This One's For You

Nearly an hour later, Jesse, Kate, and Kendall sat at her small oak table, no one saying a word. Jesse had returned with Chinese food maybe ten minutes earlier. By that time, Kate and Kendall were both laughing, debating about baseball teams. Now, however, Jesse was eying Kendall suspiciously over wonton.

“So, why don’t you tell Kendall about your job, Jesse,” Kate urged, not able to stand the scraping of chopsticks and deafening silence any longer. Jesse turned his gaze to meet Kate’s, and rolled his eyes.

“I’m an accountant for a sporting goods store. I work with numbers. What do you do?” he asked, and Kate bit her lip, focusing intently on her stir-fry. This oughta be good.

“Well, I’m on TV. And part of a band, with my friends,” Kendall said carefully, and Jesse nearly choked. Kendall looked to Kate, who just shook her head, scrunching her nose.

“Really? That’s what you do?” Jesse asked finally. Kate ran her fingers through her
hair, watching Kendall just as intently as Jesse was.

“Yes?” Kate smacked her forehead with her palm, and Jesse shook his head.

“Wait. With your three friends?” Jesse asked, remembering something Kate had said earlier. Her eyes got wide, and she cringed.

“Yeah. Carlos, Logan, and James. How did you know?” Kendall asked, suddenly very confused. But Jesse wasn’t interested in answering his questions. Instead, he turned to his sister.

“You made best friends with actors-slash-singers? What the hell were you thinking?” he asked. Kate looked down at her food, playing with the chopsticks.

“I didn’t know that when I made friends with them! And they’re all really nice people Jesse, so just drop it,” she begged, and Jesse rolled his eyes.

“Did I miss something?” Kendall asked, looking between the siblings.

“My overprotective older brother has issues with famous people. Something about them being egotistical,” Kate said, winking at Kendall. He chuckled, remembering their conversation the day before.

“I just don’t like people leaving my sister,” Jesse shot back, eying Kendall once more. Kendall gulped, seeing as Jesse had a few inches and much more muscle mass on him.

“Down, Jesse. I’m a big girl, remember,” she teased, and Jesse muttered something under his breath. Another uncomfortable silence followed, only broken by the movement of the take-out boxes.

“So, how ‘bout them Yankees,” Kendall said sarcastically, hoping to break the silence. Jesse looked up at him, and Kate held her breath.

“Are you kidding? The Yankees suck,” Jesse said, leaning back in his chairs.

“Hey, I agree. I’m a Red Sox fan,” Kendall said defensively, and Kate let out a sigh of relief, monitoring her brother’s reaction.

“Not a bad choice. What about the Cubs?” Jesse asked, leaning his elbows on the table.

“Hate ‘em. More of a Royals fan,” he shrugged, and Jesse smiled.

“Not a bad choice at all,” he muttered, and then the boys launched into sports. Kate could finally breathe; Kendall had passed on to Jesse’s good side. Although she was an avid sports watcher, she couldn’t follow their conversation, and excused herself. She picked up the now empty boxes, then found extra blankets and pillows for Jesse before returning.

“I better get going,” Kendall said, seeing Kate in the entrance. She nodded, looking at the clock on the wall.

“So early?” Jesse asked, standing up to stretch. Kate laughed under her breath, seeing the complete 180 her brother had done with his opinions. Amazing what scale baseball possessed over him.

“Yeah. I have to be on set early tomorrow,” he said. Kate frowned a bit, but hid it well.

“Okay. Tell the boys I say hi,” Kate said, hugging him goodbye. Kendall stood frozen, watching Jesse. He just shook his head, chuckling. Eventually, Kendall hugged her back gently, then left.

“So, I guess Blondie’s not all that bad,” Jesse admitted grudgingly a few minutes after the door clicked shut.

“Oh really now? So maybe, just maybe, you should believe your sister? Or trust her?” Kate teased.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m gonna hit the hay though, kid,” he said, walking towards the living room.

“M’kay. See you in the morning. Love you big brother,” she called, starting down the hallway.

“Love you too, baby sister.”

***

Kate couldn’t tell what time it was when she awoke; it was still dark out. Before she even had time to process the day, her body alerted her. She felt cold inside, plagued with guilt. There was a sharp ache in her heart; she could feel the onset of tears. She tried to close her eyes and block them out, but whenever her eyelids shut, she saw images of the car wreck, burned in her head.

