Beat

Beat. Beat. Beat. Beat.

I lie up at night, thinking about you, your voice, your laugh. The sweet way your quick “I miss you” message can make my heart jumpstart and run into No Man’s Land.

Beat, beat. Beat, beat.

I miss you, too, and more than I probably should. I know you’re just a short trip away, but you mean so much to me and I hate not being able to be around you more often, being left alone to wonder if you’re okay, if you’re safe.

Beat, beatbeat. Beat, beatbeat.

I miss your crooked smile. I miss your laugh. I miss the way you tower over me, yet you’re always perfectly aware of where my tiny body is. I miss the way that most people look over me, while you take care to never step on me. I miss our conversations. I miss being able to hear you say sweet words to make me feel better, rather than having to read them off my tiny phone screen.

Beat beat beat beat beat beat.

I’m sick every day of my life, but you can make me forget. Your words remind me that there’s a reason for me to keep going every day and to fight the unseen war with my body. You give me faith. You give me hope that one day, I will get better. Every time you tell me, “it’s okay,” I believe you, and I can relax.

Beat…beat. Beat…beat.

I want nothing more than for you to be happy with the best life possible.

Beatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeat.

I want to stop missing you.