Whatever It Takes

When I really take a second to think about it, I understand why Clarissa Lee Carter left Odessa, Texas. Hell, I understood why she left Ector County the second she drove me in. I remember feeling it all over me as the hot sun beat down on the leather of our Chevy. Now it's just sticky, the leather backing of our seats; it's just hot and uncomfortable- just like the rest of our hick town experience thus far.

“Kherington.” Her condescending tone hit me with a critical brow.

I won't fake a smile here. I am not going to fake one second of anything for you, because I am pissed. I won't deny it and I won't hide it: Kherington Carter is not amused, but she is open minded. I'd give anyone the chance to explain to me why Ector County beats the fuck out of lively Las Vegas. Seriously, I dare you to try me. You want to step to me and make some sense out of this? Just go on and take that one off my hands, why don't you?

What is there for me in desert trodden, Odessa? What good is an endless horizon with this raw summer heat? What is this going to do for me? How is Odessa going to help me? You go on and tell me that: What can Ector County do for me that Nevada can't? What is there in Ector County? Oh, that's right, nothing. It all died of heat stroke.

“Mojoland?” I rolled my eyes, reading one of the many county signs we passed on the way in. “Well isn't that just adorable? What in the hell is Mojoland, mom? And what kind of place is proud to flaunt a name like Mojoland? Doesn't that just kind of scream hick town? You think they're bobbing for apples and calf roping down the street too?"

“Carebear, it’s a football thing.” She turned from the wheel, speaking my name as if I were about to explode. “I know this is a lot to take in, baby, but it’ll be good for you.”

It'll be good for you, Carebear. Do you know how many times I've heard that this month? One too many times, that's how many. Ector County will be good for you. Ector County can help you. Let me tell you something about that mopped up bullshit, straight up: Kherington Carter needs no help. I haven't done anything, I haven't killed anyone and I haven't let my fists do the talking in at least two weeks to anyone who didn't deserve it.

“No, it isn’t. It’s a hick town. Just admit it. This is a hick town, mom! There isn't anything to take in. Why don’t we stop here? I’ll just glance across town.” I glared at the cactus up the lane, staring it down like the devils reincarnate. My sarcasm never did work in times like these, her flat out expectancy pushing me to speak to something more obvious. “I don’t even understand this. Why here? You could have just got me a place in NYC, or let me stay with the showgirls back in Vegas. I don't get it. Why Ector County? You hated it here! You're punishing me. Admit it! You’re punishing me!”

"Baby, I'm not stupid now. One: there is no way I'd pay for you to live with any of those girls. I love 'em to pieces, but I am not paying my baby girl to party through senior year." Her defensive scoff surfaced seconds later, completely shattered by the natural smile that graced her lips. “And two: I did not hate it here. Livi loved it. And, baby, seriously now, cut the dramatics, ninety thousand hardly constitutes a hick town!”

Her logic wasn’t anything I wanted to hear, just like the deserted horizon of this Texas road is something I don't want to see let alone spend a year in. What I want, more than anything in the world, is Nevada; Fun, exciting, racy, Nevada. At least there’s life in that desert.

You'd best believe that I'm not letting this go until she's half-way to Cuba.

“You left the day you graduated and swore you wouldn’t ever be back here!” I laughed, wiping the heat from the expectant brow I knew I was giving her. “The second you had your diploma, you were gone! Just tell me what I did! Is this about those girls in the cafeteria? Because I'll have you know that there were three of them- three. How is it my fault if they started it?”

And if this is where she brings up that bit where two of those three landed themselves a lengthy hospital visit, I really don't know what I'll say.

With nostalgia in her eyes, she simply smiled. “Carebear, Permian will be good for you.”

Permian will be good for you. Permian will be good for me? Alright, let's talk about that. After downgrading from my full scholarship at Trin and my IB program, some hick town public school is going to be good for me? Why don't you go tell that to Yale and see how far you make it in life?

“Mom, what was wrong with Trinity International?” I slipped off my aviators for a second, closing my eyes with the low hum of the engine. "East 42nd is about as lively as my old Chem lecture."

