Broken Glass

Today is just not my day. Then again, today-yesterday-tomorrow are never my days. It’s probably my fault since I pretty much hate the world and everything in it. But the world has this tendency to throw shit in your face, so why bother?

“Hey Sable!” My so-called friend yelled after me. This time he had gone way too far with his teasing. He knew to never bring up my dead beat father.

I was trying very hard to control myself, not exactly succeeding because I really wanted to pummel the crap out of him. I stopped walking and spun around with rage swirling in my eyes, “What do you want jackass?”

Alexis threw up his hands in mock surrender with a meek smile, “C’mon man, you know I didn’t mean it. I just forget sometimes, that’s all.”

I let out a deep chuckle and glared at him, “Unless you want me to seriously fuck you up, I suggest you get the hell away from me.”

“Whatever man,” Alexis said as he ran a hand through his hair, “I’ll see you tomorrow when you’ve calmed down to normal pissed off.”

I watched him saunter away toward a group of girls. Lady’s man my ass. I sighed and clenched my fists as I continued toward my gray truck that looked a lot worse for wear. I slid my key into the door and turned the lock as I violently opened the door. It sticks sometimes.

My drive home wasn’t exactly a safe one. I really shouldn’t drive when I’m angry. I’m really surprised that I haven’t been pulled over by a cop, but then again they’re never around when you actually need them.

I stormed in through the front door, making my mother flinch. I winced inside when I saw her frightened expression. Once upstairs I made my way to the bathroom. I clenched the sides of the porcelain white sink. I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. I didn’t want to become my father, I was trying everything to not be him.

I couldn't take looking at my reflection anymore, I thought as I slammed my fist into mirror after mirror. A scream ripped its way through my throat as red tears streamed down my arms and hands. I stared blankly at the blood stained walls. I licked my dry lips and brushed off the shards of glass. Today was the start of the end of my life. My fists were still bloody from my violent outburst that sent my mother and little sister packing.

Too bad my douche bag of a father isn't around anymore to set me straight. That damn drunk left years ago, taking his father to son advice with him, for some cheap hooker. My mother fell apart after that of course, so I had to get two jobs and manage school at the same time. Life is hard and it sucks. Even though I'm tired of this shit life and want out, I can’t leave my mother and little sister alone. They wouldn’t survive without me.
I glanced down at my hands and grimaced. Fantastic. Now I have to clean up this damn mess and fix the stupid mirrors. I stood quickly and grabbed a towel. I returned my gaze to the walls, and snorted, great I'll have to repaint that too. I let out a frustrated growl and slammed my fist into a wall.

Mother fucker! That fucking hurt! I clenched my fist, which only caused the pain to worsen. Damn it, I was going to have to get this stitched again. I trudged down the stairs accompanied by the crunching sound of glass.

Driving with bleeding hands is rather difficult. Curse words were streaming from my mouth as I clenched the steering wheel every time some dick hole stopped short in front of me. Damn shitty drivers, I thought as I stomped on my brake for the thousandth time. I growled out in frustration and sped up as I weaved around them. I flipped them off as I went earning a series of honks from other drivers.

I pushed down on the gas and barely made it through a yellow light that had been turning red. I sharply turned into the hospitals parking lot. I pulled into a small space and shut off my engine.

For a moment I sat there letting my truck grow cold. I huffed out a sigh as I watched an ambulance pull up. Poor sucker. I climbed out of my car and slammed the door, wincing at the echoing sound it made.

I hate hospitals, they smell unnatural and sickly. My nose wrinkled up at the stench of hard cleaner as I walked in through the glass doors. I walked up to the desk and signed in for ‘urgent care.’ Yeah right, it was more like ‘we don’t give a fuck about you care.’ I sat down next to a young girl with pig tails and a runny noise. I glanced down at her and watched her expression go from completely bored to completely terrified.

“Hey kid.” My voice was gruff from screaming, and imaginably sounded a bit creepy to the little girl. Her eyes widened and she scooted away. I smirked in silent laughter and waited for my name to be called.

