In 102 Languages I Love You

"Ms. Darko there is just one thing that confuses the doctors here with your daughters case of ALS. Patients who are affected by this disease only have a few months to live after it is first diagnosed, but Madison has now had the disease for seven years. Of course it is good news to hear, but it's quite confusing for the medical world."

I felt myself sigh of relief knowing my case of ALS was different than most. Why wasn't I dead? I had no idea, but it was nothing I'd fight over about. I'm afraid of death, and I'm not afraid to tell anybody that. I want to live until I'm a 100, I know that's impossible for someone like me. I don't want to die simply because I have yet so many things to experience, so many things to do, and so many things I want to see. So many things, I won't be able to see.

I'm not one who takes life for granted, you learn to treasure it in my position. Others might waste their last couple of months alive, but I don't. For my doctor to be telling me it's odd I'm still living makes me smile. It makes me think my body is a fighter.

''Her muscles and neurons are decaying very slowly. It is really odd. We don't know if maybe for the older people that get ALS develop it as a child. We have good news though. The FDA was found medication for your daughter."

Good news? What exactly would be considered 'good news'? The best news I could get was having a cure for this. That's the only thing I'd ever want. Good news to him would be 'she can live a few more months.'

"The FDA has approved the first drug treatment for the disease: Riluzole, or Rilutek. Riluzole should reduce damage to her motor neurons, so they won't cause so much atrophy to parts of her body. It will help her live longer." He smiled.

I felt myself go numb as I watched my mother smile wide to the doctor. "Please we need it, prescribe it now and we're off to get it." Mom smiled.

I had nothing to smile about really. Sure it gave me longer time to live, but how long exactly? How long will it be before I can no longer move on my own? When I can no longer talk? When I can no longer eat fully? When the neurons around my chest decay and I won't be able to breathe on my own and die? When?

Mom looked back at me smiling, her eyes full of life and happiness, I knew she loved me, but I didn't care that I was going to live a longer, how much is longer? I wanted to die at a normal range any other human would.

"Let's go Madison, we're off to get your prescription."

Mom had lightened up by now. She didn't care as much about public school like she did three days ago. She hadn't really questioned anything I was doing. She'd watch me do all my work, and as long as I was still learning she was fine. There was really no point in going to school anyway, I would be dead before I'd go off to college or in anything where the knowledge I knew counted.

"I hate taking pills..." I trembled as mom handed me the glass of water.

"You've never taken them, how do you know what it feels like?"

I stared down at the two red pills in my hands. Yeah, I had never taken pills before, but the whole idea of it freaked me out. What if I choked on them? It was creepy knowing you were swallowing them, and I didn't like this. 'It will make you live longer.' I let out a sigh and quickly popped both pills in my mouth and took a drag of the water. I felt both pills slither there way down my throat and drop to the pit of my stomach.

"That was terrible." I whined putting down the cup on the table. "Don't make me take them everyday, please?"

Mom narrowed her eyes at me smiling a bit. "They make you live longer Madison. You're going to take them of course, why wouldn't you want to?"

I stared down at the cup ignoring her question. I was missing my kid. Frank wouldn't give her back this weekend, he'd be too busy with Whitney and our kid. I heard Mom let out a big sigh.

"I'm sorry Madison"

I played with my fingers signaling with my eyes for her to go on.

"It's hard you know..it's hard being a mother knowing her daughter is terribly sick, knowing her daughter will die before her."

"Mom.." I whined. She was going to get into a speech I didn't want to hear. Her 'motherly' words I've heard a million times.

"No, Madison, I'm being completely serious, you were right all along. All I've been doing is trying to isolate you from the world so you wouldn't get hurt in any way shape or form. That's now what life is about."

I felt myself being lifted by her words. Finally, she understood. "I love you mom." I said getting up from my chair and hugging her. It's been a while since I've said those words. It's hard to say them being me. They roll weird in my tongue and every time I say it everything crumbles in confusion. I wasn't exposed to the word when I was little. If I was, maybe they'd be easier to say, but they're not. I felt her hot breathe on top of my hair and her tears damping my hair.

"I love you, too sweetie, but don't let me ruin your afternoon. Go take a walk." She laughed nervously. I flashed her a small smile before letting go of her and made me way outside. The days were starting to get a bit cooler, but the sun never ceased in burning our skins. It stays up as long as it could, fighting the moon for more display of our days. Saturdays were supposed to be spent with friends. I didn't have any I really considered someone a 'friend.' The only person that I'd really have gotten to know was Mikey.

Mikey was a year ahead of me, why would he want to get to know me more? I wasn't anything interesting. Most of the kids approaching me in school were just trying to be nice. When you don't speak much, like me, you listen more, and listening more, you learn to read people, you learn more then you'd want. These sidewalks still needed to be worn out. The neighborhood looked peaceful yet dangerous and mysterious. Being isolated for a long time you love every little detail of every little thing.