“Darlin', don’t sass me.” She squinted over the dash, leaning over to pinch my cheek with a short laugh. “I don’t want to hear about this ‘hick town’ you’re stuck in anymore.”

"That's not even politically correct." Patting my knee, she cast me a knowing glance. “Baby, I’m an Ector County girl! Besides, Permian’s a football school. We do it best in Texas!”

Not even I could rival the school spirit she shone with, but that's just bias right there. That's all that is. You don't ever go asking a cheerleader- let alone the head cheerleader- what she thinks about her school.

"Mom." I rolled my eyes once more, watching the road markers fly past the window. "Do you know how girls get involved with football in Texas? They strip their clothes off, shout 'go team go' and hook up with the players when it's all done. They're not going to let me play."

My tight lipped frustration gave way to a tense silence. I really don't like when things go silent with my mom and I know that this one's on me, but I can't help how angry this makes me. I'm stuck here because of her stupid dance contract. I'm paying the price for one of her decisions. On top of that, she's leaving. Not just leaving for a few weeks- I'm talking about leaving. She's leaving for months- a few years according to the deal her agent struck up. I know she'll come back for me whenever she can, but it still doesn't sit right.

A small smile flitted across my lips to ease the tension. "No offense, cheerleader."

"That's ex cheer captain to you, thank you very much." She grinned, shoving my hand away from hers with a laugh. "And I might have had a footballer or two in my time."

Not that I want to know about how many footballers my mother's had in her time, but I’ll always love how well she bounces back from it all.

That doesn't mean I'm alright with this. I'm still not okay with this.

What am I looking at right now? Go ahead. You go on and you ask me what I’m looking at right now. Ask me what I see as the wind flies through my hair. Ask me what’s in the horizon. Ask me about what’s looking so promising over the skyline. Go ahead. I dare you.

“There isn’t even anything to see!” I nearly yelled, too frustrated by the big move to fathom the disappointment that flashed through her eyes. “God, what did you people do here?”

No bright lights, no sky scrapers, no fun, no racy temptations; just desert and good old, southern charm. Church, grocery store, church, football field, school, hospital, church... Wholesome, southern fun that’s about as wholesome as the backhanded chivalry I’m expecting out of this stupid county. That’s all I’m looking at- and let me tell you- wholesome southern charm is not what Vegas girls look for in a good time.

"I'm telling you right now, if he tries to make me wear one of those goddamned church dresses, mom, I swear to God you're out a brother." I mumbled, crossing my arms as we pulled up to the first set of traffic lights I'd seen in six hours.

“Carebear, I wish you could have seen all the crazy shit we used to throw down in these parts.” She shook with laughter, giving me a moment to look around. “I was a legend at Permian. Baby, those were the days! I had the most adorable boyfriend back in the day, captain of the football team and quarterback that took us straight to nationals!”

The whimsical grin that crossed her lips was enough to keep me in the moment. It was all that I needed to remember that she was only doing this for us, that she was seizing the chance at a better life for the both of us and that was something I had no choice but to support. That was something I was obligated to help her out with.

I'm still not okay with this.

"Just try, baby." Her bright, green eyes stared out at the empty country side, following the lulling lines of the power cables on their posts as she tore down the road. “I know it hurts, but I love you.”

I’ve always been close to her. My mom, I mean. It’s strange though, sometimes I swear she never aged past twenty one. She’s old enough to get the one up on me sometimes (and it really isn't that often), but whimsical enough to remind me of that spirited gypsy that might pack up our things and take us on a yearlong road trip through South America.

When I was little, she always kept me guessing.

She got this job as a showgirl and her career took off from there. She’d headline shows, dance up a storm and bring home make up, costumes and one too many glitter dresses for me to count. Dancing was something she couldn’t live down, something she loved more than the small town charm that Ector County gave her.

"Do you remember that time in Costa Rica when we ran out of gas?" I smiled, masking the wave of sudden sadness that washed over my face with a quick grin. "We had to hike up the road for like six hours, remember? I got all scared because of Jeepers Creepers and you held my hand the entire way, even though it was burning... And then we got to that bar and they let us sing for our gas money back to the States?"

I posed the tale to her silently, not even casting a glance her way to know that it resonated.