When my name was finally called, I tossed my blood stained towel in the garbage. That earned me some horrified expressions. Stupid people. I sat in another room for a while until I got ‘cared for.’ My favored facial expression of a grimace was plastered on my face as the doctor stitched me up.

She was blabbering about how I was making her miss her daughter's performance. I really wasn't listening. I was making a mental list in my head of how long it would take me to fix the fucking bloody rooms and clean up all the glass. When the doctor—what was her name?—had finished with me and was tossing the dirty tools in the trash. I hopped off the table and started to leave.

“Excuse me young man, but I'm not done with you!” She called to me but I didn't stop. I wanted to get the hell out of this death hole.

As I rounded the corner, I saw a sad girl sitting in the lobby. She met my gaze and stopped me in my tracks. Her eyes were red from tears and she had dry eyeliner painted down her face. She held my gaze for what seemed hours but were only mere seconds. Her gray eyes only added to her solemn expression. She didn't look away from me. Had I finally met my match?

My doctor caught up to me and broke me from the girl's gaze. It seemed like she was going to say something to me, but she looked rather distraught when she laid eyes on the girl. Her eyes filled with sympathy as she took in the girl's bandaged wrists.

“Oh Emily, not another attempt.” She whined to the girl and left me be.

I watched her take care of the girl like a mother hen would to a wounded chick. I snorted and continued on my way, but I didn't get too far. My doctor saw me and pointed to the seat next to the girl. Her expression told me she was not kidding. My eyes narrowed at her as I slowly took my seat. I crossed my arms as she walked away to do who knows what. Probably to gossip about her daughter to someone else. I glanced over at the girl and she returned my stare with one of her own. She looked me over with slight interest. Her clothes were bloodstained like mine, but the blood was old whereas mine was fresh.

“I'm Emily.” She spoke softly as if afraid of others hearing her. I took her outstretched pale hand in mine own.

“Sable.” I replied in the same hushed tone. A ghost of a smile flashed across her lips for a moment or two. That was how our fateful relationship started.

Emily was a curious creature. She wasn’t scared of my personality but she seemed terrified of the world around her. As if something was going to come alive and bite her. I normally would have got up and left after I was out of the sight of my doctor, but Emily was intriguing. She would talk so quietly to me that not even the wind could carry her voice. Her expression, like mine, almost never changed.

Emily brushed her small hand over my tattooed arms in curiosity, and then she moved to touch my snake bites. She was a tiny little thing filled with such sadness that showed clearly in her eyes—it almost seemed impossible that a person could carry such a heavy load of one emotion. She brought her eyes back up to mine and tilted her head forward causing her hair to fall in her face.

I put my hand next to hers, face up and waited to see what she would do. We'd been talking in this godforsaken shit hole for half the day. They wouldn’t let either of us leave, but too my surprise—I wasn’t all that bothered.

“I like your tattoos.” Emily whispered and slipped her hand into mine. I intertwined our fingers and gave her a small smile. She blushed and hid farther into her hair. Okay, I'll admit that she was cute. Emily, unlike most of the people I converse with, doesn’t piss me off. I knew that I should have left already, because my second job starts in a half hour. I still needed to get changed, but I didn’t want to leave her as she was for some unknown reason.

Stupid, stupid fucking Sable, you cannot afford to lose this job. Damn this beating thing in my chest.

“I need to go.” I abruptly said and ripped my hand from her grasp.

I stood with a vengeance and started to walk away. My heart beat quickened as if it too was screaming at me in anger. I felt the wind stir as the glass doors opened to reveal the cold night. I stepped out into the freezing air and stopped. I didn’t want to leave like this; I didn’t want her to think that she had done anything. I turned around to go back in, but she was already gone.

I hung my head in shame for a moment and spun back round to leave. There she stood waiting for me to take her outstretched hand. Her eyes were slightly pleading like she had been rejected too many times. I groaned inwardly and gave into my screaming heart. Emily was silent as we walked to my truck. I didn’t see the attraction in holding a scared, bandaged hand but I wasn’t going to object. I led her to the passenger side and stopped.