"Madison?"

People voices, you learn to identify them in the weirdest ways, each vocal cord. You hear their voice start from there insides, making there way into your very own ears. I turned back to stare into the perfect face of Drake.

"What are you doing today?" He asked running up beside me.

"I'm...taking a walk."

He looked at me and laughed a little. "I know that part. Where do you live?"
I pointed back behind me at our small brown house. Daniel needed to re paint the door again, the paint had been chipping away. I hadn't walked far away from it, so you could see it from our point of view.

"Cool. So are you like me who's stuck on a Saturday doing nothing?"

"You're not doing anything today?" I asked sounding a bit surprised.

He shook his head and let out a small nervous laugh as we continued our walk. I would have expected him to be out with friends or a girlfriend. He was too perfect looking to not be surrounded by people trying to befriend him, or girls trying to get his attention. It felt funny looking up at him from down where I was, he must have been around six foot.

"Nope, but you should keep me company! Where are you headed?"

"Wherever my legs feel like dragging me today."

He smiled. "You wanna uhm..get something to eat. There's a pizza place two blocks away."

"Uhh..." Out to lunch with someone? A boy? "Sure" I croaked.

We began our silent walk towards this 'pizza place'. He had his hands stuffed into his jean pockets, almost looking as uncomfortable as I was myself. My insides were slowly unknotting because something inside me told me he was actually trying to get to know me, like I was a decent human being worthwhile to get to know. It didn't seem like he was just giving me pity for being a student, and just trying to be nice. I looked up to take a good view of his features. His golden hair beamed in the sunlight. His lips were so completely chapped from the cooling weather, and fading from the rich pink it used to be. His skin was just like mine, a sickening white and all his features on his face were rigid because he was so thin! He looked like the best looking zombie, if that was imaginable. As we approached the pizza place, I realized I had not brought my wallet with me.

"oh shoot!"

"What's wrong?" Drake asked stopping beside me.

"I-I forgot to bring money." I sighed feeling disappointed.

Drake's lips curved and continued walking. I followed behind him. "It's okay, I'll pay for you no big deal."

"T-Thank you."

He nodded smiling. "It's right here."

He opened the door for me as we walked inside a small pizza parlor. Only a man and a young girl stood by ordering pizza, the place was pretty small. "Take a seat, I'll order, what do you want?"

"Just plain, its fine for me."

He went up to the counter as I took a seat at a small table. There was one stool on my side and one stool for him on the other. I watched him carefully order and come back and sit in front of me. The smell of pizza teased both Drake and I as we sat in more silence waiting. I guess he was the brave one to break the silence.

"So..uhm..what do you do for uhh..fun?"

"I read." I answered truthfully. "I'm not much of an outside person, if you haven't noticed yet. I prefer being inside, reading writing, online, learning new things."

Another smile crept up his lips. "So do I! I-I don't go out much either."

We spent a good hour getting to know each other and flashing each other smiles and laughs. His personality was mysterious just like mine. I felt another personality in me unravel. It was strange feeling so completely comfortable with a boy. It was strange getting, goofy and 'fun' around someone else. I never thought I could ever develop that side with someone else. We talked about anything random that crossed both our minds. The only thing that stuck through my head was when out of no where he got a shoulder pain. He winced pretty loud in pain. it reminded me of myself when I got hurt. I asked what was wrong and he said it was nothing.
No one gets random pains for any reason. He made me suspicious for the rest of our talk and eating time. I finished my pizza quickly. He only took a few bites of his and left it on his plastic plate.

"Physical Education." I sighed.

He laughed, "We have too many things in common, that's my least favorite class, too."

"Having things in common isn't bad though."

"No, they're not. But, when I find something we don't have in common we can celebrate!"

"We can." I laughed.

We stepped up the steps into my front door when things got all awkward again.

"So..uhm I'll see you in school Maddy."

"I-" I began before I heard the door behind me open. Dan wasn't used to seeing me with boys, neither was Mom. I don't think any of them are huge fans of me actually taking a walk or eating with a boy. When I turned around I expected to see one of their faces. I was wrong.

"Gerard?"

He had his left eyebrow cocked and a small smirk made a way across his face as he took a drag from his cigarette. "Awe Maddy, I didn't know you had a BOYFRIEND, does DANNY KNOW?"

My insides knotted and my face panicked. "See you bye!" I yelled at Drake before pushing Gerard back inside and slamming the door when I was inside as well.

"Yo-You have a boyfriend?" Dan asked getting up looking at me like I had two heads.

"N-no."

"Awe, Maddy it's okay if you do!" Mikey said clearly teasing.

This was perfect, all of Dan's friends watching me as I came back from a good time with a 'friend.'

My eyes landed on Frank. He had his body draped on the couch staring right at me with curiosity.

"He's just a friend."