She did the only thing she could: turn on her side and bawl. Her whole body trembled beneath the covers, the sound of the sobs mixing with her gasping breaths. She didn’t even realize when Jesse came in, sitting beside her. He put his hand on her shaking shoulder, but she couldn’t stop. Carefully, he leaned against the headboard and moved her into sitting position. He cradled her in his arms, letting the tears fall freely from his own baby blue eyes.

They cried together until they couldn’t anymore. By that time, the sun had rose and was shining through the window. Kate’s small frame still trembled, but she had no tears left. Jesse’s usually strong composure was broken also, and the salty tears lined his face.

“I miss them,” Kate whispered, her usually velvet smooth voice thick with unshed tears.

“I know, kid. I know,” Jesse murmured back.

“How did we make it this long?” Kate asked, voice wavering right with her. Jesse sighed, forcing his gaze to meet hers.

“I don’t know. That’s why we have each other, though. And they’re always here with us,” Jesse whispered slowly, letting go of Kate and placing his hand on his heart. Kate did the same, her small, thin fingers hooking on the hollow of her collarbone.

“I still feel them with me sometimes,” she said so softly, Jesse barely heard. “Like yesterday, or when I got on the plane to leave Maine.”

“When I came after you, part of the reason was because of them. I was sitting alone the night after you left, and I swear, I heard Dad yelling at me. Just like he did when I stole your doll and you ran away.” The ghost of a smile played on Jesse’s lips, and Kate let out a small, sad, laugh.

“I didn’t run away,” she clarified, looking at Jesse. “I was in the tree house. And I heard him yelling at you from there.” Both of them laughed, but it was tainted with sadness.

“Do you remember the look of horror on Mom’s face the day he brought home that injured squirrel?” Jesse asked, his eyes a million years away.

“Oh my gosh. Or the time Dad was cleaning the gutters after the rain? And then he slipped off? The way Mom walked out, looked him dead in the eye, and said ‘I told you so’?” Both of them remembered, thankful he hadn’t been seriously injured. Many more stories from what seemed like a lifetime ago were relived between the two.

“Katherine,” Jesse said after an hour or two. She looked up at him curiously. “I have to head in to work today. I wouldn’t do it if it weren’t absolutely necessary.”

“Oh.” The syllable fell off of her lips, and she couldn’t help but feel herself falling back into the abyss. Still, she held her barely regained composer for her brother.

“If you can’t be alone, if you can’t bear it, I’ll stay,” Jesse vowed, searching her hazel eyes, looking for any sign of distress.

“I’ll be okay. Go, start the company with a bang. Make Mom and Dad proud,” she encouraged, knowing she couldn’t risk him losing such a great job. He nodded, still watching her for any sign of breaking.

“I’m gonna get dressed and go then. But Katherine, if you need anything, call me. I’ll be here in a flash,” he promised, and she nodded, giving him a small smile of assurance. He got up, shutting her door behind him. She sunk back under the covers, waiting for about ten minutes before she heard the apartment door swing shut.

She was swallowed by the sudden guilt and sadness; the force of it all hitting her like a semi. She was drowning in her own emotions, gasping for air through her hysterics. There was no energy in her for a fight anymore, and she surrendered. Time was meaningless, she couldn’t summon the strength to check the clock, and she slipped between hysterics and partially unconscious calm. It was during the uneasy calmness that a voice called out to her, like a life preserver.

“You really shouldn’t keep the door unlocked. You aren’t in Kennebunkport anymore.” She didn’t have to move; soon, the owner of the voice walked into her sight.

“Hi Carlos,” she whispered in her now grainy voice. He gave a small smile, then set a small stuffed animal on the pillow next to her; it was an orange and brown lion with a fluffy mane. Finally, he sat at the foot of the bed, back resting against the footrest. With all of the strength she had, she shifted herself to a half-sitting position to face him, resting against the mahogany headboard.

“You aren’t looking so hot, Kate,” he said, taking in her unruly curls, puffy eyes, and flushed face. She shrugged, pulling the blankets closer to her.

“How’d you know where I live?” she asked, reason still existing in her blurry mind.

“Kendall told me. He and the others had to be on set, but he wanted to make sure you were okay. Then you didn’t pick up your phone, so here I am,” Carlos explained in his deep, smooth voice, and Kate shut her eyes, nodding.

“Wait,” she asked, her voice still rough. “Why aren’t you on set?” Carlos smiled, patting her foot.

