Prescribed Pills

Every bone in my body felt like a ten pound weight. Something warm was wrapped around my cold fingers. My head fell to my side, and I struggled to open my eyes. The lights were bright, and I shut them quickly. I took a minute to try and adjust, then began to open them again, faintly.

Brendon was sitting beside me, holding my hands. Tears ran down his cheeks. Was I dead? Was I just watching what was happening? I couldn't be alive after that, could I? At least I hoped not.

But the beeping. The beeps were what brought me back. I was in a hospital. I was alive.

My eyes closed again. I could hear other people talking quietly, or maybe I was still so distant from everyone else. I couldn't tell the difference.

"Bren?" I said, my voice quiet. Everything took five times more effort than usual.

Someone was 'shh-ing' everyone quiet, and there was a pause. "Lacey, are you okay?" It was Ryan. I could recognize his voice from anywhere. It was soft, and comforting, just the way I remembered it. Ryan was the one who would stay up with me endless nights, helping me sort out my problems before Brendon came along.

I didn't respond to his question, just asked for Brendon again. "Bren." It was all I could muster up in my moment of barely-conscious vulnerability. When I felt so small, I just wanted him. I wanted him despite all that I had done, and vice versa. I just wanted to know he was there, even if I had seen him.

"Brendon." Jon was there, urging him to say something.

The hand in mine tightened its grip. It was defiantly Brendon. "I'm here, Lace. I'm so sorry." That was all he said, but the sobs were evident in the way he was speaking. My heart was breaking.

"I'm sorry." That was my response. Although I wasn't sure what I meant.

Sorry I had tried to leave him, or sorry I hadn't succeeded.

"Don't leave us, Lacey," Ryan said quietly, and I felt the weight of the bed shift. He was sitting next to me now. His fingers were softly running through my hair as delicately as he could. It was like I would break otherwise, although to be honest, I felt like I could have. To anyone, this request could be so simple, so easy.

Not me. Not now. Not when all I wanted to do was fade away from this hospital bed and disappear to a place far away where no one could find me.

My head sunk further into the pillow underneath me. My fingers loosened their grip around Brendon's hand. I was getting tired again. I was weak.

"Lacey, you scared us. You lost a lot of blood. I found you in your bathroom, and I didn't know what to do..." Ryan's voice trailed off, and I could feel a tear begin to slip down my cheek.

Ryan had found me. Shit, Ryan wasn't cut out for things like that. Not that there would have been anyone I would have prefered to find me. I would have liked to have just been left there, soaking in my own blood, left until there wasn't anymore life to live.

"I called the hospital and I just. I panicked. When the medics got here, I called Brendon and told him. But just seeing you the way you were...We can't loose you like that, Lace."

There was a pause in the conversation. Someone wiped a few of the tears away. "Not now, Ry."

Jon.

These guys had made such a difference in my life ever since I've known them, I could tell them apart without even opening my eyes.

They went back to whispering, and then I heard them shuffling around. The room was silent for a little bit, until someone cleared their throat.

Brendon.