In Another Life

“You know,” I begin, concentrating on the ground beneath me and not on the butterflies currently swarming in my stomach. “I had a really lovely time today. Thank you for inviting me.”

“Thank you for coming,” Harry replies, bumping his arm into mine lightly. “I would have been terribly bored on my own, but you’re very welcome.”

My lips stretch upwards into a wide grin, though I keep it to myself as I stay focused on the concrete. I would feel really awkward gushing about how absolutely wonderful this entire day has been for me, but I can’t bring myself to voice my thoughts. Somehow I have a feeling that Harry would be really uncomfortable with me fawning all over him.

So I settle for nudging him back as we exit Aorangi Park and come out into the plaza where my taxi had dropped me off earlier. It’s late and the square is deserted. The photographers are long gone and the only other person even remotely near us is a Wimbledon worker busily sweeping up trash and George, hovering just behind protectively.

The sound of tires makes me turn and I look up in time to see a cab pull to a smooth stop at the curb, the driver peering out the window curiously. I suppose this is my transportation to the tube then.

“So I have a question for you,” Harry pipes up suddenly. I turn around and look at him questioningly. His smile is a bit crooked as he starts to speak again. “I have this thing that I have to go to next week, it’s for charity. Uhm, my charity actually,” He rubs at the back of his neck gingerly, avoiding my gaze. “It’s a bit silly, but I have to make an appearance and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.”

The butterflies in my stomach cause a massive upheaval and I have to work hard to prevent myself from turning into a gibbering git in front of the prince. But despite my best efforts, I find myself starting to smile. “That sounds lovely actually.”

“Really?” His head comes up and then he quickly readjusts his tone of voice. “I mean, great. That’s awesome. I’ll give you a call later this weekend, shall I? To straighten out the details, I mean,” He elaborates upon seeing my confused face.

I nod and the cab driver honks his horn impatiently from behind me. “I guess that that’s my ride, so…” I trail off, jabbing my thumb over my shoulder for emphasis. Inwardly, I cringe and facepalm myself. Can I get any more awkward?

“Yeah,” Harry nods and starts forward. He opens the back of the cab and holds out his hand, which I accept carefully. “It was really lovely seeing you tonight. Thanks for coming out. I’ll call you later, yeah?”

I allow him to guide me into the backseat before I look back up at him. “Yes, that sounds fine. I’ll see you later.”

He nods and smiles at me before he straightens up and closes my door. He moves to the driver to speak with him and I watch the small sliver I can see of his face from behind the cabbie’s seat. “Make sure she gets home safely, will you?”

The driver replies, but I can’t seem to pay him any attention. Disappointment is weighing heavily down on my shoulders. I’d thought that, especially after our display this afternoon with the strawberries and cream, he’d feel comfortable enough to kiss me. Maybe I was completely misreading the signs, but one doesn’t normally eat fruit from someone else unless they feel something, right?

A soft tapping breaks me out of my reverie and I turn to see Harry at my window again, a small grin on his face. I roll the window down and lean forward. “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, actually,” He leans down so our faces are level. “I’m not quite finished saying goodbye.” And then he leans forward into the car and presses his mouth to the corner of my lips gently. I hardly have time to react before he pulls away and winks at me cheekily. “I’ll call you later, Bryn.” He steps away from the car and the taxi starts to pull away from the curb.

I touch the corner of my mouth with my fingertips as I stare out my window. Delicious waves of excitement are washing over me and I can hardly contain myself as I watch Harry join George at the edge of the plaza. Honestly, all I want to do is make the driver pull around so I can throw myself at Harry and have a proper snog.

Oh god. Even though clearly I’m the only one who heard that thought, my cheeks flush brilliantly. I cannot believe that I just had that running through my head. I am such a little girl. I really need to start acting my age.

I look out the window at the passing scenery on a complete euphoric high. I could stay this way forever, just going out with Harry and flirting with him and teasing each other. Maybe we could even—

God, Bryn, get a grip on yourself. You’re acting like such a hormonal teenager. I’m embarrassed for you. What would anyone else say if they knew you were acting like this? You’re supposed to be the calm, rational, levelheaded one—not the love struck sappy prat who can’t control herself.

I sigh inwardly and turn my attention back out the window before I realize that I’m passing the little Indian restaurant already, which means that the tube is right here. And I cannot afford a cab ride all the way back to Camden.

