Kill All Your Friends.

The weeks had passed but Gerard was still broken. 
Bert's illness had come as a shock to everyone and Gerard kept blaming himself, it was hard to watch him as he moped around all day with tears in his eyes and a hate for life; on many occasions Mikey had expressed his concern for his brother's well being which had led to Gerard sharing a dorm with us.
I hear him crying at night. 

Their tears are filling up their glasses.

Even in his despair Gerard is a beautiful man and I can't stop my heart from skipping a beat when I see him, it is so wrong of me to want something from such a broken soul.
But I can't stop thinking about him. 
I had grown closer to Gerard over the past weeks, he had become vulnerable and would open up to anyone who seemed to care. 
He truly loves Bert and that breaks my heart. 

Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow.

I jump at every chance I get to comfort Gerard, to make him feel better, to make him love me.
I disgust myself. 
I'm pretty sure Mikey knows my ulterior motives too.
But the frail man crying in my arms only thinks the best of me, I can do no wrong. 
My shirt was soaked with tears but my arms had not once moved from around his shoulders, I would not leave him. 
I had kidded myself into thinking he loves me, but moments like these bring me back to earth at a startling speed. 
"What if he doesn't get better?" He sobbed into my chest, his voice was muffled and he once again began to tremble. 
"He will." It was a lie, one Mikey and I often told.

I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take.

We both knew Bert was slowly dying, but to tell Gerard would be a mistake.   
Perhaps a bigger mistake than not telling him. 
Gerard was unstable and the news would bring him hurtling down like an angel with broken wings.
He was already an angel in my eyes.

Look right through me, look right through me.