What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"It was nice meeting you guys too." I smiled at the two girls whom I just met. "But, uhm, have you seen my boys?"

They both shook their heads.

I nodded in defeat. "Alright, thanks anyway." I handed the girls their Sharpie's again.

They said their goodbyes and went off.

Back to zero, I thought, not knowing where my band mates were.

I was walking around when I spotted Kennedy at the opposite of the venue.

I immediately walked to him. "Hey." I waved at Kennedy.

He acknowledged my gesture by looking up then looked off again.

I paced closer towards him. "Hey, I'm sort of lost and--" I shut up to see him not smiling. I mean, not that he always had to smile, but that.. Way he lit up and that small smile that always seemed to be plastered on his face wasn't there. I mentally erased what I was gonna say and said hi again.

"Hi." He tiredly answered, refusing to make any eye-contact with me. "Have you.. Uhm.. Seen Jawn?"

I shook my head. "We were together the entire time in our and your guys's show, he didn't stay with you?"

He shook his head then.

"Oh."

"Fuck." He muttered. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck."

I watched him slide down the wall until he had his knees enveloped in his arms.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"Seriously though." I bent down to his eye level and waited for him to look up.

He shook his head again.

I let out a laugh. "Kennedy, tell me."

" I just need Jawn." He mumbled.

"Have you tried calling him?"

"His phone's dead,"

I felt the bulge in my pocket and remembered that I actually had his phone.

He noticed that too and let out a laugh that was almost too light to even hear.

"Well, you can let it out on me if you have to let whatever that is out now."

He just sat there and refused to just go on and talk to me.

"Kennedy, come on." I shifted to his side and copied his position, but kept my head to his direction.

Again, no response.

I leaned my forehead on his shoulder and took in a little of his scent to test if he really understood what I was telling him, if he actually knew I was there. "You smell nice."

"Thanks?" Kennedy replied to my random statement.

"So you do hear me." I turned my head and rested the back of it on his shoulder. "You can tell me what's wrong, Kennedy."

"I don't know. I feel worthless." He finally answered.

"You do?"

He looked up and nodded, a tear making it's way past his cheek to his chin, then dropped to his jeans. "I don't know, Jess. Maybe it's just one of those days when I feel like shit and I go to Jawn and he tells me how much he thinks I'm worth and it's all good, but now I can't even fucking find him."

Before I could even try to say something, he continued.

"I don't know, don't you ever wake up feeling like a piece of crap that's just a waste of space in this world? No? Well, good for you, because it happens to me all the time." He looked off. "I hate feeling like this, but I can't fucking help it, Jess. I don't know why I feel like this all the time, it just happens. I'm nothing more to anyone than a guy who sings and plays guitar for a band he has with his best fucking friends, and I'm nothing more to anyone than just a boy named Kennedy Brock."

"I didn't think it was gonna hurt this much to see you feeling like that." I laughed at myself.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry for feeling worthless,"

"I have to be sorry for being worthless, not just for feeling like I am. I am worthless, Jess. I'm nothing to everyone, and I hate feeling like this, I wanna die."

I don't know what came over me, but I just found myself a second later guilty that I smacked Kennedy's face with my palm.

"Yeah, I know. I'm worthless, go slap the fuck out of me if you want." He laughed. "Fuck, that felt good, Jess. Do it again." He took my wrist and started shoving my palm onto his cheeks over and over.

"Kennedy, stop it." I aggressively pulled my hand away from him.

"And now the only girl I've ever really loved hates me! Yay!" He sarcastically cheered.

"I don't hate you." I put my palms on his cheeks gently and made him look into my eyes. "I. Don't. Hate. You. I love you, Kennedy. I fucking love you. And you have no right to feel worthless because I know you aren't."

"Don't even say that. I'm not even worth this, I'm not even worth what you're doing right now. I'm not worth having this beautiful girl sit here with me to hold me while I cry." He watched the motion of my thumbs as I tried to wipe his tears off. "I'm sorry. You might as well leave." He took my hands and dragged them away from his face.

I forced them back to where they were. "Stop it, Kennedy! Stop! If you won't stop feeling worthless for yourself, stop feeling worthless for me. For Christ's sake, Kennedy, it hurts to see you like that!"

"I can't stop feeling worthless, Jess, because I am! Fuck it."

"You're not worthless, you never were, you never felt like that when we were together, why now?!"

"Because I had you! Because I. Had. You, Jess. Because I had you then!" He got up and away from me.

I grabbed his wrist before he could have walked off and forced him to face me. "And you're walking away from me now?!"

"You're mad." He quietly replied. "I know better than to stay when you're mad. Back when we fought in high school, I just ended up leaving because I didn't want to hurt you any more than I already have, Jess, and if I stay right now, I'll just hurt you more."

"I never wanted you to leave when we fought."

He shook his head. "I didn't know what to do then, and I don't know what to do now. I'll leave."

"Don't. Leave. Can't we fix that?" I pleaded.

We stood there together for a couple of seconds, and I tried my hardest not to cry. But I lost the battle with myself.

"Ah, Jess, are you kidding me?! Don't cry!" He brought his hands up to my cheeks. "Come on, don't cry!"

"I can't help it, you're leaving me again, I hate it when you leave me in the middle of a fight."

"Aw, Jess. Stop!" He groaned.

Soon enough, my head was buried in his shirt. "You stop first. Fuck you."

"Jess, stop crying, I'm not worth it. Please. Stop."

"I think you are. Fuck you." I rasped into his shirt.

"Jess, look at me." He forced me to look up at him. "Stop crying."

"I don't know why you're feeling so worthless right now, okay? But you're not, you have no idea how much you're worth to me."

He just nodded and waited for me to stop crying.

"I don't know if it's Charlotte, or something, or some shit, please, just stop feeling like that. It hurts, okay? It fucking hurts. You have no idea how much I just wanna try to make you feel better right now, you have no fucking idea."

He looked into my eyes.

"I know this is wrong, but the world's gonna understand." I muttered.