“Here is fine,” I lean forward so that the driver can hear me properly. “You can just drop me off here, if you could.”

He grumbles to himself, but he pulls the cab over to the side of the road. I fish out a few pounds from my purse and feed them through the payment slot before I open the door and climb out into the humid night air.

The driver takes off as soon as I close the door and I stand for a moment on the deserted sidewalk, just staring off into space dreamily. A swell of laughter brings me back to life and I shake my head before I hurry across the road and start to make my way to the tube.

Really, Bryn. Get your head in the game.



I kick my front door shut and drop my purse to the floor before I exhale heavily and lean back against the cold wooden panels. The air conditioner has been on all day and I relish the coolness that ghosts across my bare flesh. This humidity is going to be the death of me.

Reaching down, I unstrap my sandals and push them off to the side before I pad into the living room and start to turn on some lights. My stomach is growling hungrily and a quick glance at the clock tells me that it’s far too late for any takeout to be available. Which means that I’m going to be stuck raiding my rather bare pantry tonight.

I flip on the kitchen light and it takes a second for the florescent to come to life with a faint whine. I tug open the pantry door and survey the shelves in a bleak manner. Let’s see, I can have soup or cereal that I’m pretty sure expired a month ago or I can chance a look through of my refrigerator, even though I know plainly enough that I made a mental note yesterday to go grocery shopping.

My stomach complains again and I sigh as I grab my loaf of bread and move for the refrigerator anyway. I know that I at least have some honey in here and that’ll be enough to get me through until the morning. And then the first thing I will do is go to the grocers and get some proper food in my house.

I take out the bottle of honey, a tub of butter and then rummage around until I unearth a package of tahini. Honestly, when did I buy this? Mum probably stashed this in here the last time she was here. I have no recollection of ever purchasing this.

I hip check the refrigerator door shut and then settle all of my ingredients down on the counter before I begin to prepare my sandwich. I spread a thin layer of tahini across one slice and a thin layer of butter on the other slice before I douse everything heavily with honey.

Tad used to make these sandwiches for me whenever I was ill. I’m not sure what honey has to do with personal health, but he always insisted that it would make me feel better. So I ate it without complaining, but now that I’m older and out on my own, I’ve realized that it’s an amazingly cheap and delicious way to have a meal.

I put the food back in their respective places before I grab a bottle of Coke and settle myself down on the counter. Munching through my sandwich quietly, I start to go through the pile of mail in front of me. I should sit down and pay my bills tomorrow while I’m at it. Make a clean break of everything and whatnot.

But as I eat the last of my crust and reach the bottom of my mail pile, I find myself staring at a photograph of the girls and I at the pub. Jeanette has her arm thrown around my shoulders and I’m leaning against Amanda, who’s hugging Raina tightly.

My stomach curls inside and I push the picture away, guilt sinking heavily over me again for the hundredth time. Here I was, blabbering about what a wonderful day I had with Harry, even though I still was a shit mate and bailed out on my friends. How did I even manage to have such a good time when I knew in the back of my head that I would still come back home to my conscience and I would still feel horrible at the end of everything?

I look at the clock on my oven and frown. The girls probably arrived at Camber Sands hours ago and they’re probably all enjoying the warm sand and tide now. Jeanette’ll have packed far too much alcohol and Amanda will have gone overboard with the snacks and the food. And Raina will be sprawled out next to the bonfire with her guitar in her lap and she’ll be taking requests.

Go-o-o-od, I miss my friends. I wish I could still go and be with them. It’s only two hours away. But it’s late and the trains are all closed for the evening. I’d have to wait until the morning to set out to be with them and even then, I’d only arrive about midday and then they’d be leaving soon after that.

I wish I had my car still. But even as this thought runs through my mind, I know I’m being ridiculous. It’s insane to drive anywhere in London and it’s far more responsible and reasonable to take the trains, like I’ve been doing.

The girls had driven down in Amanda’s car, so it’s not even like I could pop over to Amanda’s place and filch the keys off her roommate or anything. Besides, I don’t think Amanda’d be too pleased if I stole her car and I’m really not comfortable with being arrested for grand theft auto.

And then it comes to me. I know someone here in London who has a car and who would probably be willing to drive me all the way to Camber Sands without any questions. Okay, with minimal questioning, I am fairly confident that I can get a ride to the beach.

