Picking Up the Pieces

I booked my ticket back to California the day before they were supposedly expecting me. I didn’t want to cause too much trouble or fanfare. I just wanted to arrive quickly and quietly.

For the second time, I packed my things into three big suitcases and sent them off ahead in another plane, leaving behind only my essentials for the week.

I transferred my records from the New York College, to the college I would’ve gone to if I hadn’t moved away. I didn’t really have any friends that would’ve been sad I would be going, since MacKenna and Trent and Aditi and LEPRECHAUN were off in different states.

I didn’t tell Randy I was going to be coming when I next talked to her, because doubtless she would spread the news. I doubted anybody knew that I was coming except for Lucas’s parents. I called to let them know when I was coming. Obviously, I was going to arrive the day before. They promised not to tell Lucas about the marriage until I arrived. I didn’t want to tell him, but I didn’t want him to know I was coming.

I didn’t have a problem with moving back to California besides the fact that I had to leave Lily and Renee and Seth and Marie. Living near them was one of the best experiences in my life; I was glad to be there to see Lily and Renee start crawling, then their first tooth, then their first word, then their first step...

And now I had to leave the one of the only good things. But I was going to be mature about it; not act like some demonic child and whine. That kind of thing is not my style. I was going to be calm. Be cool. Not say one word.

Did I want to be married? No. However, it’s one thing to ask me if I want to be married, and another to ask me if I want to be married to Lucas. The answer to that? Hell no. I wanted to grab him by his god-damned collar and smash his face to the ground! Okay, okay, Danny, calm, deep breaths. 1, 2, 3...

I may be blue on the outside (figuratively. As in cold and unfeeling), but I’m red hot inside. I have retained my bad temper, but choose to steam quietly inside of yelling like I used to.

I hadn’t planned on seeing Lucas (I don’t even call him “Luke” anymore; he doesn’t deserve it. As childish as that may sound...) for the rest of my life. I planned on going about my business; ignoring males, semi-ignoring females...wow. That life sounds pretty sad, even as I say it. But that was still my plan. Until now.

Lucas Travel better watch his back before I go all Hulk on his ass.
***
The day before I was due to leave, I spent the entire day with my family. It was hard to get Lily and Renee to understand that I was going to be leaving them for a little while, but when I did, they started bawling. It was good to know that they loved me as much as I loved them.

I gave them each a gigantic Cadbury chocolate bar and a Tinkerbell barbie, which sure as hell quieted them down. Great. Now chocolate and a Tinkerbell barbie are more loved than I am. Well...I brought that on myself.

When they fell asleep, I got on the couch with Marie and Seth and we watched a movie.

“We’ll see you soon, Jordan,” Marie said softly. “Sooner than you think.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “Yes. You’ll get to see us and the kids.”

I smiled for the first time in the night. “Great,” I said. This time, sincerely.
***
In the morning, I changed into a pair of grey jeans and an off-the-shoulder white shirt. I’ve taken to wearing off-the-shoulder shirts since I got my tattoo. The problem was, whenever I did that, the scar from when Dad hit me with a chair was visible. And really noticeable.

I drove to Seth’s house and had him drop me off at the airport before he went to work. I checked in, passed security, and boarded with my black carry-on and guitar in its case.

I stowed my guitar into the overhead compartment and sat down in my seat, which was the window seat. Nobody else was there yet. I stowed my carry-on under the seat in front of me and pulled out my iPod from my pocket, pushing the headphones in my ears.

Before any flight attendants could see, I slipped my phone from my other pocket and quickly texted Seth to say I boarded. I heard someone clear their throat, and looked up to see a particularly grouchy looking woman with too much lipstick and hair that looked like white cotton candy. I muttered an apology and put my phone away.

I pressed “play” and started softly singing along to “No Boundaries,” by Kris Allen. I was so absorbed that I didn’t notice someone sitting next to me until I heard a high-five and a “Yes! I got next to a hot chick!”

I mentally groaned. This was going to be one long flight.
***
I stumbled off the plane, massaging my forehead as I went by. That irritating freshman boy who was sitting next to me talked the whole damn time! He wouldn’t freaking shut the hell up!

I tried to drown him out with my music, but he would ask me questions and I had to answer without looking rude. Looking back on that, I think it would’ve been better for my health if I had just asked him to shut up.

I hailed a taxi and told him the address that I had memorized so long ago and still remembered.

When we arrived, I paid him without talking and stood in front of the house without moving forward or anything. Just looking and letting memories wash over me. All memories of me and Lucas. When we went to the carnival, when he took me to the hospital, when he asked me to be his best friend...but most of all when I discovered just how much of a man-whore he really was.

I bit my lip and thought about whether I should just ditch the whole charade and become the second Jane Goodall and look after chimps. They were considerably easier to handle than human beings. By far.

Stop being such a baby and suck it up, dumb-ass! I scolded myself. I sighed to myself and slapped my face twice. Want to know why? I was warming up to slap Lucas.

I chuckled at my violent thoughts and proceeded to the front door. I rang the doorbell and waited patiently for someone to open it. My hand tightened on my guitar case.

I checked my watch for the fifth time in two minutes. Alright, maybe not that patiently.

The door suddenly opened and it felt like a slap in the face. Partially because I slapped myself right before it opened, and partially because I was hit by a ton of memories.

Lucas was standing there, looking the same as he used to, except with the slight shadow of having started to shave. He had his trademark smirk on and he leaned against the doorway.

I realized with a jolt that he didn’t recognize me. “I’m not here to sell,” I said coolly. I mean, didn’t they have a “no loitering” sign picketed to their front lawn? Unless he's as dumb as he used to be...he should know what loitering means.

His smirk grew wider as his eyes traveled up and down my body. Wow. He didn’t change at all. “I know something of yours you could sell,” he said seductively.

My face hardened. “Move out of my way, Lucas,” I said quietly, but poisonously.

Lucas’s eyes widened and he straightened immediately. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something and raised his arms like he wanted to hug me. He looked, in all seriousness, a gorilla who was mating at the moment. I choked back a laugh. Okay, maybe not in all seriousness.

Instead of saying anything, hugging me, or mating with a female gorilla, he slammed the door in my face. Hard.

Ouch.