What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"I'm sorry," Pat innocently apologized. "I don't know how you're feeling right now. I'm trying to understand.. I'm sorry if you didn't really want to let this out on me. I didn't wanna pry--."

I swiped off the tears rolling out the corners of my eyes. "No! No, please don't. Please don't be sorry. You don't know how much I appreciate all you're doing for me right now." I sniffed. "Thanks for listening."

He picked up the empty pizza box and tossed it in the trash bin. "Thanks for trusting me."

I sucked in my lips and tried to stop crying. "I'm sorry, this is embarrassing."

"It's fine. No one else's gonna see you anyway." He smiled at me.

We stood there in silence for a couple of minutes as we tried to have everything we've just heard from each other sink into our systems.

And then he looked up at me. "Maybe we should head to bed. We still have shows tomorrow."

I looked at the small wall clock. It read 2:20 am. I nodded at him.

He gave me one more quick smile then started his way towards the door of the bunk area.

"Pat, wait." I called after him before he could've gotten hold of the door knob.

"Yes?" He turned around.

I ran to him and shoved him into my arms. "I love you, Pat. Thank you so much for everything. I mean it. Please say you understand. I love you, Pat. Thanks so much. For everything."

After we pulled back, his smile grew bigger. "I love you too, and don't forget I'll always be here for you."

I hugged him one more time, longer and tighter than I've ever hugged him before.

He gasped for air after we pulled away from each other again. "Good night." He beamed.

"You too. Thanks a lot, okay? Thanks." I couldn't stop smiling even though he already entered the bunk area and got into his bunk.

"Night." He greeted one last time, quietly as to not wake anyone else around up.

I ran to the bathroom first before I went to bed.

I just casually stared at myself in the mirror, feeling a shit ton good because of Pat being there, and letting me spill out my emotions to him without getting judged. It was a good thing, to have a friend like Pat.

After my moments, and washing my face, I decided it was finally time for me to get to bed.

I threw myself into my bunk which was below Pat's and above Garrett's. I wasn't used to being the one in the middle bunk, let me tell you. Just this morning, when I attempted to roll out of my bunk, I ended up falling down on the cold bus floor and woke Garrett up. He asked me if I wanted to just switch bunks with him, but I was too shy and told him it was fine. Besides, I wanted to experience being in a different bunk for this tour. During all the past tours, I demanded that I had the bottom bunk. Always. Otherwise, I'd threaten them with something too unrealistic, but my band mates would buy it anyway.

Have I mentioned this was the first time the band ever shared a tour bus with another band? No? Well, it was. It seemed like a crazy idea at first, but then again, we all were good friends, so why ever not?

I noticed it was starting to get cold in my bunk, and I also realized tears were still running out my eyes.

Talk about sensitive.

No, actually, I really wasn't feeling anything. I guess I just needed to let tears out for no particular reason. And I was too weak and lazy to bend over and get the blanket folded up by my feet.

I heard a creepy dangling noise which sounded like a bunk curtain opening, then another one.

And since I had my eyes closed, I didn't know who it was who covered my shivering body with a blanket.

But I found out who he was soon after he laid next to me. He gently wrapped his arms around me. "Jess."

"Kennedy." I tried to mock his voice but failed because my voice cracked.

"Jess, I'm sorry." He dug his arm under my blanket and searched for my hand. When he found it, he held it in his tightly. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"Of course you didn't." I coldly replied, wishing he couldn't tell by my voice I was crying. "You never mean to make me cry but you do anyway."

"You don't know how bad I've been feeling all day because of what I did, Jess. I'm sorry."

"That's a first, isn't it, Kennedy?"

"What?"

"This is the first time you've ever been sorry for doing that to me. I'm impressed."

"Jess, I'm serious, would you just listen to me?"

"I'm serious too, what makes you think I'm joking? I'm finally talking about my feelings, and you're finally listening. Or are you just forced to stay because you're already in my bunk and you're afraid that if you get out now, people will thing something happened? What, Kennedy? What?"

"I love you. Okay? I was stupid to even try to pull that on you. I'm sorry. And to think it was even me who suggested we be best friends when I'm also the one ruining it for the both of us. I'm sorry."

"You finally knew what you were doing to me."

"Yes, and I'm sorry, okay? Our relationship was a hard thing to work with, and you knew that. I'm sorry I gave up but there's nothing I can do about it now but try to make it up by being your best friend. Like I said, Stephen can't be both your best friend and your boy friend at the same time. I'll be your best friend. Okay? I don't want to get in between you and Stephen, Jess. I want you to be happy. Please, just give me another chance. I'm sorry I fucked it up. Jess,"

"I'm listening, don't worry."

"I'm just sorry, Jess. Please,"

"Do you know what you're being sorry for?"

"I'm sorry I hurt you."

"And do you know why I'm hurt?"

"Because I went too far this time."

"Exactly." I thought out loud.

"I'm just so sorry, Jess, I'll never do it again. I promise."

"How many times have you promised me you're never gonna hurt me?"

"Once."

"And when was that, Kennedy?"

"When you let me in." He muttered. "When you and I started going out, okay. I promised you I'd never hurt you."

"But you did."

"And I'm sorry."

After a few silent moments, I spoke up again. "Anything else?"

"That's all I have to say." He buried his head into the back of my neck in my hair.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"It's okay. Everything's fine. Everything's okay. One more chance for you, Kennedy. One more. Also one last. Don't fuck it up this time." I said, completely letting go of what happened. I mean, yeah, it hurt, but it wasn't that big of a deal. I overreacted. He did these things back in high school, and I always ended up being the one who went back to him. But this time, he knew what he did was wrong and he was asking for another chance, which he never did because I kept giving him chances even before he asked for them.

"Thanks, Jess." He shuffled around a bit and kissed my cheek. "Good night."

Before he moved his head away from me, I turned around and kissed his cheek in return. "Night."

He rested his lips on my ear. "Close your eyes. Stop crying, babe."

I followed his little command and closed my eyes, and the tears soon subsided.

I was about half-asleep when I heard Kennedy's groggy voice singing to me, his lips tickling my ears as he mumbled the words to that song he wrote about his and my bipolar relationship.

"I'm out of one-liners, but I'm coming back for more, and I regret to say this is not hello, it's show me to the door. If this is what you want, then we can wait for Winter. Tonight, I'm searching for the right words, and I better make this good. This side of the bed's been making me restless, this voice in my head's been making excuses. I'll wait and see what this new December has brought to me, has brought to me. And I can't say goodbye for now, I'll keep my thoughts to myself. `Cause we are, we are falling out. We can wait forever, and tear up this town. If we can hold our hands together and time will bring us down. But before you go, we'll find the lungs that hold our breath, and looking back, we'll remember what we have. We won't forget. Where can we go? Decisions were made. What's left to say? This is not hello, it's show me to the door. And you'll be given steps today, and you'll do anything to say the same. And I can't say goodbye for now, I'll keep my thoughts to myself. `Cause we are, we are falling out. We can wait forever, and tear up this town. If we can hold our hands together and time will bring us down. But before you go, we'll find the lungs that hold our breath, and looking back, we'll remember what we have. We won't forget. Hold your breath, look back. Here's the door for winter. We can wait. Look back, we can wait forever. Hold your breath. Look back, here's the door for winter. We can wait forever. Look back, we can wait forever, and tear up this town. If we can hold our hands together and time will bring us down. But before you go, we'll find the lungs that hold our breath, and looking back, we'll remember what we have. We won't.."

His voice trailed off.

"Forget." I finished for him.