What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"I'll be outside." He quietly told me, not even making me think he didn't see me.

I sighed and didn't even bother to go follow him because I felt upset about what happened with Kennedy and I didn't want to get up. I slowly eased my self onto a lying position and hugged one of the pillows I sat on.

John and Josh and Brian walked out to where I was and saw me.

Brian looked worried, probably because he was thinking about the 'what if's' there could be if I heard the argument inside the bunk area.

I quietly buried my head in my pillow, deciding I didn't want to interact with my band mates.

Soon enough, they were gone.

Also, soon enough, my tears came.

No, I wasn't crying. The tears were spilling out of my eyes and there was nothing I could do about it but let it be.

I was numb, to be completely honest. I didn't feel anything. I was used to having Kennedy do that sort of thing to me. Cruel he was, but I loved him anyway.

He did the exact same thing to me back when we were in a band together, except for the song he was singing. The song he was singing was one he wrote about me, but I really can't remember what that song was and just let it go.

I groaned at the thought of how I couldn't have seen it coming. He was Kennedy Brock! What would one expect from him, right? He was insensitive, just to make sure he always had the last say about whether or not I really loved him.

And every time he would've done those experiments to me, I'd end up proving his hypothesis of me not really loving him wrong.

I never actually got to the point wherein I would be the one conducting the experiment on the poor defenseless boyfriend, because the conclusion was made clear before there was even the problem.

But only this time, he went too far. We've been on and off for 5 years, for Christ's sake, and he knows how close to my heart I hold him. And we were together for 6 weeks without fighting, but we had to give it up because I wanted to be with Stephen. But he really should've known better. He wasn't the stupid 17-year-old I used to date from high school anymore. He was this new 20-year-old boy who knew how to deal with a girl's feelings, especially, that girl being me, someone he's been practically in love with since the sixth grade, but that relationship didn't work so he gave up on it and hurt me and tossed our relationship into the trash bin where I never thought it would be in. But apparently, I thought wrong.

But still;

He showed me every single day when we weren't fighting how much he loved me, and how much he cared for and about me, that usual boyfriend stuff: Chocolates, flowers, dates to movies.. It wasn't really my type, for someone to be giving me flowers and taking me out to the movies to show me they cared, but with Kennedy, it was hard not to accept it. He was the best thing that's ever happened to me.

But also the worst.

We fought at least twice a weak, and I'm not exaggerating. Looking back now, I actually can't remember all the stupid little things he and I fought over. I remember we once fought because he thought Stephen and I were together. And I asked Stephen about what he felt about the situation, and he just stayed honest and told me he didn't want to lose me over my boyfriend not wanting me to be around my best friend all the time I wasn't with him.

Stephen was hard to ignore.

That, I'll admit. Stephen was my shoulder to cry on every time Kennedy and I ended up yelling our heads off at each other after a date. Stephen was really patient with me. He never got tired of being the one I ran to when Kennedy pushed me away. He was the one whose shirt got soaked, he was the one whose hand kept itself on my back trying to calm my crying down, it was him whose lips were on my forehead every time I wanted to make myself feel safe. It was him who kept me alive while Kennedy was killing me slow.

And I may offend someone when I say that Kennedy was a complete bastard. Most of the times when we didn't get along. But when we were together, he was the sweetest thing ever.

Five hours later. It was then that I realized I've been lost in my thoughts about Stephen and Kennedy.

How?

I felt the weight by my feet get occupied.

A soft touch covered one of my knees. "You can't fool us, honey, we know you're awake."

"Good to know, Pat." I sarcastically mumbled.

"You wanna talk about it?" His comforting voice made its way to my ears.

I lifted my head a bit from my pillow to make sure that I've already stopped crying. Seeing as I did, I looked at Pat.

"The others are already at the bunks. They've already eaten dinner. You didn't hear us when we walked in?" Pat informed me.

I shook my head, while putting stray locks of hair behind my ears.

"You haven't eaten dinner yet, have you?" He let go of my knee as I started to rise.

I shook my head again in response.

"Let's go get dinner." He pointed his thumb to the kitchen, his eyes never leaving my tired face.

"Okay," I followed him as he got up and walked to the kitchen corner of the bus.

He opened the refrigerator casually and stared at the contents. "So, you wanna talk about it?"

I bit my lip. I've just admitted a shit ton of things to myself, and I thought it would've been safe to admit those things to Pat too.

He pushed his first question aside for a while and turned to me, asking me a different question. "Frozen pizza okay with you?"

I nodded, not actually having a choice, seeing as he was already taking the box from the fridge.

He put it in the microwave and set the timer. Then his attention was fully on me. "Smile for me. Would you, Jess? It's depressing to see you frown."

I didn't even realize I had that expression on my face, but Pat made me do so. So I slowly attempted to curve my lips into a smile for him. And it felt good.