Let Me Love You

They say love is worth the risk. Well, I guess I disagree. Love hurts so many people, me included. Love blinds people's eyes. I don't understand how people can stand the pain that love makes. I never get the idea of being in love. Girls cry, guys cheat. Is that really love? I am not sure. I haven't figured it out yet. Maybe soon.

---

It was 9 in the morning, I came into the classroom, and I found my friend, Jassy, was crying.

"Gosh, why are you crying? Don't tell me it's because of that jerk," I asked angrily when I saw Jassy crying. And she said nothing but nodded her head. "Fuck! I knew it, I never like that guy. Now I am going to beat that ass down!"

"No, Shay!!" she said as she grabbed my hand, trying to stop me.

"Don't even try to stop me, Jas!" I said as let my hand off of Jassy's.

I walked down the corridor and asked everyone I met if they saw Alex, Jassy's boyfriend. And one of them told me that he saw Alex in the canteen. So I turned around and had my way to canteen. And voila, I found that jerk.

"GASKARTH, YO JERK!!!" I shouted right when I stepped my feet in the canteen. It was crowded, but I didn't give a fuck, I needed to give Alex a lesson.

"Watch your words, Shay!" he said as walked closer to me.

"I don't need advice, not from you, asshole," The crowds were looking at us.

"Whoa. What the fuck is your problem???" He said. The situation was getting worse.

"My problem is you. You need to quit playing with some bitches behind Jassy's back. What a douche!"

"I don't even know what the hell you are talking about!!"

"Oh, so that is how you play it cool? Pretending you don't know anything? Impressive" I said with annoying tone.

"Are you playing with my patience?"

"No! It's obvious that you are the one who play with mine! So stop it and just admit it! You are a brainless douche bag!" I heard the crowds went 'Ohhh'.

"Call me douche bag, but I don't even play with any girl. If it's because she cried, believe me, it's not because of me play with some girls!"

"Why should I believe in you?" I asked, as I crossed my hands on my chest.

"I don't know, because I'm telling you the truth?"

"Whatever!! This one is for making Jassy cry!!" I said as I punched him on the face. The crowds were surprised. And Alex ended with nosebleed.

"Fuck!!" he said painfully.

"Yeah!! Suck it!!" I said as I left canteen. And I could feel, that time everyone's eyes were glued to me.

---

"Why did you punch Mr. Gaskarth, Ms. Flynn?”

"He’s a fucking douche bag," I said.

"Excuse me?" she rolled her eyes.

"Ugh, okay! He made my friend cried, he broke her heart,"

"Then it is supposed to be your friend and Mr. Gaskarth's business, not yours, isn't it?"

"It is. But my friend couldn't punch him by herself, so I did. I am a good friend, ain't I?" I said. I knew I pissed her off.

"So, Ms. Flynn,"

"Yes, Mrs. Clarke?"

"You are not allowed to go home, not until you clean school yard." As she said, my jaw dropped. She knew how to give detention.

"Whoa. You're kidding right? I mean, it's pretty big yard, and full of leaves. It's fall, you have no idea how many leaves out there."

"Well, you won't be alone. Because you're not the only one who gets detention. Remember?"

"Don't tell me-" I hadn't finished my sentence and she just cut it off.

"Oh yes, Mr. Gaskarth will help you clean the yard!" she smirked. Fuck. She REALLY knew how to turn my day into the worst one.

"Thank you, Mrs. Clarke. You know how to ruin my day." I said, sarcastically, as I left the office.

I walked out the school building, heading to school yard. Guess what? Alex was already there, sitting under the tree. And looked at how messy the yard was. It was making me way more frustrated. I walked my way to him, and actually, He was sleeping under the tree, not sitting.

"Goddamn! Get your ass up, now!!!" I shouted in his right ear.

"HOLY SHIT!" he was surprised as hell. "You hurt my ear!!!" he added.

"Do I look like I care?"

"I don't get the point why you don't care with me. What did I do to you, Shay?" he asked, he faked hurting voice.

"And I don't get the point why should I care. End of discussion. Now just help me clean this fucking yard!" I said, not even bothered to look in his eyes.

"Now I don't get the point why I should help you when you don't care with me at all," he really played with my patience.

"Well, you shouldn't help me. You're doing this because you also get detention. Remember?"

"Okay, you win!" he said, giving up.

"No need to tell me," I smirked.

So I ended up cleaning the yard with the jerk, Gaskarth. I fucking hated that. I spent an hour, and still the yard hadn't finished yet. And I was already sick of Alex's crap.

"I FRIGGING NEED YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" I yelled.

"Why?" he asked with his idiot face.

"I've been one hour here, and it's not finished yet, but my ear already done with your crap! So if you don't shut the fuck up, I swear I'm gonna make you finish this alone!"

"---okay, then"

"good"

Two hours left, and it hadn't finished yet.

"I am tired," I said as I fell to the ground.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked, walking closer to me.

"No! I am tired! I wanna go home" I replied.

"Well, you can go home. I'll finish the rest!' he said. I rolled my eyes, was he trying to be good? Or what?

"You're gonna win if I do that," I said as I tried to stand, and Gaskarth helped me. "Are you trying to be good so you can win over me?"

"Is that what on your mind?"

"Well, yeah."

"Then, change it! Why do you so hate me? I don’t even do wrong." his face turned serious.

"Don't play innocent!"

"Then tell me, Shay! Tell me what did I do?"

"It's obvious that you hurt Jassy." I said, little bit yell.

