What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"Hey." I replied quietly.

"I missed you." He nonchalantly said.

"I missed you too."

"Yeah." He leaned against the wall, putting his hands in his pocket. "Yeah."

"Mhm,"

"Well, you look pretty tonight."

"Thanks, Jawn picked the dress out."

"Nice fashion sense he's got there,"

"Yeah,"

"Well, screw that." He took his hands out and fumbled with his unfixed tie. "You're.. Uhm, actually.. Yeah, you're actually beautiful."

"Thanks."

"I mean it."

"Yeah, okay."

We stood there for I don't know and care how long then he spoke up again.

"I'm. Uhm. I'm sorry."

"Okay." I shrugged. I didn't mean to be cold to him, it just happened. "I know."

"I know."

"Well, I guess we're done with that."

"We can't be done with that, Jess, the guilt's been eating me alive. Fucking alive. I should've never hurt you like that. I am so sorry."

"You can't even bare to look at me,"

"Because it hurts me to know I hurt you,"

"You hurt me all the fucking time, it's no big deal." I said, everything sounding like they were lies.

"Jess," He sighed. "I'm just sorry. Please know that, please understand that."

"I do know, I do understand, Kennedy." I sighed as well. "Get over here," I waved him over.

He reluctantly stepped forward and stood a couple of inches away from me.

I held my forearm out to him.

He stared at it.

"Do you remember what you did to this arm," I asked him.

"That is a very funny question," He quietly commented, not even looking up from my forearm.

"I don't think so, I want you to say something that makes sense for a change.."

"Fine," He looked up at me, into my eyes. "Yes, I remember what I did to that arm."

"What do you see now?" I asked as I made him look at it again.

"Your skin. Bracelets. The fucking Gomez house flooring. Is there anything else I'm supposed to see?" He looked at me again.

"Nothing," I shrugged. "You're not supposed to see anything else. Just an arm. Skin. Bracelets. And the fucking Gomez house flooring." I told him, using his words. "You're not supposed to see a tattoo.. Not supposed to see a wristband.. You're not.. Supposed to see a scar,"

"A scar." He laughed. "Of course."

"Well, do you see a scar? A wound? Anything? Do you see anything other than my fatty little arm?"

He bit his lip for a second then shook his head. "No."

"Because it's not there anymore," I looked up to meet him eye to eye. "Do you get it, Kennedy? I'm over it. It's done. I've let it go. We can be friends now."

"But I hurt you. It's not fair." Kennedy looked away.

"Kennedy, babe." I put my hands on his cheeks. "Everything's okay now. Everything. It's okay. I love you, Kennedy. Are you listening?"

He nodded then groaned. "How, Jess, how,"

"How what?"

"How do you fucking do that,"

"Fucking do what?"

"How do you forgive me when I can't even forgive myself," He looked at me. "How do you manage to keep letting me back in when all I ever do's hurt you?"

"Let's face it, Kennedy, I wouldn't be who I am right now if you never hurt me."

"Why don't you just cut me out of your life?"

"Because I need you in it, whether I'm gonna admit it or not, I do need you in my life. Because I love you, and you know it, and I know it, that you love me too. Kennedy," I reached over to his ear. "I can't just cut you off my life, and I will never do that.. Kennedy.. You were my first love. And I was yours. You know that. I know that. We both know that."

"You know what they say about that shit? They say first love never dies." He joked. "Does it really never?"

"I don't know," I pursed my lips. "What do you think?"

"Letting go's different from getting over." He simply said. "It's so fucking different."

"I know." I told him. "Kennedy, listen." I coughed. "I've let go of you a long time ago already.. But you know what? I'm never getting over you either. I just know that there's this little part of me that is always gonna be in love with you."

"Part of me's always gonna be in love with you too," He raspily said. "I'm glad we feel this way."

"I'm in love with Stephen now," I put my hand on his cheek.

"I know," He glanced up at the ceiling. "I understand. At least I know you'll be taken care of. Like how Jawn took care of you. Man, Jawn took really good care of you." He commented as he held the hand I put on his cheek. "Bless that man's soul."

"Are you glad he took care of me?"

"I'm glad he kept you alive when I killed you." He said. "Yeah, I'm pretty glad. And I'm grateful."

