What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"Like what? How am I talking? Am I offending you? Jess, tell me. I don't want you to leave me. Please, not right now." He begged.

"Let me rephrase the question," I watched him frantically panting as if he was having a nightmare. Well, it seemed that way, considering his eyes were closed. "Why don't you want me to leave you?"

"Because I need you." He admitted. "I seriously need you. You're.. You're.. You're my friend, Jess. I can't. I.. I don't wanna lose you. Please don't go,"

"Josh--"

"I know I sound desperate right now. But that's because I am. Please, Jess, don't leave me." He grabbed my arms. "Please."

"I won't leave you." I told him sincerely.

"Jess, let me try again."

"Try again?" I repeated, this time in question. "Try what again?"

"Try talking again. Give me another chance. I'm sorry I freaked out about you and Stephen."

I nodded even though he couldn't see me because his eyes were closed.

"Jess, please. I'm sorry."

"It's okay--"

"No, Jess, it's not. It's not okay. I saw how you cried, okay? John told me about it. I'm sorry. I hurt John, I hurt Stephen, I even hurt Brian, and I'm really really sorry I hurt you." He started stirring on my lap and buried his head into my stomach. Then he wrapped his arms around me. "Jess, please, I'm sorry."

"Josh--" I was cut off by the way he held me.

Like a kid to his mom when he just had a nightmare. Like a kid to his mom when his pet hamster just died. Like a kid to his mom when his favorite toy just broke. He was this poor defenseless kid. Right there, on my lap. He was crying. His breathing was messed up and his voice kept cracking, and now I knew he really needed me.

"Jess, please. I don't wanna lose you. I don't want you to leave me. Jess, please, don't leave me." He sobbed.

"Josh--"

"Jess, please. Don't. Don't leave me. Go be with Stephen, I don't.. I don't care anymore, please don't leave me. I don't wanna lose you, or Stephen, or John. Okay, maybe I don't wanna lose Brian either," He managed to joke. "But please, don't leave me. I'm a selfish dickhead and I'm lucky to have you and the guys, and I don't wanna lose you guys over something stupid like me freaking out on you and Stephen. Jess, are you listening, oh my God," He cried.

"I'm listening."

"I'm sorry, okay? And you know me, most of the times, I say I'm sorry, but I'm not, but this is one of those times I mean it. Please. I've never been so sorry in my life, shit, Jess, I don't wanna lose you guys." He said in one breath.

I sat there amazed at how fast he was talking, and at what he was saying too.

"Jess, I'm sorry. Please. Don't tell me it's okay, I know it's not. Tell me you forgive me, and everything will be alright. Jess, please."

"I forgive you." I gently pried him off of me. "Josh, stop saying sorry. Okay?" I pushed his hair off his forehead. "I understand. Okay? Please, stop saying sorry. We didn't tell you, and that wasn't right. We're sorry too, okay? We knew we should've told you but we didn't because we knew you or Brian would react that way. John was the only one who knew. And Chelle. We're sorry."

He wrapped himself around me again. "Jess, don't leave me. Please. Please? Don't. Don't leave me." He coughed. "I don't care anymore. As long as you or Stephen won't end up hurting each other," He took a deep breath. "It's fine, please, just don't leave me okay? Not now, not tonight. Not ever, Jess, don't you ever leave me please."

"Stop asking me not to leave you," I licked my lips before setting his head back onto my lap. "I am never gonna leave you, okay? Never."

"If it means anything to you, I'm more mad at myself than I am at you and Stephen for not telling us--"

"No, don't be. Everything's fine now, Josh. Stop crying." I wiped up the tears that were falling off the corner of his eyes. "I'm not gonna leave you."

"Jess, I love you."

"I love you too. Okay? Don't. Don't forget that." I kissed his forehead.

"I'm sorry. I'm a terrible person. I'm grateful to have had you all those years. I'm grateful to have you now. Please, promise me you won't leave me."

I've been making a lot of promises. I thought.

"Promise me? Jess, are you listening?"

"I promise." I said.

Two words. Those words made his lips break into a smile. "You're a great friend," His arms started hovering around me till he finally found my hands. When he did, he took them into his. "Do you know that?"

"Only because you told me." I giggled.

"Thank you so much, Jess."

"You're welcome, I guess--"

"That rhymes!" He cheered.

"Go to sleep,"

"Don't leave me, okay?"

"I am never. Gonna. Leave you." I whispered before planting another kiss on his forehead. "Sleep well."