What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"Right. You're fucking right. It was just sex. And it didn't mean anything to you.. I didn't mean anything to you."

"Stephen, don't you dare walk away from me! You know that's not true!"

"Yeah, but that's how you're making me feel right now! Jess, I love you!"

I felt myself jolt up from my pillow, which was a stupid thing to do because my head hit the fucking bunk ceiling. "Ouch." I started rubbing my forehead in the dark. "Fuck my life, fuck my life, fuck my life," I repeatedly muttered.

"Jess, what the fuck." My bunk curtain slid open fast and moonlight filled my bunk with the tour bus already in motion without me realizing it till the next few seconds. Then I found out who took the bunk directly above mine.

"Stephen, what the fuck." I mocked him.

"Would you just fucking sleep on the couch if you're gonna try to keep me up all night with your fucking bumping your head on my bunk floor?!" He asked in anger.

"How long are you gonna be mad at me, Stephen?! How fucking long?!" I rolled off my bunk, my hand still on my forehead.

"I don't know! Fuck, Jess, I don't know! All I know is I'm fucking hurt! That's it! Now it's either you go sleep on the couch or I go there myself!"

"Maybe you should!" I yelled.

Then things got quiet and the mood immediately changed. "Sh, you're gonna wake the guys up." Stephen cupped his hand over my mouth.

I wanted to bite his finger or lick his hand or something for him to take it off. But I didn't. Even in that dark, I could feel Stephen's eyes piercing into my soul.

And I think I found comfort in that.

He slowly took his hand off my mouth, placing it on my cheek, while his other hand took my hand off my forehead. "You're so stupid sometimes."

"Correction," I said as our eyes locked into each other. "I'm always stupid."

"Let's just see how stupid you are, Jess." He whispered coming closer to me.

I knew exactly what he meant by that. He might as well have said, "If you're really stupid, you would stop me right now."

But all thoughts slipped off my mind as I felt his lips crash onto mine.

And for some reason, I kissed him back.

I couldn't think of anything but how good Stephen's lips felt on mine.

As wrong as it seemed, it felt so right.

He was a good kisser overall, that I'd have to admit.

"You're really stupid." He murmured.

"I'm not." I mumbled against his lips.

"Then tell me," He mumbled. "Tell me you didn't feel anything that night."

I felt him drive me into the corner of the area.

"Tell me that night didn't mean anything to you. Tell me," His voice cracked. "Tell me you don't love me."

"I can't--"

We awkwardly jerked away each other when the lights turned on.

"What the fuck, guys."

Our eyes darted off of each other's and onto the end of the bunk area where the light switch was.

"If you guys are trying to have anger sex or something, could you just try to do it more fucking quietly, I'm trying to get some fucking sleep." Brian wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

I felt my cheeks flush red while Stephen sighed.

"Fuck off, Brian."

"Fuck? Like you wanted to fuck Jess?" Brian teased.

"What the fuck, Brian." Stephen rolled his eyes.

"I'm going back to bed." Brian shook his head, getting back in his bunk. The curtain soon closed.

Stephen didn't look at me anymore. "Go back to bed."

Go back to bed. That was it? That was fucking it? After he pretty much just made it clear to me that he wanted me to tell him I love him? After he told me I was stupid? After he kissed me like that? That was it?

"Fuck you, Stephen fucking Gomez." I walked to my bunk, hoping it was clear to him that he just made me real upset.

"Fuck you too, Jess fucking Bowen." The tone in his voice told me he was upset too. He turned the lights out and got in his bunk. "And fuck, Jess, try not to fucking wake me up anymore."

"I wasn't trying to wake you up in the first fucking place. I had a fucking nightmare." I muttered quietly, but loud enough for him to hear.

"Go back to bed."

"Fuck you." I scoffed.

I did have a nightmare. I expected Stephen to ask me to talk about it. Because when I did, usually I'd call him in the middle of the night and he'd comfort me and shit. But that time, though, he didn't. It completely slipped my mind that we were mad at each other.

Stephen was always there for me. And by always, I mean always. He'd come to my rescue 2 fucking seconds after I tell him I need someone. It was amazing. He was amazing.

Till I realized he's practically in love with me.

I just couldn't sort my feelings out. I forgot how to when Kennedy broke up with me.

I closed my eyes.

I kicked up at my bunk ceiling, Stephen's bunk floor. "Good night, you motherfucker."

"Shut the fuck up." He said sounding genuinely hurtful.