“Are you going to be missed by someone?” I managed to ask before she slammed the truck door in my face.

Of course, I thought as I pressed my lips together. She wanted to get the hell out of here, not wait for her parents. I knew how moms were when their ‘baby’ was in danger. They would not let you out of their sight for the rest of what seemed like eternity. Emily’s parents would be more freaked when they arrived and she was gone. I swear to god if I’m charged with kidnapping… Let’s just leave it at that.

I climbed back into my truck and started the engine. The steering wheel was stained different shades of red and brown from many drives to this dreadful place. I backed out, nearly slamming into a small blue car with two elderly looking folks in it. Emily ducked out of sight and laughed quietly.

Those must be her parents. State the fucking obvious Sable! They looked angry at me and rather distraught. I grimaced when they started to get out of their car. This was just not my day. Emily peeked out the window. She sighed and sat up. When her parents saw her they ran to my truck. You’ve got to be shitting me.

Emily sat there quietly thinking about something intently as I waited for them to reach my car. Her dad had this look of vengeance on his face like he was going to beat the shit out of me.

“Drive.” She commanded me in her soft voice. Her eyes were angry as she watched her parents.

I turned my truck sharply and pressed my foot down on the gas. Emily rested her hand on my arm, briefly, in thanks. I nodded grimly as I sped down the road.

When I pulled up to my house I only had five minutes to change. I glanced over at her before cutting the engine.

“Stay here.” I told her.

I slammed my truck door and breathed out violently. The bitter cold air helped to clear my angry mind. As I walked up to my front door I heard my truck door slam. I shook my head and nearly laughed at myself. I really hadn't expected her to listen to me. I turned the lock and kicked the door open.

I stood there for a few moments, looking at the disaster I caused. My mouth dried at the sight of my mother sweeping up the glass. I opened my mouth to apologize, but she held up her hand silencing me. I hung my head and stomped up the stairs. I heard soft footsteps that followed my own. My room was the worst of it all.

When Emily reached me her loud in take of breath let me know how she felt. I don't blame her. I'm a monster when I'm enraged. It's a horrible feeling when the red haze takes over. You loose yourself and each time it's harder to find yourself again. Something about Emily made me want to never feel the red haze ever again.

Emily grabbed my hand and didn’t move from my side. I sent her a sideways glance and was surprised at what I saw. She didn’t look afraid or shocked, she looked almost bemused.

“I need to get changed.” I spoke softly to her.

I really didn’t want to scare her off. She was different. Stupid Sable. Stop having feelings for a stranger. I took my hand from hers and slammed my door in her face. Fuck me. I felt bad from my actions, but I can’t get close to her. I can’t. I’ll just end up hurting her. Shit, I’m gonna be late. I grabbed a clean long sleeved gray shirt and put it on. It’d have to do for now.

I opened my door to find that Emily was gone. Maybe she’d left. Fuck. I stormed down stairs, now in a worse mood than earlier if that was possible. My mother was waiting for me. She slapped me, hard, right across the face. I deserved it, I fucking deserved it. I made my way outside and spit out a few drops of blood. My mom had hit my snake bites in the end of her slap. Emily was no where to be found, but it was better that way. Someone like her doesn’t belong with a monster like me. I climbed into my truck and sped off to my shit job.

xxx

I got a red face and a good long yelling from my boss about being late, but he didn’t fire me. That was good. The money I earned this week would go to help fix the house that I trashed again. I didn’t earn that much cleaning this office building, but everything helps.

After I’d changed into the blue uniform I went to work. As I was about to head into the restroom I heard shouting. I peaked around the corner. My jaw dropped. No fucking way. There stood Emily being chewed out by her father. Holy crap, I can’t believe I didn’t recognize him. That’s the stuck up ass who owns this building. Wow. What a small damn world. I know I shouldn’t eavesdrop…but…I did anyways.

“Why did you do this again?” He asked her and grabbed her arm.

She flinched and tears rose to her eyes.

“You know how much this hurts your mother. You need to stop.” He razed his hand to her and that was all it took to piss me off. I gritted my teeth together.