“Well, my character got himself locked in a closet for the whole episode. We’re shooting that later, though.” Kate actually managed a small giggle, shaking her head.

“Of course he did.” She kept her eyes shut, no longer seeing the twisted metal covered in glass confetti, the rain mixing with the blood lining the intersection. As long as Carlos was talking, she was fine.

“So, Kendall told us about what happened. I’m so sorry, Kate,” Carlos whispered finally, and Kate nodded, giving him a small smile.

“It’s not your fault,” she whispered, and he looked down at his hands.

“It’s not yours either.” She opened her eyes, looking directly into his understanding ones. Neither of them said anything for awhile, just his presence made her feel a bit comforted.

“You know,” Kate whispered, tracing a pattern on the quilt with her fingertip. “When I was a little girl, my brother Jesse used to tell me my parents didn’t love me, so they were gonna run off to the circus and leave me. I’d get all worked up, and run to my parents crying. My dad would pick me up, and then him, Mom, and me would sit on the couch.

“They’d tell me how much they loved me, and that they would never leave us on purpose. But, they said, if for some reason they had to go, and couldn’t come back, to know they were always with us, in our hearts.” Carlos listened, watching the way Kate absentmindedly twirled her hair, letting her other hand lie limp on the blankets. He could tell that she was in a different place.

“They are. And I’m sure they’re watching you, smiling,” he reached for her free hand with both of his, squeezing it gently. She slowly returned to reality, giving him a small, sad smile.

“Thank you, Carlos.” The words were barely audible; it was as if she’d mouthed them, but still Carlos nodded, smiling back. She heard her apartment door open and looked at Carlos curiously. He shrugged, and they both watched as the doorknob turned. Both of them had to smile a bit when they saw who it was.

“Hey James,” Kate said, biting her lip. She didn’t know how many people were going to see her like this, but it only entered her mind for a moment. She didn’t care at this point.

“Hey Poodle,” he joked, and she scrunched her nose, running her hands absentmindedly through her tangled mess of hair.

“What are you doing here?” Carlos asked, standing up to stretch.

“You’re needed on set. They wanna shoot the scene where Logan actually locks you in the closet. They don’t need me for another hour, so I came to fetch you,” he explained, and Carlos nodded. He leaned down, giving Kate a giant, much needed hug, and then left. James took his place at the foot of the bed.

“So, I figured you needed a pick me up,” James said, pulling a paper bag up onto the bed. Kate blinked twice, trying to figure out if he had it the whole time.

“What’s in there?” she asked, her voice still uneven and gravelly. James just gave her a big smile, pulling out two bacon cheeseburgers and two chocolate shakes. She inhaled deeply, her mouth watering. She hadn’t eaten since dinner the night before, and it was past noon.

“I had a hunch there wasn’t room in your mind for food,” James shrugged, handing her a burger and shake, then biting into his own.

“Thank you, James,” she said, then began to devour the food.

“Anytime, Poodle. Anytime,” he said, and when she glared, he just made a goofy face. It was impossible for her to frown, because the whole time he was there, James made it his mission to cheer her up. After they ate, he devised a genius game, which she didn’t even have to move for.

He dragged a big pot from her kitchen, set it on top of her empty dresser, and pulled a super bouncy ball from the paper bag. If you got it in, it was a point; the more times it bounced before going in, the more points you got. He sat above the covers, but next to her on the bed, so they were the same distance. The score was 18-9, in Kate’s favor; she aimed, and tossed the bouncy-ball. It hit the floor, ceiling, then dresser, but was going back towards the closed door when it opened suddenly, reflecting the ball into the goal.

“C’mon,” James grumbled, looking to see who had just caused it. Logan poked his head in cautiously, making sure the coast was clear after his near head-shot.

“Logan! Thank you for making the score 22-9,” she said with a smile, shooting a haughty look James’s way.

“You should really lock that door,” James whispered, and she just shrugged.

“So I’ve been told.” They directed their attention back towards Logan, who was now completely in the room. The light reflected off of something in his hands, catching Kate’s attention.

“They’re beautiful, Logan. Thanks,” Kate said, gasping. He held a vase full of flowers, which he set on the nightstand next to her.

“You’re welcome,” he mumbled, turning a red color.

“Well, guess this is my cue,” James said, hugging Kate tight. “See you soon, Poodle.”

