American Suitehearts

Brendon’s POV

My eyes are closed and everything is black. If I open my eyes, everything is exactly the same. Darkness.

I soon gave up on blinking and just kept my eyes firmly shut. This normally happens when I haven’t slept enough and everything starts going fuzzy; however I know that not to be the case. I know what’s wrong, I can diagnose my sickness easily, the only difference is that there’s no cure for this...there’s no cure for being rotten on the inside
I looked at the clock—9:00, I’ve been home for almost hour.

Tap. Tap, tap

It’d been raining ever since I got home.

Tap. Tap, tap

It’s just been getting heavier and heavier

Tap. Tap,tap

I open my eyes. There’s something pale outside my window, tapping. It takes a lot longer than it probably should have for my eyes to focus and realise what it actually was. I jumped up and pulled the window up as fast as I could. The wind blew into my room, throwing school sheets from my desk everywhere and a spray of rain hitting the wooden floors.
The figure outside moved cautiously, if they made one wrong move they’d fall and hit the concrete two floors below. Finally their hands found the window frame and pulled themselves through awkwardly, the figure tumbled into the room, being very considerate they landed on the closest thing to the window—me

“I’m sooooo sorry” Ryan said in a slightly slurred voice

I groan, his as thin as a stick and weighs next to nothing, however he does have the sharpest most pointy/painful bone structure in the entire world

“Get off me” I manage to gasp

In an almost comic way Ryan rolls off me, I’m sure I’m to bruise—dam his elbows! Not to mention getting absolutely soaking wet

“Um...Ryan””.

He makes a soft groan and crawls over to where I am on the floor. He smiles when I lift my head and he can see my face

“You’re sooooo pretty” he said in the same slurred voice and pulled himself closer to me by my shirt

I gasped slightly, he was freezing cold and shivering slightly

“Ryan.....Are you...drunk?”

Ryan smiles brightly

“Mayyyybeeee”

I sigh softly and Ryan buries his head in my shoulder

“You’re soo warm” he whispers and entangles his fingers into my shirt

“And you’re so cold” I reply,

My tone is dark. He left me alone and said “nothing happened”, and now his drunk in my arms. Not to mention my parents are down stairs.....

I look at Ryan who is drenched in water and clinging to the front of my shirt desperately. As if he was about to sink into the sea. .....I can’t be angry at him forever, it’s not his fault his going back to England...without me, without a memory of the boy he kissed in the park.
I was going to change that, I was going to give him the best memories of his life. Ryan would forever remember the boy that...liked him a lot more than they probably should.
I pulled Ryan over to my bed

“Look Ryan, you have to be really quiet—okay? I’m going to get you some pyjamas...you can’t leave like this, you’re staying the night”

Ryan gave another bright smile “I knew you’d change your mind....well I am irresistible” he pressed his lips against mine. His lips were sweet and my lips stayed on his for longer than they probably should have, he tasted delicious...alcoholic, but in a way that made you want to lick your lips.

I pull away and got some spare pyjamas from my cupboard. I was just about to leave and get a towel when he called me back

“Wait” there was so much fear in his voice

“Don’t leave me alone...”

I pressed my lips together and sat next to him on the bed. The fear that had intoxicated him a few seconds ago had vanished as he rolled into my lap. He was reminding me of some cute innocent kitten...only I was quite sure he wasn’t “innocent”

“You smell nice” he whispered

“Why...did you get drunk?”

Ryan’s smile faded and his eyes became glassy

“I don’t remember why exactly...but I remembered I had to say sorry for....something, but it can’t have been too bad, I mean only an idiot would do something terrible to you
I didn’t say anything

“I’m an idiot aren’t I?” He realised as my silence was all that answered him

“...Did I really do something quite awful?”

My answer shocked even me. It escaped my lips before my mind even register my lips were moving

“Yes” such a simple answer. I could feel Ryan snap in two when I said it. His thin frame finally deciding it couldn’t take this much. His tears were silent. His body shuttered like a leaf in the storm and I remained still, as he cried into my lap.

I let out a sigh.

I ran my hands through his hair and whispered nonsense to him, in what was supposed to be a soothing tone. He got up suddenly and in all seriousness looked me in the eyes and said

“let’s fuck”

I stared up at him for a good two minutes in slight shock

“What?” I whispered

“Let’s fuck” He repeated in the same tone

I could feel a blush crawling into my cheeks

“No, um.....we’re not.....we can’t, do that—especially not now, I mean.....”

His glassy eyes stared at me and for a moment I was scared as to what he was about to do. I was expecting him to shout; instead he glared and looked me straight in the eye
“Fucking is for when you feel a violent emotion, happy, sad, angry--they’re all practically the same. Now, we both feel like shit, I have no idea as to the exactly what either of us are feeling but I know how to make things better. I’m not a doctor but I can everything disappear for tonight. Just tonight”

This boy fought with words.

My chest tightened and breathing seemed impossible, I crossed the distance between us and pressed my lips against his, his lips had turned a sweet bitter as the time had passed. It still had me grasping for more. He kissed back in the same harsh way he had before. It had an edge to it and it wasn’t completely due to the alcohol. He pressed me against the wall; it sent a shock through my body, a burning sensation of electricity running through my veins as he pressed his body against mine.

“Brendon, are you okay?”

I freeze, the voice came from down stairs...Mum I’d completely forgotten she’d even existed
“I’m fine, just fell out of bed” I somehow manage to call back, keeping my voice unnaturally even” I turn back to Ryan

“I don’t think I can do—“ I began

But he silenced me with his lips, desperation, trying to bring me back to our magical place where nothing can touch us. I manage to pull him away, his eyes are dark

“Sorry, look, I can’t do this now” I felt a smile crawl to my lips when I added “but defiantly later”

He frowned “I’ll just get changed then” he muttered and walked to the corner of the room with the pyjama’s I had given him

He began to undo the top of his jeans

“Let me help” I say with a smile, in an attempt to get him out of his foul mood

“What’s the point if we’re not even going to do anything?”

“Because I’d like to” I say with the same smile

Finally I can see a hint of amusement in his eyes

“If you must” he said with a fake sigh

I place my hands on his waist and went down slowly too his waist. Letting my hands linger for longer than necessary at the brim of his jeans

“There’s such thing as sexual tension and just taking a bloody long time” Ryan muttered
I rolled my eyes and let my hands travel down to unbutton his jeans.

I tried not to laugh. I really did, but I couldn’t help it

“Oh my god, you’re wearing Batman boxer pants” For some reason the idea had me rolling around on the floor

Ryan was fighting a smile “Shut up and quit being an idiot, my jeans are still wet from the rain and are god dam hard to get off...”

I smirk and mutter a meek apology, and avoid looking at his boxes at all costs...
“Here’s your PJ’s” I say with a smile and walk to the corner for somewhat privacy to change into my own pyjamas

“You have a nice ass” Ryan said from behind me

“What?” Ryan lay down on my bed smiling

“Just saying....it’s a nice shape” he gives me another devious smile before adding “Now come to bed”

I pause for a moment awkwardly, standing around in my pyjamas, slightly unsure whether or not to get into bed

“Don’t rape me” I say trying to loosen the mood, Ryan pulls me close to him

“It’s not rape if you enjoy it Brenny Bear” He says with a smile

And somehow unbeknownst to me we manage to fall asleep like that.