What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

It's been about twenty minutes since the incident and I haven't spoken about it to Stephen yet even though I told him I would.

We were in my kitchen thanking God that we decided to go over to my house instead of staying over at his place or else John would've gotten in the way. Neither of us had any idea on how John would've screwed anything up, but we both knew it was better that it was just the two of us.

We were awkwardly eating peanut butter sandwiches. Awkward because the silence seemed to be deafening.

It gave me comfort knowing that Stephen wasn't prying anything out of me even though I already told him that I would tell him about it.

I was mentally preparing for bringing the shame back all over again without feeling the pain.

I just needed a couple more minutes before I started talking to him.

He shook his leg up and down under the table as he took a big gulp of milk down. He tried not to make any eye contact while he took another bite of his sandwich.

A couple of minutes swiftly passed by and I knew I had to says something, because I knew it was eating Stephen up inside.

He saw me crying like that. No, it wasn't just crying. It was breaking down. And he saw it. He couldn't stand it, I just knew. He saw that something was clearly hurting me but what he couldn't see was what it was. He didn't know anything about it. No one did.

I gulped. "So..." I tried breaking the silence, relieved that my voice didn't just muffle into a sob the moment I spoke.

"So..." He repeated as he finished his sandwich.

"Uhm..."

He scooted his chair closer to mine and let me rest my head on his shoulder. "You don't have to say anything about it if you don't want to."

"No!" I immediately answered snapping my head off his shoulder. "I mean," I laid back down. "I really want to tell you this. I trust you."

His panic filled eyes melted into relieved ones and it meant he loved the fact that I trusted him.

I took a deep breath. "Sarah." I started.

"Who's Sarah?"

"She's.." I bit my lip then continued. "She's my cousin." Then I finally decided to stop stopping and just let it out. "She died when I was nine--"

"What happened to her?"

I smiled to myself shamefully. "I killed her."

His eyes widened in dismay and disbelief to what I just said. "I'm sure you didn't."

I confidently cut him off. "I'm sure I did. It should've been me."

"Don't say that."

"I'm already saying it. She got run over by a car because of me and frankly, she died. So yeah, I killed her."

"I didn't know--"

"You didn't have to know." I sighed. "I'm sorry for breaking down like that. And.. Worrying you and shit."

"No. It's okay. I couldn't stand letting you be alone while you're like this."

Kennedy. I tried to shake him off my head but he kept himself grounded on my mind. It was exactly what he told me six weeks ago when Stephen and I fought.

My thoughts were interrupted soon and I was thankful for that.

His thumb grazed over my cheek while he pulled me closer and looked into my eyes. "Jess, I love you. I don't want to see you get hurt. I.. I don't want to see you cry. I'm saying this as your boyfriend.. No, I'm saying this as your friend. Your best friend. As the person who sees the value in you. I don't ever want to see you feeling low. You deserve to be happy. I.." He let out a short half-hearted chuckle. "I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. But.." His eyes flicked from mine to my lips, then back to my eyes. "You know. I.. You're.."

I saved him the trouble of having to continue whatever he was gonna say by pressing my lips against his. "Shit, Stephen. Shut up already. You're the fucking best."

"I know, baby."