Washroom Color

the mess i made .

The dinner table was silent for a split second until I piped up, and held a finger in the air to signal that I had something to say.

“and um, so I have any say in this? Or...”

“Or what?” Seth asked, and he rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I'm going to be there too, I promised to work merch for them while in exchange for getting the tickets. But I'll be working. Come on, for Anna.”

He was talking to her as though he wasn't there, but she didn't seem to notice because the rest of the dinner table had begun their own conversations to avoid having to answer my question. “She fifteen, not ten. She can go by herself, and take her friend or something.”

“Fine, whatever, I just thought it'd be... a you know.. boning experience you know” He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. I suddenly felt a headache coming on, and excused myself from the table quickly to go find advil and lie down.

The ticket was still in my hand, and as soon as I was all medicated, I took a closer look. The last thing I wanted to do was see a band play with my sister. The place would be crowded. The place would be loud. Maybe I'd suddenly get lightheaded and then pass out, who'd be there to help me.

My parents and brother and sister are convinced that I'm fine now. They think that the worst is over, and they think that I'm fine. They know that I was sick, but the doctors have assured all of us that I would be fine. They believe that, I'm not so sure. You'd understand if you knew what it was like to be that scared.

“You'll be fine to take her with you. I can pick her up, she's fine.” I complained to Seth. He'd just come upstairs and I called him into my room as he passed by on the way to his “man cave” otherwise known as his attic bedroom he's been living in since he was fourteen.

He leaned against the door frame and rolled his eyes at me. “It's not that hard to stand in a crowd and like, I don't know, listen to music?”

“Seth...”

“Yeah yeah, crowds. I know.” He shook his head. “Here, I'll make you a deal. If it gets too much, come to the merch table with me, I'll teach you a little about how I live.” He wiggled his eyebrows and bit his lip. “I promise it wont be too painful. Yeah, a bunch of screaming little girls but you'll survive. Anna will love it, okay? She misses you.”

He would know, I guess. He does live here after all.

I scrunched up my face and fell back to my bed, and tossed a pillow over my face to hold in a groan. “Fiiiiiine.” I drew out the vowel, and Seth made a chirping noise, and I knew he was gone. What the hell was I getting myself into.



The show was three days after Anna's at day birthday, and as soon as that day came, she was blasting The Maine all through the house until 7, when she decided it was time to move the party to my car. She cranked up the volume, and sang along in her excited teenage way.

“No, whoaaa. I'm never gonna be inside of you, and I said, no whoaaa i'm never gonna see inside of you...”

I seriously wanted to smother her mouth with my hand, or maybe my foot, by the twentieth time with listened to one song, but I was afraid of taking my hands off the wheel of my feet of the bottom of the car.

She made me wait in line with her, with all the other giggling girls her age, and it wasn't long before they were talking about “John” and “Garrett” and whoever, leaving me behind in the dust. Dressed in a dark red cardigan, tights and a dark green skirt I felt sorely out of place and old among all the little girls and boys who were all dressed in skinnies and band tees.

“Oh my god, I'm so excited!” Anna was jumping up and down in excitement, while simultaneously pushing up to the front. There was already a ton of kids in front of us, but Anna was completely determined. She and her “The Maine” tee shirt.

I was already starting to feel woozy, and there were only a few people piling up behind us. I held my cool by taking in huge breath, and biting down hard on my lower lip. Suddenly, the Lady GaGa song ceased playing over the PA, and the whole place exploded in screams and cheers, and I had to force myself from covering my ears. “heeellloooo Arizona!” The lights were so blinding I couldn't even see the guy at the mic.

I shattered. I closed my eyes and felt the wave of nausea wash over me, so with out Anna noticing, I backed my way out of the crowd and somehow, in a blind state of shock, I found my way to the merch table, where sure enough, Seth was seated on a stool behind the table, texting through the loud music that had started up by now. “She's eighteen and a beauty queen...”

Seth looked up when I managed to slide around to sit behind the table on he chair a little behind him, closer to the wall. I felt the walls of the small club closing in, and Seth got closer to me, and bent to my level. I saw his lips moving but I couldn't hear over the song. I waved my hand a bit, and turned away from him so he wouldn't see how pale my face was turning. Even though it was too dark anyway.



“Thank you all for coming out tonight! This is our last show until the summer guys, so, hopefully we'll have a couple new songs to kick of the summer? Hope that sounds good.” More screams, then the lights went up and a steady hum rose as the crowd began to talk.

“Feeling okay?” Seth patted my shoulder, and I looked up at him, because I'd been staring down at my hands in my lap for the past 20 odd minutes.

I nodded, and gestured to the girl who was suddenly standing behind him, to get him to pay attention to her and sell her whatever it was she wanted.

“Oh.” He turned to the girl and told me to get her a medium whoever she is. I looked blankly, and rolled his eyes before brushing me to the side to get it himself.

“Who's this, man?” A very tall boy appeared suddenly, and swooped behind the table to size me up. A bunch of girls were waiting behind him, cameras and sharpies in hand.

My brother offered him a fist bump. “My sister. The one I got the tickets for remember. Hannah, John. John, Hannah.”

John smiled at me and tapped me lightly on the shoulder and did that guy nod thing that's actually really annoying because I never know what it really means. “Hey.”

I just smiled.

“Seth said it was your birthday?” He said.

I blushed a little bit, and bit my lip again for what seemed like the millionth time tonight. “What? Oh, no... That's – ”

“Seth!”

Anna came pushing her way through, and stopped in her tracks in front of the tall guy. “Oh, hi! Um, could you uh, sign this?” She gestured to her shirt, and I saw him smiling at her. “Yeah, for sure.”

“Yeah, that's Anna.” Seth said.

“Ah right on man.” John said then straightened up. Other girls caught his attention and he turned to snap photos and talk to more fans.

Another boy appeared, and Anna looked like she was holding up a scream. “Garrett, hi, could you uh...”

I looked down at the table, avoiding the eye contact of “Garrett.” He'd looked right at me, when he'd got there before being ambushed by my sister. He was cute, thick square black glasses, a ring through his nostril and sandy blonde hair that stuck up a little but.

“Hey.” He was speaking. A new voice. His voice. “Um, your lip is bleeding.”

I looked up, then raised my hand to my face, and felt the blood on my bottom lip and tongue. I'd bitten down too hard. “Oh, yeah. Thanks.” I turned my head down again and felt the blush creeping my face. Of course, I embarrass myself in front of a cute guy, even if he is in a band my sister is obsessed with.