“Excuse me sir, but I need to mop this hall way.” I used my best polite voice.

Hah! I was kidding myself. I sounded like I was going to kill someone. Emily’s father froze with his hand razed. He looked embarrassed, but nodded. Good, he didn’t recognize me.

Stupid! Fucking stupid Sable! You could’ve just lost your job. Oh you stupid love stuck dumb ass.

Emily looked over at me, her eyes widened as recognized me, but she didn’t say anything. She smiled at me before disappearing down the hall. My heart skipped a beat; I knew in that instant that I would do anything to see that smile again.

It was around midnight when I finally finished my shift. Man, I'm fucking exhausted. I climbed into my truck, dreading that I was going to have to wake up in six hours. I reached my house quickly, because the streets were dead silent with barely any activity. When I managed to drag my sorry ass upstairs I fell into my bed.

Sleep found me instantly, but all too soon I was waking up to an annoying beeping. I slammed my hand down on the metal box and the noise stopped. I stood and nearly tripped over the mess of my room. Shit. Shit. Shit. I was a half hour behind. I hurried to the bathroom and tossed off my boxers. The icy cold water woke me right up. It also stung the cuts on my skin. I bit my lip as I doused my hair with shampoo and conditioner. Five minutes later I was out and getting dressed. I glanced at the clock. Fuck! It's 6:45. Damn it. I'm going to be late again.

xxx

Serving stuck up rich people is almost as bad as cleaning for them. At least the cleaning involves barely any contact with them, but being a waiter... Ugh, if the salary wasn't so good I would've quit a long time ago. This job had me giving people fake smiles and kind words. It made me wanna puke.

“Hey, dude, you got table six. Man that's a 'effing hot chick.” Travis whispered to me with a stupid grin on his face.

He was a good guy, but could be a pervert sometimes. I took out my notepad and walked over to the table. I put on a fake grin and took a deep breath only for it to be taken away. Gray eyes met mine. Emily. She blushed and smiled a little. I felt like a fish out of water, because my mouth was open but no words were coming out. She giggled at me and blushed more. Her parents glanced at her in shock. I shook my head a little to clear my thoughts. I was bumping into her everywhere. I’m either paranoid, or fate is clearly messing with me.

“Good morning. What'll you have?” I asked.

My tone held no harshness and my gaze was locked on Emily. She giggled a little bit again and returned my stare. She was just so damn cute. I realized that her parents still hadn't said anything. Was it really that strange to hear her laugh? Because if it was I wanted my moments around her to always be strange. Her giggle was soft and sweet. I just loved it. What the fuck? When did I turn into a softy?

“Um…yes well. I‘ll have the Royal Omelet and green tea.” Her mom spoke still a little dazed. Her father mumbled something about black coffee and toast.

“And a water for the lovely lady?” I inquired giving Emily a smile.

She giggled again and returned my love sick puppy dog grin. I felt like I have done a 180 from the person I was yesterday morning. Unbelievable. It was just unbelievable that this stranger could affect me this much. What is this world coming too?

“Yeah and some pancakes.” Emily’s voice was just as soft as yesterday, but somehow wasn’t muffled by the noisy sounds of the restaurant.

“That will be all.” Her father said with narrowed eyes.

“Of course. I'll go get your drinks and place your orders.” I stammered and felt really embarrassed. Stupid Sable, getting wrapped up in your thoughts while on the job.

The morning passed quickly and soon it was around lunch time. Finally, my shift was over. Now I get to eat for a few moments and head to school. I changed out of my tux and back into my baggy jeans and ripped tee. God, I hate that stupid uniform almost as much as I hate school. It wasn't like I'm going to do anything with my life. I'll probably just end up some dead drunk homeless dude. Such a bright future.

My truck as always felt like it was empty. I looked at the passenger seat. I could just imagine Emily sitting there next to me. Her light brown hair hanging in her eyes as she gives me that small smile. I slammed my head on the steering wheel. Snap out of it Sable. Oh Emily, how did you steal this cold heart of mine?