I move for my bag in the foyer and dial the number hurriedly before I bring the phone up to my ear. Silently, I pray that she’s not out at a party or an event or whatever. Or if she is, that she’s somewhere where she can ditch easily and come over to pick me up. God, I’m a selfish cow.

But she picks up on the fourth ring and in the background, I can hear the sounds of a television running. I fist-bump victoriously and try to contain my enthusiasm.

“Hey Bry, what’s up?”

“Hey Liv,” I force myself to be calm. “Can you do me a favor?”



The Mercedes purrs as we pull up to a petrol station and coast to a stop in front of a pump. This place is deserted and I’m thankful that the GPS in Liv’s car was able to find a gas station that was still open.

Liv turns the car off and pulls off her seatbelt, her glasses glinting in the obnoxious fluorescent lighting. “How much further is it?” She yawns, the corners of her eyes wrinkling up as she stretches.

“We’re in Rye,” I answer, looking at the GPS. “Camber is the next town over, the map says, like, 15 more minutes.”

“Awesome,” She pulls out her credit card and climbs out of the car to start the pump. As she waits, she stretches again and then runs her hands through her hair tiredly.

Liv is a complete and absolute star. She had been spending the evening with Phil watching television, but upon hearing my sob story, she’d come straight over. She was wearing glasses and no make-up and her hair was completely natural and crazy. She was even wearing a pair of sweats and an oversized t-shirt—something that Liv would never be caught dead in by any of her high society friends.

An overwhelming rush of gratitude runs over me as I watch my cousin finish filling up the tank. She really didn’t have to do anything, but she’d done so much to help me fix my mistake, even though it’s clearly my problem.

She climbs back into the car and tucks both her card and her receipt in her bag before she starts up the engine. “Alright, next stop Camber Sands.”

“Thanks again, Liv.” I begin quietly as we pull out onto the road. “I really appreciate this, you have no idea.”

“I do,” She replies softly, concentrating on the road. “And I know you’d do the same for me. Forget about it,” She does her best New York accent and we both have a hard time keeping a straight face. Really, we probably watch far too many Friends episodes for it to be healthy. “Besides, this just means that you owe me big time and I’m going to call my favor in when you least expect it. Maybe even at some awful event that Phil refuses to go to and I want to go to, so I’ll force you to go with me,” She smiles at me delightedly and I have a hard time not grinning back.

“Fine,” I roll my eyes jokingly. “But only because you’re saving my ass here.”

“And because I’m awesome,” She finishes up for me as we fly past the little sign that announces the town of Camber. “Now do you know how to get to the house?”

I nod my head, looking out my window carefully. “It’s right on the beach, it’s a tiny little cottage. It shouldn’t be too hard to find.”

Sure enough, ten minutes later, Liv parks the car in front of an adorable little cottage on the beach. There’s a tiny garden and a white picket fence and all of the windows are still lit up, which I’m thankful for because it means that the girls are all still awake.

I pause, the door handle in my grasp, as a sudden waves of nerves come over me. Impulsively, I reach backwards and hug my cousin tightly. “Are you sure you don’t want to come in and crash for the night? You can even stay the weekend if you’d like. I brought enough clothes—”

“Thanks, but no thanks.” She smiles at me. “Phil is expecting me back tonight and this is something you need to do on your own. Something tells me your friends won’t be too pleased if I intrude on your little holiday.”

I frown at her words, ready to tell her that she’s wrong, that my friends all like her honestly, but she raises a hand to silence me.

“I know that I’m not Jeanette’s favorite person in the world and from what you’ve told me of your fight, it looks like I’ve played a part in it somehow. So it’s best if I just turn the car around and head back to Chelsea,” Liv says diplomatically before she pushes me lightly on the arm. “Go on then, you came all this way. Get out of the car and go apologize!”

I smile at her one last time before I climb out of the car and pull my overnight bag from the backseat, along with the plastic bag filled with treats that I know are the girls’ favorites. “Thanks again, Liv, seriously. Call me when you’re safe, okay? And be careful! Stop at a motel if you’re tired or—”

She waves my words away effortlessly. “I’ll be fine. I have coffee,” She points at her thermos for emphasis. “When you get back to the city, I want to hang out with you, so keep your schedule clear.”

I nod and back away from the car as she turns the car around in the empty street. I wave as she drives by me and she waves back before I watch the glow of her taillights disappear around the bend in the road.

And then I turn around and start to make my way up to the front door. As I climb up the porch steps, I can hear a burst of laughter inside and my insides clench painfully. I hope that they can all forgive me.

