In 102 Languages I Love You

I didn't understand, I just couldn't get how amazing he really was. I don't get how he could smile in times like these. While he was there a couple of feet away in his bed, sitting up looking like he was already a walking zombie, smiling, here I was next to Frank, our fingers knotted together and my eyes were filling up with tears. How did he do it? I didn't know. It made me feel like the weaker being. I wanted to be strong for both our sakes, and knowing I couldn't do that, not even for his sake, it kind of killed me.

"Drakey boo.." I squeaked trying not to crack and breakdown right in front of him. You see, everything really does change when you know the person you're talking to is going to die. You gain sympathy, and it's what I've been trying to run away from. I couldn't help myself but look at him differently. I spoke softer then usual, so my hard consonants and vowels wouldn't break him. It just wasn't the same, he wasn't the same. Death, it really does do something to you. It ate at us, and in the end all it ever did was spit us back out like vomit. We were nothing important to begin with. And that was the thing I was afraid of most, what to do when my life is over. I wanted to be here on earth breathing, I really did. And I wanted Drake to be there with me.

We stood there frozen. I know Franks hands were probably hurting him bad by now because to be honest, I was squeezing them pretty hard. It's a way to get relief out. You inflict the pain in something else, and it doesn't hurt you as bad. Come on, everyone does it! I looked at Drake's face. He looked so white, so weak, so much like he was dying. He really was, I knew that part, but he looked so sick and unhealthy. He didn't look this bad the first time I met him. When I met him that day in English there was still light in his eyes, life in his smile, in everything. Now, he just looked like a big pile of mess. It made me wonder how he looked before he was diagnosed with Leukemia. He looked so delicate, like if you squeezed him hard enough he'd break right in your arms. Through all of this though, he was still a beautiful creature.

I was to afraid to really talk so instead I just watched and observed him. I wonder what Frank is thinking right now. Our fingers were still tied together and he was looking straight at Drake, looking pretty uncomfortable. He still didn't know why Drake was in here. I wonder if he was trying to guess what he had by the way he looked. I felt his thick, rough, thumb rubbing against my own softly, it almost tickled slightly. I stared at Drake carefully, his eyes had wondered down towards where Frank's body part and mine connected. I could see a small smile forming at the edges of his lips. This made me go warm, and before I knew it I had let go of Frank's hands and 'walked' my way towards Drake's bed.

"F-Frank drove me here. I walked into second period and your seat was empty. B-boy you should've seen me. We've been w-waitng for three and a half hours now just to come and see you. I s-swear I was going to kill that doctor when he wouldn't let me see you." I said tumbling through some of my words.

A small smiled inched away at his lips. His large hand moved towards mine. He picked up my right hand and let it fall into his. "Madison you're so small. You're just like a little doll, it's..cute."
Even at his simple words my eyes prickled, tears daring to fall from my them. I couldn't allow it though, not in front of him. He looked so peaceful, not even hinting a little tint of sorrow in him. I couldn't bring the mood down.

"You know Drake..after the day you..broke up with Rory.." I began. It almost felt harder to speak now. "I felt like you acted like a total jackass for ignoring me the whole day, especially in English. I kind of went crazy. I called you who knows how many times, I went to your house and waited outside for who knows how long. I wrote you a letter.." I laughed lightly. "That I delivered myself, might I add. I left you a million voice mails, and I still couldn't reach you. I almost began to hate you for putting me through all of that. The next day, I realized why you hadn't answered anything and I felt like the dirt under my shoes.." I sighed. "I'm sorry."

His mouth gaped open to say something, only to look back behind me and stop himself. I turned back to see what he was staring at and remembered Frank was still in the room. He looked really uncomfortable by now and in deep thought. "Uhh..Frank, thanks for bringing Madison here, I appreciate it. Can you..uh give us a minute?"

Frank looked completely relieved. This was definitely all awkward for him and to make it worse, I know he despised this place. "No problem man. Hey, get better soon or she'll go crazy." He almost smiled. "I'll be outside Maddy." Get better? At those words I almost felt like cringing.

"I'm guessing he doesn't know.."

I shook my head feeling slightly embarrassed. "I didn't think I was supposed to tell him. I mean I promised you I wouldn't tell anyone. So I didn't tell him." I shrugged.

His hands felt like fresh snow on the floor after a snow storm. Mine were always cold compared to other people, but compared to his, they felt pretty warm. "Do me a favor, and break that promise."

"What do you mean?" I asked positioning myself more comfortably on his bed. As I looked around the room, it made me feel like I was in a creepy place. The room was absolutely white with no decorations. It was pretty sad looking. All the beeping also scared me because it kept track of Drake's heart. He had tubes and needles going into his body, it wasn't something pleasant to witness.

He sighed squeezing my hand a bit. "You can't just let him think I have some type of bad cold or something. Or whatever he thinks I have. And.." He stopped himself. Something in his expression had shifted. "Tell Rory the real reason I broke up with her, please?"
My own body froze like stone. "Y-You really want me to do that?" I questioned unsure of his own words.

He nodded sighing. "God, I crushed her Madison. I-I felt like some fuck up doing it. She cried for christ sake! She cried right in front of me and started question me on all these things, it killed me. I just don't think it's fair. I told her I just didn't feel anything for her anymore. She asked me what she did wrong. I just don't think it's fair for her if she just doesn't know the truth."

I gave his hand a squeeze and nodded. Of course I'd do this for him, basically right now I'd do anything to get him happy. "You know..it's a shame.." Drake began

"What's a shame?"

"I won't get to see you happy with Frank by your side." He smiled. "It's so cute how he drove you here and how you guys were holding hands!" He mocked sticking out his tongue. I let my hair fall over my face from embarrassment.

"Stop." I whined embarrassed. "How many times am I going to have to say this Drake? He has a gir-" He was going to break up with Whitney. I stopped myself and narrowed my at him, trying not to smile. "He's breaking up with Whitney."

Drake threw up his arms in victory and smiled. "HERE'S YOUR CHANCE!"

I shook my head. "I have no chance." I mumbled squeezing his hand even tighter.

"You have all the chances in the world." He corrected.

"I don't." I argued back.

"Why not?" He asked

Why not? Wasn't it completely obvious? "Because.." I began feeling sorry for my own self.

"Who wants to date the girl that's dying?"

At the end of my sentence all he did was stare at me, stare at me cold and hard. And after a few seconds, he began coughing it scared me bad. I shouted for the nurse, and they got him calm. It scared me really, for all those minutes he kept coughing. I kept hoping it wouldn't be his last coughs, his last breathes of life.

When Drake reassured both his parents, and the nurses he was fine, the final nurse told me I had to leave.

"Ms. Your time is up, there is still one more person waiting to see Mr. Calhoun."

"Oh no, that's just Fra-"

"Send him in Cathy." Drake said clearing his throat.

I looked at Drake astonished. He wanted to see Frank? "It was good seeing you Maddy." With a sly grin making it's way across his face.