with Jared later,” I say, taking a sip from my coffee.

“Ooh, I’m coming with you. Maybe this Red is with Jared tonight,” Cindy is full of excitement. I don’t like it. The problem is that Cin does not know the true side of Jared’s friends. I don’t want her to get inside the mess I am. She’s worth so much more. Since now I’ve managed to hide all this but I guess it’s time to tell her everything.

“Come on, let’s go. Shops aren’t open forever,” she drags me up and straight to the lingerie shop in front of us.

“Yeah, you’d like when shops would be open 24/7. Shopaholic,” I laugh, trying to throw my empty cup away. Luckily, she gives enough way so I can take few steps closer to the trash bin and manage to actually get the cup inside it.

“And you don’t like to have new things, yeah right,” Cin mutters, still holding on to my hand.

“I do, but I don’t want to live in stores, unlike you. You’re here more than you are at home, that should tell you something,” I can’t stop picking at her.

“I’m not listening,” she sings, annoyed, and dives between the bra stands, leaving me behind.