"There is one thing that you need to know. I didn't play with girls behind Jassy's back." he said, keeping normal tone.

"Then why did she cry?" I asked, crossing my hand on the chest.

"I just told her the truth,"

"You told her that you cheat on her?" I faked my gasp.

"I don't do any cheat,"

"So what?"

"Why don't we finish this first then I'll tell you?" he tried to make a deal. I raised my left eyebrow.

"Well, okay then." as I said and he still stood in front of me, looking at me. "What? Didn't you say you wanna clean this yard first?" he nodded. "Then what are you waiting for?" I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, right!" he said and started to clean this yard again.

We finally cleaned the yard. And then we put the stuff we used to clean the yard to the janitor room before we go home. After we put them in the janitor room, we walked down the corridor. School building was really quite. No one there, but us. And it was really awkward, until I tripped, almost fell. Almost. Yes, Gaskarth held my body right before I fall to the ground.

"Are you alright, Shay?" he asked, still holding my body.

"I didn't fall, so I guess I'm fine," I said, it got more awkward. "You know what? You can let your hand off of me," I added.

"Oh, yes, right! Sorry!" he said, nervously.

"It's okay. But thanks anyways,"

"It’s alright,"

So we continued walking out of the school. Day was getting dark. Actually, it didn't matter for me. My house's not too far from school. And even though Alex's house is kind of far from school, but he rides motorcycle to school. But we decided to not go home soon, not before I hear what he did to Jassy.

"So what? What did you do to Jassy?"

"Why you wanna know?"

"Why did you ask? Jassy is my friend,"

"But you don't need to know my problem with her, right?" he said. Why did he change his mind? I thought he's gonna let me know what happened between them.

"Oh right. So I just stood there, watching my friend cried because of a jerk,"

"I made her cry because I didn't want to hurt her so I told her the truth. And you punched me in the nose and we ended clean school yard. Doesn't it mean you already put yourself in this problem? So what else?"

"I just wanna know. What did you do to her? What did you say to her? You broke up with her, didn't you?"

"Yes, I broke up with her. I just don't want to hurt her any longer. I don't love her. It's useless to keep this relationship,"

"Then what were you doing with her after three months? Played her??"

"No! Look! I met Jassy, she's beautiful. I thought I fell in love with her and I could see she fell in love with me too. So I asked Jassy to be my girlfriend. And then I knew someone else. I liked her. But I have Jassy. So I just threw away my feeling for her and tried to love Jassy more. But my feeling for someone else kept coming back. I've been thinking this and I finally realized that it's not Jassy who I loved from the start. It's her pretty face. So I told Jassy, that I couldn't pretend to myself any longer. I am in love with someone else,"

"Who's that bitch?? Tell me!!"

"I think you should go home! It's getting dark," he changed the topic.

"Alex, tell me, who is the girl, you're in love with, the girl who make you left Jassy??" I asked.

"You know, even though I tell you who's she, you won't make Jassy and me back together,"

"Yes, I know. But another punch won't hurt her, right?"

"No, you can't do that!"

"Then why don't you just tell me?"

"I can't, okay!" he said in higher pitch.

"Does Jassy know who she is?" I asked and Alex said nothing. Then it meant Jassy knows. "I will call her!!"

"Stop it!! Why you wanna know her???" He yelled.

"BECAUSE SHE MAKES JASSY CRY!!!!" I yelled back, louder.

"IT'S NOT HER WHO MAKES JASSY CRY. IT'S ME!!" he said, with his hands on my shoulder and his eyes, looking at mine. "Believe me; she doesn't know anything about this. She doesn't even know that I love her!" he said, as his voice's getting lower. He put his hands off of my shoulder and turned his body back. He placed one of his hands on his head, showed me how frustrated he was.

"Just tell me who is she, and I'll stop. I won't punch her; I did punch you by the way." I said my voice back to normal.

He smirked, "of course, you can't punch yourself," he said.

"Who said I'm gonna punch me? I said I am gonna pu--" I stopped. "You said what?"

"I said that you can not punch yourself," he said, calmly. His eyes looked into mine, deeply.

"You didn't mean that I am--"

"Yes, I am in love with you, Shay." he cut my words. And heard words he said make my jaw dropped. Jassy cried because Alex loves someone else, and someone else is me. So, after all this time, I am the bad guy here? Right.

"So, I am the bitch here?" I couldn't believe that.

"No, you're not," he said.

"Yes, I am. Jassy cried because of me. I am the one who make you left her. I am the bad guy here." I became so frustrated.

"Stop it, Shay! Jassy cried because I love you. You're not the bad guy, it's me!" he said as he took my hands.

"No, don't touch me! I never like you!" I said, cruelly. Let my hands off of him. And my emotion was just about to explode.

"I am sorry, Shay! But even you, can't help with whom I will fall in love with," his face turned sad. His eyes felt sorry.

"But why me?"

"I don't even know. Since the first time Jassy introduced you to me, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I know it sounds so cheesy. But it's true. You barely talk to me; I even know that you don't like me. But I just like you, I love you." he said those and made me feel more guilty.

"Don’t! Just don't be in love with me. I may not love you back. You may just get hurt because of me!"

"So what If I get hurt? It's still worth a shot. So please, just let me love you. You may not love me now, but just let me take a chance, to be with you," he said as he stared deep down into my eyes. "I want to love you," he added.

He said the words I wanna hear. I hated it. But for the first time in my life, I felt something different about the thing called love. And it made me want to feel what actually love is. So, maybe I might love him back. Maybe soon.