“I promise that this will work out.” She sighed, grasping my hand as she pulled into a driveway. The driveway. The one that we'd pull into, but only one of us would leave. "Ector County will work for you. It did a lot for me."

All I could do was nod my head. I know she saw right through my forced grin. But, what was I supposed to tell her? What could I really say to her? Turn down the three year contract, mom. Let me go back to Vegas, mom. Get me out of this chauvinistic, football crazy, hick town, mom.

“Baby, I know you think I’m ditching you here and I know you grew up with all of these horrible ideas about Ector County, but I swear-“ Her lively eyes turned a shade of serious I hadn’t seen in a long time. “I swear, Carebear, Christmas will come before you know it and this contract.... after this, we're going to be perfect. I've already got your savings set up for college! We've definitely got your tuition on lock for a few years... this job will get us the rest and then, presto!" Her smile faded as my pensive gaze fell away from her positivity. "I know it’s a-“

I don't want to do it, okay? I don't want to do this at all. I don't want to agree with this, live like this or be here and I knew that from the second she dropped the bomb. But, I couldn’t watch her second guess something like this because of my disdain for doing one year in this stupid county.

The thing is, she's been there for me for seventeen years: She spoon fed me, homeschooled me and made sure I was safe for the greater part of my childhood. She did all of that for me and put up with me (don't think that I don't know how hard I am to put up with). She did all of that - she does all of that to this day and she still loves me. I don't know what I would be, who I would be, if she hadn't done all of that for me. I really don't.

I'm still not okay with this, but I realize that it's my turn to help her out, regardless of what I want.

“Mom.” I interrupted before her guilty tears spilled over. “I understand.”

I never said I would enjoy it, but I get it.

Her hopeful smile grew at my truthful nod. “You do, Carebear?”

“If you made it in this hick town for eighteen years, I think I can make it through one.” I shrugged it off. The enthusiasm she radiated almost made me sick. “Okay, calm yourself, woman." I breathed at her growing laughter. "I said 'I think' and I'm not making any promises and be careful... Why are you reversing in?"

But, by then, I'm almost sure she knew that she had me.

"Shit!" She swore as she reversed into a pile of garbage bins, completely ignoring my advice as we awkwardly reversed into the driveway. “Honey, Ector County will be good for you. Darren really is a good guy, Kherington. I was hard on him growing up, but he really knows how to run a place. I've got to give him that.”

She hopped out of our convertible with a grin, glancing around carefully, like she was remembering everything.

“And that would completely explain why I haven’t met him once in seventeen years.”

“You can just shut your sarcastic lips!” She laughed as I stepped out of the Chevy with a curious glance around. “I swear you got that from your father. And if you don’t mind, sugar cakes, could you pick up that garbage I knocked over before Darren sees?”

“Ma, seriously, I told you not to reverse in!”

“They were in my way.” She insisted with an unwavering persistence that would have convinced me had she not been blaming the garbage cans for hitting our car. “Not my fault.”

“See, this is why I’m worried." I trailed, picking at the hem of my jean shorts with a grin. “What will you do without me?”

She slid her aviators over my eyes as I batted my lashes at her so dramatically, straightening out the plaid cut off that clung to my skin in the hot, summer air. When we weren’t flying down an open stretch of highway, the dry heat nearly rendered me breathless.

"You and that sassy mouth can take yourselves down this drive way and pick up those garbage cans." She smiled, nudging me off with a quick wink.

The large driveway ran down the middle of a large field, surrounded in a border of trees and shrubs that boxed out any hint of his neighbours- any hint of life beyond their green leaves. A wooden play structure, nothing unlike the one my mom used to tell me about, stood near the large house, old and clearly unused. All I could see beyond the tree line that boxed in three quarters of this house was the long stretch of road and an even longer stretch of vacant lot that sat across from the house.

“Mother of all sightseeing.” I remarked with a smirk, fixing up the garbage we’d collided with ten minutes ago. “An open field and a whole lot of nothing for me in this damned hick town.”