"Can I ask you a question though,"

"Shoot."

"When did you think you were gonna see me again?" I gently pulled my hand away and fixed his tie for him. "Where did you think I would've gone?"

"No where." He watched me fumble with his tie. "I mean.. I didn't know when I was gonna see you again.. And I cried a lot over that.. But.. I knew you were going to've been safe with Jawn."

"Why's that,"

"Because I trusted him.. Because I trust him. If I didn't trust him so much, I wouldn't have let him take care of the only girl I've ever actually cared about. I thought him sleeping with you would've ruined my trust on him but it didn't.. Sort of. I was obliged to trust him. Always the good guy, that Jawn. He had to take responsibility of you,"

"He didn't mean to sleep with me." I bit my lip. "We were both drunk."

"I know." He sighed. "I just.. It just hurt a lot.. It's happened before. I didn't mean to hurt you and call you a whore. I was drunk too. I really need to get alcohol away from me."

"Right." I finished his tie up. "You should get me to do that for you more often."

"When'd you learn, babe?"

"Ross." I answered. "He.. Uhm.. Taught me earlier."

"The things you learn from that boy."He laughed. "Anything else you learned from the O'Callaghans?"

"Learned to depend on people who don't even know who I am and what I've been through." I mumbled. "Does that count?"

"It sort of does," He accepted my answer. After maybe a minute of silence, he sucked in his lips and started crying. "Shit, I'm sorry."

"Babe," I hugged him. "Why are you crying,"

"Because I'm just so happy to see you.. And you're so beautiful. And knowing you're not mad at me makes me a shit ton happier. And I'm so proud of Jawn.. He just took such good care of you.."

"Aw, stop crying." I pulled away and smiled at him weakly. "You're cute when you cry in a suit though."

He shook his head while I wiped his tears off away for him. "Don't wipe that on your dress now."

I took a handkerchief out of my purse and wiped them off there. "I'd know better." Then I handed it to him.

"Everything's funny right now, I must be dreaming."

"If you were dreaming, someone'd wake you up before I do this." I reached over and kissed him.

I couldn't help myself from running my hands through the hair at the back of his head like I found out he always enjoyed when I did.

He locked his arms around my neck and kissed back.

I really really loved him.

But.

No.

I wasn't as in love with him as I used to be. I know, I sound like an ass.

But I wasn't as in love with him as I used to be. I was in love with Stephen, and that was it.

"Oh my God," Kennedy couldn't help but beam as he pulled off. "I just love you, okay. Don't ever forget.. I can't wait for Stephen to see you."

"Jawn, come back! John! Someone help me with this fucking tie! Garrett! Fuck! Kennedy?!"

"W.. Was that Stephen?"

Kennedy nodded. "You know it."

"Jawn is so getting it for planning this formal shit." He muttered as he entered the hall where Kennedy and I've been.

As soon as Stephen saw me, he ran off.

I have to admit, it hurt.

"Well, he's gonna be playing Cinderella, so come on, let's hang out in the living room."

"They told me not to hang around because they're not yet done decorating."

"Whose fucking living room is it?" Kennedy laughed.

"Stephen and John's." I ruined his joke.

"You've been living here, we can call it yours too." Kennedy backed his joke up and walked to the living room.

"Jawn, you didn't have to fucking do that!" Garrett yelled.

"So you expect me to walk all the away there to hand you the scissors Pat threw at me?" Jawn sarcastically crossed his feet over the coffee table. It was one of his bad habits that no one could do with, having his feet on the table.

"Yeah, sort of." Garrett sarcastically answered as he picked it up. He looked at Pat. "Did you get hurt, baby?"

"No." Pat answered. He was scared. Jawn probably aimed for him when he threw the scissors.

"No throwing of sharp objects." Kennedy pouted. "Gomez house rule number fourteen."

"Gomez house rule number fourteen." I nodded because I knew what he was talking about.

"Gomez house rules my ass." Eric mocked.

"Seriously, though, no throwing of sharp objects." Kennedy scolded Jawn. "Bad boy."

"I don't go around throwing knives at my ex girlfriends." Jawn muttered in annoyance.

Kennedy narrowed his eyebrows at Jawn. "Oh, you did not just go there."