What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"She's just a close friend." Jawn nervously choked out.

"Have you offered her lunch?" His mom asked.

"No." Jawn politely answered. "She's been asleep all morning."

"Offer her lunch." She commanded.

"And wake her up now?" Jawn let out a nervous laugh. "I'll offer her lunch when she wakes up later."

"Alright," Their dad said. "But what did we tell you boys about having girls over?"

"I have never brought a girl home." Ross boasted.

"The only girl I've ever had over was Daisy and that's because she's my best friend." Shane defended.

"And you?" Mr. O'Callaghan asked Jawn.

"It's her birthday." Jawn simply replied.

"Birthday sex!" Ross yelled.

"Shut up, Ross." Jawn told his brother off.

"Lovely, it's her birthday?" His mom ignored her middle child's remark. "Maybe we should bake for her or something."

"Yeah, we should totally do that." Jawn agreed. "Now please go away."

After a couple of silent seconds which I assumed to have been his parents staring at him, Jawn spoke up again.

"No, Mom. No, Dad. We're not together or anything. And I hope you didn't find it impolite, me telling you to go away. Please just do so and go away."

After that, I heard footsteps getting fainter and farther from the room.

Jawn opened the door and sighed.

I looked at him.

He looked back. "Well, I'm home."

I nodded. "Isn't obvious."

He pouted as he sat next to me on his bed. "You're still crying."

I shrugged. "That isn't any more obvious."

"Doll, here are your meds." He flashed me a small white plastic bag. "But you have to eat some shit first. Do you want me to get you something to eat?"

I shook my head.

"But you have to eat something." He pouted.

"Fine."

He took my hand and dragged me out his room down the stairs.

"Good noon, family." Jawn casually greeted as if nothing happened a couple of minutes ago.

"She's crying." Ross pointed out. "What did you do to her, you douche?"

"We just got home, Ross, there is no way I could've made her cry." Jawn scoffed in reply.

"Why are you crying, dear?" Mrs. O'Callaghan casually asked me.

"No apparent reason." I mumbled as I tried my hardest to stop.

"Happy birthday, though." She greeted.

"Thanks." I looked up to her then set my eyes back to my feet.

"Your arm's bleeding." Ross said as if it weren't a big deal, as if it were just something to shrug off.

Jawn looked at my cut the same time I did. "Let's get that fixed." He gently put his hand on my arm and started pushing me towards the kitchen sink.

"N--" I struggled for a second. "No."

"Doll, it's gonna get infected, we don't want that." He scratched his chin and let me go.

I rolled my eyes and decided to just let him help me.

He smiled and dragged me to the kitchen sink. He opened the faucet and put my forearm under the running water. "Does it hurt?"

"What kind of a question is that,"

"Sorry," He looked around the sink for soap then fully washed my wound. He finished and turned the faucet off. "Shit, I forgot to buy a bandage--"

"Watch your mouth." Mrs. O'Callaghan warned Jawn.

Jawn bit his lip.

"We have bandages in the medicine cabinet." His mother continued.

"Right, thanks, Mom." Jawn laughed, then returned his attention to me. "Doll, I'm going to get you a bandage for this nasty cut, I'll be right back."

"Doll? You said she wasn't your girlfriend." Shane wondered.

"What?" Jawn squinted at his little brother.

"Nothing, isn't that how it works? Like, guys give girls nicknames when they date, right?"

"Daisy's your girlfriend but you don't have crappy nickname for her--"

"She's not my girlfriend." Shane cut him off.

"Look, Shane, guys and girls can't just be friends." Ross butted in.

"Yes, they can." Shane answered.

"No, they can't,"

"How do I expect to convince Mom and Dad that Jess and I are just friends and there's no birthday sex involved in her being here right now when you guys are talking shit like that?" Jawn walked over to Shane and Ross and gave them each a light punch in their stomachs, then he left.

I looked down at my wound which stopped bleeding for a while.

"What happened to that anyway?" Ross asked.

"Huge mistake." I half-lied.

The wound existed because of a huge mistake. If it wasn't for me and Jawn sleeping together, then Kennedy wouldn't have cut me, Stephen wouldn't have broken up with me, I would've been celebrating my twentieth birthday happily.

Ross decided to take my answer and leave it at that when Jawn had come back with a couple of bandages, which he put over my cut soon after.

Jawn had me eat a couple of crackers and had me drink some orange juice with my medicine then he told me to do what I wanted, so I went back to his room and slept.

I was tired.

No.

Saying I was tired was the hugest understatement I've probably said about myself.

That moment, I wasn't just tired.

I was wrecked emotionally, I was hurt physically, I was completely out of my mind.

I wanted to feel numb.

I wanted not to feel anything.

And I was expecting not to have felt absolutely anything.

I thought I was used to getting hurt.

Thinking that? Well, that was a huge mistake as well.

That day was just full of huge mistakes, wasn't it? Amazing.

I didn't want to die.

I found happiness in knowing that I was alive. I found happiness in knowing I turned twenty. I found something to smile about. At least I had Jawn.

The moment he told Kennedy he was taking me away from that shit, I knew he meant it.

And I knew he was gonna take care of me.

A little comfort in knowing that was actually nice.

But it didn't change anything.

I was still in pain. I thought I was gonna die. Seriously. I was completely hurting.

Fine, I still could've been physically intact. The damage Kennedy had done on my arm was just a sheepish little cut. He didn't cut a nerve, he didn't destroy my platelets.

It was just a cut.

A simple cut.

The norm. A normal cut. You're slicing tomatoes for pizza and your fingers slide. A normal cut. You're shaving and you go too hard. A normal cut. You're grating cheese and your fingertips get to the blade. A normal cut.

That was all it was.

Physically.

Emotionally.. I wasn't so sure.

That was the Kennedy told me I wouldn't like.

Another understatement.

I hated that Kennedy.

He scared me. He made me cry. He cut me. He hurt me. When the real Kennedy promised me he was never gonna hurt me.

"I must be dreaming." I said to myself.

Me drowning in my thoughts and tears had me not noticing that someone had already taken the space next to me on the bed.

"Doll, I'm sorry, you're not dreaming." Jawn muttered. "I am so sorry."

"Bursting my bubble like that," I turned around to face him. "Nice."

"Well, if you were dreaming.. I just woke you up. I know you're hurting. But you're not dreaming. I'm here for you, doll." He scooted over and kissed my forehead.

"Don't ever leave me," I whimpered. "Okay? Jawn? Promise me. I'm asking you not to leave me."

"I'm never gonna leave you, I promise." Jawn wiped my tears off. "Doll, let it slide. Just.."

"I don't wanna hear it." I turned my back to him again. "All I wanted to hear was your promise of never leaving me."

"Guess you got what you wanted. I'll leave you alone for now. I know, I just promised.. But you obviously have to be alone right now. Trust me. Okay? I'll be downstairs. Just.. Sleep it off. For now.."