Isn’t that the truth? Let’s not kid ourselves now. I can bitterly accept her decision to take up the dance contract, I can tell her to go and smile like it doesn’t mean a thing, but never will I stomach the lifeless stretch of gravel that continues on for hours.

"How many people do you think I'll run into on this dirty path?" I ask the trashcan, "One? Maybe two if I find a gas station somewhere down the line."

A sharp crunch of the gravel road sparked my attention- wherever it was coming from- at that point, I was too busy straightening out my mother’s handiwork to get a good look at the footsteps pounding through the gravel.

“Civilization in Mojoland.” I smirked to myself, balancing the last of the trashcans at the foot of the driveway. "Well burn my house and steal my car, there really are more than two people in this hick town."

Only when I caught a glimpse of the civilization I mocked so easily- the shirtless, toned, sweating, athletically built civilization I called out so clearly- did I think twice about my sarcasm. Only when I locked eyes with the sharp, blue gaze that lost all traces of concentration on the road in front of him as he neared, did I bother to think about the ‘civilization’ I was so quick to push away.

I knew he was looking and that’s what threw me off. He was looking and he was running, closer and closer and closer, and I couldn’t look away. I tried- I swear I was trying, but there was too much to take in for it to resonate in my mind with a mere glance. I didn’t know what I wanted, the second he slowed his pace. I didn’t know what he wanted and I didn’t know what to do. All I could bring myself to do was hold the unwavering gaze that hadn’t turned away from the moment I locked eyes with it.

There was nothing I could do to make it any less blatant, tossing the steel lid on top of the garbage bags as he neared, a small smile playing over his lips as I stepped away from the metal bins. I watched his smile grow; I felt it on my lips, smiling with the boyish grin that lit up his face as he stepped nearer.

“Sparks!” My breath hitched in the back of my throat as a voice hollered over my shoulder. “Just what in the hell do you think you’re doing?”

That right there would be Darren Allman.

“I wager I don't need my QB1 cutting his run time to look at pretty girls. That just ain't right, I reckon. You want on that Dream Team this season? You can just keep it moving now, son.” Darren crossed his arms, gazing at him with a solid seriousness that trumped the tension in seconds. “State?”

“Yes sir.” The staggering drive flooded back into his eyes as he replied to the imposing expectation Darren clearly held over his head.

It was only then that I noticed the southern twang that rang through his voice. The deep, comforting, southern accent that I hadn't ever found the least bit attractive- not normally, but it was different when he spoke with a voice like that. It was honest and polite, ambitious and driven; charming.

“Whatever it takes, coach.” He nodded, letting his eyes linger over my flirty grin for a second before taking off down the path.

I didn’t realize that I’d been holding my breath since Darren had interrupted whatever it was that my mind worked so hard to piece together. I hadn’t noticed the heated blush that spread down my neck as his eyes flashed back at me once more before taking off down the unpaved road. Okay, so I didn't notice my wavering breath, but I did notice that raw muscle that rippled and twisted in his back as he jogged away, slim hips and strong arms moving further and further and further away.

Who is that boy?

"That's what I'm saying!" Mom grinned, watching him run away with a smile. "You always go for the QB1."

"Liss." Darren chastised, turning his brow to her sneaky smile.

"I'm just saying. Like mother, like daughter." She mused, wrapping an arm around my shoulder with a grin and a quick wink. "You know Kherington here used to play a mean game of football back up in Vegas."

An amused smile flitted across his lips. "Little Liss, does it look like we're anywhere near Vegas? This right here is Texas, where we build real football champions."

Let me just bite my tongue and pretend I didn't hear that... At least until she's gone.

“Darren Allman.” He cleared his throat as he turned to me, extending his hand with a professional nod. “Head Coach of the Permian Panthers.”

He was everything mom said he’d be and so much more. Poised, collected, professional and everything that contrasted the free spirit I’d grown so used to. Whereas she looked young and reflected her youth with this staggering ease, he appeared older- wise and rather intimidating if you want the honest-to-god low down on my Uncle Darren.

“Kherington Carter.” My tight embrace completely undermined his professionalism, a smile crossing my lips as he went rigid, patting my back to aid in one of the most awkward hugs I've ever been a part of. “Your niece.”

We'll work on it.