“Are you gonna call me that all the time now?” Kate asked, a hint of whining in her voice. James pulled out of the hug, his goofy smile bigger than ever.

“Oh, hell yeah,” he said, and with that, left. Kate rolled her eyes, but then smiled at Logan.

“G’ahead and sit,” she said, pointing to the foot of the bed. He sat down carefully, watching her expression.

“So, how are you holding up?” he asked, searching her face much like Jesse had that morning before he left.

“I’ll live. It’s awfully brave of you to come, after what Carlos must have told you,” she said, cringing a bit. She couldn’t bring herself to dwell at the mess she had been, for fear it would all come surging back.

“He didn’t say much, just that you were having a rough time,” Logan said, and Kate smiled a bit. She’d have to thank Carlos for that one, later.

“Well, yeah,” she admitted, and Logan gave her a crooked half smile.

“So, I have an hour before I gotta get back. What would you like to do?” he asked, and she put some thought into it.

“I’m not sure. Why don’t you demonstrate some music you guys play? I’ve never actually heard it,” Kate asked, batting her long eyelashes at him. He rubbed the back of his neck, turning red again.

“Well, I don’t have a guitar, or the music.” Kate rolled her eyes, then leaned over the side of the bed, sliding a giant case out from underneath it. She unlatched it, then pulled out her old, beat up acoustic and handed it to him.

“Any more excuses?” she asked, and he sighed dramatically, then smiled at her, strumming a few strings. She shut her eyes as he began to play, letting the music carry her. It wasn’t the kind of music she’d normally listen to, but for some reason, she loved it anyway. The sweet melodies eventually lulled her to sleep, clutching the lion Carlos had given her earlier close to her.

Her sleep was close to calm, but then the dream came. She could see her parents, but whenever she called out, they didn’t hear. When she tried approaching them, they would move farther away. Finally, her eyelids fluttered open, matted with tears. She took a deep breath, the silent tears rushing down her face, cascading onto the pillow beneath them. But these were more welcome than the violent sobs that drowned her.

She tried to shut her eyes and sleep more, seeing as there was no light greeting her through the window. She was still exhausted from everything. She didn’t want to have to face the day anymore. Voices reached her, floating through the thin walls of her room.

“I think she’s sleeping. She was when I was in there a little while ago.” She recognized the voice as Jesse’s, although the wall muted and distorted it.

“Well, can I see her anyway? I have something for her,” another voice whispered back. It was barely audible, and all her foggy mind could tell her was the owner was male. She couldn’t hear the rest of their conversation, but soon, the familiar click of her door went off, and she stirred lightly, trying to see the figure.

“Oh, Kate. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Kendall whispered, suddenly at her side. She looked up at him, giving a small smile.

“S’okay. I was up anyway. Bad dream,” she said, frowning. Kendall’s face showed concern, glowing red from the digital clock. She moved over a bit, patting the spot next to her. Reluctantly, he obliged, sitting next to her.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be here with you earlier. They needed me for most of the shots, and then there was an issue with one of the songs…” Kendall trailed, guilt seeping onto his usually peaceful face. Kate furrowed her eyebrows together, knowing he didn’t just dish out apologies.

“It’s okay, really. The guys were here. They’re really nice to me. Too nice,” she said, the small frown causing worry lines to appear on her perfect forehead.

“I’m glad they were here for you. I told you, you’re one of us now. We take care of each other,” Kendall explained. Kate looked up at him, nodding. She couldn’t bring herself to sit up, because sleep wrestled with her once again.

“You must think I’m an emotional wreck. You’ve known me four days, and two of them I was bawling my eyes out,” she mumbled, her eyelashes fluttering as she started to lose her battle to stay awake.

“No, Kate. I think you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met,” he whispered. His voice was so quiet that she couldn’t be sure he wanted her to hear. Her eyes slipped shut, and Kendall noticed. He quietly sat up, kissing her forehead lightly. She looked so small and fragile, her skin blotchy red and soaked with tears, her hair looking much like the mane of the stuffed lion that was resting in her arms.

Before Kendall left the room, he set an old, worn book on the nightstand, which was so cramped with gifts from the boys. Glancing back one last time, he couldn’t help but notice the way that her right hand twitched, or the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest. He forced himself to leave and bid goodnight to Jesse. All he could think about the whole drive home was Kate, and her tear stained face haunted his dreams. What was it about this girl?