I raise my fist and knock twice before I take a step back. The voices inside die away and there’s a moment of silence before I hear the noise of the locks being undone and then Amanda’s in front of me.

“Bryn!” She exclaims, looking completely surprised. “What on earth are you doing here?!”

“Surprise,” I hold up my bag of treats weakly. “I’m such an awful friend and I’ll understand if you guys stay mad at me for awhile, but I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry and I shouldn’t have flaked out on you today. But I’m here now and I’ve brought bribes,” I shake the bag teasingly.

Amanda smiles at me, the corners of her eyes crinkling up as she steps aside. “Come on in, you loon. Of course we forgive you. How did you get all the way up here? The train’s stopped running hours ago.”

“Liv,” I reply, stepping indoors and dropping my overnight bag and my purse on the floor. “She picked me up and drove me all the way out here because she knew how much this meant to me.”

“Where is she?” Raina pipes up from beside the fireplace. She has an open bottle of beer next to her and sure enough, her guitar is resting in her lap comfortably.

“Yes,” Amanda makes to unlock the door. “Invite her in! She can’t drive all the way back to London now, it’s nearly 2 in the morning!”

“She said that she didn’t want to intrude,” I reply, shrugging my shoulders. “I asked her to stay, but she wanted to get home to Phil. She says hi,” I add on unnecessarily as I sink down next to Raina on the floor.

She immediately delves into the bag and submerges with a package of sour sweets. “You always know the way to my heart,” She clasps the bag to her chest dramatically.

Amanda laughs and settles herself back on her throne of cushions. “You-know-who’s been really pissy all day,” She jerks her chin towards what I assume to be the kitchen. “She’s been super unbearable about it. You’d think you missed out on her wedding or something.”

My stomach clenches at the thought of apologizing to Jeanette still. Honestly, she’s the one with the worst temper out of all of us and she knows how to hold a grudge. She once didn’t speak to her mother for three years because of a fight they had. I don’t want that to be us.

She rounds the corner just then and then stops upon seeing me on the floor. A flash of surprise darts across her face before I watch her rearrange herself into stony indifference. I wince as she throws herself into an armchair and glares at me stonily.

“Hi Jeanette,” I say quietly, watching her carefully.

She glowers at me darkly, her arms crossed childishly across her chest. Ouch, ice queen alert over there. “So nice of you to join us,” She says frostily.

I cringe again and nod. I deserved that honestly. “I know. I’m sorry I bailed out on you earlier. It was… stupid of me to ditch you guys and it’ll never happen again, I promise.”

“Oh, that’s a relief,” She sniffs, looking away from me and to the fire.

Amanda and Raina both exchange looks before I speak again. “What is it going to take for you to forgive me? I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”

“I want you to go back in time and come on this trip with us. I want you to go back in time and stop yourself from telling us that you’d rather network,” She spits the word in my face accusingly. “Then hang out with your best mates. But that’s impossible, isn’t it? So you’re fucked.”

“Jesus Jeanette,” Amanda breathes, looking horrified. “You’re being a selfish cow. Bryn made a huge effort to come out here and she’s really sorry. Look, she even brought you those Mars bars you like—”

“Bloody Mars bars aren’t going to change the fact that Bryn would rather go shag some slag than be with us!” Jeanette shrieks, her face turning bright red with anger.

The entire room falls eerily quiet and both Amanda and Raina look at me with questioning eyes. I bite down on my lower lip and sigh. This is definitely not how I wanted to tell everyone.

“I wasn’t shagging anyone, Jeanette.” I answer quietly. “But I was with a guy.”

“Right, precious little Bryn skived out on her mates to go hang out with a guy,” Jeanette throws herself back in her chair and looks at me with triumphant eyes. “So who’s the bitch now?”

“Christ Jeanette,” I exclaim, my eyes starting to burn with tears. “So I hung out with a guy today, big deal. I’m here now and I’m sorry. I was in the wrong. I should have cancelled on him, because I made plans with you first. I’m sorry! What is your bloody damage?!”

“My bloody damage,” Jeanette shrieks back at me, tears starting to drip down her cheeks. “Is that I’m pregnant and this weekend was supposed to be about us! I was going to tell all of you together, but you had to go prancing off with your stupid boy. There,” She flings her hands up in the air. “I said it: I’m pregnant. That is my bloody damage.”