What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"Jess, get up." I felt someone shaking me. "Jess, get up!"

I opened my eyes to see John backing away from my bunk, buttoning up a plaid shirt.

I got off my bunk.

"Go take a shower and eat your breakfast," John ruffling his hair. "And hurry the fuck up."

"John, I'm sorry about last night." My tone was genuinely apologetic. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, you've been nothing but nice to me--"

"Yeah yeah, shut up and take a shower."

I have to say I was really offended, but I guess I deserved it.

I freshened up quickly and ate breakfast and we all went to the venue.

"Hey, Jess." Kennedy gave me a small peck.

I pulled away from him quickly knowing Stephen was right behind me.

It didn't take long for Kennedy to realize that either.

"Come on, we need to set up." John grabbed my forearm and aggressively dragged me away.

--

"Jess, you okay?" Kennedy ran to me on my way back to our bus.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Go away, Kennedy, I don't wanna talk."

"Babe, come on." He took my wrist.

"Fuck, I said go away." I shook his hand off and made my pace faster.

"Jess,"

"Okay, fine!" I turned around to face him. "I just can't understand Stephen anymore! There, Kennedy. There. I feel terrible because I feel like I may or may not be losing my best friend! If that hasn't already happened--"

"Jess, I just wanted to--"

"You wanted to make me feel better? You didn't, Kennedy! You made me feel worse! I told you to fuck off but you just forced--"

"Fine." Kennedy let go of my wrist. "I'll leave you alone. Just.. Don't hurt yourself, okay?" He kissed my forehead and walked away.

It was amazing, the way he could stand how much of a bitch I was being.

I got in the bus before everyone else. I kicked my shoes off and tossed myself into my bunk.

"So what's your name, where're you from?" Brian helped the girl onto stage.

"My name's Brianna, I'm from Texas."

"Brianna? Isn't that, like, some sort of feminine version of Brian?"

"Funny."

"Well, what are you doing in Atlanta, dear?"

"You didn't have any dates for Dallas."

"And we're terribly sorry about that." Brian laughed.

I stretched my arms, my drumsticks in hand. It was great when Brian got distracted with that sort of thing, I had time to rest.

"So, Brianna, what do you wanna hear us play today?"

"Punch-Drunk Love?"

"Alright, everyone give a hand to Brianna!" Brian let her off stage.

"Jess, can we get a beat?" John jokingly said into his mic.

"Of course," I muttered and started doing my job.

"So this song is called Punch-Drunk love and shit."

And the crowd cheered.

Halfway through the song, I sort'a messed up.

Stephen kept playing and approached me. I didn't hear his exact words, but I knew what he said.

"Jess, you're fucking screwing up. Get it together. Quit being a terrible drummer."

And I didn't know if I was being shallow or some sort of fuck, but everything was just hurting me. It hurt me that the person who meant the most to me just told me I was terrible at the thing which meant the most. It hurt so fucking much, how Stephen told me I was terrible at the only thing I was sure I did right. But it turned out I was wrong. I was terrible.

And I was pulled out of my deep thoughts.

"Jess, what're you doing in there?" I heard John's voice.

"Nothing, go away." I coughed.

"I hate you so much right now but I can't fucking help it. What's wrong?" John pulled the curtain open.

"Nothing, go away!" I repeated, that time louder, and I just couldn't hold back the tears anymore. So I decided to face him, getting out of my bunk.

"I want to, Jess, I fucking want to go away right now but I can't now that I know you're fucking crying your eyes out. You need someone,"

"Yes, John! I fucking need someone! And that someone isn't you, John! That someone is Stephen! But he's too busy fucking himself with the fact that I couldn't tell him I felt the same way!" I yelled. I knew I was offending him, but I was letting my emotions get the best of me and continued. "Fuck, John! I don't care if you decide to take Stephen's side on this one! I don't fucking care!"

"You don't even care that you broke my brother's heart into a million fucking pieces!" John spat.

"You're right, John! I don't fucking care! I don't fucking care about Stephen! I don't fucking care about you! Now leave me alone--"

"John, leave us to get this fucking shit together, you'll just hurt yourself." Stephen quietly said in a monotonous tone.

John looked at me with angry eyes for the last time that night and left.

"Jess, how more insensitive can you get?" Stephen walked to me.

And a feeling of fear took over me when Stephen's eyes met mine.

His palm met my cheek, and it hurt a lot but I knew I deserved it. He fucking slapped me.

"Do you know how hard it was for me to even try to fucking let what happened go?! Do you fucking know that, Jess?! You obviously don't! I know you're my best friend, but that doesn't give you the fucking right to hurt my little brother like that!" The anger in his voice became more evident as he continued. "Jess, I was trying to fucking let it go because our friendship means so fucking much to me, but--" He shook his head angrily. "But you just gave me a reason to end everything with you, Jess! A fucking reason for me to not look at you the same way ever again!"

"Stephen--"

"No Jess, go to bed. You fucked up." Stephen pushed me away from him.

And all I know is I fell asleep crying.